it sounded like it began with a sigh Where’d you get that?

                                                     he flippedfingeredtickled the top page on the clipboard that was folded in half so it wasnt hanging off itbeyond the other empty pages typewritten pages detritus pages whose reverse sides read  This page is intentional left blank.

waste not want not

Where   I havent a clue

                         Picked it up somewherewas beggin to be utilised

Figure since its legal sized utilised   sounds better than  used

Befitting its stature

    Stature?

Used in legal briefs in court held in the hands of esquires

                                                            Dig     Stature

It’s a piece of paper.

It is

      But for tha matter some might consider The Constitution likewise The Bill of Rights The Declaration of Independence  Ya think on the reverse side of those documents  granted  parchment sheepskin not paper is written  This page is intentional left blank.

Jesus.

Inquiring minds want to know

                                  Thasaid he fingered the page  Whas it called

What’s what called?

This yellow lined paper

Really?

Know its called something

                              Not yellow lined paper

No.

Really?

Really

Really really?

Yah

    Called Legal Rule.

There ya go  Right

You’re a little too thrilled.

Youve no idea how long Ive been wondering Began when I pulled it out of a stack of waste paper Im recycling

Why didn’t you justnever mind, no, recycle all the pages you have?

Ive said

Said?

Waste not want not

                     Ditch the pages  Thenwha  Buy new paper to write on

Whos the asshole

Id be

1613,  Tuesday,  15  4. 25

1501,  Wednesday,  16  4. 25

No sometimes the guy was wearisome

                                      I didnt say tha

You did.

Ill admit I stumbled over it but after a deepbreath writin seein it in my head  I pronounced it correctly Contemporaneously

                     Gimme a break    Seven syllables

You said it.

Cute

      I didnt  You did

You said and I quote  Contemporareanusly.    Anus.

                                                           You said anus.

Youre such a child

                      For one who will not commit anilingus youre allboutem

You said it.

Wha

     Arya gayyour gay not mine   obsolete  happy carefree

lookin a little steamed under the collar I’m not dignifying that with an answer.

Ya got no dignity diggin  your anus

                                         The words contemporaneously  asshole

1613,  Tuesday,  15  4. 25

1412,  Wednesday,  16  4. 25

I thinkIve thought  I believe    I believe that  church  organized churchwhen I was young  caused me traumatic shock syndrome

she said  Traumatic shock . . . there’s no such thing.

Wha is there then

I think you mean post-traumatic stress syndrome.  P  T  S  D.

Is thawha its called

    Yes.  I think you knew that; or know that.

Maybe I do  Sounds familiar

Familiar?

Yah  Familiar

Church?

Yah  Church

How so?

Im fond I like to visitattend churches synagogues chapels monasteries convents   cathedrals

                                                                                                    Cathedrals are breathtakin 

But not during service

Not mass?

Amass

           Amassed people

No

I prefer their quiet penetrating solemnity

                                            Their walls wholly interiors steeped incoloured by thousandsanthousands tens of thousands freakinmillions  people  the attendant joys celebrations marriages baptisms BaranBat mitzvahs  funerals   sorrows troubles  confidences revealed  confessions

Memories

But not people

    Why?

P S T D

she didnt cover her mouth when she laughed he liked that about her P  T S  D.

Ya know wha I mean

Someone else might not.

Therestha

There is.

    Have oftenwondered if church conferred  introversion  on mebeat the hell out of savin my soul

smiled

        had a funny kind of smile between a broken grinnin jackolantern a spooncracked coloured Easter egg

     which made her laugh in spite of herself

Wha

Nothing. You tickle me you’re funny.

                                       Church. Not converting  But introverting.

Yah

        Somethinhuh

You’re something.

Somethin

          Good    Or bad

Baby . . . . you’re riddled through and through you’re good’s bad bad’s goo . .

. . But ya dig me

Ohyes.

           I dig you.

2PMishmash,  Tuesday,  15  4. 2

1256,  Wednesday,  16  4. 25

Jewel  Who Will Save Your Soul  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wBDDAZkNtk

I think youre really gonna enjoy this  heldup the bottle by the neck

buddy looked at it with some trepidation wasnt a beer drinker

                                                                 You drink it warm? 

Isn’t beer supposed to be drank cold.

    Depends on the kind This is a stout a bourbon barrelaged stout

                                                                          Elevenpercent alcohol

Given tha I drink slowly if it began cold I keep my purchase at room temperature begin cold as it warms its flavours reveal

    Dragon’s Milk.

Yah

        I like to imagine myself at her scaly breasther warm breath caressingcoursing the furrow of my spine

Yeahwell . that’s . . . quite . . the imagination.

Im curious wha youll think

I don’t imagine . . me . . suckling.

Donknow till yave tried

                          Have a sip of mine Ya can decide if youd like warm or a cold one

he opted warm

holding up his bottle he said Na Zdrowie

Na Zdrowie. buddy went to tap the bottom of his bottle against his

                                                                         withdrew his  No no no no

Tap the necks

Why?

