the mirror at the end of the hall

he hung it for her

the bathroom mirror was plenty for himhe used it so he wouldnt cut his throat shaving with a straight razor

she had wanted it

he wanted her to have what she wanted 

he obliged

but she wasnt there anymore

it taunted him

that was okay

it taught him selfcontrol to keep his temper

he was volatile

any challenges he could confront and not lose his shit were teaching aides

school was difficult for him

teachers didnt help matters

had they been good teachersnot just making a buck he might have been less difficult

he rebelled against their manipulation

Well young man said every principal every dean in every school he attended it seems you have a mind of your own. What are we going to do about that? 

                                           Is that rhetorical 

Im doin Wha arya going to do  sir

the punishments would have been bettermight have convinced him if they were creative

Spare the rod, spoil the child. on rare occasions He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24.

he supposed while he was a kid they were all religious kind of like political office if you didnt believe in God you werent going to be elected

whats an atheist to do

                        Tell you wha sir  lets flip a coin 

                                                          Not rhetorical

he even pulled a quarter from his pocket

his money was no good at school

the mirror at the end of the hall

the fog in the glass was clearing

1824,  Sunday,  31  7. 22

1108,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

On your mark 

   Get set 

     Go

 

     NO  Questions about going on Three

What questions?

Yes Yamean one – two – three - and we go 

                                                Or

Do yamean one - two an we go on three

It’s not that hardwhy do you have to make things harder than they are?make them so confusing.

Goin on three presents two optionsways to go they differ  hence why Im tryin to be accurate precise

Just follow my lead.

I cant

You can’t? 

NO

     I don follow anyone particularly when theyre unobservant You didnt see whahappened with the clock just now

The clockwhat clock?

Right across the street on the corner In the park Look  Were facing it

Why you looking at the clock?

Im observant

No I didn’t see . . I wasn’t looking.

Wha time does your everpresent cellphone say  Ya have a fixationman Theres no reason to my mind it ought to be around when were taking lunch    

it laid on the café table between them

I like to be available.

Text or call youll be rude

It’s not being rud . .

. . It is Yare not being present

                                   Wha time

he looked

            Twelve to three, two fortyeight.

Look at the clock in the park

he looked 

            Six thirty. 

Six thirty doesnt look like that 

                                The minute hand yes the hour hand is nearer Seven

he looked again

                  I’m not sure about that.

Horseshit ya know damn well 

                                Don be contrary You grew up reading clock facesreading time 

Does it?

Damn right it does 

                     I saw the minute hand it was shaking as it neared the Nine The hour hand shaking  as it neared the Four its hands trembling  Then they collapsedfell

The clocks dead

Times died

You’re ridiculous. he looked at his cellphone the screen was black he poked it with his finger to wake it DAMN he depressed the power buttonheld it 

                                      it didnt work 

Grab your bootshold onto your hat something BIGs comi . . . . . . 

2237,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

1133,  Monday,  15  8. 22

REM  It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OyBtMPqpNY

Pink Floyd  Have A Cigar  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbdpv7G_PPg

he took a leak in the sink 

                            because

there wasnt a urinal anhe wasnt going to waste water

                                                           evenings

he took leaks outdoors

its really nice to have a yard

1647,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

he looked out the bedroom window

                                    was just wakingjust saying good morning as he did every morning to his lost loves to run them through their paces of his or memories they shared with him visualising them before he said good morning to the next 

   ritual 

             as close to religion as hed ever get

hummingbirds perched on a feeder were suddenly tentative  

                                                              he got a little anxious

theninasudden they exploded into the air the bowling ball hurtling through them like a bullet                                                                                                                               lil tike was aggressive he was smallperhaps the smallest a dab of scarlet visible at his throat

the feeder danced on plastic fishline off a plant hook screwed into the fencepost 

                                                                                  the five feeding using it as a springboard 

they had been a whirla blur then rockets

he went onto his elbows then sittinupswung his legs off the bed stood at the window

bowling ball circled back 

he fed victoriously

might even have belched when he finished

then agilelycausally lifted in reverse

but before leaving he sashayed sideways to the window and peered in at him 

                                                                                            Yawanna piece of me?

tilting his head backmaybe chortlinglaughinsnorting he ascended fluidly straight up

its not often one can watch a bowling ball rise

1722,  Monday,  1  8. 22

1217,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

Yeahbaby he eruptedentering the livingroom  hed been in a bedroom privacy I’m feelingup mightyup to the challenge.

startled him CHRIST I didnt even know you were here 

                                                         he came in to freshenstrengthen his drink  Connie was notorious for pullin up short on liquor  they hadnt said outside he was inside  

I wanted to talk privatelynot before a bunch of ears acting like they aint hanging on my every word.

A second he took a pull on his drink better  Lemme correct ya before ya go out of bounds makin declarations Aint nobody hangin on your word  Ifya thinkin thathas delusional

No not regarding this call, I told them I was expecting her callshe’s smokin’.

