feeling silly

              not a typical mood unless he was high but it was Reggaefriday  had been since he christened it

after his wifes death he found the music

                                           found solace in reggae  embraced it

thought likely it embraced him first

                                     had been waiting in the wings

   need

opposed to want

had tea with a friendcouldnt say he ever had tea before with anyone

                                                                                 Hell Why not

Tea? cocked his head like a small bird

Yes They have a ginger turmeric tea

                                          Appeals to me

I’m not drinking tea.

Didnt say you had to  I am

I’m not.

Jesus  Then don

friend ordered a tea too

he didnt say a thing

seated on a tall stool at a tall table beside a tall window bathedglittering in sunshine he mentioned offhand a need was seemedwas beginning to surface

                                    A need of knead

I hear you. Ain’t a soul I know who refuses want more than you. Often I think I remind myself of you and your carbon footprint.

Footprint

Yes.

     Ever thought that if you were walking on sand . . you’d scarcely make an imprint.

Thas extrem . .

. . It’s not. I’ve mentioned you to people and they’re dumbstruck.

You ought to consider the people who you hang out with Lotsa conspicuous wealth disposable income

                                                                                                              Nevertheless thank you   Quit talkin about me

I can’t help myself. We’re friendshell . usually we talk every day.

We do but we don talk about other people

   We don’t . . . do we?

No

HUH.

We have better things to talk about

   I . ah . . just . realised that we don’t talk about people.

No he saw the expression on friends face 

                                            An epiphany    

Ya know.  Yeah. It is.

he took a deep draught of his ginger turmeric it cooled sufficiently

   So   My need to knead . .

. . Excuse me for interrupting, let me conclude my thought.  Your negligible footprint?

   I hadnt planned it It occurred to me   Like reggae

You didn’t discern, think it out? 

No Not really  Im cheap

                          Ive not been one to treat myself You can take the boy out of religion but not its training out of the boy Denial is a central tenet of Catholicism

I was a good Catholic until I wasnt

I was raised Catholic too.

I know

Okay. Thanks.   This conversation is already more than I’d anticipated.

   Really

Yes.

Its me

         Arent I He Who Blindsides   My Indian First Person name if I were

Yes.

      Yare.

My knead

   Yes.  Your need.

                      What of it?

I think I need to move on it

Is this kindalike a confession?

If you wish  Perhaps

I feel honored.

Don let it go to your head  Youre the only person I talk with face to face

So, you thinking of putting up your asocial behavior.

If I knead Ill have to

You have a plan?

No   Im just putting out it into the world into the ether  Suspect it will evolve as reggae did

If you had a plan it might happen quicker.

Im patient

If you need it . .

. . Its not an addiction

   I’m just saying.

Awright  Guess I better let you in on my knead

                                                     I thought you knew me betterwoudve guessed

You’re a hard fish to figure.

Ill take tha

You’re welcome.  he smiled blissfully

Thank you

   My knead

Yeah?      

K N E A D

suddenlytipped forward like he was kneed in the balls  Jesus.

1432,  2sday,  30  1. 24

1102,  Reggaefriday,  8  3. 24

Zappa  Help I’m a Rock  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ukbu9dmmzJg

Choo-choo Charlie was an engineer trolley car trolley car pick a track or have someoneanyone throw the switch

      Choose-You-choose  Trolley Problem

a thought experiment create by British philosopher Philippa Foot in ’67 expanded in ’85 by the American philosopher Judith Jarvis Thomson no longer the engineers choice which track but rather someone on the ground who determines to throw the switch

                   save five kill one kill five save one

NO MATTER WHO THE ONE IS

   in his thought experiment

nobody dies

he had two

first

      choose between inhibited & uninhibited

second

         choose between Faith & atheism guess he could have jumbledflipped em so they werent blatantly parallel   aah no matter

       two sides on the same coin

it was his experience once chosen one couldntwouldnt revert

                                                                although  hed recommend enjoying some real life experiences acquire definite baggage before making a choice

he also believed no child should have to endure any kind of indoctrination

                                                                              they can decide for themselves when they were older more sophisticated  wellread

1433,  2sday,  30  1. 24

2228,  Thursday,  7  3. 24

Good & Plenty Candy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExSlyoVTX3I

The Small Faces  Itchycoo Park  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fayL1WTR1Go

Let Go

with an edge of disgust in his voice Jesus, man, how you think.

