. . . thas all  was callin it a night

he was gonna write that

went to the clipboard leaning at his thigh to scribble it  kept a pen with it

                                                                                      No deal no pen nopen nopen

lot goin on there 

               must have slipped from the clip onto the bed

he roughedup the blanket the sheet

                                        nada

whered it get to

he had no clue

                 no clue  Huh                                       

the books he brought to bed

                              Sirens’ Call Hit Makers Campo Santo The Metaphysical Club Wounded Knee Your Inner Fish he was ambitious  he hoped theyd keep him in the game keep him conscious   he set them beside the bed on the wood floor

                                    pulled up stakes

he took apart the pillows he leaned against the wall

    no headboard for him

theyd been possible dealkillers when meeting new women

                                                              boldly telling them rightupfront

My experience with headboards they make an ungodly noise slapping against the wall when Im making love  could have said sex which would have been more accurate but  was a callingcard enticement  wonderment  of sorts

the pillows arranged for sleep he pulled his sweatshirt up over his head

                                                                           it caught

on the pen he kept with the clipboard

hed tucked over top his ear

    thats why he was able to write

                                        . . . thas all callin it a night

sheesh  what an asshole

2141,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

1057,  Monday,  14  4. 25

she did not write often

few people do

he wrote more than his share

but when she did he paid heed

she should have been a boxer

sharp jabs

rapped bone

she wrote

             . . . harmony is secured through sameness   . . . a pure mind obeys without question   . . . belief without texture   . . . desire is sacred only when sanctioned   . . . stillness that measured   . . . unassigned physical contact

                                      excerpts of excerpts

exceptional

he was waylaid by belief without texture  stillness that measured

                                                                        was still grappling with them 

they overwhelmed him

he had not juxtaposed belief  texture   stillness  measured

                                                                  asif   fabric

one could be wound in

shrouded

             buried in

garments

tailored

he wrote her

               I hope your excerpts congeal

he crossed his fingers

    he had not read anything like them since happening upon Anais Nins House of Incest  then A Spy in the House of Love  immediately Children of the Albatross

Nin introduced him to Henry Miller

the gloves came off

1440,  Saturday,  12  4. 25

1250,  Monday,  14  4. 25

while stoned or drunk he went through doorways leaningleading with his shoulder fell through them

                                                                                                            felt

amusinglyawkward 

he was told it looked awkward

was a nice confirmation

    Why do you do that?

Reminds me of running the ball Rugby  Get lowerunder the hit

                                                                          Leverage

Leverage? Against what?

Who

       I associated withwasnt part guys I grewup with   I associated with a rough crowd

Most werent popular Which was reason enough for them to hang together

I didnt

Was a oneoff

Found thathrough no fault of my own my casual associations provoked others

Provoked?

A rough crowd There were other rough crowds

Gangs?

I woudnt call them gangs

Would I call them gangs?

Yamight I didnt

So what’s this leverage.

    I learnedshort order mixing through a variety of  lets callem social gatherings  at bars barbecues backyards Chicagoland backporches  parties

                                                 I was recognised  Or rather my association

Some people like to be fit to be tied

Your presence made them angry.

Yah  Canya believe tha

                           But I learned

And that was?

Goin through doorways asif chased fleeing    well

 

Well?

Looks like runnin away

    I could see that.

Yah

      Was beneficial

How is that good?

Well

       Actually bait

    Bait?   How?

If they followednot tha they did all the time

                                              I bolstered their confidencecoud make a name knockin me around

They didnt conceive they were followin  fallin   into a trap

I did not get too drunk I did not get too high

Kept my wits  Had my days in Golden Gloves

Come at your own risk

Might saylet it ride on this

                              Old habits die hard

It’s uncomfortable looking.

Thanks for noticing

2241,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

1139,  Monday,  14  4. 25

Heidi and Starla Svennson  said it in a poor Swedish accent

Would you quit?

Cant  Im disappointed

You didn’t know them.

No  Only by their names ya shared

                                           Antha I know Svennson means son of Sven

Heidi Girl Starla Girl

                         I hope a stripper somewhere

Oh for God’s sake.

By your expression not a good line of work for her

                                                        Or Heidi tha matter

They were attractive enough.

Bodies

         Park even a rough face on top a killerbod guys don notice woud forgive

Do you hear yourself?

Ifya like I coud repeat myself verbatim

No. No.

They were nice girls.

Nice girls can be strippers

Jesus.

         Twins. They were twins.

Come now thadbe a huge draw great act yaremember the Playboy twin playmates Tha was a sensation

    Woud make son of Sven bust a button

Quit.

