white blouse black bra white blouse  ahblack bra black bra   aah white blouse  thats called a diacope  a rhetorical devise 

       had he thought instead white blouse black bra white blouse black bra white blouse black bra  a bit tamer more prosaic that would have been a relative of diacope an epizeuxis  a succession of words or a phrase for emphasis or vehemence      

 

empathically he said Gawdblessya doll

she smiled he met her at the end of the foyerrecognised her voice when she entered  God bless me?

Yes

Why?

he stepped back away from her looked her up and down made her giggle Because you look fine this evening an ya made it I didnt think you were going to make it it sounded like you might not when we spoke earlier this evening

it was a small gathering of friends acquaintances rather it seemed small because the house was so large it dwarfed them even six or seven congregating in a room seemed small

Thank you. she said You can quit ogling me now, you’re embarrassing me, people are noticing your, your inspection.

Let em notice Besides  yare noticeable

Thank you. Pleease stop.

Will it please you if I stop

Yes.

Then to please you I will

Ai she was Chinese and Japanese  he was still wondering where her figure came fromher stature  fiveeight five nine  hourglass 

            she referred to herself Chapanese 

cute

she was not the usual China dolls he had met small compact slight figures   nearly boyish

he didnt like boyish on women

luxurious thick black mane bangs

Ai You really made my night Anthen to please you on top of it  Whamore could a guy ask for

Flatterer. Though I expect you, my guy, my guy for the evening, will likely find something more to ask for.

Am I that transparent

Like freshcleaned glass, you lack any opacity.

Now look whos embarrassing people I wish I could blush

she percolated a laugh as if he caught her offguard 

                                                     No. That’s not in your make-up. I used to be astonished by your directness, your saying things as they are, usually more crudely than not, but cleverly, a nice alchemychemical bonding, and then at once charming; you’re a charmer.

I strive for charmingstrive to charm the pants off  ladies

My goodness, the things that come out of your mouth.

he pressed up close to her 

                             Wheres my hug doll

Ai stepped back and started patting herself down Your hug, your hug, it’s here somewhere, I’m sure I didn’t leave it at home, positive, I wouldn’t do that, it’s here somewhere. 

                                                           she stopped patting her hands at her thighs fingers spread black eyes penetrating his Found it. 

                                        she stepped forward to him and they wrapped each other in their arms a sensual embrace

he swelled she smelled wonderful 

                                      one day hed ask her what the fragrance was but not asking left it a mystery much of what they didnt ask each other was for the mutual benefit of their mysteries he still didnt know where she lived 

he scarcely got her number he wouldnt have asked anyone if they had it  it was the second time hed seen her he caught her outside a restaurantsaw her through a window as she was unlocking her car he rushed out EXCUSE me

she startled

Sorry he said as he hustled towards her  You know my faceyah

she had unlocked the door and opened it the door was between them Do I know your face?

I know your face We werent introduced

You know my face?

I do

 

Yare killing me

she smiled

Now yare really killing me

her smile grew Fucking dimples he didnt say I recall your face. Knowing it would be too . .

. . Presumptuous

Big word. No. Forward, too forward of me.

Then let me be forward 

                          Joe  May I ask your name

You came all the way out of the restaurant, I can see your party waiting on you, his back was to the restaurant to ask me my name?

Wellnah actually  Actually I came out to ask you for your number Then Id ask for your name to pair with your number Then I reconsidered when you didnt spookdidnt get in your carshut the door

That would be backwards.

I couldnt say Youve had me turning in circles since last I saw youknowed your face

Knowed my face?

Knowed Or node n-o-d-e a point which lines or pathways intersect  Ours

Ours?

You ask a lot of questions 

                            Wheres the mystery

Ai.

Short for Ai yai yai

Cute.

Maybe clever

Maybe. she looked over his shoulder  The natives are getting restless.

Theyll have all evening to have my attention This is a sliver I have no intention of pulling out

A sliver?

Another question

she smiled quickly again Fucking dimples 

                                            Would you like a number to pair with my name? Or are you going to say I’m asking another question.

Yes   No

Have something to write it down?

