according to or as required by Bob  or Father Dad 

                                                    while approaching a urinalfingering his fly  it was customary to also hawkup a loogie or at minimum summons some spit no fuckin clue why just following the leader following the example set  it was terrifying as a small boy to damn near stare into the eye of the cake why call it cake stare into the churning splashingspitting vortex no lifesavers hung from hooks on the wall taking your life great similehuh in your hands  and done urinating donsay piss flushing it and delivering the coup de grace  spit the loogie or saliva down its gurgling porcelain throat

that may have been elaborate 

                               though its a far better description than pissing on a wall under graffiti yacant make heads or tails out of

that saidhowever hed seen bubblegum graffiti he couldnt make heads nor tails out of either in a narrow alley in a Central Coast California town bubblegum alley and on the filthy pavement someone fashioned – fuck someone Michelangelo – Michelangelo fashioned the bestlooking pussy he ever laid eyes on fashioned from pink bubblegum  made him want to get down on his hands and knees and eat it Hmm chewy  

                                                          but he digressed  whawas he talkinbout    aah

uhhuh hed have to ask his Dad about the ritual hed turned him onto

Whaswit the spit the loogie Dad

I don’t know . . the cherry on top? That’s what your grandfather did. Your uncle my older brother . . buddies . . . spit, cigarette butts, chew . . always something in addition to relieving yourself . .

. . Kinda lettin your hair down

Perhaps, in a manner of speaking.

 

Thats good for me

That works for you?

Yah it works

Good. Who knows why we do the things we do?

Thats overly broad Dad

Nothing like getting over a broad, son.

 

his face went to grimace without permissionSTOP RIGHT THERE What? That was funny What do I do? Wink   Yah.Wink.  Marvelous.

We have our moments

1822,  Twosday,  29  12. 20

1018 nice, or 2218,  Twosday,  29  12. 20

Julie Andrews  Getting to Know You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbbYY-pAmlY

$342K -- Killed

Moscow Mitch and the Sociopath-in-charge 

                                             theres a grubmumbling 69 he wouldnt want to tune into

even without the sex its been disgusting

1836,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  12. 20

https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/watch/john-heilemann-says-we-re-heading-into-the-crescendo-of-crazy-98608709709

 

he texted :  : Hmm, thought I’d throw on Deadpool 2. I did like the first (despite myself).

she texted :  : No kidding.

  :  :  No kidding. Kinda posthumanish. I’ve read about posthumanism since the 80s. But you can well imagine that if smartphones don’t tickle my fancy that I’d be unlikely to fuck a posthuman . . despite her garish plastic cosmetics and upgrades.

  :  :  No kidding 

                   she must be distracted by something he wasnt going to ask

  :  :  Scifi – possibilities were extolled they (scientists – ohsay Dr Frankenstein) would eventually be able to upload our wetware (memories – thinking) into computers. And THENof course machines will pull the plug on us without saying so – kinda OffLine us -- cool astute machines with a sense of irony and black humour. Ohbrother.

  :  :  Definitely weird 

                         definitely distracted

  :  :  Yup. Scary times. Many more than for me. As our brains dwindle away, lack memory functions, we lose our personal “clouds”, preferring clouds outside ourselves.

  :  :  Scary.

              Uhoh maybe he caught her masturbating shes trying to be polite thatll teach him to buy her a vibrator for Christmas

  :  :  Yes.

  :  :  Exactly.

                masturbating hed seen her text with one hand

  :  :  Glad we’re aligned. Suppose one could argue that redundancy, whether your cloud or their cloud, is crucial these days – because when it goes, it’s gone – erased – asif it never happened – who’s to say it did – there’s no evidence.

 

she didnt answerdisappeared

                                though what could one possibly text while cumming

  

1856,  Sunday,  27  12. 20

2100,  Twosday,  29  12. 20

Paul McCarthy  Let‘em In  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXdIyS85emM 

               one might think hed learn by now  that he shouldnt bother going to bed before threethirty four because when he does something lurking outside his periphery or in sleeps shadows lunges forward when he or his dreaming blinks and startles themwakes them whatever hes dreamed is still in his eyes  the concrete house outside Miami Thats not concrete thats coral The house is built of coral blocks a naked woman facing away from him lying on her belly in whowhose bed bedroom the wall is plateglass in a highrise lying on his back at night beside a fire and watching embers ash and smoke rise up into a brilliantstar scattered night he quit trying to find constellations it was an alien sky . . .