Methinks when they were making posters for you when you ran for senior class president you might have had an inkling to date one

                             But woe  how to choose to date one identical twin an not the other 

he shrugged  I didn’t.

Stupid

Why are you calling me that?

Datem both theyre twins

                           Maybe you find out the difference

Or maybe not.

Not thaya tried  Passed

                          Stupid

You would have?

    Ive heard No more times than Doans has pills

                                                          AnIve no idea wha theyre for You

They’re for backache, arthritis, inflammation, pain.

A painkiller

A nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory. A   N  S  A  I  D.

Look at you goin off

                       Suppose it helps to have physicians in the family

It did.

    So how was it you remembered Heidi and Starla?

Starla  As a twin Heidis bound

                                  But Starla  Had not heard tha name before   Plays with my imagination

Stripper.  Apparently.

Yah

       Helps never to have seen them

An Im sure the only pictures you have of them are in your yearbook if you still have it

Why? You interested?

No

Why not?

They cant rival my imagination

                                  Majority women woud have a hard time a desperate time rivaling my imagination

That’s disturbing.

    For who

1715,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

1031,  Monday,  14  4. 25

Hey, don’t give me that, you’re the one who brings them up, not I.

Not you  No not you

                      You flinch You think theyre getting a raw dealtha women shoud suffer them

Not suffer them.

Suffer  They cant get their shit togetherfinances together heads out of their ass  Anthas womens fault

    You stand commiserate with them

I don’t.

Then why blame women for their    their trouble  their insufficiencies

Women have been getting a sweet dea . .

. . No abortion for you Sweet deal  Have your rapists baby Sweet deal

                                                                            It grates you tha despite mens disregard abuse of women for thousands of years  tha somehow when women take opportunitiesgrab the bull by the horns  excel   thathey shoud suffer the slings an arrows of incels  other men

An unfortunately other women too

You have no, no, zero empathy for them.

    Who

Them.

Whos them  Youre troubled to call them wha they call themselves 

                                                                  Speak

a hard stare whatever that was supposed to mean  Incels.

Attaboy

           You can spit now

Christ you’re a pain in the ass.

Ill tellya

           Ill tellya wha I have for incels

Slides glibly off your tongue.

Yes  Easily

              Though with sincere genuine  thought

I can’t wait to hear.

Dear incels

                Karmas a bitch

1715,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

0924,  Monday,  14  4. 25

they were about an hour in after having ingested ten MGs edibles

                                                                             My daughters really cool

How’s that?

    When she was in college freshman year I happened to peruse her undergraduate an graduate catalogues To my great surprise I found two professors I admired enormouslyDonna Haraway primate studies history of consciousness feminist studies Angela Davis Black Panther member American Marxist feminist political activist philosopher taught there

Promptly I asked if she thought she coud get me in to listen to one of their lectures

She sought them out personally and they thought thad be marvelous Their word marvelous not hers

Turned out I attended four Haraways and three Davis lectures

I purchased several of their books 

They graciously inscribed them

    That’s cool, man.

It wasreally was

                   Seemed every other sentence out of their mouths revealed something tha never occurred to me   They were astonishing

I know the feeling.

                    My freshman first quarter unknowingly I happened into the wrong lecture hall. The professor enteredOH MY GOD.  

                                     She was stunning.

When I think about it now, she wasn’t seveneight years older than meunmarried; that’s not outside the pale.

No

No.

For several days I wondered if I shouldn’t switch majors to get into her class.

    Dumb

Dumb? Why?

A teacher cant sleep with their students

                                         Whaya really mean wasnt about switchin majors to get into her class  But to get into her pants

I’m I that transparent?

No

      Youre a guy talkin to a guy

357preferred,  Saturday,  5  4. 25

1942,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

the whiirl and rotation of the pushmower blades pleased him

                                                                   almost mesmerised him

voice creptup in the back of his skull

                                      Has it occurred to you tha most everything you do ya do it the hard way

Yah

gobsmackedem

                   Yes

Yah

     Knew a prostitute in the old neighbourhoodknew did not have her entertain me or me enter herHa

Anshe told me

                  It has to be hard to be good

Never forgot tha 

Have since everendeavored tha my end results are good  Are better than good

The extra labour extra frustration honed a work ethic thas second to none

My product is above reproach 

                                 Because

If I did shit work tha reflected on me 

I was accountable

When employers tried to stroke me I toldem to save for someone who need encouragement  They had nothing to offer except my paycheck

 

    Anything

Nada

Didnt think so

                    A deft trick taught by a hooker

I am grateful

 

1500,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

1855,  Sunday

Christ felon has the economy marketplaces writhing like hooked worms to the whims of an artificial a fictional fallguy  A fallacy

                                     sighed  Wha time have you please

One second. unlocked her phone 

                                     It’s Fourohnine.

