not his parents church

                       when they were kids  they certainly didnt stretchout as adults

although as their eldest he was fed to the wolves                    

that was before he knew better

after Holy Communion he knew

he could say now

                    Its not my church

Catholic

   a friend continued long long after he left

somehow it came up in conversation

likely because Confession felt wrong to himrubbed him the wrong way

                                                                           When was the last time you went to Confession

Oh my, forever ago.

Wha are you talkinbout  You still attend

Yes, but confessional booths were ceased.

                                           BLEW HIS MIND  Wha arya talking about

Yeah. No more confessional booths. They don’t do that anymore.

How do you get to fireup the votive candlesthree for a quarter Hail Marys Our Father Who Art in Heavens or Wherefore for Art Thous aint got no G P S

The votives are still there.

Thank god I used to sneak back behind them ando shadow figures against the wall

I remember. They were lousy.

Yahwell broke my fingers too many times  Wasnt Gumby enough or Pokey

she didnt waste her breath

No confessionals

                   Id think church woud go off its rails without Hell as a threat Heaven as a treat

It’s okay. We have Reconciliation rooms now.

   Rooms

Yes.

Lotsa people at once.

Yes.

Booths passe

Yes.

Ohman  I don know wha to say

                                   Thascrazy

I have another tidbit if you'd like.

You do

I do.

     Think you could stand having your mind blowin’ twice in a day?

   Truly

Yes truly.

Lemme buckleup he was being serious

                                        Awright  Well Ready Set Go Don say on Go Say after Go

I can do that. Let me know went you’re ready.

she was freaking him out

he cleared his throat  Awright  Lets have it    Ready  Set   Go

                                                                    Oral sex is a form of birth control so it’s not allowed.

coloured stars stars rockets stars contrails tweety birds went off in his eyes 

                                                                               he croaked Yakiddin

Nope.

1852,  Reggaefriday,  1  9. 23

1950,  Sunday,  10  9. 23

Zeppelin  Black Dog  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIiu0JI3I5g

Immigrant Song  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8OtzJtp-EM

Whew  Thawas a hot one totally fooled him

                                             thas how far his imagination stretched his reality

like a wad of bubblegum twothree Silly Puttys combined

improbable

not necessarily impossible

when he looked around

he was relieved

   one   he wasnt blindcoud see

   two   butterflies were quietly at the flowering hedge outside the windowscreen

Are you saying you . .

. . Believed

            Seeing is believing as long as its not on a screen an imagesomething ya can touch have by the throat

   By the throat

                   Thas menacing 

It is its meant to be

Why

I detest interface Prefer inyourface

Well   Whas simple

Isnt it

       Im a simple kind of guy

he was outside himself  not ephemeral ghosty vaporous  as substantial as he was belowwhich wasnt to say his tether only went up  he coud tie him-self up in knots if he wanted  he inhabited an ambientsurround environment

there was nowhere he coudnt go  

                                  when he was above him-self he was enmeshedenswarmed by screaming butterflies

they werent fearful

                    joyously screaming playground screaming

an when he laid down alongside him-self at his back  gently turned him over  coloured sea anemones were growing out of his blueeyes

                thall getya by the balls

prior to Saturday,  28  5. 23

1257,  Sunday,  10  9. 23

he had a thing for black and white Sherlock Holmes matinees

Why don’t you go out and play? his mother asked It’s beautiful.

sitting on the threadbare carpet that wouldnt be replaced for years he turned on his hip to face her  his parents didnt allow words tossed over shoulders dismissive if someoneanyone was addressed they turned to face whomever was talking to them 

                  Its Sherlock Holmes

which he believed in itself was more than a sufficient answer however he kept his incredulity to himself

Which one is this?

he was notorious for watching reruns  he didnt say outloud Mygod its on Im missing parts ITS SHERLOCK HOLMES I MIGHT BE MISSING CLUES DAMMIT   Its called Silver Blaze

I know it, a short story.

