Gottago
whenya gottago ya gottago Im goin
when I get back next week
Ill be in touch
be cool in the meantime
smile
a lot
13.9.23
12.9.23
he found a moist perch in a footdeep Uformed concrete gutter along a road stamped in intervals facing it
M U backwardC
C O clever MUDCO so apropos for a concretework company
that
worked through his head
before
he could relate to the juxtaposition
fish
out of water
it was doing its damnedest
dorsal laid down fins held tight
to its sides holding its breath
he leapt over the gutter
scrambled up an iceplant like anenomes incline over shrubs onto a driveway garage open big galvanised bucket
crossed the drive a spigot gushed water tapped it off sprang down the incline it hadnt turned blue
maybe
only people turn blue when hypoxemic apoplectic fins were laxlimp picked it up with both
hands and pushed it through the water againanagainanagain if it had lungs hed
have made sure its airway was clear and blown until he was blue
a shiver
againanagainanagain
spasm
againanagainanagainanagainanagain
shake
againanagainanagainanagainan
a tailslap
Hey man, that’s my bucket, what are
you doing with it?
with such impeccablebrilliance hed
never throw a shadow
ignored him
againanagainan
whawere
the chances he was deaf
I said man . . that’s my bucket.
at least he narrowed it
stood on his drive
lanky shrubbery
seemed an impediment
wiggling
againanagain
I sai . .
. . Savin a fish
A perched perch to be precise fuckin incredible he didnt
wonder the cause
no sense nonsense wondering whawas
wasnt a suicide
he
let it go
it strayed around the bucket
a lake was threequartermiles off
taking the bucket in both hands
he stood
Ill bring it back
It’s my bucket.
whawere the chances he
was deaf
1305, Monday,
11 9. 23
1326, 2sday,
12 9. 23
she shook her headsat back on the
couch they shared
Man she
was dismayed For such a bright guy you have
such a crappy attitude.
Good cop bad cop
What?
Bright guy crappy attitude
Complimentary Detracting
Which is it
I love looking at you your face. So while I’m away and we talk it’d be
nice to see you.
Aint happenin
You know I didnt care
for Skypesame damn thing Face-times an
intrusion
I’m an intrusion?
Stop
I
didnt say tha
It feels like you said it.
But I didnt
You like it you do it yare welcome
to it I don I wont
Won’t?
Will not
But why not? he reached downgrabbed her thigh
she oohedgiggledWhat are you doing?
Wha I cant on face-time
I am you are threedimensional Why woud I we want to be twodimensional not be
able to touch miss subtle body motionspositionings miss if you woud
our auras meld meddle
Its a convenience
Yare not convenient
You are necessary
Baby yare the only soul in the
world Id face-time but Im wont
Good cop bad cop.
1749, Monday,
11 9. 23
1154, 2sday,
12 9. 23
. . . so why writ . .
he cut him off
Why breathe Why write thas
crap You shortcut it with phone calls
cheap shorthanded texts punctuated with shitty acronyms you fail to explain
Because Because yare lazy
Too much an effort Exhausting huh Christ even use predictive text
No.
Im listening
not angersomething he hoped it was embarrassment twistedspazzed his face
Still listening asif
a singular no could answered his accusations
Howbout Flannery O’Connor I write because I don’t know what I think
until I read what I say. Joan Didion I don’t know what I think until I write it
down.
Unfortunately thasaid I don think you know either writer do
you
Maybe a question you can answer
Ah definitely anger
Im listening
sharply
What do you want me to say?
Why breathe
0942, 2sday,
12 9. 23
11.9.23
Uuu uuu he quit
sounded like Toody of Toody and Muldoon the cop pairing from Car 54,
Where Are You?
Did you . .
.
. Uuu uuu
I did
That’s from an old television
show.
Car 54
Yeah.
That’s it.
It is
So what’s that about?
I was thinkin . .
.
. Do I want to know?
Not tha you necessarily want to
know Rather wha you know tha I cant
remember it being waay outside my
purviewof any interest to me
But within mine?
Ohgodyah
Your recent lifeblood
assurance of life living purpose
My life, living, and purpose?
Definitively Cryinboutit aaall the time
You want to give me a hint?
A
hint
Arya fucking kiddin me take a breath Whas been overwhelming you these past few
months
sheepishlyguessing My dating?
Duh Youre on-line
You seem to have its codes down
Codes?
Vernacular Code I coud give a rats ass but something occurred to
mebrought out my inner Toody
Inner . . Toody?