I think

        My inhibition distresses you

My willingness to speak freelyspeak my mind unafraid  Were you heeled been heldkept  on a leash

What are you talking about?that’s nonsense.

No no   I don think so

                        You were checked Id go so farwoudsay  you helped  aided the processrefused  refused to challenge

           You went along

      You don’t know what you’re talking about.

   You paused

I paused?

An a second time

                   Yawanna let your hair downfuck just you an me talkinconversin  Nobodys listenin no condemnation no judgment   Let go

gentlyhe shook his head  It’s easy for you.

I condemn tha

                 Accept  Accept accountability    Punishment

It doesnt hurt too long or too much

   For you.

Defeatist

No.

Wha  wha

              Wha Im all ears

   I’m not you.

Im not asking you to be me

                             Im asking you quit  quitcensoring yourself worryinbout wha people will think  Theyll think wha they will despite your best effortsBEST  fuckin   intentions

Human  Nature

   Tell me Im off base

I’ve never.

Absolutely  he knew how he felt about that

   Never.

Too bad

            Id like to know who Ive done it with thahad the ability to sing

Sing?

Yah Trained to hit octaves Sharps   Flats

                                               Half steps  Semitones

Imagine

I can’t.

No  No   Maybe I have but didnt know it

                                            NO   Youve not throatfucked

Jesus.

Full circlehuh

1432,  2sday,  30  1. 24

1300,  Thursday,  7  3. 24

Fight Club  Let Go  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38FMDG7tiA4

Zappa  Hungry Freaks, Daddy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDE9MC3jnl0

crossing the flagstone patiowalking up on a small group of people gathered around a plexiglass topped picnic table if a woman sat in a skirt its texturing obscured their hiked hems or relaxedspread legs he overheard . . . I’m bonafide . . the real deal.

he interruptedrecognising the brayer 

                                      Whadaya deal in

I missed the prologue the setup  prequel   Prequel

                                                     Am I right  I recall youre longwinded untiring when you hear your own voice although  admittedly  hearings different than listening

Ifya listened to you  youd have interrupted as Ive done for the nonsense

people began quietly moving off like a clean pane of glass broken by a smooth round stone

squaringup angerflushed  grimacingsneering   I know you?

   Weve met

             At the time you conceded you were poor with names an faces which I found queer because with an effort one coud if they wished an try as I may I havent  I cant forget your face or name   Suffice to say you made an indelible impression upon me 

Where’d we meet?

No no You woudnt recall tha either

                                     At the time you concededconfided hard to tell  tha youre so in the moment tha nothing precedes it or comes after  I immediatelythought akin to a watchs second hand ticking

                                                                                                      Is tha a thing

Second hands

Secondhand

the broken glass slid away dispersed

he ruined bonafides assembly

job one job done

                  as he was approaching he recognised that despite the panes fidgeting they were too polite

Eidgets

real deal remained standing at the head of the table

                                                       he at its foot

ball in his court

he  a simple jester

                      Well

Well, what?

I havent left havent milled away

                                  Complete your thought if you recall  In this moment the preceding

he picked up his wine glass fingers round its rim

                                                    I’ll save that for those who are interested.

Careful friend  Innarestin is ambivalent

                                            Noncommital

after1432hrs,  2sday,  30  1. 24

1134,  Thursday,  7  3. 24

Phelian  Sydura  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms9cRDJw0tU

   really

          he couldnt help himself

struggled to get aboard a bus

driver thought he was high and was considering to not let him on the bus

                                                                             standing he swept aside the plastic shield made no bones about it

                         Listen man, if you’re high you can’t ride.

I get tha a lot

               Im not

Well, yaint stabl . .

. . No  Im not

              he made a feeble attempt at humour Kesey said youre either on the bus or you are off the bus

fell flat

the drivers glare intensified

Im sorry I have a neurological disorderhad a fall I suffer tremors  Sometimes theyre worse than others  Troubled today

driver seem unmoved

Awcomon man look in my eyes you look like youve been around the block

he jutted his jawleaned in sniffed

                                    Awright.   Get on the bus cause any trouble I’ll bounce you so fastso hard you won’t know what hit ya.