If celebratin enthusiastically crack the bottles too hard bottom falls out  lose its contents

Harder to brake a neck anifya do ya lose nothin

    A rookie mistake?

Yasaid it  Na Zdrowie 

Na Zdrowie.

Attaboy

 

 

the edibles they ingested kicked in atop the Dragons Milk

                                                              buddy feelin no pain  he said 

he replied Wha

Can you imagine?

I cant

         Danglin dinner

A little rude

If I were a chick No nibbles for youwho says tha

Younger guys I know.

I hope you correctem

How so?

Its called a cock Eat my cock danglin dinnerKahRist

I don’t kno . .

. . You do know

                 Cock shoudnt be euphemisedlast thing to be

    Although

 

Although?

Danglin Diner

What?

Yah

     Whawoudya have on the menu

What menu?

Ya dense

incredulous eyes damn near buggin that hes saying it

                                                  On the Danglin’ Diner’s menu?

Yah Off the top of my head Foreskin potatoes

OhChrist.

 

 

 

    later  buddy shakin his head no

Awcomon The new Bushian Axis of Evil   Drop North Korea got China Russia  US

1739,  reggaefriday,  7  2. 25

1113,  Wednesday,  16  4. 25

he usually had an abundance of material kept looseleaf   pages scraps

                                                                                he went to work

when he returned his mother had dinner going on the stove in the oven

                                                                            Maw you shouldnt have

I thought you’d enjoy a homecooked meal.

I doyou know I do Thank you I thought since your visits so short youd gallivant around enjoy the sun the weather   he laughed The jewelry stores I left you with that ones Black Hills gold business card

Tomorrow. I thought I’d go tomorrow.

                                         Why don’t you shower? Dinner’s in a halfhour.

he opened a bottle of beer took a deep pull

                                               I have the wine you like chilled  Coud I pour you a glass

No, I’ll do that, get your shower.

Be right back

               hustling down the hall he noticed the studio door was slightlyopen he closed it behind himself when he left that morning

showered

shirt shortstoweling his hairneeded a haircut whenever he finally admitted that it was time to get one he went up the hall to the studio pushed the door open with his kneeSTOPPED hung the towel over his shoulder walked into the livingroom

                     she sat on the couch wine in hand

Maw

Yes. she didnt turn to face him like he would disappear

The studio

    I asked you stay out of the studio curiosity kills cats an cunts

It was messy.

Which you woudnt have known if you stayed out of it as I asked

                                                                        Wheres the loose papers

They were scribbled over.

Where are they

I couldn’t believe you hadn’t thrown them away.

Scribbled on There were many unscribbled passages on the same page Passages on the backs of them too

I didn’t notice.

Where

Threw them away.

In the apartmentin the kitchen

In the complex’s trash.

    They picked up trash today

They did. I heard the truck.

Maw while Im grateful youre here  Im more grateful you don visit frequently

      

                                                                                    Ill get my beer an join you

he had gone into the studio that morning to jot down she had doubledipped nipples so he wouldnt forgethadnt obviously   he wanted to elaborate

                                                      the scribbledscads of pagesanscraps beneath it

he did not remember

    he believed he knew how Hemingway felt when Hadley lost his suitcase

0627,  Tuesday,  15  4. 25

1156,  Tuesday

disgusting day in America

    felons got his thumb on the scale

                                         What?  What thumb, what scale?

as born cheats are prone  spoiled myopic dense  he believes he is so very clever 

yesterday  surrounded coddled praised by selfserving loyal bootlicks from departments of State Justice

surrounded by people who were enabled insulated installed by Senate Republicans they laughed as felon announced he would defy the United States Supreme Courts unanimous 9-0 decision requiring Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s return from El Salvadors Cecot Maximum Security Prison

                                                                      Mr Garcia was denied due process

which felon was provided in spades  a slow-walked justice that assisted and enabled him from facing three other trials beyond the one that convicted him of 34 felony counts  enabled him from facing those verdicts of his peers due process which verylikely kept him out of prison (where he belongs – but  to be honest  when felon stays at Melanias Airbnb alone – that tickles him)

yesterday was a disgusting day in America

1037,  Tuesday,  15  4. 25

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/president-el-salvador-wont-return-deported-man-kilmar-abrego-garcia-rcna201136

Cecot  https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/17/americas/el-salvador-prison-trump-deportations-gangs-intl-latam/index.html 

. . . thas all  was callin it a night

he was gonna write that

went to the clipboard leaning at his thigh to scribble it  kept a pen with it

                                                                                      No deal no pen nopen nopen

lot goin on there 

               must have slipped from the clip onto the bed

he roughedup the blanket the sheet

                                        nada

whered it get to

he had no clue

                 no clue  Huh                                       

the books he brought to bed

                              Sirens’ Call Hit Makers Campo Santo The Metaphysical Club Wounded Knee Your Inner Fish he was ambitious  he hoped theyd keep him in the game keep him conscious   he set them beside the bed on the wood floor

