25.9.22

IED


he might have guessed
                        he sat across from himsat on metal folding chairs they werent meant to be comfortable shaped in an rough oval to accommodate all the menTHREE hours ten minute break halfway through fifty bucks a session fiftytwo sessions 
           talk about domestic violence

unless it was a team sport      

men dont bond 
                 no gay circle jerks daisy chains  no lovefest
usually during breaks a couplethree guys who took exception to what was said inside to them about their actions snarled at each other the facilitator smoking a cigarettehumoured took the briefest moment to remind them if fists were thrown theyd be bounced from the program violate their probation spend jail time prison time which would certainly be adjusted Up
               almost a third were familiar being inside 

the guy who made it a point to sit across from him said as little as he did 
                                                                             during session “sharing”  his was clipped unpunctuated run-onkeep up it had the makings of a game saying all he had to say in one breath the sole period provided when he took a breath   Fini
he didnt like him

but he didnt like anyone in the chamber

the guy across from him was small like a vial of nitroglycerin a jam shot  looked like an IED 
                                                                                                  he wouldnt turn his back on him 


threequarters way through the batterers program he was riding a city bus 

IED got onboardsaw him  sat beside him

the bus wasnt filled up

he said Isn’t this cozy?  said it facing straight forward

he turned his head  took in his profilehadnt seen it before 
                                                               One mans cozy is anothers creepy

he turnedlooked him in the face I creep you?  he tried to make it sound like it hurt

Somethinbout you man puts me offcant put my finger on it but its somethin youve left out of the ingredientsoff the menu

Ingredients? Menu?  Now you’re creeping me out, buddy . . who the fuck talks like that?

I do
     I aint your buddy

I sat here to make nice.

Yacouda sat across the aisle and made nice 

But I like things up close and personal.

I don care whacha like

You don’t?

Ya heard me 


Awright . . awright. 
                     he stuck his foot into the aislepushed off with his handgripped the bench with his otherslipped thin air and sit across from him
                             Better?  touch of a sneer on his face
Thank you  Yah better   IED reminded him of a rat
                                                      So Bob whahave you left off out of your story

Not important . preceded this bullshit, happened long ago.

I disagree our pasts make us who we arehave become  why history is studied

Studied?  I wasn’t much of a student. 

I struggled to be a student

Struggled? he cocked to his to a side

  Yah 
        Most things school taught didnt interest me Had it I woudve been a good studentthey woudve held my attention rather than me fighting to remain present

The sessions are like school. 

Bad school 
             Agree 

Howbout that . . we agree on something.

Yah

Yah. 
      IED noddedkept nodding  was thinkingparsing sparring   eyes were far off

he jumped gently  Whas missing Your story

he turned his head faced forward 
                                    in profile it appeared he was weighing it 

he to be honest was content not seeingwitnessing the twitch storm   head on 


Nam.  I served two tours as a tunnel rat. 

he might have guessed

1205,  Reggaefriday,  19  8. 22
1129,  Sunday,  25  9. 22
Creedence Clearwater Revival  Who’ll Stop the Rain  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIPan-rEQJA

24.9.22


he yelled

it reverberated through the housetickled the joists overhead that supported the second floor

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY

maybe his yell pierced the thin veil between Life and Death Existence and Existence elsewhere  wherever that was
ghosts were able 
                 he was jealous 
he could admit that

this was the only time he would

he was jealous as a teenager once

walking home from the party that night he thought hard about it

at home he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror

he didnt like what he saw looking back at him
                                                 Cold Turkey
                                                               teenager  he dropped it
jealousy was uglyhe wanted no part of itYET he couldnt persuade himself not to be jealous of ghoststheir ability to go between spheres  to interact    Exist 


he hoped she heard him 
  he stood still
                       listened 


talking to himself  Maybe next year  

it was fortyfive years to the day 
                                   I love you baby

1012,  Saturday,  24  9. 22
West Side Story  Somewhere  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtwIFrtZ7ww


he tried hard not to be that wayYaknow THAT way

he was patient 
               but No-such-thing-as-an-Absolute tried his patience for brevity NAh  no absolute

NAh goin down the rabbithole yet again 
What?

Do you listen to yourself when you talk or is there some kind of disassociationdisconnect that you cant hear yourself
Yare absolutely flying in the face of wha you insistdeclare you believe There are no exceptions manNONE

What did I say?

