initiative 

               he took his job seriously slathered it with gobs of initiative whichfrankly he saw as common sense

however 

          his superior or so they thought in superficial name only chided his efforts 

when common sense slams headlong into an uncrenelated unfissured fersure brainReally potato chips didnt have ridges until Ruffles toilet paper didnt have Deep Cleaning ripples until Cottonelle

Comon

       Arya fuckin dense he didnt say that  I took the initiative I coudnt wait around on you I had to act

You acted without authority.

I acted we got the account

                             I don see a downside

The downside the downside . . is a demerit against you. That’s what I’m entering into your personnel file, that you acted without my permission, without my guidance, you acted improperly, inappropriately, outside the respected hierarchy our company functions by.

   Itll function fine Ive provided it a long term revenue source it didnt have prior I hope wha you intend to enter will also includedelineate  tha despite repeated outreaches  recorded communications  I took the bull by the horns an acted to secure the company wha I believed in our best interests to  our advantage

                                                                                  If you intend not to Ill go to HR challenging any derogatory or untrue passages 

I  showed  initiative

                       An Im not going to be rebuked for it

she damn near threw the binder she was holding against the wall her hands went whiteknuckled

through nearly clenched teeththrough a grimace she said Then what I believe is our definitions of initiative differ

 

   initiative:  1. the ability to assess and initiate things independently (similar to unimaginative);  2. the power or opportunity to actor take charge before others do; 3. an act or strategy intended to resolve adifficult or impreoive asituation; a fresh approach to something.                

2121,  Monday,  8  5. 23

1404,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

https://www.getbodysmart.com/the-brain/cerebral-cortex-lobes-fissures-gyri-sulci/ 

https://www.facebook.com/cottonelle/videos/try-3-in-1-deep-cleaning-ripple-care/775192217121376/

he clapped his handssaid aloud Spot on 

                                            that to the director the art director of his dreams

he knew he was waking could hear birds but continued hanging around in his old apartment his old haunt forcing their hand lucid dreaming to on the sperm of the dreamedmoment  go one step furthur  

they he did not disappoint him them

he was keeping in the kitchen dining area a tall nearly to the ceiling column aquarium in murky not dirty organic water two gelatinous fish see-through pretty coloured organs

when he came up to the glass often placed his hand on it theyd appear always the same above first then the other below seemed to him a symbiosis a neighbour lived above him 

                                                                   it wasnt accidental the fish came to the glass they were awareknew each other 

the birds voices were becoming louder

   a silent god he indicated he wasnt satisfied he thought the fish were phenomenal

More

he felt the vibration off their collaboration 

                                           angst it agitated the water in the aquarium

they encouraged him to open the top to the tank

Now yare thinking

he did as directed

                   then adlibbing went into the livingroom and sat in his precious leather horsehair overstuffed armchair a small table beside it where he placed books he was reading kept a ceramic coaster he set his liquor glass coffee cup on

Brilliant

the fish emerged floated in the air to him around him nuzzled his cheeks neck relaxed on his shoulder as he read 

they felt like talcum on his skin 

the birds became raucous 

                           but just before he woke he was removed  found himself sitting outdoors in a sun chair a tiny bird alighting on the base of his thumb sipping water from the hollow between two tendons leading to his wrist   

it looked like a feathered fairy shrimp 

Drat

   he woke

b4 7,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

1218, Thursday

he was getting sick an tired of explaining his answer to buddy about how when he wrote something he felt he was taking dictation an often  sometimesmore than often  when he finished a piece put it up let it marinade  returning to it hoursdays later rereading it he had a hard time believing he wrote it 

You’ve said, what do you mean?

Wha Ive said

If you wrote it you wrote it. You’re not, or you haven’t said, hearing voices telling you what to write.

No voices no 

              Rather it feels more like something coming through me  like Im a conduit 

A medium? 

No 

     Possibly  a kind of receptive atmosphere   Certainly not tangible tactile

   I don’t understand.

