Kahrist Gotta go again

You went a halfhour ago.

I did I did

Last time, not that I’m keeping track, you didn’t have to use the facilities at all.

Sometimes ya feel like a nut sometimes yadon

                                                   Ill be back his buddy always said it like Schwarzenegger did in Terminator  it wasnt an attractive quality  but he did it to peeve him peeved an needin to pee

inside the coffee shop on the bathroom door on the plate by the handle in a red field appeared IN USE had the bathroom been unoccupied the field would be green and read VACANT

he waited six feet off the door it was apparent he was in a line of one

the gal working the counter had been cleaning sundry items in a sink  she looked up and stepped towards him wiping her hands in her apron

he nodded to her

                   Just waiting on the facilities thank you

she looked at the plate 

                         I didn’t see anyone go in.

Yawere pretty intent on wha you were doin in the sink

I suppose I was, just trying to stay ahead of the game, not play catchup.

Yadon look old enough to be wise

a bright smile quickly fluttered in her face 

                                             You call me wise? 

I did don let it go to your head

her smile widened 

                    Thank you.

Yare welcome yare keepin the place shipshape a real plus  an don think its lost on your employer  I pick on him regularly

Thank you.

Ya neednt thank me  Yare doin the work an doin it well

Thank you.

Yare polite arent ya

I suppose I am.  Are you sure somebody’s in the restroom?

You lock it inside  Thats how in use appears

Yes. Yes it does.

Good  Donwanna pull back on how wise yare

Don't do that!  You’ll excuse me, I have work.

Of course

 

she came back up to the counter five minutes or so later 

                                                           They haven’t come out? 

Nope  Im hoping soon so yadon have to cleanup the floor

You wouldn’t?

I wouldnt my bladder might

Have you knocked on the door?

Its in use  I would imagine whoevers inside understands the courtesy of public bathrooms

Courtesy?  I know we usually see you once a week with your buddy, but backing courtesy is a long shot.

she stepped back set a hand on the counter hurled herself up on top of it legs tucked knees together she wore a skirt under her apron turned on her hip dismounted stuck her landing with both feet

Wow  Yare my new favourite superhero  no flailing   an in a skirt

I’m wise, and modest.

Well done

she rapped the door once with her knuckle like a cop  Please finish up! People are waiting!

Nice authority

My responsibility. Lotsa kids from the junior high and high school come through here. A lot are dense, if you catch my drift.

Lemme enjoy your authority before glimmering your drift

she spun her way back over the counter as she had come

no sooner than she touched down the door unlocked and opened

a small girl wearing a backpack emerged  Sorry she said looking up into his face  Thats alright  then a girl slightly talleralso wearing a backpack  I’m sorry she said to him looking up into his face  Thats okay  then a third girl taller than he wearing a backpack  I’m sorry too she said  she looks him in the face  Quite alright I didnt make a mess  she giggled  she didnt put her hand over her mouth

it was like a circus clown car emptying

hed never seen that before

 

Are you alright? his buddy askedlooking up at him as he set his smartphone down  You were gone a long time.

There were prevailing circumstances

Prevailing circumstances? Prevailing?  It’s a bathroom.

Well lemme put it this way  I was in and out

You were in and out, in fifteen minutes?

Yup  Yaknow that bit when a woman goes to the restroom and asks other women at the table if they want to go too

I do. But that bathroom has a single commode, sink, and mirror . . no stal . . 

. . None

Yet?

Three girls came out of it

Like out of a clown car in center ring?

Exactly what I thought 

                        they traded smileshe was rubbing off on him  which was a good thing his buddy needed a substantial dose of irreverence and odd waysperspectives of looking at things 

There’s a name for that.

A name

Yes. I think it’s called a clique.

Three young girls filing out of a singular bathroom is called a clique

Yeah, he nodded  I think so.

Id prefer a clit

he was taken aback 

                      You said they were young girls.

Yadon think young girls have clits yadon think Eve had a cunt or Mother Mary

his aback was taken aback 

                             his mouth opened but nothing came out

If we were in Florida theyd be called a clit mob

OhChrist!