Thank you

the driver seated himself

staggering up onto the platform across from the him he fumbled with his wallet he kept it inside his sport coat

Sorry sorry  Ive a bus pass

Christ.

       Lemme.  aggravated he stoodreached over the shield pinchedplucked his jacket forth groped for the wallet

roughly  I’ve got it.

Thank you  Itll be front lefthand side

I see. 

       under his breath How ya make ends meet man?

he chuckledhe smirked

                         Funny you shoud ask  the driver swiped the card  My involuntary tremors the shaking has its benefits

tucking the wallet back into his jacket

                                        Yah. What’s that?

   Im a handsomely paid fluffer

1410,  Thursday,  30  1. 24

1022,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  3. 24

syphilis on the rise

     DUH

                unfortunately syphilis cant tell the difference between pro-life Republicans or Democrats for that matter and people who recognise the liberty of personal choice  of freedom  arent at home within confines of majority obsessed white Christian male politicians – who have put their bias prejudice hatred at the forefront of their decisions

“Last June, Pfizer, the lone U. S. manufacturer (can you say monopoly) of their injection, notified the Food and Drug Administration of an ‘impending stock out’ (thas crap – thas coercion) that it anticipated would last a year (that’s extortion). (Pfizer) blamed ‘an increase in syphilis infection rates as well as competitive shortages.’”

he was stoked

                syphilis came to mind not through his reading hearing reports but rather intertwined with laryngitis – syphilis laryngitis – perhaps the –itis endings fascinated him as he dreamed or as he woke  perhaps hypnopompiced

no matter  front an center

                             likely steering him towards the ProPublica article he later found

 

7AM,  2sday – Super Tuesday,  5  3. 24

1625,  2sday

https://www.propublica.org/article/how-federal-government-fails-stop-syphilis-babies-pregnancy?utm_source=sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=dailynewsletter&utm_content=river-links&utm_term=The%20Daily%20Digest

. . . because fear an faith go hand in hand

You believe that?

Ya disagree

             Youre under the gun  Your family   When I understand someone to be or they out themselves as religious I give em a wide berth   Im nowhere near 

Cant tolerate em

Its my time my life

Apparently youre cool wastin yours

I’m not.

           But . . but they’re family, friends of family.

Youre cross to bear babe  Id be no help

                                            Fear  Faith

Probably top two things on my Detest list   

Yaoughta make one for yourself

                                    Daily affirmations

1211,  2sday – Super Tuesday,  5  3. 24

1446,  2sday

Come on. The invite’s been extended to you from them through me.

Yes An I declined when you first offered

It’ll be fun, you ought to come.

Toldya  Busy

With what? 

              Your dance card's virtually, always, empty.

Busy doing things with myself  For myself

   You like crab.

I do

It’s a crab feast. Your ticket's free. You can catch a ride with me.

As I said  No thank you

                              Let it go

almost a toe in the dirt moment Is it because it’s being held at the Buddhist Temple?

   No

Why?

Let  It  Go

             I appreciate the invite  Receiving an invite doesnt require I accept

Tha Ive declined ought to suffice

No thank you

I undertand youre all in Enjoy yourself

almost defiantly I will.

I know you will Its your friendsyour crew

                                             Knock yourself out Ive got plenty on hand

I don’t know how you do it. Fuckin’ asocial.

   I enjoy my own company

1420,  2sday,  30  1. 24

1154,  2sday,  5  3. 24

afterwards he told him the invites were from Asian friends that he couldn’t believe how many white people were Buddhists

You’ve heard of the Trolley Proble . .

. . Again

   We haven’t solved it, finalized it between us.

We have

          Ive told you its simplistic

It isn’t. There’s freight associated with the question.

The freight frights yours

                           Trolley is a tap on the knee  reflexes

It isn’t.

As you insist

               You prefer to make a problem where one doesnt exist

But it does.

Does regarding you not me

                             Know thyself  I stand at the switch an objectively decide  Again you subjectively situate yourself

Yes. I personalize the problem.

                                  I have to throw the switch. I become responsibl . .

. . Youre always responsible for your decisions  Thas nothing new

                                                                       I believe the whiff tha holds your hand makes you hesitate  is accountability   Nobody wants to be accountableheld  accountable

Its a thought experiment

                           Lets play

Play? he frowned

Play Its a freakin thought experiment grant me tha

   really hesitant Maybe

he laughed recognising his discomfort

                                         I play rough

You do.