this morning awakened but not alarmed 

                                           Here we go again he mutters What now  

it wasnt like winning at television game show  the crowds OOHs and AAHs following placard instructions dazzling lights the trembling curtains anxiously waiting to partunfold like an experienced prostitute 

                                                                                             he was awake  he wasnt the type to get up out of bed warm some milk read a book or do a crossword puzzle  he went to bed to sleep and Dammit he was going to sleep 

                   he closes his eyes and watches the marbling darknessthe sparks like struck flint  surfs  sprinkling pinpointsdull and brilliant then gone  and inevitably his brain or mind or some oddball interior tenantself cozies up and talks  its never his voice or voices  I think  he didnt trust I thinkthey sensed it  I believe  now hes hooked  a belief system  thinking isnt a belief     

I believe . . .

 

                it was terrifying  maybe the beingthe voice was trying to chase him out of bedhave him retreat  it should have known better he didnt play their games  evidently being consciousawakened was its invite

Yadon yadon  Yare out of your fuckin mindyare offbase she didnt believe thatnot for a moment  Our circumstances unfortunately created the endgame we had to endure

the voicethe being argued that when his daughter selected him and her husband and sister to be her caretakers that she knew then theyd also be the coconspirators of her death

with interiorselves like that who needed enemies 

                                                  or for that matter  friends

reallyearly AM,  Reggae Friday,  26  12. 20

1126,  Twosday,  29  12. 20

Stones  Paint It Black  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmmCwSqNbl4 

 

Hold onto your panties boys and girls 

                                       particularly those boys wearing panties  white cotton panties? or something in silk risqué

he was gifted silk boxers once upon a time and laundered and returned them the next day he explained it was like having a hand at his cock with his every step erections constricted in pants are a bitch 

                                                                                            I hope you can get your money back      

she said Really? I’ll have to give ‘em a go.

she telephoned the next day and thanked him

she donned them and took a public bus to Morro Bay and back the road is particularly bad pocked and potholed a rough ride 

            I came three times.

what could he say 

                    If you havent laundered them Id like em back

she laughedhad a wicked laugh all white chucklets pointy canines and deep dimples that he teased one day he was going to fuck 

              she never covered her mouth when she laughed  he adored her

 

déjà vu 

         Grrls and boys  ever have déjà vu looped three times in a dream an attractive naked Asian womansomewhat exercised by the remedial task of having to escort him through the building talked up her body (it was worth talking up  she was all about her titsher perfect nipples – she wasnt wrong) surprisingly he understood her dialect  she led dreaming-him (obviously -- hes the overseer) and him to a large weatheredwood door that opened inward to two rooms 

in the first room high-ceilinged is a kitchen  a large wood table  a chair at its head beneath a generous wideopen doublehung window  dreamed-him is drinking whisky from a large shallow petri dish and stirring a huge pot of soup on blueflame gas burner 

                       beyond is a second room  a bedroom  sparse  a bed dresser wardrobe  the beds unmade and a naked woman sleeps on her belly 

                                    and beyond is an opened sliding glass door that leads onto a paver patio and a sandyyellow beach  a warm green sea 

                                          the only variation in the dream is the outdoorsthe attitude of the waves  the swimmers and the vessels on the water

                                           a boat washes up onto the beach  the first two were a variety of wood rowboats  lastly a brilliantsilver large metal trough  long and rectangularly  when it bedded itself  unguided  as the others had on the beach the seasurf swells and thrashes its stern  tall waves crest and dump themselves into it

of the three he watched to see if maybe this time someone might be aboard 

no one rose 

             three empty boats

he went back to tending the soupsee if more vegetables or seasoning were needed

he was getting hungry

 

early AMish Monday,  28  12. 20

1604,  Monday,  28  12. 20

$336K -- Killed

 

The WORST 

             https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/worst-of-all-time-where-trump-ranks-among-historically-bad-presidents-98509381878

commentators have to cease making comparisons 

                                                  Drumpfs golfingDrumpfs playing with his dick 

                                                                                                   This thing aint working!

he espouses conspiracy theories from the White House 

                                                        talk about FAKE news

1837, Monday,  28  12. 20

https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/-marie-antoinette-has-nothing-on-this-guy-trump-s-cruel-delay-in-signing-relief-bill-98509893939

inbetween coffees and whiskys and beers and teas and talks among himselves 

himselves

          if others hadnt themselves or herselves his heart ached

he frankly had him and herselves  he didnt point a finger at them and not pointing they didnt point back  not accusing they wouldnt accuse him 