The character from 54
54?
Car
OH.
YEAH. The television show.
Yahlook at you pickinup the
pieces puttinem together InnerToody
Uuu uuu
I gotcha.
We on the same page
We are.
What would youwhat vernacular . . would you like to know that I
possess.
Hold on
lets not lose our shit
You said I . .
.
. I said code You
seem to have it down
lookin
regal I possess.
Yah mastah shakin his headChrist
What?
Answer
me a simple question Woudya Please
Alright. How can I help?
Thank you
Whas the term used on-line when someone posts a picture of themselves when they were youngernot recent
I know that. I know that.
I do know that.
he shut his trap
saying a word woudnt grease his wheels woudultimately
distract him an hed blame him for interrupting foulingup his thinking
I know this.
encouragingly
Yes
you do you possess
I
do.
he had a way of slowing Time down
Time saddledup beside him He still thinking? Hes got it
You think? He said he did What do you think? Eventually
You want me to chime or something?
You know hes thinkinbout wha I asked I do.
You do I’m Time, nothing escapes
me until you croak. Gentlehuh Everybody’s so touchy ‘bout that. Yah
Havent been here thirteenpointeight billion years have we There’s that.
UUU
uuu.
Hes got it
I’ll leave you in peace.
Anmay peace be with you
Cut the crap.
then Time was adios
Whachagot
It’s called catfishing, or a type
of catfishing pretending they’re someone they’re not . . but were. Posting a
younger picture of themselves.
BAM Thas it
Thaank you Was killing me
You’re welcome. then perplexed flooded his face Why was it you wanted to know?
You asked me do I want to know
I want to know.
Do you
Yes. I hurt my head coming up with catfishing.
Yah Looked like it hurt
Thanks for not saying nothinginterrupting
me.
Had company was being patient
You are patient.
Thank you.
Yeah yeah. I wanna know.
Awright
I think there ought to be a law
thatthank you catfishing only be allowed when ones photograph is published
with their obit
AwJesus.
Yasaid ya wanted to know
Thas on you
afternoon, Monday,
4 9. 23
1142, Monday,
11 9. 23
Republicans
are trying really fucking hard to rebrand themselves by attacking Democrats for
their War on Babies
now Utah senator Mike Lee has stepped
in the same shit that
dog gets around that Alabama senator Tommy
Tuberville did he
struggles not to call him Tumorville provide cover for his inane thought process
and
neither has a stick to scrap off the shit from the heels and soles of their shoes
1548, Monday,
11 9. 23
from NPR which disturbed him he
thought more of them
“For many
Americans, – many the descriptor it didnt
describe him – 9/11 – which he refuses to call it September 11, 2001 – is now simply a date to
mark, much like December 7th with the Pearl Harbor attacks. – that is not an
apt comparisonno equivalence – . . . The talk is not of 9/11, the subsequent
invasion of Afghanistan – say AfghanistanIraq
ought to be hot on its heels – and lessons learned . . .”
more
lessons unlearnedunremembered classic
American amnesia the classic desire to
rewritesummarise history manipulateeliminate
facts facets lean hardlean heavy on propagating
myth
our history cant be placed on oh-so-clever
bumper stickers
he understood NPRs news slant was in regards to the Marine Corp – first time in onehunredthirteen years without a
Senate-confirmed Commandant don
shrug Alabamas Senator Tommy Tuberville is
the heehaw culprit hes affectionately
called – in the Senate – Coach whose
skillsets to become a senator was he was a college football coach – never
served in the military a real sharp
cracker elected by other cracker which might have been expected from a state that
ranks dismally in American Education and
in regards to other societal concerns
we might not remember the date as
9/11
if the Bush and his neocon cohorts his Administrative and more personnel were held
to account investigated prosecuted
1455, Monday,
11 9. 23
apropos September 11 terrorist attack
Trumpvirus
last he looked was 28August 14days ago then 1,173,394
Americans had perished
todayNOW 1,174,580
Americans have died 1186 more deaths
average of nearly
85 people a day 84.71 doesnt cut it
he
wasnt going to stop
the decision
not to move against coronavirus when it first reared its ugly head is
unforgivable it wasnt miraculously going anywhere
1234, Monday,
11 9. 23
hed concede a wee spider
the concession coming from wanting
to remarkSing Itsy-Bitsy Spider
the song his wife sang to their girls
he
couldnt do it justice so didnt
a rustcoloured wee spider he
found in the unwashed cereal bowl he left beside the kitchen sink last night
he
forget to eat
woke in the middle of
the night hungry interesting experience unlike waking to use the bathroom or starting