Wha did ya say  Yare in the midst of it

he stroked his chin NAh felt whiskers he could see on his face that NAh thought he had to shave

Hint You were tryin to advise me Must have forgot who you are talking to I do not like solicitationsnot crowdsource never keen on those who woud proselytize 
                                             Get down off your pulpit soapbox highhorse yare makin no inroads Ya know better than try I shoud think  If yare thinkin I woud think

Whenever you interrupt you throw me off.

So yare accusing me of makin ya forget wha the hell you were talkinbout Thas rich  I know  Ya just said . .
. . Then say. 


I gave you a hint  Absolute

That’s not a hintI said I don't remember.

a sigh began but he cut it off  You can always go pickup where you left off  Always Never Absolutes 
                                                                                                       Tha ships sailed 
You’re being stubborn.

    Or 
          You want me to make the mistake you made  I told you wasnt a good idea No  So ya made your bed  Had to sleep in it 


Does it ever occur to you that you’re inhumane.

Harsh Brutal  Yes   Serves my purpose

What the hell is your purpose?

   Tha no one wastes my time 
                                     Its finite 


if NAh was going to say something it caught in his throat

some time Day-between-Two-Ts afternoon,  21  9. 22
1240,  Saturday,  24  9. 22
E.S.T.  Leucocyte I.Ab Inito  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy-riKbFIqE



she said her mothers sister


that was loadedhis mothers sister was his aunt 
                                                    she didnt say that       

offering his condolenceshe was still contending with recent griefs 
                                                                  it was water off a ducks back
a cool cucumber
tempted him 
              but he reined in relented
an airport terminal wasnt a place to interrogate her about her relationship with her recently deceased mothers  sister
despite his grating curiosity 

he recognised the tyranny of family

also recognised familial love

they were woven togethernot one without the other 
                                                    which was improbable
the possibility of Loving singularly was to enable it in spite of oneself
not his cup of tea
                 he did not make allowances for familydid not excuse themmake excuses for them
they had to hold their own with him as he made everyone else 
                                                                he as imperfect as they 
in his book no one was exceptional 


they were on the same flight to California

had the plane been on time they would not have engaged each other 
                                                                       inadvertently he fell into conversation the fella he flew with was an intractable gossip and if it werent for his blathering he wouldnt have known

as she went to stand to boardshe was flying First Class he stood offering again his condolences

she noddedwalked off exiting stage left 
cool cucumber

walking away he imagined her face in his eyes etched  lined    not happy 


he wondered if she ever smiled a day in her life

1600 approximately, Day-between-Two-Ts,  21  9. 22
0909,  Saturday,  24  9. 22

23.9.22


it woke

he hadnt the imagination
                          he could feel it in the corner of his eye slightly impingingburring his vision he wasnt awake long

he touched it with the tip of his left ringfinger soft  moist  he wiped it from his eye wiped it onto the leg of his tartan plaid pajama rheum  he preferred that to junk in the corner of it eye 
                                                                       he intended to do laundry that day
the rheum
            it moved
he blinkedhe wasnt sure it did

it shivered 
          rolled over
beginning to crawl  disgusted he crushed it smeared it  no remorse 
he shuddered
              he stoodup went to wash his face
walking up the hallway to the bathroom he stoppedpulled on the fabric confirmed it smeared

it was

JESUSCHRIST a maggot in the corner of his eye 
                                                  he nearly retched
he continued to the bathroom 
turned the cold water tap
bending over the sink he looked in the mirror

    another
expressed
            from his left eyeCREEPEDFREAKED him out he gouged 


the weekend 
              he was to have beers with his kidbrother watch college football at a tavern

his brother arrivedused his keywent through the door to discover what the terrible distress was that he heard inside 
his brother toppled over on his hands and knees in the bathtub 
                                                                 bloodied
eyeless

guessing 1220,  Reggaefriday,  23  9. 22
239preferred,  Reggaefriday


entering his bedroom the crumpled colourful bandanna on the night stand said Look at you 

he was stunned

Ohdoncha dare be coy with me 

    Coy?
she grimacedhated to be lied to 
                                 spat Yes

Coy.
          I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about. 
Where were you last night

he thought who knew a handkerchief could talklet alone know hours of the night . . or day for that matter 
                                                                                                                  Nowhere.
Youre cheating on me arent you

  cheating  having sex with a woman   he didnt think he was cheating
 


dont cheat on your handkerchief
                                     shell know 
0840,  Thursday,  18  8. 22 
1124,  Reggaefriday,  23  9. 22 
Chrissie Hynde/The Pretenders  I’ll Stand By You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nobHZ3nOp38 