                          but he and they knew  knew of each other and knowing the myriad of sides he had  the lazy turning mirrorball above a room in houses and lands illuminating with queershards and deftstabs and longingtrembling gazes 

     he knew  and knowing there was no turning away no disguises NO harbours  or havens

or trespasses

or fealties

or vows

it was out in the Open

  

                         Where it belongedWhere it had always Belonged  but Where it made people uncomfortable

 

therefore his Path was to make others Uncomfortable 

                                                       and he was proud – pride is an awful thing – if it isnt True

his pride was honest and truthful

                                   so he excoriated without whim or guise or fear

truth ought to be served black and blue 

                                         it should Moo when cut with a honed blade and forked joyouslyhappily into ones mouth

he salivated to its flavour

 

 

piss on them who couldnt

1018 or 2218 – he had reasons to prefer 1018,  Sunday,  27 12. 20

Nina Simone  Feeling Good  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5Y11hwjMNs

Ziggy Marley  True to Myself  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzHlu5JKJvM 

 

 

he presented himself as Tom Kettle 

                                    and thereafter he only responded to T Kettle to himself he thought Mebbe he fancies himself a T Rex 

               But there's more to it than meets the eye. that was his other self among many other-selves his dreaming-self

   We’re playing a little game, you and I.

Im playing a game with myself

If you insist.

Nahgo ahead Im curious to see where this come out

That’s why you come here.

I havent a choice I gotta sleep

Yes  you  do. his dreaming-self smiled THEN he had dimples

haha the shit you put me through

Us! The shit you put us, all of us, through.

I suppose theres that

Very noncommittal. That’s unlike yo . .  

. . Only because I dont know what you got up your sleeve

Your sleeve, or rather yourselve, yourself.

Clever

We are, you and I and us.

Rooms getting crowded

Room’s always crowded when you come in.

That sounds like a backhanded   compliment

Maybe you’ll take it for all of us.

Ill take it for the team 

Shall we return to T Kettle before we run too far afield?

Shall Nice Dont hear shall too often

Shall we?

We shall

What strikes you about T Kettle?

Same thing that struck me about the dream yesterday

And?

I have to elaborate

Humour me. Humour the rest of yous.

Awright T Kettle is very similar Letters versus number Letterswords prefer to be verbose so naturally Id expect more letters than numbers

And?

And twoeightyeight and eightythree three eights in five numbers Whereas T Kettle is three Ts in seven letters the pair of Es is a nice touch

                   Youll recall weve played with a pair of Esyes on occasion

I recall.

Was it as go for you as it was for me

Jesus, man, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander; we have little separation between us, a line of dominoes, nerveendings, firing synapses, a heap of dried fallen leaves along the street curb that you used to set on fire.

I remember

All of us remember.

Seems you run a tidy little ship

I try, if only you’d keep from heaping up more and more. 

                                                         Did I say more? An more.  

Facets Like compoundeyes Like more than two sides to any story Like criminals love a crowd

Like shut up.

Awright Was I in the neighbourhood

You kidding me? You are the neighbourhood, the labyrinth, the maze.

Good Then Im still sane

You are In-sane. In the In-Crowd.

Groovy

 

early AMish,  Sunday,  27  12. 20

too cool 227 or 1427,  Sunday,  27  12. 20

The Fixx  One Thing Leads to Another  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHYIGy1dyd8  

Tom Kettle (but not his T Kettle) https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/2sPPfFnV46bMVPj7ShDY0pV/tom-kettle

 

 

2.88 a pound  83 pounds

simple 

      it WAS simple call it 3 a pound times 83  249   249.00   .12 at 83  .10 at 83  8.30 plus .2 at 83 equals 1.66 or 9.96  or subtract 10.00 from 249.00 plus 4   239.04 

                                                            aint much cash gotta agree

that was the Agreed price for freshcaught elan

they were hard to find if you didnt know where to fish

the reefs what depth  bait

                             elan was particular

and elan was tasty marbled   a coldwater fatty fish 

excellent as sushi sashimi though its tumescent tangerinestreaked pale blue flesh put people off foolish  only wild Alaska salmon was in the ball game 

                                        fewer and fewer unfortunately

2.88 a pound is a fair price

 

some peopleone  particular  person  had to be a cunthe came up short but he sold the family needed money  Ill give you a couple of days to ante up 

he put the last of the elan into the back of a truck

the truck drove off

he fingered the light cash     

We’re square. No anteing up. You got what you got.  Twothirtyeight was what was agreed to.

2.38

that aint as simple

he counted the money in his hand

it came to 197.54

Oneninetyseven fiftyfour aint Twothirtynine aughtfour   cunt he didnt have to say that Yahhe did

cunt smiled

a malevolent smirk

good 

      they understood each other 

I want the difference with interest now

With interest?