from a dream a dream not a nightmare he didnt believe in nightmares any more than
he believed in evil a dreams a
dream evil is bad he coudnt abide its religious connotationassociation so nixed it
plain old Cheerios splash of milk
easily digestible set the bowl aside the
tablespoon in the sink wasnt a cereal bowl
a serving bowl
he hadnt eaten
the spider played dead as he went
to pickup the bowl to wash it with the dishes he fed the cats with this morning
O
hello wha
he woud give if one day a bug replied or
a cat squirrel mouse boid hummer lizard skink vulture hawk he didnt talk to dogs
it quit playing dead ran up a
side slid down up down up down Easy friend mean you no harm down up down
up he couldnt blame it
picking up the bowl he went to
take it outside up down updowning the whole way through the livingroom through
the screendoor onto the front porch
Mebbe Ill see ya again sometime he tipped the bowl the spider slid onto the
drink rail and to his freak it didnt set a nanosecondhurled itself from the rail
onto the redwood porch threeanahaf feet he likened it to him leaping from atop a
highrise a juicy skinbag of blood and bone make a splash a Rorschach forsure
little voice in his head
giggled
We can do without tha
then it said Exoskeleton
Yah
Weighs next to nothing
Yah
It didnt plummet
No
Glad you didnt scream like a
little girl
Yah a couple times he has voice almost disowned him
0813, Monday,
11 9. 23
loscil Vapour https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-iZgWK30Yg
10.9.23
not his parents church
when they were
kids they certainly didnt stretchout as
adults
although as their eldest he was fed to the wolves
that was before he knew better
after Holy Communion he knew
he could say now
Its not my
church
Catholic
a friend continued long long after he left
somehow it came up in conversation
likely because Confession felt
wrong to himrubbed him the wrong way
When was the last
time you went to Confession
Oh my, forever ago.
Wha are you talkinbout You still attend
Yes, but confessional booths were
ceased.
BLEW HIS MIND Wha arya talking about
Yeah. No more confessional booths. They don’t
do that anymore.
How do you get to fireup the
votive candlesthree for a quarter Hail
Marys Our Father Who Art in Heavens or Wherefore for Art Thous aint got no G P
S
The votives are still there.
Thank god I used to sneak back behind them ando shadow
figures against the wall
I remember. They were lousy.
Yahwell broke my fingers too many
times Wasnt Gumby enough or Pokey
she didnt waste her breath
No confessionals
Id think church woud
go off its rails without Hell as a threat Heaven as a treat
It’s okay. We have
Reconciliation rooms now.
Rooms
Yes.
Lotsa people at once.
Yes.
Booths passe
Yes.
Ohman I don know wha to say
Thascrazy
I have another tidbit if you'd like.
You do
I do.
Think you could stand having your mind
blowin’ twice in a day?
Truly
Yes truly.
Lemme buckleup he
was being serious
Awright Well Ready Set Go Don say on Go Say after Go
I can do that. Let me know went
you’re ready.
she was freaking him out
he cleared his throat Awright Lets have it Ready Set Go
Oral sex is a form of birth control so it’s not allowed.
coloured stars stars rockets stars contrails tweety
birds went off in his eyes
he croaked Yakiddin
Nope.
1852, Reggaefriday,
1 9. 23
1950, Sunday,
10 9. 23
Zeppelin Black Dog
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIiu0JI3I5g
Immigrant Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8OtzJtp-EM
Whew Thawas a hot one totally fooled him
thas how far his
imagination stretched his reality
like a
wad of bubblegum twothree Silly Puttys
combined
improbable
not necessarily impossible
when he looked around
he was relieved
one he wasnt blindcoud see
two butterflies were quietly at
the flowering hedge outside the windowscreen
Are you saying you . .
.
. Believed
Seeing is believing as long as
its not on a screen an imagesomething ya can touch have by the throat
By the throat
Thas menacing
It is its meant to be
Why
I detest interface Prefer inyourface
Well Whas simple
Isnt it
Im a simple kind of guy
he was outside himself not ephemeral ghosty vaporous as substantial as he was belowwhich wasnt
to say his tether only went up he coud
tie him-self up in knots if he wanted he
inhabited an ambientsurround environment
there was nowhere he coudnt
go
when he was above him-self he was enmeshedenswarmed
by screaming butterflies
they
werent fearful
joyously screaming playground
screaming
an when he laid
down alongside him-self at his back gently turned him over
coloured sea anemones were growing out of his blueeyes
thall getya by the balls
prior to Saturday, 28 5.