                         Published in a collection of short stories. I read it when I was a girl.

maddening but not in his voice Maybe youd like to watch it with me

Aw I’d love to, but I’ve things to do, enjoy. turning to leave You’ll have to share your thoughts with me about the clue that cinches the mystery.

it was over  Man Oh Man

                            he hoppedup turned off the television then stood stock-still listening she was somewhere in the house    the basementheard rumbling down there she better not be doing the laundry thats a chore he shared with her he crossed the front hall to the short doorway behind which were the basement steps she was  not even on the second step down MOM  WHAT ARE YOU DOING   BETTER NOT BE LAUNDRY

                                                                                                  she drove him nuts

he scrambled down the steps

surenough  no doubt  at the back of the basement she was feeding a bedsheet into the wringer  it was swung out over the concrete laundry doublesink  she hauled the stout barreled Maytag washing machine on wheels over to it

What are you doing

she turned to him  Oh hi. Finished Holmes.

                                              What does it appear I might be doing? made her laugh

Yuck it up funny girl Have your fun   We do this together

Yes, but it had to be done.

there were five kids three more arriving later

Awright whawoud you have me do

There’s laundry separated on the upstairs bathroom floor. If you would bring down the colours first. But before you go, what did you think of the clue that Sherlock solved the mystery with?

That was something

Reading it was something. I thought it was amazing.  The dog that didn’t bark.

Yes

It wasn’t what happened . .

. . No  its wha didnt happen  I got goosebumps

Goosebumps?

Yes

Well, suppose that proves it cinches it.

Proves wha

You’re actually my child. The gypsies didn’t drop you off.

1926,  Monday,  21  8. 23

1111,  Sunday,  10  9. 23

Loscil  Conductivity  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI24yKtK1TI

he telephoned 

                Awcome on, man, you don’t have to write this morning. Come over. I’ll make us a muleskinner breakfast, coffee, have a toke, go outside, gibberjabber, take a swim, we’ll chill, my treat.

Generous as always thank you I appreciate the offer but no thanks

                                                                         

Because you’re writing.

Yes

Anwhy do you write?   

Because    I can  Not 

                         Follow

You can . . Not.

Yescorrect

            Know Rachel Ingalls  I know thas a long shot

It's long and gone.   I’ve no idea.

American Expatriate Lived in England after ’65 Wrote Mrs Caliban 

                                                                       Up on your Shakespeare 

Wouldya stop.

Sorry Caliban Character in The Tempest a favourite play of mine Her Mrs Caliban is a lonely woman who finds companionship with a amphibious monster Larry  A genuinely fascinating nouvelle Very Creature of the Black Lagoon ’54 preceding her ’82 Larry an Shape of Water ‘17     

shaking his head  looked weary  Nouvelle . . Christ. Where you come up with this stuff?not my cup of tea, not interested . .

. . Thas fair

Right fair. No.  I’ve no idea.

Fine Doesnt matter Ingalls was quoted I write because it is a compulsion  A compulsive

                                                                                                   I am not

However  I can  Not   Its my routine  Like breathing  An unconsciousconscious act or consciousunconscious

I appreciate your offer  Can I take you up on things later this afternoon

Coffee. Boo.

              Yeah. Later. Hunkering down, playing with my whims in the meantime.

Cool then  Later

0838,  day-between-2-Ts,  16  8. 23

1558,  Saturday,  9.  9. 23

Creature from the Black Lagoon  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7uIsGCXojw

The Shape of Water  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFYWazblaUA

I’ve been thinking about it, so I’ll probably have you at a disadvantage . .

. . An advantage is a terrible thing to waste 

   he looked confusedperplexed That’s a crazy thing to say.

Not really Im trying to sap delimit your advantage

                                                     Position myself at a better stead

Stead.  How?you’ve no idea what I’m going to say.

Playing the odds you might forget what it was you were going to say

                                                                         As you know not improbable 

Would you shut up?

Woudyasay

I will, you frustrate the hell out of . .

. . Me   You he could see his face beginning to purple  Foreplays unnecessary say it before you forget You forget all this will have been for naught

                             Naughtynaughty 

You’re always with a joke. 

I try  I enjoy a good laugh

                            Im encouraged by your tendency to forgetto be distracted Mythic Sosay woudya  I wanna hear

Thank you . .

. . Youre welcome  Say

the purpling was subsiding I was thinking  he pausedwas sure an interruption was forthcoming   nada  I was thinking . . . what is a miracle?

Its the cessation of a physical law

dumbfounded

Example  Returning from the dead

reeling Cessation of a physical law, that’s good, I didn’t think of that.   How did you come up with that?

You asked

he shifted his feetaugmented his posture stepped with his rightstood feet shoulderwidth apart 

You asked

I did . . surprised me how quickly you responded.