Kahrist had a cock not a clit 

                              Anatomy muthafucker I know you know

1600approximately,  Thursday,  22  4. 21

1224,  Reggae Friday,  23  4. 21

 

Schiller German  critiquing deformations of inner life deformities caused by modernity science technology  division of labour specialisation 

                      spiritually impoverished individuals reduced to mere fragments “nothing more than the imprint of (their) occupation or (their) specialised knowledge.”

 

they had just been introducedrather he introduced himself  small talk 

So then, what is it you do?

Do 

Do for a job? she smiled pleasantlyhe might say alluringly  Do for employment?

bittersweet he returned her smile Youll excuse me please

                                                             he walked away

from across the room she saw him turn away from an attractive woman and walk off  she was stunnedshed watched him purposefully make his way across the room to her  what could possibly have gone sideways in that fiveten minutes

 

she caught him at the bar 

                            Hey.

There you are hey  Buyya a drink

Yes, please; you’re drinking?

Drinking Redbreast

I’ll have one.

Bennie could I get another double Redbreast neat please 

On it.

What did you do?

Do   Do 

         Hmm seems everyone is interested in wha I do

She asked you what you do?

She did

You know . .

. . Here you go said Bennie On your tab?

Please

Gotcha.

she had his attention again 

                              You understand that asking what you do is a common icebreaker, you know? she started singing Getting to know you . .

. . Save it

           Icebreaker  Ice broke she fell through . .

. . That’s it?

Thats it thats shit Wha I do has no legs not with me 

Come on, you’re being a stick in the mud.

I disagree Ive no intentions of gettin stuck in mud

Mud, Christ, because she asked the usual question, a question that’s asked every day, day in, day out.

I don ask it 

            I don ask it of anyonenot man or women I doncare wha they do I care who they are Its dishonest a wannabe yardstick

A yardstick? Truly?

Yes Most people dondo what they want or wha they love Wha people do isnt a descriptor

Jesus, man. 

             she was displeased   too displeased 

then she recognised it showed in her face

Whadidya do

her silence was answer enough                       

Whawere you thinkin 

                       Listen to me an listen carefully  Yaknow me  I only ask once  So Im tellin ya  if I catch a whiff yare playin me the ice under us will break too  Ill be through

she went to say Really but she saw the set of his jaw he wasnt a poker player 

Twosday afternoon,  20  4. 21

0057,  Reggae Friday,  23  4. 21

 

he was happy the vying was behind him 

                                             which way to go went    

now he was hungup again this time bangs hair cut just above the eyebrows

wrestling with it it became an equation 

                                          bangs / breasts = Benton   read bangs over breasts equal Barbi Benton  or 

or the equation failshe met a woman who struck him oddly  she was fetching   wholesome 

she wore a modest rednwhite gingham dress

                                                however when he looked away from herlooked askancecatching her reflection off glass or in a mirror she was dressed in a clinging gownher facefeatures were accented with cosmetics and her wholesomeness was concealed

                                       asif an undesired aspect 

he did not know what to make of itmake of her

hed touched her shook her hand

she was not an apparition

then he wondered if he appeared the same to her 

                                                           he wondered

then he was done wondering

he asked

they were just introduced 

                            Keira  youll excuse my abruptness its my nature  however I am realisingseeing two facets of youperhaps  looking at you directly yare freshscrubbed wearing a gingham dress  seeing you out of the corner of my eye or in reflections yare wearing a gown your face is fully madeup

Yes.

Yes

Do you have a preference?

I do

You prefer looking at me directly.

I do

Is the alternative uncomfortable, undesirable, beguiling?

No  I recognise you in each 

                              I believemore to the point  it isnt my preference but rather yours

Yes. It is, isn’t it?

It is

Do I make you uncomfortable, my mien?

Miens

Correct, miens.

No  You are fascinating 

                         An I mustin light of our conversation  ask   if I fascinate you

You are direct.

I am 

     Diversion isnt necessary

You are very direct.

 

You are exactly who you are; and you’ll forgive me, not as fascinating as refreshing.