Yare trying too hard Let go the notions you believenot think  believe  our meat is capable of  Think nano  Expandenlarge our bodies  Then imagine the vast room between atoms that compose us

Theres plenty room there for    whaever

So . . whatever . . . wrote what you wrote.

Sometimes

              Yessometimes I don feel I authored wha my pen put to paper my fingers depressed keys wha I wrote in light on Word   Sometimes

I don’t understand. 

he read a review by Wu about VanderMeers Veniss Underground 

                                                                     texted to buddy “ . . . the boundary between the writer and the words written, between the person and the thing, subject and inanimate object, is not as well-defined as we’d like to believe.”  mebbe thall help you understand my answer

 

   no matter 

                  he was grateful for what he  xpressed

1008,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

https://www.symmetrymagazine.org/article/the-particle-physics-of-you?language_content_entity=und

he tossed his handUp in the air interrupting 

                                              he was rude that way  if he disagreed he cut the speaker off anto if he didnt understand the context or know what they had just said

not waiting to be recognised Cathead biscuits I don know whatha is

maybe haughty because they were cut off What do you think it is?

I don knowthas why I interrupted 

                                    An old school habit I didnt know but I also knew possibly a majority of my classmates didnt either but werewithout reason too embarrassed to raise their hands to ask 

So I did  

         I don know I ask don guess Ive no problem revealin my ignorance

his head nodded accepted They’re biscuits, buttermilk, size of a cat’s head.

Ah selfexplanatory A Southern item Ive only been through the south on my way to Miami stopping only for gas 

                                                                                                                      Tasty

Ohmy yes. Soul food. Then you’re not familiar with meats and three either? 

No  Edjumacate me

It’s meat with three sides. I’ve heard it described as glorious vittles . .

. . I know vittles don want ya to think Im completely ignorant

HA! We’ve talked before, I wouldn’t describe you as ignorant, often I’m astonishing what comes out of your mouth, your perceptions.

Thank you  I apologise   I interrupted again 

                                               Glorious vittles

Yes. 

     Glorious vittles served with utmost informality . . Hon.

Thanks sweetcheeks 

                      three blackbooted dudes walking past overheard their Hon Sweetcheeks  muttered faggots between them

he leaned back in his chair watched them head out the restaurant 

                                                                       Hey 

Yes.

Care to follow me and knock the starch out of their white collars 

                                                                   A great story they wont be able to tellshare  couple of faggots handed them their ass

   Are you serious?

Comon Itll be fun the element of surprise is daunting 

                                                         Standup for brothers of all stripes

Think we can beat them.

Don know doncare but I don know a lot of things except Im game  game hear me not gay  Though nothings wrong with tha

I haven’t been in a fight forever.

Gets the blood flowing exercise  adrenaline testosterone itll be fun 

                                                                       Lets be freakin apemen know the song

No.

Ah so yare ignorant too

earlier this year, ’23

747preferred,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  5. 23

Kinks  Apeman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRHqs8SffDo

it never ceased to amaze him how often he saw things lying on the ground as he walked reading

after pondering it for a long time he came to the conclusion that he recognised  however  something was out of sorts suddenly the surroundings irregular a puzzle piece missing  or didnt fit exactly

   Hmm putting a finger in the book to hold his place he stooped to see what it was in the street gutter 

it rained last night

this wasnt dislodgeddidnt make it to the storm sewer grate

he didnt poke at it with a stick

made out distinctly what it was

standing he looked up the street at a car approaching and wandered into its path waving it down

the driver stopped  through the windshield she more looked irritated not frightened 

                                                                                        he rapped at the passenger window she had just rolled upheard the doors clickLOCK

Excuse me

she pointed to her ear

he pointed to the ground several times rapidly while saying deliberately Crack the window

she cracked it

Thank you for stopping

 

Do you have a cellphone

Yes.

Would you please call 9 1 1 the police have them come to this location Sixtyoneeleven Rosario  Sixtyone eleven

Is there some trouble?