                                    pulled up stakes

he took apart the pillows he leaned against the wall

    no headboard for him

theyd been possible dealkillers when meeting new women

                                                              boldly telling them rightupfront

My experience with headboards they make an ungodly noise slapping against the wall when Im making love  could have said sex which would have been more accurate but  was a callingcard enticement  wonderment  of sorts

the pillows arranged for sleep he pulled his sweatshirt up over his head

                                                                           it caught

on the pen he kept with the clipboard

hed tucked over top his ear

    thats why he was able to write

                                        . . . thas all callin it a night

sheesh  what an asshole

2141,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

1057,  Monday,  14  4. 25

she did not write often

few people do

he wrote more than his share

but when she did he paid heed

she should have been a boxer

sharp jabs

rapped bone

she wrote

             . . . harmony is secured through sameness   . . . a pure mind obeys without question   . . . belief without texture   . . . desire is sacred only when sanctioned   . . . stillness that measured   . . . unassigned physical contact

                                      excerpts of excerpts

exceptional

he was waylaid by belief without texture  stillness that measured

                                                                        was still grappling with them 

they overwhelmed him

he had not juxtaposed belief  texture   stillness  measured

                                                                  asif   fabric

one could be wound in

shrouded

             buried in

garments

tailored

he wrote her

               I hope your excerpts congeal

he crossed his fingers

    he had not read anything like them since happening upon Anais Nins House of Incest  then A Spy in the House of Love  immediately Children of the Albatross

Nin introduced him to Henry Miller

the gloves came off

1440,  Saturday,  12  4. 25

1250,  Monday,  14  4. 25

while stoned or drunk he went through doorways leaningleading with his shoulder fell through them

                                                                                                            felt

amusinglyawkward 

he was told it looked awkward

was a nice confirmation

    Why do you do that?

Reminds me of running the ball Rugby  Get lowerunder the hit

                                                                          Leverage

Leverage? Against what?

Who

       I associated withwasnt part guys I grewup with   I associated with a rough crowd

Most werent popular Which was reason enough for them to hang together

I didnt

Was a oneoff

Found thathrough no fault of my own my casual associations provoked others

Provoked?

A rough crowd There were other rough crowds

Gangs?

I woudnt call them gangs

Would I call them gangs?

Yamight I didnt

So what’s this leverage.

    I learnedshort order mixing through a variety of  lets callem social gatherings  at bars barbecues backyards Chicagoland backporches  parties

                                                 I was recognised  Or rather my association

Some people like to be fit to be tied

Your presence made them angry.

Yah  Canya believe tha

                           But I learned

And that was?

Goin through doorways asif chased fleeing    well

 

Well?

Looks like runnin away

    I could see that.

Yah

      Was beneficial

How is that good?

Well

       Actually bait

    Bait?   How?

If they followednot tha they did all the time

                                              I bolstered their confidencecoud make a name knockin me around

They didnt conceive they were followin  fallin   into a trap

I did not get too drunk I did not get too high

Kept my wits  Had my days in Golden Gloves

Come at your own risk

Might saylet it ride on this

                              Old habits die hard

It’s uncomfortable looking.

Thanks for noticing

2241,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

1139,  Monday,  14  4. 25

Heidi and Starla Svennson  said it in a poor Swedish accent

Would you quit?

Cant  Im disappointed

You didn’t know them.

No  Only by their names ya shared

                                           Antha I know Svennson means son of Sven

Heidi Girl Starla Girl

                         I hope a stripper somewhere

Oh for God’s sake.

By your expression not a good line of work for her

                                                        Or Heidi tha matter

They were attractive enough.

Bodies

         Park even a rough face on top a killerbod guys don notice woud forgive

Do you hear yourself?

Ifya like I coud repeat myself verbatim

No. No.

They were nice girls.

Nice girls can be strippers

Jesus.

         Twins. They were twins.

Come now thadbe a huge draw great act yaremember the Playboy twin playmates Tha was a sensation

    Woud make son of Sven bust a button

Quit.

Methinks when they were making posters for you when you ran for senior class president you might have had an inkling to date one

                             But woe  how to choose to date one identical twin an not the other 

he shrugged  I didn’t.

Stupid

Why are you calling me that?

Datem both theyre twins

                           Maybe you find out the difference

Or maybe not.

Not thaya tried  Passed

                          Stupid

You would have?

    Ive heard No more times than Doans has pills

                                                          AnIve no idea wha theyre for You

They’re for backache, arthritis, inflammation, pain.

A painkiller

A nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory. A   N  S  A  I  D.

Look at you goin off

                       Suppose it helps to have physicians in the family

It did.

    So how was it you remembered Heidi and Starla?

Starla  As a twin Heidis bound

                                  But Starla  Had not heard tha name before   Plays with my imagination

Stripper.  Apparently.

Yah

       Helps never to have seen them

An Im sure the only pictures you have of them are in your yearbook if you still have it

Why? You interested?

No

Why not?

They cant rival my imagination

                                  Majority women woud have a hard time a desperate time rivaling my imagination

That’s disturbing.

    For who

1715,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

1031,  Monday,  14  4. 25