Thank you 

             Facetnating

0205,  Monday,  19  4. 21

1141,  Thursday,  22  4. 21

Derek Chauvin guilty on three counts of murdering George Floyd

certainly turns Chauvinism on its head 

                                       a belief in the superiority of ones own group or people who are seen as strong virtuous supreme  the while considering others weak unworthy  inferior

certainly fell on its face yesterday  4/20

1751,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  21  4. 21

 

he vied backanforth backan forth   zigzagged maybe hed twist one up

                                                                          which way to go whichway does he go ahNope no no nopenope  nope  which way whichway does he go

he was irritated

as preface to his quandary 

                             he lived in a part of a community called The Colony it is the original neighbourhood built near public buildings and a mall after the town was founded chartered 

he knew that through the historical society 

                                              he didnt however call it The Colony those who did were a little too haughty for his tastes and they took a particularly delight and pride in calling it so somehow making them feel separate and better 

Kahrist

living there he discovered that there were more than a few 

                                                              it appearedhe laughed to himself he went from the pan into the fire albeit the pan was twothousands miles east   

to be fair it took years and had been a convoluted path

 

he lived in Chicago proper until he was five then moved and spent his boyhood and teens in the suburbs  Hazelwood  being suburbia streetsigns told you when you went from one city to the next one wasnt different than another they were like run-on sentences zero punctuation 

his folks still lived there 

his siblings lived within ten minutes of themwithin twenty minutes of each other

The mailman takes exception to your letters his folks told him in turn he adored their redundancy 

Why

You upset him, he doesn’t find you funny.

Im not 

        An I aint writing him he knew exactly why the postman had a bug up his ass Since I usean I seem to be the only one who does the nine-number zip I could probably drop Exxon-Valdez Illnoise and by your street address an zip youd still get it  

He’s not amused, Joe.

Maw I could give a shit Im amusing myself  

                                               Ya tell him for me Do your job Can you do that

Joseph, he’s a nice man.

Then tell the nice man Quit editorialising Yacan remind him anwhy I remember this is beyond me Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of an oil spill stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds He might recognise the bastardised creed

The Colony like Hazelwood was anti-Semitic 

                                               Twentyfive thousand population fortyplus church no temples synagogues mosques blacks few and far between anbecause its Califormia it has to suffer Mexicans 

                                                                                              who else to do their yardwork

it late in high school when he realised his crewcut mistakenly identified him as a skinhead he grew his hair out 

Kahrist

         out of the pan and into the fire

he was white

he was straight

he would have fit right in if his politics werent his politics or if he didnt know history 

he refused to let his children participate in Thanksgiving programs at school Go along to get along his wife her family his distant family members counselled him a concerted effort he hadnt asked them his children werent participating he ended up going before the school board it refused to acknowledge that Wampanoag were two to one to the pilgrims anif it had not been for the First People the pilgrims might likely have perished he resisted the temptation to standfist raised over his head and chant Remember Roanoke Remember the Lost Colony Remember Roanoke

he testified Ive always been of the mind that the red man in their parlance they werent going to correct him which he would have bet the farm on should either have packed the pilgrims back on board the Mayflower returned it from whence it came or killed them

the Board slackjawedincredulous was visibly peeved

he capped off his remarks 

                            Sixteennineteen the year prior to the Mayflowers landing another vessel The White Lion arrived Its heinous cargo was twenty to thirty black Angolan slaves 

                                                                        Maybe we should celebrate The White Lion not the Mayflower not the pilgrims not their obviouslycherished lives which helped make the founding and formation of America our country built on the backsthe bodies of slaves The pilgrims fled religious persecution sought out religious freedom in the New World  But whakind of freedom is that which enslaves people 

 

their silence said it all 

he couldnt resist 

                  Ya donknow what Im talking about do ya Yare the School Board Might wanna look it up My girls should be taught history not mythology unless the mythology is defined as such