Yah I would have settled for the difference in a couple of daysya anteing up but ya got a mouth on ya  Your brother didnt

My brother’s a sap.

Interest is twenty percent a day

simple 

      it was simple short 41.50 times 20 percent 8.30 on top  49.80  

Well call it Fifty a nice round numberso you wont forget for my inconvenience  wasting of my time    

Got all you’re gonna get.  he chided 

mebbe cunt didnt imagine dying for fifty bucks

hed kill for less 

                if cunt didnt know he should have

ball was in their court

he hoped he didnt have to go up through cunts Mickey Mouse soldiers

but after all that was up to them

tomorrow should have only costed them balance plus interest

fact wasHA 

            hed save em money

 

288 and 83

numerology

288  ten  eighteen  nine

83  eleven  two

nine

two

he figured his numbers added up nicely

 

early AMish over and over,  Saturday,  26  12. 20

1144,  Sunday,  27  12. 20

https://www.astrogle.com/numerology/number-9-in-numerology.html    https://www.astrogle.com/numerology/number-2-in-numerology.html

yacan make up your own mind

 

late Christmasnight after a troubledsleepless early Christmasmorning  

                                                                        running last Christmas over and over and over and over then braking it with an epiphany  preceding Christmases had been very happy and joyous

everything last Christmas wasnt

he was somewhat proud he was able summons himself and make today better   better 

he felt beatup emotionally physically 

                                     anto put the day behind him  ease himself   ease his tension and mind  he ran a hot bath with blueberryginger rosemary oil Epsomsalts which he treated himself for Christmas  a gift  trying to be kind to himself

           that was out of character 

last Christmas was the last Christmas his daughter and mother had 

                                                                      despite their precarious health he didnt see that cominghe bought in hook line and sinker to their amazing optimism resiliency their deft mindsets that had always served them unveeringly  

when his daughter succumb his mother threw in the towel and died thirteen days later

two of the most powerful women in his life had died  he had yet begun to mourn his mother because his daughters death had been so traumatic 

                             sometimes hanging on by his fingernails he wondered why he bothered

ah  or maybe to soak in a hot bath BE KIND TO HIMSELF 

leftie and bomber wandered in  mused  then jumped up onto the tubs edge  Whassup? in their eyes and tentative crouches

Hey kids Checkin in on the old man

they might have heard him saying out loud Merry Christmas Aniela Merry Christmas Maw I miss you both terribly I miss being able to call you talk with you wish you Merry Christmas ask about your mornings your gifts  tell you how much I love you

                 he chuckled despite himself his mother was always in a frenzy making Polish specialties for monster breakfast lunch and dinners year after year for decades decades  Call later this evening, Joe, or tomorrow so we can get caught up, I really don’t have the time right now. Thats why I called Maw to give you a breath  Thank you, I’m breathing, talk with someone else. and she handed him off to one of his eight brothers or sisters

years on end they played that game

not this Christmas

the dialtone when he went to call them didnt sound when he picked up the telephone  he imagined The party you have called is unavailable. Please check the number and call again. 

                                                                that would have been really nice 

out loud to Aniela he admitted he was feeling guilty guilty   I know thats the wrong word but thats the only word that occurs to me right now I know I didnt do anything wrong so theres nothing to be guilty about   but thats how I feel 

I suppose itll have to be a placeholder  a placeholder until I have a better word  or until I arrive  progress   to a better place  Guilty 

leftie and bomber in turn nudged his shoulder 

                                                Yah guysyah  I know I know  Im being maudlinpitying myself  Pitifulhuh Thanks for calling me out Lemme melt away a bit then reconstitute before getting up and going to bed Deal  Suchadeal! they purred and jumped down onto the linoleum and casually wandered away taking him at his word they knew he needed someone to take care of they knew that they were giving him a quiet purpose a gentle reason for tomorrow and tomorrow 

                          and for tomorrows and months and years

 

late Christmas,  25  12. 20

1438,  Saturday,  26  12. 20

Bee Gees  I've Gotta Get a Message to You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRV_7eEgobw

 

when you walked into a bar called Taps & Shots you better believe that whats on the otherside of the door is going to be interesting

the bartender was named Dog

the barmaids name is Catcher

Myron owned the joint and usually sat in the corner facing the door on a really nice red leather stool with a back and armrests  if he wasnt sitting there and the bar was full  no one sat in it  not that they were told not to  but ya had to be an idiot to think it was for you