Wanna play Again  Its a thought experiment no skin off either of our asses

he quit waiting

              Youre at the switch  If you let train run its course it will run over your wife or you can throw it an it will run over you

   But I’m at the switch.

Yah

How can I be on the track?

Because in a thought experiment anythings possible you can be in twothree four fuckin places at the same time be all guys in an orgy with uncounted desirable womenJESUSCHRIST

                                                                    Woudya let go  let go of reality 

Easy for you to say. he shook his head  confounded

tryin hard to be sympathetic Yaneed some time

   No. No.  I’m at the switch and I’m on a track.

Correct

I throw the switch.   Lazarus Moment  Canopy Eyes

Yawoud

          Youre a nice stupid guy

hit the jets Whadaya mean stupid?

Id pose the same scenario to your wife Yaoughta ask 

                                                           If I were a betting man shed save herself  As you shoudve

after1420,  2sday,  30  1. 24

1054,  2sday – Super Tuesday,  5  3. 24

Loner  Need for Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHqHM2b-k2Q

Lazarus Moment  Canopy Eyes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rQsFLTlOU4

. . . woudya stop with the undecided nonsense

                                                  How many sides to a coin

Novembers a coin toss Either freedom or servility

                                                     Id frame it masculine feminine virility against tha servility  a willful willing subjugation

   An ifya whine a coin has an edge  undecided  somehow it lands on edge  Fuck you

Nobodys undecided theres nobody to persuade

Your pollmakers pollwatchers they can suck my cock

                                                         Snapshots in time While theyre at it they can get some snaps of them sucking my cock  Ill donate all proceeds to my candidate

   Do you realize how offensive you are?

An youre not

                Or are you naïve

I’m serious.

   As am I But Ive taken a side   Theres only two sides

                                                             Ill not be a compliant bitch

Though thasaid  bitches arent usually

As you well know, media follows polls.

They also refer to parties

                           Theres only one  the Democratic party  There is no equivalence  They ought to quit reporting asif there were

They oftenIll assume slips report the former as president

                                                             When they ought to reportrefer to him as a convicted fraud convicted rapist twice House-impeached four times indicted charged with ninetyone felony charges

An yet  somehow  a selfprofessed multibillionaire who cant post requisite bond to appeal his convictions

   Im all ears

They report on undecided voters.

Knock yourself out

                     But do me a favor Donspeak of it to me

1827,  Monday,  4  3. 24

2003,  Monday

Chicago  It Better End Soon  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQKNMRh1xN0

he lived rural

the house he visited also rural

if he had to take a leak he took it outside watered the bushes roses wildflowers trees   liked confusing the shit out of the dog or visiting dogs

                           made perfect sense

waste not want not

they were shooting pool after having cups of coffee outside while discussing current events a wannabe strongman who was at best a pettyman Gazans slaughtered 30:1 unverified no forensics no evidence hearsay  unverified 7October atrocities he didnt take anyone at their word  SHOW ME

                                                         told his friend  Your shot be back gotta take a leak

he exited through the sliding glass doors

worked on a patch of poppies

                                   liked tha phonaesthetics

a bird alighted on the planked fence  almost eyelevel

a junco

         eyed his junk

Go on Off with yourself

                         NOPE

was taking him in

made him laugh

back inside  Howdya do

Immediately missed my shot. Heard you laugh.  Got miffed but no way you saw me miss the gimme you left

You missed it  How the hell ya do thathinkin of your lay your next shot

Yup.

One thing at a time

Yup.  I keep thinkin’ I’m there.

                                 I’m not.

Patience  Youve had the tablewha six months

Yeah.  Closer to seven.

   Patience

                 So Im out there takin a leak an a bird lands on the fence an watches me

Could you identify the species?

I coud

       Junco eyeballing my junk

friend laughed

                  Male or female?

Female

Are you sure?

I am

Are you really sure?

Ya got gay birds here

                        Im sure

How?

Really

Yeahreally. What's the difference?

The male has a gray head often closer to black

                                                   Hers was a pale brown wash

You’re correct.

Didnt need your affirmation

                               Had it been gay I woud have laughed louder harder longer

1344,  Saturday,  2  3. 24

1202,  Monday,  4  3. 24

Seals and Crofts  Hummingbird  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B412Ij9IAnc