No

You want me to do all the work?

Is that another question

the laughter bubbled out of her as if she were a childs toy bubble machine  gay  bright  shiny  luminous 

                                                                                                                  musical

Here. she went into her purse and got an eyeliner pencil

Just your number Ai  I cant ever forget your nickname

she wrote it up his wrist

she might have noticed his pulse tick up

 

 

she noticed his swelling she rocked her hips against his 

                                                            she said into his ear I don’t think we’re alone, Joe.

No But you provoked it

I . . I provoked it?

Yes

How?

Questions questions questions

she chuckled 

               How?

White blouse black bra  Hot

Shit. You can see my bra?

Everyone can see your bra Though I find it hot   They probably do too

I rushed out of the house, I didn’t think.

Were you that anxious to see . . 

. . I’m always anxious to see you; unexpectedly my other plans fell through.

An Im happy they didya can feel how happy

You’re crazy.

Im crazy for you

 

 

later Ai went into a bathroom because Joe asked her then step back out brieflyholding the door holding his gaze 

she didnt think so he said he did he was right it was better she suffered her white blouse black bra than her white blouse and dark “spectacular aureoles”  as he called them                                              

                                                                     What was I thinking? she didnt say  

1813,  Monday,  5  10. 20

1311,  Twosday,  6  10. 20

 

his grandchildren two buttonpushing sisters didnt like coming over to his house 

You let spiders live in your house.

I do

Why do you let spiders live in your house?You should kill them.

Kill them  hmm 

                 Ive got a question for you before I answer yours   Okay

Okay.

If yare playing outdoors where spiders live should they kill youshould they kill you for the animus you have for themfor your unpretentious bile and contempt dare I say hatred you exhibit

No. But theyre only bugs.

An yare only humans

Were all eathlingsya understand the term earthlings  living on Earth

If you can so easily kill a bug a spider I can see no reason why you shouldnt be killed as easily

 

You’re not very nice, Grampa.

 

Wha gave you the impression Im nice 

                                         If anything I try hard to be fair  Are you both as bloodthirsty as you say

 

We should go tell our mother.

Your mother My daughter She knows shes lived through it

                                                                 Besides this is my house If you dont like it you dont have to visit See how easy it is to solve your problem     

 

1334,  Monday,  5  10. 20

 

her Fulu fooled him

 

                              Whas this baby  he held a receiptsized slip of paper out to her

she didnt take it from his hand

                                  I don’t know – she smileddimples huge  he was jealous of her dimples – what is that?

he returned her mischievous smile they shared a long history of speaking in smiles  Youah yare not trying to bewitch me  areya

Oh come on, Dad, I don’t think there’s a soul who believes they could bewitch you. Your amour, like your unbendy body and joints would scarcely allow any mystical purchase or penetration.

Yaint talkinbout my anus

her smile grew exponentially then twistedqueer  it looked painful 

                                                                     Ouch he said

Only looks painful, Dad; no, I wasn’t talking about your anus. There are many accesses or avenues that can be used.

Good Im happy about that because theres others I can think of who Id rather discuss my anus with than my daughter

You’re welcome . . moving along.

Yes  Lets

What do you have there?

You pleading ignorance

No. I’m not ignorant, I recall, I just haven’t seen it since you moved . . well, moved me to seek to protect you, create it. 

I haven’t made many talismans, and when I made this one my concern was for your health; I remember, but I don’t remember exactly, and what symbols I’ve used and thoughts I’ve had have evolved. Then I was impressionable, and somewhat naïve.

Naiveté isnt a word I would ever use to describe you Aniela Perhaps innocent as innocence is and then learns and becomes stronger fortifies itself  But you were never a babe in the woods you came into this world with your tabula rasa scribbled all over . . an old soul as your mother and grandmothers saw and said

I wouldnt know

she took the talisman from his hand

she chuckled a bit as she looked at it as if it tickled her palmtickled her memory

Yes. I remember making it. 

                             I copied the front from a health script I found in one of my books before I came to visit; you can see it is rigid, severe, prosaic. Turning it you can see the script on the reverse side, my script, is playful, generous, spontaneous. You can also see I loosely drew a couple symbols from the face and at the bottom had the eternities facing each other whereas the two on the front faced left, left being your power, your brain and being’s creativity.