23
1257, Sunday,
10 9. 23
he had a thing for black and
white Sherlock Holmes matinees
Why don’t you go out and play? his
mother asked It’s beautiful.
sitting on the threadbare carpet that
wouldnt be replaced for years he turned on his hip to face her his parents didnt allow words tossed over
shoulders dismissive if someoneanyone was addressed they turned to face
whomever was talking to them
Its Sherlock Holmes
which he believed in itself was more than a
sufficient answer however he kept his incredulity to himself
Which one is this?
he was notorious for watching reruns he didnt say outloud Mygod its on Im missing parts ITS SHERLOCK HOLMES I MIGHT BE MISSING CLUES DAMMIT Its called Silver Blaze
I know it, a short story.
Published in a collection of short stories. I read it when I was a girl.
maddening but not in his voice Maybe youd like to watch it with me
Aw I’d love to, but I’ve things
to do, enjoy. turning to leave You’ll have to share your thoughts with me about
the clue that cinches the mystery.
it was over Man Oh Man
he
hoppedup turned off the television then stood stock-still listening she was somewhere in the house the basementheard
rumbling down there she better not be
doing the laundry thats a chore he shared with her he crossed the front hall to the short doorway
behind which were the basement steps she
was not even on the second step down MOM
WHAT ARE YOU DOING BETTER NOT BE
LAUNDRY
she drove him nuts
he
scrambled down the steps
surenough no doubt
at the back of the basement she was feeding a bedsheet into the wringer it was swung out over the concrete laundry doublesink she hauled the stout barreled Maytag washing
machine on wheels over to it
What are
you doing
she turned to him Oh hi. Finished
Holmes.
What does it appear I might be doing? made her laugh
Yuck it up funny girl Have your fun
We do this together
Yes, but it had to be done.
there were five kids three more arriving later
Awright whawoud you have me do
There’s laundry separated on the upstairs
bathroom floor. If you would bring down the colours first. But before you go, what did you think of the
clue that Sherlock solved the mystery with?
That was something
Reading it was something. I
thought it was amazing. The dog that didn’t
bark.
Yes
It wasn’t what happened . .
.
. No its wha didnt happen I got goosebumps
Goosebumps?
Yes
Well, suppose that proves it cinches
it.
Proves wha
You’re actually my child. The gypsies
didn’t drop you off.
1926, Monday,
21 8. 23
1111, Sunday,
10 9. 23
Loscil Conductivity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI24yKtK1TI
9.9.23
he telephoned
Awcome on, man, you
don’t have to write this morning. Come over. I’ll make us a muleskinner
breakfast, coffee, have a toke, go outside, gibberjabber, take a swim, we’ll
chill, my treat.
Generous as always thank you I appreciate the offer but no thanks
Because
you’re writing.
Yes
Anwhy do you write?
Because I can
Not
Follow
You can . . Not.
Yescorrect
Know Rachel Ingalls I
know thas a long shot
It's long and gone. I’ve no idea.
American Expatriate Lived in England after ’65 Wrote Mrs Caliban
Up on your Shakespeare
Wouldya
stop.
Sorry Caliban Character in The Tempest a favourite play of mine Her Mrs Caliban is a lonely woman who finds
companionship with a amphibious monster Larry A genuinely fascinating
nouvelle Very Creature of the Black
Lagoon ’54 preceding her ’82 Larry an Shape of Water ‘17
shaking
his head looked weary
Nouvelle . . Christ. Where you come up with this stuff?not my cup of tea, not
interested . .
.
. Thas fair
Right fair. No. I’ve no
idea.
Fine Doesnt matter Ingalls was quoted I write
because it is a compulsion A compulsive
I am not
However I can Not Its my
routine Like breathing An unconsciousconscious act or
consciousunconscious
I appreciate your offer Can I take you up on things later this
afternoon
Coffee. Boo.
Yeah. Later. Hunkering down, playing with my whims in the meantime.
Cool then Later
0838, day-between-2-Ts, 16 8.
23
1558, Saturday,
9. 9. 23
Creature from the Black Lagoon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7uIsGCXojw
The Shape of Water https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFYWazblaUA
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