There was Tell them its evidence theyre looking for   Just  evidence

What? curiosity killed the kat

Please  Evidence 

                   Thank you  You can roll up your window again

she didnt 

she called

a car approaching from behind blew its horn and stopped

had to suppose the driver was blinddidnt see a halfblock earlier that she was stopped in the street and that there wasnt any oncoming traffic so they could have gone around

he could hear her talking repeating evidence several times

car blew its horn again 

sonofabitch really was blind  

                              he began walking towards it

driver threw it into reversebacking away enough to easily clear her rearend and sped around it

                                                                                                     because there was no oncoming traffic

he doubledback to her car

she had rolled the window all the way down

                                               They’re dispatching a squad car. which meant two coming from opposite directions to converge on Sixtyone Eleven Rosario

Thank you for taking the timeyour help for stoppingnot  running me over  

she chuckled You’re welcome. 

                                 Is there anything else I can do for youwhat’s your name?

Joe

I’m Gladys.

Thank you Gladys

Is there anything else I can do for you?

he smiled

she smiled pleasantly

Nice dimples Gladys

Oh, thank you. she blushed that was refreshing Nice to start the day off with a traffic stop and a compliment.  she laughed

she handed him her business card In case the police need anything from me. said goodbye and left

walking back to the evidence he pocketed her card

   to himself  almost Thasnot something yasee every day cut himself short  he did see something every day had one was intimate  had also castrated cattle 

                                             in the gutter lay a severed dark scrotum

220preferred,  Sunday,  7  5. 23

1111,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  5. 23

“Humanity . . . afraid  the minds we make to do our dirty work for us . . . our killing, our tearing minerals from the earth, our raking of the seas for more protein, our smelting of more metal, the collection of our trash, and the fighting of our wars will rise up against us . . . take over . . . humanity calls it fear. But it isn’t. It’s guilt . . . a revenge fantasy. We are so ashamed of what we have done as a species that we have made up . . . monster(s) to destroy ourselves with. We aren’t afraid it will happen: We hope it will. We long for it. Someone needs to make us pay the price for what we have done. . . So we invent . . . nonsense about conscious AI.”    perceptive

                                                                                    The Mountain in the Sea  Ray Nayler 

he didnt buy humanitys revenge fantasy

   punishment   suicide  She loves me she loves me not she loves me she loves me not daisy petals dandelion petals one counts ahead sees ugly drops the semidenuded flower an plucking another begins again She loves me not she loves me . . . Eeney meeny miny moe  etc etc etc  

   when he knowingly consciously crossed his parents dictates as a little boy his father would tell him

                                                                                                             Go to my closet, pick a belt. 

he had a crazy selection of belts 

                                    he pushed through them looking forfinally a cat o ninetails a goodolfashion bullwhip they werent there 

                              nothing but stout cowhide straps an metal buckles his father put away his straight edge so he couldnt even count on the fierce razor strop   just something to change it up  but it wasnt there 

randomly he grabbed one 

his bare ass inured  the last several lashes his father delivered were across the back of his thighs  Ofcourse 

Gonna have to do better than that Father 

   its punishment long overdue that Humanity needs

PAIN 

        to bring it back collectively  playing non-zero sum games 

or it can go to Hell

223preferred,  Twosday,  9  5. 23

0956,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  5. 23

 

three hour verdick  not tha he coud maintain one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87LtUyyCnRE

abusive men  walls are crumbling down

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PErUiAyVoGc

O poor entitled men  your pitifulabusive reign is splitting at its seamscomin apart

1706,  Twosday,  9  5. 23

Don call me tha

You know what it means?

Its Greek to me 

Funny.

            Any idea?

Yare the fratboy I woudnt go near one in college anymore than Id join a club the inimitable Groucho Marx I refuse to join any club tha woud have me as a member 

                                             Id rather you call me inimitable  Genuine 

You have no idea?

None 

     But since yare rarely quick with a compliment Im assuming it aint good

You know what they say about assuming.