I did see

I can’t say exactly, Dad, right now, off the top of my head, but I sought to intuit for you, help you manifest your strength and goodness against whatever it was you were struggling against, since we’ll never know because you refused the specialist's diagno . .

. . He didnt know shithe couldnt know  He was unwilling to listen to me to hear me and created a fiction to determine a course of action that likely hes repeated a thousand times over his career  because one thousand people are exactly alike

He wasnt a scientist

He was a pill pusher

My complaint waswasnt pain  only  discomfort

 

Aniela listened

You’re a funny guy, Dad. Other people’s pain is your discomfort.

Listen to you preaching to the choir 

                                      Yare a lot like me

Nobody’s like you, Dad; I wish I was.

she handed the talisman back to him 

                                        When I left it I was pretty sure you might ditch it.

No It was apparent an honest as you always have been I figured sooner or later wed have this moment

Whas it called love

It's called Fulu. Daoist magic writing, magic characters, figures.

 

I like that Fulu 

                 I healed up  Thank you lovethank you Aniela for your powerful healing thoughts and love 

I love you so much, Dadu.

You nut

they hugged their long loving embrace shaken with laughter 

                                                                 Shaken, not stirred.  

2037,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

1211,  Monday,  5  10. 20

Brian Hyland  Gypsy Woman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yDmOP2KI90

$211K -- Killed

quarantine

            https://www.npr.org/sections/latest-updates-trump-covid-19-results/2020/10/05/920412187/trump-says-he-will-leave-walter-reed-medical-center-monday-night?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20201005&utm_term=4877987&utm_campaign=breaking-news&utm_id=28916831&orgid=55

evidently the president of the United States didnt look up the word quarantine or perhaps couldnt spell it to look it up

which would account for his joyride around Walter Reed and jeopardising Secret Service agents -- if the president put a gun to his head to blow his brains out is Secret Service required to get between his head and the muzzle

 

he is an unmitigated piece of shit

1612,  Monday,  5  10. 20

apparently Abbott Laboratories presidential coronavirus testing is like an Abbott and Costello comedy bit

https://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/members-of-trump-s-inner-circle-test-positive-for-covid-19-93143621757

1644,  Monday,  5  10. 20

Abbott and Costello  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9udNrOh5DyA

people go to things day after day stringing their lives together in what they deem  usually  are productive meaningful ways

he called them routinespeople flinched when he did 

                                                     asif it were a bad thing 

some believe theyre above it

                                       

                         routine

                                 is their hearts beatingtheir unconscious breaths  their steps falling forward one after the other 

       otherwise theyd stand still 

                                     wouldnt progress 

                                                                   Evolution wouldnt have evolved

 

his life thus far was composed of heady blocks of routine

through adolescence  teens  young adulthood  middle ages   entering bizarre enddays some might impose that last year after year because threats are less frequent  theyd be apparent if he tried provoking them

nobody wants to beat a senseless older man senseless

trouble is  older people are filled to overflowing with senses

senses going unfulfilleddemons running through their lives  haunting their dreams

senses of wrong turns that may have led to regret  if regret was a colour they wanted to paint with

failing senses 

               eyes  ears  taste

extreme senses  lovedbeloved ones deaths 

                                            aching memories  like stepping in mud struggling to extract their foot and freedwatch their footprint fill slowly with water  patiently  they have nowhere to be   and filled reflect their face  everyones faces

 

his were heady blocks of routine because being keen while living outside and inside his head they stacked neatly like childs toys  storage bins

his mother before she died told him when he called to ask if what he remembered actually happened or had he dreamed or madeup it 

              Please stop asking me, Joe, it’s hard for me to remember now, but what I do remember is that whenever you asked you had remembered it correctly, they were memories; and, I am grateful, they jumpstarted mine.