Id made ya anxious I owned yatha

Were you trying to make me forget?

I don have to try ya do it all on your ownsuddenly looking over my shoulder as it hightails off into distance running zigzag harder to hit 

                     Leaving you in its dust You tryin to gather it assemble perhaps  wha it was

I owed ya

You surprised me.

Thank you

No.

     You surprise me all the time I should have expected it.

Howbout this

You gonna makeup a story?a feeble attempt to interruptconfuse him

I was ya interested

I might be.

If disinterested stop me

                         Seat of the soulwherever it might be . .

. . You don’t believe in soul . .

. . Its a fictional story

   Oh.

Soul gives the dice they were handed a roll again  Crapsout Their chips disappear under the groupiers big mitt They wonder if soul wanted to have a Go again

Soul was ahead

The stickman says roughly Decide, we haven’t all day.

Souls thinking

               The boxman a woman begins tapping a redlacquered fingernail on her obviouslyexpensive watch  a sapphire crystal

Three dealers behind her are amused

None of them are aware who soul is

Soul peeved picksup the bones pushes a generous portion of their chips forward tosses a seven then hits a string of sevens

House has to shut soul downrefuses to let them play

                                                        Souls game was too miraculous to let continue

Who knew soul played Craps

   Cessation of physical laws

                                    Fantasyfiction fancy tha 

      

1116,  Sunday,  13  8. 23

1126,  Saturday,  9  9. 23

he loved learning something newlearned something new the other day

                                                                           mentee didnt like the sound of it

stood to reason

if he hadnt ever had a mentorhe did not

mentee wouldnt occur to him

fact was hed really have to dig to understand if he ever had a male role model

growing up white male entitled in a white male entitled community houses block after block neighbourhoods nuclear families public pools public recreation centers good schools   lotsa guys he knew regarded their fathers as their role model

majority of their decisions to do whaever was dependent on what they thought their father would make of their choice

he didnt care what his father or his mother thought  frankly   he didnt care what anybody thought

   Aah he didnt have to dig

never a mentor

never a mentee

   seemed mental to him if one didnt make their own way

2001,  2sday,  5  9. 23

1040,  Reggaefriday,  8  9. 23

Stick Figure  Choice is Yours  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV-lMtisZw0

Ibid. her  Don waste your breath

                                      See the above

   How do you mean?

Say youve given her an explanation Ya don wanna be redundant Cut her off at the kneesat the pass whenever she thinks shes being clever restates reiterates reasks the samedamnquestion

                                                                                Ibid.

   Sounds familiar.

Yah its usually used in footnotes endnotes scholarly references Itll alleviate you wasting your breath An abbreviation of Latin ibidem two lettersnot much it meansreferences in the same place meant as a citation for what preceded it

Youre aces baby skyhigh over her head

I . . I don’t think that would go over well.

tipping his head How very considerate of you   Shes rude calls you stupidsays a monkey could do your job she lordsinsists shes smarter

                           A horses ass Unprofessional  Now to be sure Ive only heard your side of the equation but youre smartnobodys dummy least of all hers  Her business has been profitable off your back Shes tryin to squeeze ya for more which is her job as its your job to push back   She doesnt get anything for nothing  

Babe I wouldnt wanna match wits with you

You’re flatterin . .

. . Im not  I speak the truthHell Im witty  Ya think witty doesnt recognise witty intellect intelligence

                                                                                                         Youre nobodys idiot

Ibid.

Yah

Feels goodfun to say.

Yah

     Ibid. Ribbit

Ribbit. Ibid. Ribbit. Ribbit.

Havin some fun now

Yeah!

          But Im talkin’ with you.

Or Since youve answered her question   Give her crickets

AwJesus, you’re bad.

Not really I don like wasting timemy timeyour time She wants to go in circles let her

                                                                                           Ibid. Ribbit Crickets Ohmy 

Look at you squeezing an Oz reference in.