Esmeralda in toto

he never yet there he was used the Self Checkouts 
                                                   but he saw lines leading to the three manned cashier aisles of nine were backed up severalseveral deepby design  corporate design 

he had three items anhe unlike him discovered he was impatient  he wanted the hell out of Dodge                                                                                                                                though fact of the matter was when his turn presented hed slowup the line he used cash not the standard debitcard creditcard or some fuckin cellphone app real smart  keeping access to ones Checking account Savings account Someother account in a phone in a sieve  Whos the knuckledragger

the woman immediately ahead of him at the kiosk dropped a glass jar jam smashed on the floor she rapped a button knew right where it was which activated a yellowlighted HELP rotatingturret overhead

the assigned attendant he recognised her she was usually cashier hustled over saw the mess the woman pointed at and nodding retreated to a closet at the storefront across from the robotics  evidently located in anticipation of clumsy or butterfinger patrons

she returned and was down on her knees before he could say lickety-split

two of her top blouse buttons slipped their hold 
                                                      he was definitely waiting his turnwasnt going anywhere

eventually nearly done she felt air brush her  she tucked her chinlooked  aware she looked up at him
                                                                                                           You enjoying the show?
I am I am

she didnt blanch he didnt think Mexicans could her skin looked like powdered cocoa   


efficient she was done 
                         Maybe I can help you up

Now you want to be a gentleman?

Listen  Out the gate were all born pigsIm not ashamed of that but I can also be a gentleman if youll let me   Please

he held out his hand to her

a softbreathy chuckle 
                    she didnt bother with the buttonsher gaping blouse she reached and took his hand  he helped her up

Thank you.

Yare welcome  Anthank you he winked

shaking her head  Well, part of this she motioned to her cleavage is my fault, the buttons on this blouse never seem to stay buttoned.
An I never use Self Checkout 
                              he smiled  Must be something in the stars
You’re cute.

A real charmer

Charmer . that’s more accurate.
                                    Now you’ll have to excuse me.
he forgot he was in line  
                       a rather long line formed behind him 


completing his transactioncompleted to a collective moan of patrons who saw he was using cash he made a beeline over to the attendant 
            Excuse me

she turnedshe tried not to smile but did   
                                        Yes?

Can Imay I make amends for my pigdom

 Amends. 
             What kind of amends?plural . more than one?

Yes  you he motioned with his eyes an she an her 
                                                  and she blushed a trace of rose on her powdered cocoa cheeks I was thinking perhaps appetizers a drink  Though we might be stepping in itcoud be an immediate dealbreaker  I mean a drink not wine   Tequila . .
. . Because I’m Mexican?
No
   Becausethough not readily apparent  Im a Polak I like vodka  but I also like whiskies dark rum I am not keen on sipping wine Which isnt to say that with a good Dago meal I don enjoy a good red table wine
                                                                                                    Balls in your court

  Do these things naturally occur to you without a thought?
Don have to think to be honest thas my default 
                                                   Just as Ill admit an admire my pigdom

Ah. I see. 
             I think hors d’oeuvres, a drink . . would be very nice. 

Fine  he gave her his numberscribbled it on a piece of paper folded in a library book The Dawn of Everything
                                                                                                                   Balls in your court kid  Line never gets old 
                                      Yare smiling arent you 
she nodded

  Doya think you coud tip your mask so I coud see 
                                                       Ill show you mine if youll show me yours                                   
laughing out loud she pulled her mask down to reveal her grin
                                                                 she didnt cover her mouth 

freeing a band from behind his ear he slipped his aside  
                                                           My my my  you have a beautiful smile  gay fullthroated laughter

Thank you, thank you very much looking at the strip of paper  Joe . Joe, I’m Esmeralda. she had a firm handshake  I’ll buzzya soon. 



Esmeralda called that evening

they decided to meet at a place she likedcould vouch for

theyd meetup there
 
*   *   * 

he arrived earlyhe was anxiousexcited 

over the telephone she said she really enjoyed their selection of hor d'oeuvres savory   Peruvian 
                                                                                                       Have you had a Pisco Sour?

I have  In Seattle

Seattle?  she made it sound like Seattle was in outer space 
                                                              he chuckled  Yes  My daughter lives there

You have children?

Yes  You    

No . . . no I never met a man I wanted to live with let alone share a child children. 
                                                                                       You had her young.
Yes  we were youngmarried young

 

  long silence                  
                     Dealbreaker. You’re not married.

he liked it wasnt a question 
                              No he chuckled again I am not  Unfortunately my wife died many years ago

Oh . . I am terribly sorry . . . please accept my condolences.