 

routine isnt a bad thing

 

2054,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

1147,  Sunday,  4  10. 20

Who  The Real Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2h1MY70uag 

 

ifya got moxie  confidence    ifya got balls 

                                                              shoot from the hip

if not

ifya have doubts

keep the gun in yer holster 

things will only go from bad to worse aint a soul gonna have yer back theyll be busy covering their asses faking they didnt knowhadnt hearddidnt see

but as long as you know and recognise thatknow it emphatically  know youre alone

come out of yer corner swinging

chances are the cunts havent thrown a punch in their lives an don wan their pretty faces messed up

the vanity of a puss 

                    but unfortunately pusses have to trade on their lookscant afford a cut a bruise a blackeye  they want to present themselves as above the fray – which theyve usually created – that they are untouchable  impervious

Yah  Perverts

he entered swinging 

                    calling it a battle royale  knocking people down and out or until they stayed downdidnt get up didnt want to get hit again

he was incentivised to stay on his feet 

                                       they were the kind who would kick or stomp if you went down    

 

while he couldnt waitcouldnt wait for the day when that wasnt true in the meantime hed provoke and hit and have them know Nothings just business 

                                         It was personal  

 

0037,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

1336,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

 

another alcoholic Sunday 

                           pro football Jack shots sipping black coffee  until plying beers at High Noon Coop never had it this good

donuts with the coffee

Sunday donuts 

                 only during the football season donuts didnt exist outside it unless he had to take his car in for work or an oil changehave his tires rotated

happily he was rotated far more frequently than his tires

 

a Cambodian woman owned the donut shop

she and her husband ran it and when their daughter and son were old enough they helped

Fon

when her children were babies she and her husband escaped the terror of Cambodia Vietnam they were boat people 

he saw the bodies televised on the six o’clock news when boats sank or overturned  overcrowded   people desperate to save themselves

Fon made it to America

they were grateful to live in America make a living running a donut shop  become citizens

he was born in America

what had he done 

he tipped more than the dozen or two dozen donuts depending he bought on Sunday morning for football Jack black coffee  

he was a sucker for Fons Bavarian custardfilled chocolatefrosted Bismark her powdersugared lemonfilled Bismark her plain buttermilk donut her plain blueberry donut

he had all day to eat them and everyone knew to stay clear of them on pain and punishment of his hands

nobody wanted to piss off a man whod been drunk since morning 

although he was always sober in Fons presence 

                                                 respecting what he would never dare ask her respecting her immigration her courage   and remembering keenly his Born in America entitlement 

                                                                             which he didnt take for granted  Ever

 

1144,  Sunday,  4  10. 20

The Bangles  Manic Monday  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsmVgoXDq2w

 

he was bitchinghe couldnt remember a time he bitched more about not wanting to playhe loved playing

it was the game

there were softfoam letters fitted inside coloured softfoam pieces from which they had been cut-out  varying sizes upper- and lower-case the letters and their cut-outs had been the same colours but the colours somehow faded or were heightened or either letters or forms were missing some letters warped and werent allegiant to where they originated

the other children he was supposed to play with ran away bored  they left him to play by himself  utterly responsible for assembling corresponding pieces 

had he wanted to play he wouldnt have minded it even if it was difficult

but he wasnt asked

he was sat down with them asif children play nicely with other children because . . well . because they are children

hows that work out with adults

 

the little cunts got up and fled laughing 

                                         a knowing cruel laughter that takes no time at all to learn

they left him to pickup the game put everything back together after they punched out separated and scattered the pieces

he arrived late

he hadnt gotten to enjoy the dismemberment the flinging   the irresponsibleness

 

he was angry

 

the adults could make whatever excuses they wanted to try and mollify him

he wasnt going to be mollified 

                                 Where are the others  This is their mess to pickup

They’ve gone. It’s alright, we’ll help you.

Im not picking anything up

We’ll help you.

Im not

We’ll HELP YOU. beginning to lose their shit

 

I am not picking anything up

Part of this mess is yours. asif lowering their voices after raising their voices would be effective

Here we go again he thought 

                           Are you deaf  I am not picking up a thing

 

curious isnt it  how dreaming and living inform and enfold and weave and wind together and how stupid one could be if they ignored the other for the benefit of either 

 

2103,  Reggae Friday,  2  10. 20

1249,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

 

               he couldnt say how many times he came in through an EXIT

 

2032,  Reggae Friday,  2  10. 20

 

                                          Ill tell ya  When something IS   Then what

Then what?