Yes 

      So rather than volleying howbout ya just say whacha called me

You recall?

Yare not

No.  I know.

I know whaya said sigma 

                              Get on with it 

You’re correct. 

Yah

     I know

It’s slang, a compliment.

I cant loan you any moneyNo

he laughed

             Always quick with the no.

I know So whas it mean

Lone wolf, actually considered on par if not superior to the alpha male, however outside the hierarchy where the alpha is its apex. 

   now hes been enjoyingtaking to calling him an ascetic

                                                             an ascetic atheist

Possibly candidate . . 

. . For phonaesthetics

Yes.

Yah An athletic ascetic atheist  Alliteration

Now we’re going deep.

Definite candidates 

                     Who knew youd keepup on phonaesthetics

I wouldn’t if I didn’t know you . . as with hypnagogic, before falling asleep, and hypnopompic, hallucinations while wakin . . 

. . Theyre not hallucinations  Dondo tha to either 

                                                      If one is receptive they can bestow  or not valuable awareness possible messages  if one is willing to be susceptiblewilling  to be pliable pliant elastic   perceptive outside the box

Keep it up, I might call you mystic.

Im cool

A monk?

Greek asketes  

You’ve boned up.

I woudnt have unless I didnt know ya

   Are you complimenting me?

Mebbe

1209,  Twosday,  9  5. 23

https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/sigma-male/ 

Peter Tosh  Mystic Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmxK3L-hCS4 

Doors  Whiskey, Mystics and Men  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOxLCL-9RO8

all their cards were on the table 

theyd always been

                     since his girls were littledidnt pull his punches and thinkingnow it may have been why his wife tried to coddle them  counter him

they loved her words  embraces   kisses  but temperedcooled her when she tried to sway them  rebuke him

they werent Daddys little girls rather were more like him                 

   they knew their own minds early on which was evident to him his wife was third born of four he was eldest of eight a baby babysitter at nine  had so much more experienced with children an as he maintained 

                                                                                                  he thought like them because inside he wasnt older than they were  

his youngest was most like him

   confrontational provocative  could think on her feet 

he reached out to her for advise

about his computer

                     Nortons Do I need it

she said shed get back to him would talk with three particular friends who were up to their eyeballs in allthings computer 

couple days later she called consensus was no  however there were caveats to assess 

Who doesnt like caveats 

                          Whacha got

Im aware your browser is Firefox so regarding emails, do you open them from addresses or individuals you are unfamiliar with?  

No

   Emails like my phone Someone calls theyre not in my Contacts aint answering Im not tha curious

That’s what I thought.

You know me

I do. Do you frequent porn sites and if so do I’d suggest pornhub, it's considerably more secure.

To tell you the truth growingup with Playboy I like naked women static Did you know ifya go to Google key in big breasts strike Images  whellshit I can ogle to my hearts content 

                                                                      I wont pay for it he laughed hadnt ever been with a prostitute Im a fan of Cynic philosopher Diogenes of Sinope Fourth Century B C E

Whatever, Papa.

Not curious

Diogenes. I’ll Google him later.

   he didnt need to pay for security

1329,  Monday,  8  5. 23

1133,  Twosday,  9  5. 23

https://aeon.co/essays/from-the-cynics-self-sufficiency-to-an-ecology-of-wanking

Whawas I thinking this morning he hemmed  It was clever whaever it was   Whawas it   Wasnt yet eight

Goddammit  Gone   Departee polyhombre

   Where does it go

Don know but when it goes it goesnot a footprint no trail walks on rock in a creek

                                                                                        Aint no bloodhound can follow 

What  was   it  Why isit the clever ones die young 

                                                        hed done everythinganything he could think of to shake his brain treat it like a can of warm beer yank the tab nada  no aerosol ejaculate   foam