 

that was only part of his conundrum

he had to movewas displaced 

                                he rented a house in The Colony after his children graduated schoolwent to college were making lives of their own

tragically his wife died 

since he arrived there seemed to be or else it was just him a concerted effort to take down trees and when trees were cut down they were not replaced with saplings

he was particular about trees

                               as a boy a youth military academy was shuttered in Exxon Valdez and the land company that acquired the property published in the local newspaper that anyone who wanted a tree or trees -- there had been an arbor a tree nursery the cadets worked -- could come onto the premises and take them a sixty day window was provided 

on the first day a Saturday he and his father took the stationwagon over and dugup four trees to plant on the hellstrip and in their yard on Sunday they dugup another four two each for two neighbours 

                                                                                        his father had what he wanted so thereafter he persisted on his own initiative and walked over to the grounds pulling his wagon behind him and removing two trees at a time he divvied them among other neighbours he approached who were happy to have a free tree or trees

he didnt count how many trees he saved

he wept outside the gate on the sixtyfirst day when earthmovers cleared the remaining grove piled them  snappedbroken violated green wood   

 

in the past year amid havoc wrecked by Trump virus he worked from home more and more of his Colony neighbours bought dogs who bayed and chorused throughout the day

he was not fond of dogs

he had cats

but wasnt it unusual it seemed so to him that after hundreds of trees were felled that a hundred dogs he didnt know would be brought into the neighbourhood

it seemed counterintuitive 

but maybe not 

              not if the Colony was as special as many of it thought it was 

he was irritated

                    vexed

0205,  Monday,  19  4. 21

1203,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  21  4. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mKIuZ4tIzk 

Sting  It’s Probably Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FsKmmD_NV8

 

he was so cocksurelaying down in bed to go to sleep that hed remember in the morning what he was visualising right then                                                                                                                              it was so rarified how could he possibly forget

he laid there he let the image roamNah roam wasnt correct  there was no room to roamnot in that showerstall in that tiny bathroom in that Kalispell motel 

                                       Fuck me just imagining the confinesthe cheap laminatepaneled partitionwalls the slick steamsweat on them pukegreen coloured turdtan patches functionalnot aesthetic made him claustrophobic and claustrophobic warned himbecause he wasnt he had better get the image down before he went to sleep because his sleep may decide Fuck you, buddy, ain’t holding your hand through that again, you’re on your own, cowboy.

Anfuck you I aint nobodys cowboy

he and cowboys didnt mixed 

oil and water

hed walk into a bar theyd walk in they seemed to smell each other 

                                                                      cowboys liked their boots prided themselves on the skins they wore on their feet they really liked them because knocking him off his feet they could kick and stomp him like prissy lil girls  hard soles hard heels 

                                        they rode horseshorses? whores? they liked to rideliked to be on top they rode because nobody could walk very far in those highheel leathertooled boots

they may have figured they could take him down quicklike   

but his melon was all bone

too bad his skin split as easily as it did 

                                          thoughto be sure it certainly encouraged them all that blood Man they thought hes goindown gonnabe an easy fight

he rope-a-doped without ropes Ali informed 

they became brazen

came in too closetoo fast

                       a right from up off the floor to the jaw a wicked left hook if it wasnt starslights out they were suddenly a spider on its back legs arms goin no floorno web then crabbingup coveringup 

he wouldnt kick or stomp a man while he was down 

if they were comfortable on their back they didnt have to get up hed let them lay

he was mighty grateful cowboys didnt gang up not usually  anif so thats why he wore softsole shoes he could scamper away like a pronghorn

                        anwhile he often felt like taking on the world

he wasnt stupid

a bar full of Indians once upon a time cured him of that notion as a teenager in a Wisconsin reservation tavern 

he digressed

 

a small part of him thought he wouldnt parlay the image through the night and remember it in the morning

a small part

then he concededhe preferred concurring but none of his apes from their corners or outside peering in through keyholes dare say it first

useless beasts they shaddup   othertimes he couldnt shaddemup 

he conceded

he reached onto the wood feedtrough standing on end beside the bed and took his cellphone in hand

he texted himself

he felt like he was cheating

an ape at the back of his skull bouncing lackluster bored up and down on his neocortex cautioned him to suck it up without saying a word 

                       mental telepathy frisson he had that going on with those mooks but again when they wanted currently just rooming inside his headstanding around  staring like watching a outrageous stripper who took their breath away or an inept novice wouldnt be cool to laugh at her unchoreographed uninspiring performance  stripping is an artform

he texted himself  :  :  2 fat naked cowgirls – now the apes speak: They ain’t fat, they’re big girls, they grow ‘em big in Montana. They’re from hardy stock. apes ought to know  he considered it for a damaged heartbeat -- Hardly boys  Theyre fat gals  