Yah  It IS   No turning away from itturning your back on it  It IS

Yahave to combat it 

Theres no place to run no place to hide

Yare only fooling yourself if you think you can

 

Is it truly your fight?

Its everyones fight  Binary   Cant wave a white flag declare neutrality  hide

No  Maybe you could hide 

                             Bury your head like escaped Jews and Jap soldiers did during and after World War Two

One could argue thats being alive 

                                     or just surviving

What did you do during the war Daddy

I hid

 

 

I thought she was a little girl dressed as she was in a hood a cape tied at her throat  Li’l Red Riding Hood 

she was a small fullblown woman

I dont know what it was that tipped her off I really dont Maybe   maybe because Im sceptical

I beat her to the punch

And as I watched the surprisethe light go out of her eyes 

                                                             I saw she was every bit a murderer as me

A murderer

Murder Theres nothing else to call it if yawanna be honest 

                                                              Coldblooded murder

 

An when its overhowever its over no one will be innocent No one will be right  Theyll be alive to contend with what they did to stay alive

 

That’s grim.

Yes

early AM,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

1639,  Saturday,  3  10. 20  

Stephen Stills  Word Game  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-lwvn9GN5w

 

he was utteringmuttering ejaculating odd  nonsensical intonations   which suddenly assembled and formed Whadafuck

hed have thought Whadafuck would just had presented not made him struggle with animal brays roars and mewlings

like he wasnt in control and not in control made him wonder what entity within him was

 

they didnt like raw eggs 

he liked raw eggs 

                   so whomever it was wasnt yet outside his control his reckoning 

hint they were a slob

the raw eggs they dumped into his mouth from cracked shellhalves missed his mouthhe didnt miss his mouth

it was a feeble impersonation 

                                and feeble pissed him off he hated pissed which indicated his . . his . frustrationRAGE 

a pansy 

           he was infiltrated by a pansy

it could have been the booze the blow  the hash 

                                                   though not usually 

usually his infiltration came from a deeper darker place

his feminine side

he openmouthed quaffed raw eggs oysters shots of booze  rarely ever missed his mouth 

this He was a pansy 

                        He wasnt committed to action  probably a rookie a pleb a beginner

everything has to start somewhere

he didnt think he had a virgin left inside himSURPRISE 

                                                           better find herhim and bust their cherrybring them around to his way of thinking

he hated knocking around or killing one of his owndidnt have any qualms about it  just didnt like it  didnt like it one bit 

     and the cunt got eggwhites in his beard 

which was funny

She never had her face smeared with cum while giving headnever let someone cum in Her face

gobs

yet 

     She could gob eggwhites in his beard

Dont like my beard

NO! 

Then shave 

              Your pussys pristine  like a eightyearold girls

Maybe I eat raw eggs like a eightyearold girl.

I was a eightyearold boy an never got egg on my face 

                                                          An boys and girls aint that different

Yaknow that

Whaswid the attempt at embarrassment 

                                            You should know I dont embarrass

One can try.

No  One cant 

               Not if they want to leave their boots in the entry

Whadaya want

I want to be noticed.

Even bad press is good presshuh

Yes.  Something like that.

Aint nothing like that Park it at the entry Talk to me about your grievance grievances Tryin to make me look silly only made you look bad 

                     Every facet worthwhile yare milling about with  reflections of me  know I dont miss my mouth

Ya hung yourself out to dry

Exposed yourself unnecessarily

 

But you did notice.

I want to be noticed.

I want to be acknowledged. 

He She  whatever aspect of him they represented were young hed have thought at his ageas he said  he wouldnt have a virgin left

begrudgingly  Awright Yagot my attention Whadaya want

 

Thank you.

they were polite 

Yare welcome

0713, Reggae Friday,  2  10. 20

1117,  Saturday,  3  10. 20

Booker Little  Grand Valise (Waltz of the Demons)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z9W4Mo_niY