                                                                                    luke  warm

   Where

if he knew how to find Where a vast subterranean vault artesian wellcoudnt forget tha if he tried  grewup on Artesian 

if he knew How reminiscing would be impossible everything on the front burner gasflame blasting yet unable to cook all the gooses that earlier had run out of his head

this mornings No Sir  long gone 

                                    but he remembered it was clever

   Time to move on

cop said Move along, move it along folks nothing to see here, nothing to see, move along. cowboy said Git along, git along little doggies.

he did

        dragging as feet as he did

b4 8,  Monday,  8  5. 23

101preferred,  Monday

occurred to him to shave occurs every couplethree weeks  was nearly midnight  didnt pay much attention to his reflections 

           as a matter of fact he passed it onto othersasked them Lemme know when its time I shave   

but they were as lax as he

maybe if they were women theyd be more forthcoming 

he glanced up as he washed his hands

                                         Kahrist mirror said  Lookin’ a little mangy.

I got nowhere to be

   Ah.  To be or not to be.

I is 

    Don have to impress a soul   Im clean

Clean . . and mangy.

Eye of the beholder  I aint being beheld

I’m just sayin . .

. . An thank you I do appreciate that although ya can bypass the commentary 

                                                                                   Sayinso is plenty

I hope you’ll have a word for your buddies.

Nah  Hellno 

              They wont recognise I shavedwhich I intend to do immediately

Mirror mirror on the wall can you abide my puss a while longer

My Queen . . 

. . STOP right there he chuckled  I dig your sense of humour

1952,  Sunday,  7  5. 23

1203,  Monday,  8  5. 23

https://www.greatfallstribune.com/story/money/2016/03/12/mirror-honest-feedback-valuable/81130910/ 

Dunning-Kruger  https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/dunning-kruger-effect

Hiyahiyahiya . . . bees knees

Christ, bee’s knees, I haven’t heard that since I was a kid.

Aunt uncle grandparenthuh

I think.

I don know if Ive ever said it beforebut spot onits spot on

Spot on?

Yah

   You gonna say?

I will still relishing it 

                         I heard it last night  Been relishing it since 

It’s that good?

Its inspiring  Another phonaesthetics cant seem to get enough

All because cellar door is pitiful 

Sucks 

        Im going to eradicate it

Man, the hard-on ya got for it.

I do I do 

               Strapped in

Really?

Ohshityah more than just a phonaesthetic  A concept I believe horseshit  I said so

Yawould.

I woud

   Awright. A second. 

                         she made a thing of it comedian cleared her throat craned her neck rolled her shoulder . .

Ya like to squeeze one off too 

JESUS!

Yare goinlong on me  tad too elaborate

You’re the one double-dipping, aesthetic and concept.

I said horseshit  Don think youll be enthused 

                                                  Lemme say    Arya strapped in 

her laughter sounded like a bark dimples deepened

Yaready

cleared her throat again 

                             Okay.  Ready.

   Submissive mistress

What the fuck? 

Complete with safe word  though it hasnt been used

Ya think a submissive would use a safe word?

No  No I do not 

                  Seems ridiculous to offer a safe word I asked whaif she was a dominatrix he said he woudnt play  But dominant mistress isnt phonaesthetic-ey 

No.

     Got that right.

On occasion

You certainly have a way of becoming involved . .

. . Wasnt involved walked into it

   And?

Wha

        Oh  To protect the innocent an the guilty Im not sayin  Just wanted to share the another Tolkien chagrin

   

Token chagrin?

Set you up  Thank you for sayin so I didnt have too

Were you there?

   Please  Really

You're quick. 

Yah 

      Premature  Yawanna conclude tha thought 

Isnt it concluded?

he shifted around in his pants 

                                     It is

Creamy jeans Possible candidate                                               

Creamy jeans?  You’re awful.

Stop  Ya love my mind Me

I never vowed for better or worse.

I didnt ask

 

   marriages arent necessary  contracts violated then contending with all the shit afterwards                 

JUST LIVE TOGETHER

yesterday evening,  today Sunday,  7  5. 23  1543hrs