Thank you I  I appreciate that   She was a phenomenal person I believe shes being phenomenal elsewhere

  Elsewhere?
                     Not heaven?

Dealbreaker

she nodded  I understand . . Im don't either.

 

they laid their cards on the table

they were doable

he was really looking forward to meeting her for their date things were promising she could take a joke counterpunched was comfortable in her skin 
                                that flawless creamy cocoacoloured skin  seemed they would continue as they began


entering he approached the hostess and said  Well be two 

she asked if hed like to be seated

he declinedhed keep to the entry  I want to be afoot
                                                       he smiled First date 

she smiled gently cleared her throat Long way to the floor if you’re standing.
she tickled him 
                 Lets say I like to live dangerously

I understand . . would you care for a drink while you wait?

I don think Ill be waiting long 
                               and at that he heard the shush of the door opening behind him  he turned
no way he could keep JesusChrist out of his face

Esmeralda saw itgrinned like a wild hyena approached him
he couldnt move
kissed him on the cheek
                          Good evening. 
he thought he sputtered Yes it is  but he couldnt say if he had
                                                                 she wore formfitting mintgreen dress lowcut  fabric beginning just beneath her clavicles crossed peekaboo deep into her bustcleavage  insinuated bondage
Ohmy whispered the hostess behind him
Yah he replied clearing his throat

I’ll seat you at a table beyond the main thoroughfare.

Yah his voice hadnt returned  Please

Esmeralda stepped backturned round twice 
                                                  You like? 

Im blown away  he didnt try to avert his eyes from admiring her clenchedbosom its swell  You look devastating

Thank you. I have to admit I wanted to crush youwanted to dispel any notion or memory you have of my work smock. 

But not your unbuttoning blouse

she smiled
            No.  I wanted to improve that.
Deftly improved

Good. That makes me happy.

the hostess mentioned over his shoulder shed seat them 
                                                            he almost didnt hear her
he turned aside to let Esmeralda pass him and followed in her wake he couldnt take his eyes off her shoulders spine ass back of her knees calves  he did say assyah


helping Esmeralda into her seat he ordered two Pisco Sours 
                                                                the hostess offered them menus and advised them Sandi would be their waitress shed be with them momentarily

leaving she touched Esmeralda on the shoulder and said You look ravishing. 

Kelli took the words out of my mouth he said

Kelli?

The hostess

You know her name?

Nametag  Above her left breast

You have a thing for breasts?

Im not a one-off not hardly 
                             Speaking of which YEo your dress is stunning 
Thoroughly compliments your figure 

And my breasts . .
. . Manohbrother can say that again

And my breasts?  smiled

  Yes 
      his eyes helped themselves to another serving 


they enjoyed hor d'oeuvres three sours really hit it off

Esmeralda had work and begged off of a fourth drink

he told her he didnt live far off and walked over hed walk her to her car

I’ll give you a lift.

No thas okay Ill walkrun our beautiful evening through my head

That’s a nice sentimentreally, but please, let me give you a lift home. From our conversation I gather you might live miles away you’d miss my call and I’d have to leave a message telling you again what a wonderful evening I had. 

    Let me give you a ride home.

Are you pleading

Do you want me to plead?

Not in that dress it be counterintuitive  he winked  Out of character

How do you mean?

Id think youd demandtell me  Dominat . . 
. . Trix

Aint for kids

I’m giving you a ride home.

Yare giving me a ride

   Ride. 
          Home.

he smiled  Yes Esmeralda 
                            they both laughed


they held hands as they walked to her vehicle
                                                 she drove a F-150 Ford benchseat dinged up bought it from her Dad he worked construction turned trucks over to his kids if they needed or traded-in

she walked into the street with him unlocked the passenger door opened it for him

Quite the gentleman

Get it.

he got in
          This is really roomy . .
she stepped on the running board a knee to his thigh laughing she began crawling across his lap
                                                                                                     he plunged his hand into her dressgripped her right breast she turned her face to him he slipped his right hand up her dressclutched her
she gasped

he thumbed her ass

spreading her legscreeping up his chest she kissed him passionately 
                                                                                    Finger me. 
pinching her nippleit was gleefully slipping left with her on top of him he shut the door did as she said

it was nice to sex in a vehicle again      

very early AMish, Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  9. 22
0739,  Twosday,  13  9. 22

continuation completed  1117,  Thursday,  22  9. 22