                                    the other stools were stout industrial adjustable tripods topped with warmcoloured woodseats  casting a glance about the bar they were easily the warmest things in the bar in its stripped interior  roughcut studs exposed to two wallsbehind the bar and to the right  the wall you entered through and to the left were brick  the few windows without were glass and within barred like a jail cell                                                                                                                               it gave an impression that if someone was shot inside theyd play taps for you

 

he had been driving nineteentwenty hours and pulled off the interstate when he saw the LODGING NEXT EXIT on the shoulder 

there was one motel  a diner inside it 

he checked in

across the two-lane road in need of attention was Taps & Shots

coming through door to quench his parched throat quicklyeyeballing the place it humour him to think that the highway sign ought to have read NEXT EXIT EXIT   tripleX  not for the weak of heart or stomach 

                                                                                           immediately he felt right at home

he took a stool at the bar in the corner across from Myrons

he liked to see who was coming in too

Dog walked up to him to take his order  he was drying a glass 

Ya tryin to be gauche

Gauche?

Nevermind  he read the stitched namepatch on his right breast  Yare Dog

Appears you can read.

he shrugged his shoulders crossed his armshands on either bicephugged himself  Brisk in here

Yah whadayave? 

WAIT! He’s mine! Mine!  Dog looked through a narrow partition wall that was studs only as a barmaid came around it drying her hands with paper towels  Yaknow the next customer was mine.

Yawere  he snickered  indisposed.

I ain’t now, am I?

You are not. he turned to him  Buddy.he hated being called Buddy Catcher’s gotcha.

Catcher

How are ya?  sure enough  perched above her ample left breastleaning back her namepatch in stitchedscript read Catcher

Im parched  Thought Id wet my whistle grab a bite to eat an hit the hay

Where ya traveling from?

Montana

Yaah mountain man?

Live in the Bitterroots  Spose I am

Oh good, I like mountain men.mighty brisk repartee  Catcher made him smile Now . . Mister . . . whadayave?

What beers yahave on tap

Got Leinenkugel, Milwaukee Brewing, Lakefront Brewery, Bell’s Brown Ale, KarbenFour Oaktober, New Glarus Staghorn, it’s Fall yaknow, got Old Style, Bud . .

. .  New Glarus sounds like a kick

I’d give ya a kick. she smiled wickedly  he thought he could see the tips of her canines

Careful, Buddy, she’ll eat you alive. said Dog still drying the same glass

Thanks  he nodded at the glass  Waterspots

Huh?

The glass

It’s yours, warming it up for ya, Buddy.

Names Joe

Okay, Buddy.

New Glarus, Dog.  I herdim  Catcher had stepped a bit closer to him was he was lipping with Dog  Staying long, Joe?

Not so long

Well, ifya need company . . just saying.

I appreciate your hospitality

Aim to please.

the New Glarus tap was at the other end of the bar and as Dog poured he called after Catcher as she went to collect the beer  A whisky too please  Irish if you have it

I gotcha Joe.  she cast over her shoulder as she continued walking and went around the corner  she had a nice caboose

she set his beer and Irish down  Redbreast.

Good choice

Thank ya, ya strike me as a breastman. another voracious smile and canines definitely  Excuse me, Joe, girl’s gotta make her money.

Catcher walked back to Dog who stayed to that side of the bar

a couple walked in  a third and fourth entered  DOG!

Heya!  he set to work at drinks 

usuals he assumed

Catcher went behind the bar to help

softly  but that he could still hear over the murmur  Cat, ya gotta quit workin these guys.

I --  I can’t help myself; and nobody else can either. I think I’m an addict.

At dick?

So clever, Dog. she gently punched him in the arm

he was pouringhis pour remained true  I have my moments, but Buddy?

He a mountain man. I’m an addict.

You’re a riot.

she lit a cigarette and put it in Dog’s mouth  Maybe that’ll shut you up.

he moved his mouthworked the cigarette to between his teeth and grit them  A fuckin’ riot.

Fuckin’s right. she punctuated the right  Girl's gotta pay her bills.

But with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Yaknow they’re liars.

We’re all liars. I’ll edumacate ya. I convince them to think they make me wanna give it up for them.

Seduction.

AwHell, seduction’s a lie. Don't forget.

the drinks were made and as Dog placed them on a workedmetal circular tray nice presentation  like a brandnew shiny penny Catcher stepped to the otherside of the bar to take them to serve

Seductions a lie he said to himself  Bright girl.     

2206,  Sunday – D-Day,  6  6. 93

1351,  Thursday,  24  12. 20