     2 fat naked cowgirls in a cheap motel showerstall . . hadnt a fucking clue how they fit . .  he looked on the floor for a shoehorn or an empty plastic bottle of lubricant . .smelled vaguely of cocoanut oil  momentarily he was tempted pina colada .  . but so  much   naked    flesh  he couldnt distinguish between themwhere one began and the other ended . . reminded him of oldtime pranks at different colleges where they tried to set state or national records for packing co-eds in a telephone booth

the gals werent appealing

 

when he woke later in the morning he didnt remember

he did remember sending himself a text

OhShit yes  Now I remember

crazy that he thought he would unaided 

                                           though he could admit it in the light of day

0209,  Monday,  19  4. 21

345 or 1545,  Monday,  19  4. 21

Rag’n’Bone Man & Pink  Anywhere Away from Here  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilut9TzMfXs 

Pink & Willow Sage Hart  Cover Me I Sunshine  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvThENUScnw

 

Eurythmics Ive got an angel

                            anhe needed one quick if for no other thing than firingup her wings so he could frantically jump on her back and zoom the fuck out of this place before it fell down on their headshis head 

                                                                                                     he was  uncomfortable

he never bitched about people fucking 

                                          but he thought his kid brother would have the good sense not to fuck a fat chick on his couch 

thats not a knock on the woman

                                 she was fat she knew it  if taking exception to the truth hurt her feelings she could do something about it

though its funny

people badmouth women

his brother was way fat

nobody badmouths a fat manHe’s a big guy.     No  Hes fat

 

he walked in 

didnt knock

it was his place

               all that uncontained pink flesh seemed like it was wall to wall it was a small livingroom cellulite too much to try to explain away cutely fat dimplesChrist he could feel an analogy begging LET ME OUT! FREE ME!  Shudafuckup YOU LISTEN TO ME, IF YARE WORTH YOUR SALT YOU’LL SAY had a point 

                                                                                              Yawouldnt know unless I said he told his wifehe told his girls they wouldnt know how he felthow he deeply felt about them if he didnt say so he antedup he confessed he wanted to confess until the day he died  he didnt read the script he wanted a rewrite damn quick hed never forget the HaNO the trailing twisted laughter followedup with Life’s cruel, get over yourself.

since hes strung tighthairtriggered 

if he felt slighted

he didnt think

why would he   they didnt

maybe afterwards theyd think

think nurse their wounds

WHADAFUCK YA THINKIN OFF THE COUCH GET DRESSED FIND A MOTEL THIS IS MY HOUSEJesusfuckinAChrist 

she went to say something his brother said Shut up. Move. You don’t wanna mess with my brother. he didnt look at him I’m sorry, man, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.

Don talk to me right now Call me when ya get settled 

                                                         he went to his bedroom he didnt want to witness toothpaste stuffed back in its tube

Ya let them off easy, fat dimples; really? Why did that cross your mind? Serious cellulite staring ya in the eyes . jiggling . . quivering . Christ.

Leame alone I donwanna think about it

A frontal lobotomy won’t erase that.

No  Tattooed on my brain etched in my memory

Yare so kind. Etched on our memory. 

Whawas he thinkin?

He was following his cockwasnt thinkin

 

A lot of flesh.

 

Ohfuck wasnt there 

                        An analogyJesus Whawere ya thinkin 

Sorry. I was upset. 

                     Never saw anything like that . . made me wanna tear my eyeballs out.

Our eyeballs

Com’on. Could have shut your eyes immedia . .

. . Whawas seen was seen 

                             Hard to believe

Fat is as fat does.

Thanks Forrest Gump

1417,  Sunday,  18  4. 21

1018,  Monday,  19  4. 21

Eurythmics  I’ve got an Angel  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk0GiiT2DTw