Ibid. Every day

                 An don forget contemporaneous notes

1153,  Thursday,  7  9. 23

1237,  Reggaefriday,  8  9. 23

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/ibid/#:~:text=Ibid.%20is%20an%20abbreviation%20of,your%20work's%20footnotes%20or%20endnotes.

ribbit  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiidibfhidE

crickets  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpGtBnVZLSk

axiomatic 

           automatically?axiomatic the quickest way to a mans heart is through his stomach

                                                                                                     erroneous

if that 9mm Glockaxiomatic were pointed at him

at his heart

   eating  it didnt migrate any closer to his stomach than his stomach emigrated to his heart

the quickest way to a womans heart

CHOCOLATE

                  though he understoodbelieved there were outliers too

one day

         he anticipated meeting one

theyd be on equal footing

   he casually wondered if hed like her despite their similarity    

1629,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  9. 23

1014, Reggaefriday,  8  9. 23

. . . to be continued

                                     as a kid he watched lotsa cliffhangers

he was so freakin eager

to jumpin in   hypnopompic

to crawlin out   hypnogogic

   maybeperhaps if he wrote it larger   Naah

he took it to bed

it didnt resist

                 which could also have meant it had no intentions of participating

dead fish

dead weight

   dead

        using it to its advantage

what advantage was that 

to teach him patience

he was already a patient motherfucker

surgeries

painFull rehabs

Don get through tha ifya aint patient

   rilucidous  backtrack   

riludicous   backtrack  

ridiculous 

          jampacked jellypacked tampedstuffed

like

     sometimes it takes work  commitment  to make a woman cum

maybe it was like a woman

Entirely plausible shehe heshe

Exactly 

            I am going to be patiently committed

                                                             to be continued . . .

0750,  Reggaefriday,  8  9. 23

I Feel the Earth Move  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6913KnbMpHM  Carole King

he felt it slip as he wrotecognated  recognised 

                                                      ridiculous

earlier hed written

                     R I – D I C U L – O U S

                          L U D I C

now heading down a rabbithole gopherhole  someotherhole or another 

            he realised  L U C I Dwhich he was

   earlier he affixed riludicous as a descriptor

he had no choice 

now also rilucidous

                      jampacked jellypacked tamped

might suppose

it was a good thing he liked holes

exploring them

filling them

   he was going to take this one to bed tonight ansee going in hypnopompic an coming out in the morning hypnagogic whad he see

he expectedsuspected something would come of it

                                                                          . . . to be continued

1059,  Thursday,  7  9. 23

psychedelics  psychotropics cause ?  hypersynchrony

                                                         canonical view any accepted rule principle law criterionOHJOY by which something is judged  made him bonkers when someone fingeredplayed with canon  got it all wet an slipperyhard to grasp and handed it to him   canonical view holds that seizures result may result  fuckin comediccanonicals  when an imbalance between excitation and inhibition produces runaway excitation NOThowever  if inhibition is negatedplucked from the equation  hence hypersynchrony

                                   synchrony  within this context  is loosely why does loosely even exhibit when discussing neuroscience  his high schoolcollege sciences wouldnt abide loosely  imagine adverbdropping that into a labLABORIOUSLY DETAILED report   is loosely defined as large numbers of neurons firing action potentials IN UNISON! potentially   in unison

         neuronic lions and tigers and bears OHmy

hed welcome the zoo and then some

again

      as he wrote 

if someone is inhibited then they shouldnt take psychedelics  not an imbalance  unbalancedperhaps

if lacking mental agility

                        then No psychedelics for you!

he dug hypnopompic/hypnagogic (entering/exiting sleep) hypersynchrony

                                                                             a big fan  although he was a lucid dreamer

1546,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  9. 23

1038,  Thursday,  7  9. 23

Soup Nazi  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jSTiKHOFEI

if/then  https://www.enago.com/academy/ifthen-using-conditional-sentences-in-academic-writing/ 

she broke his heart

he admits it

time an again

              ravagingache its murmur echo went out spread  like oil on water went down up a myriad of directions  spread like fine aerosol  atomised  

                                   she broke his heart she broke his heart she broke his heart

they were heartbroken for him

wondered how to console him

he heard he always heard them

                                 could feel them  bubbles within

he put his hand over his heart pressed

he could feel fractures mismatchededges facets plateshe could feel the heat of its molten interior somehow  contained  coalesced

he put his hand over his heart to console them

                                                 There there

he was fortunate to get that out

there really wasnt anything he could say

he remembered when his grandfather diedhis fathers father his grandmotherhis mothers mother held him rocked him

There there

she said nothing more

she broke his heart

all of Him suffered

0707,  day-between-2-Ts,  6  9. 23

1129,  day-between-2-Ts

Israel Kamakawiwo’ole  Somewhere Over the Rainbow & What a Wonderful World  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fahr069-fzE