No  Really

Yes.

Thas very cool

Cool?

My Irish twins birthday

                          Krazy

she was intuitive

learned

          With a K?

Look at youya know me so well

I get you I dig us, why I suspect the unexpected rather than expecting what’s usually expected.

Jeez kiddo good thing no ones listening

                                            Wed fuck  up their heads

Theyd think we were playin mind games

                                            she laughed didnt cover her mouth one of many things she did wha turned him on  her dimples deepened

                                     When in reality were being nothing more than playful interpreting artfully more fully morphin . .

. . Ohgosh. Morphing.

                        That’s such a pretty red glistenin'cherry on top.

Thought youd like tha

                       However not thosewhoever they are  whoevers tha Ive no concern for coud care less about Why they stopbrakebreak themselves heel themselves  wont let down their hair

Yes, but unexpected has been our bailiwick since the second time we met.

Yah

      Terribly happy we happenedhad a second bite at the apple go at the merrygoround brass ring

That was very wonderful.

Unforgettable

they embraced

they kissed deeply

she almost dropped her phone

 

 

    politics always had a wayfound a way into their conversations

                                                                       was usually warranted was one or the other that prompted it

appropriately

they bored other couplespeople who happened upon them

                                                              they were nightlights that moths found

then were repelled by their attitudes aptitudes  appetites

they fled

Again  Time please

Yes. Sure.  she unlocked it again

                                     Fourfiftyfour.

Again

Fourfiftyfour.

Wow  Were on a roll

                       Brothers birth month an year

Krazy.

he laughed Looks whos playin now

Couldn’t resist.

                         So you really truly thin . .

. . Believe

    You believe if people took tests, one regarding current events, a second about conspiracy theories, fake news, rumors, that they’d score higher on the second?

I believe we live in a culture that imagines conspiracies is conspiratorial a culture prone tohas been informed reared bred by social medias run on algorithms whetted steeped  in steroids

It’s a good argument.

A perception

Yes.  I have to ask.

Yah

    Fourohnine.  Fourfiftyfour. she chuckledwas teasing   Coincidence?

time to hustle her ass home ravish hernot bother undressing her clothes yankedopen pulledaside out of the way

Wednesday,  9  4. 25

1246,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

John Lennon  Mind Games  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVYXWVs0Prc

despite the songs religiosityhe knew the story he couldnt say there was one person he knew who didnt after all  hereafter he chuckled  Christmas is a holiday in America and around a goodly portion of the world he chuckled the global economy

                               but despite that  he thoroughly enjoyed Ian Gilliam singing Gethsemane  in fact  he knew the song word for wordhe wasnt a singer not in the shower not nowhereEXCEPT when he heard it played growled Jesus Christ Superstar

                                                    Jesus Christ Superhero

Where were the action figures

The McDonald Happy Meal toys

                                    Playthings

Somebody missed a trick 

                           A miracle

   

2254, Saturday,  12  4. 25

1036,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

Gethsemane  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHm2aIjRCw4

Sheesh under his breath  she was too goodlookin not to pay attentiontry to listen

                                                                                                     words  hush  hushhush hush . . . hereafter . . .

Wha hadnt meant to bark

caught herstartled her  which was too bad  she appeared uncomfortable when startled

                                                                                             apologetic  Excuse me?

No  Please

              Excuse me

Whawastha

What was wha . .

. . Whaya said

    I said in the hereafter.

After wha

The Hereafter. When we ascend to the Hereafter.

After here

confused After here?

                      

After here

             Theres no there there she wasnt as goodlookin as he originally thought

You're not a believer?

In

In . . . the Hereafter. she wasnt goodlookin after all

    Obviously not

he thought Goodolfashion religion  Timehonoured marketed  Sex Sells

                                                                             Young girls young boys

whas the covenant other than coveting

    overhead the sky darkened thunders belly grumbled

if he hadnt read the abbreviated weather forecast on the front page of the newspaper and was far more gullible he might have gulped

                                       gullible   Heavens Gate  Jonestown

   

1641,  Wednesday,  9  4. 25

0958,  Sunday,  13  4. 25

Ian Gillian  Gethsemane  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHm2aIjRCw4