Nobodys hangin on your words

                                  Ive been outside fifteen  feels like fifteen minutes  conversations beinhad are fascinating  Stellar nursery Webb telescope fuckin Webb eliminating queer staff from NASA during the Sixties You yappin with a chick versus tha woudnt hold water

I think you’re mistaking.

I believebetter than think I know  I believe yare highyare high  arent you

Has nothing to do with anything.

Stoned iffy paranoia Whawoud people think can work in funny ways

                                                                        Thasaid I interrupted you were cockadoodledoodlin Whas thabout 

Finalized the trip up to the lake with her.

Her

he gave him an Are you dumb look  You know.

   Oh  Her gotcha

                     Good for you

Gonna have me a tryst.

Cross your fingers

Takin ED up.

   Ed   Who the hells Ed

Only a year old, should still be potent.

    he was confused thinking Ed   Ed Year old   OH ED 

                                                             Or not  Thad be a kick in the balls

Why wood? Get it?

                     Why would I not take ‘em . . . like being twentyseven again. 

Im not thick

                Twentyseven

Fortyone?

Or whaya are

                She said, What’s it doing?   He said, Give it some time.   She said, Well, wake me if it shows up.

 

Nothin

Nothin

      crickets

1257,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

1412,  Sunday

Help Anne Heche 

                    Too soon.   Is until it isnt

Fasten your seatbelts irritated him 

                                      what he gleamed from conversationsYES he conversed specifically about it   That’s an odd question.   How you feel about it   What’s to feel?   Im irritatedfeel set upon  Its a command   A command? I think it’s a request of you regarding your safety.   Because I need to be told how to conduct myself Im unaware of me   Because it’s law.   Law  Because its money  Its enough to keep me off aircraft except for times when I really have to flywhen I have to submit    Other times you drive, correct? they begin to smilethinking they had something on him   I don wear a seatbelt Yes

Fasten your seatbelt meant different things to different people of course age played into ithe appreciated that

thats the purpose of education indoctrination 

                                                laying that on someone is a whole other can of worms worth discussing

 

people didnt like to think they were indoctrinated lead around by their nose 

                                                                                it was one of his better arguments for extremely liberal education  against stringent curriculum  which also irritated the shit out of him

 

he may have been easily irritated

he found such things didnt bother or upset many 

                                                   but it was his habit to entertain answers to questions in the long runnot tomorrow  in ten years twenty years  what were those ramifications how might they affect people unborn which wasnt a plea against abortion  an assemblage who is not a person until they can draw breath on their own outside of incubators female or otherwise

a vast cottage industry was spawned by American capitalism which differs drastically from others Americas has metastasisedbeen cancerous for decades its insatiable greed its bottomline antisocialHell sociopathic corporations their political bedmates enablers  seatbelts  childrens car seats those contraptions grown from them the auto industry thrall airbags all around determined requisite lifesaving products in case of an accident Which is wha an accident an unexpected event sudden in nature associated with carelessness unawareness ignorance a hostcombination of causes Cause and effect

he usually didnt get that far into his argument

when someone yawned in his face he disconnected 

                                                      when theyve yawned perhaps going to excuse themselves opening their eyes again  hes adios

he was everyone is a product of their environment  of growingup

                                                                    he was not swaddled he was not confined by a seatbelt he learned by making mistakes  indoctrination takes making mistakes out of ones hands 

                                                                                                       Do as you are told.

Oh Big Brother  forgive me for I have sinned

1811,  Saturday,  13  8. 22

1020,  Sunday,  14  8. 22

it was a bullet point on his resume

his interviewer gulped audiblyher eyes bugged

he knew right where she was

Applicable skills

did she want him to explaindid she want to crossexamine his reasoning rationale he thought it above her pay grade gambled shed let him ascendlet someone on the floors above her to vet him tell him No, I’m afraid you haven’t the skill set, not to say that you do not have an impressive resume, but, unfortunately, you haven’t what we’re looking for right now.

she quelled her anxiousnessrecovered quickly 

he was impressed 

she finished his resume

placed the cover letter atop it

   finally lifted her eyes to his

Well

You possess an impressive array of skills, abilities . . have had a . unique . background.

Thank you oozed from his mouth like melted butter  her eyes widened

she cleared her throat

he said Have you anything you might like to ask me for clarification or did it read clearly  I wanted to be very specific

Specific . .  she said absentlyher eyes clouding 

                                                    she shook off the fog  You were specific. No.  I don’t have any questions really.

Neither did the young man Bob who interviewed me this morninghe asked me to waitwanted me to meet with someone evidently you  who was positioned above him

Yes.  I understand. 

                      And I’m going to refer you to someone above me. 

Today

No no.   Can youcould you . . return tomorrow?

Yes  I need a job

standing immediatelyextending her hand he stood too Tomorrow, bright and early, Eight AM?

Ready and rarin he took her handshe had a good grip though it was moist Thank you for your time 

 

he exited the shiny corporate building there were shiny corporate metal sculptures on stone piers on the greengrassy islands between lots 

                       he heard a honk

 

he walked over to the car and got in 

                                       Thanks for picking me upI hope you didnt have to wait long

Nah, no trouble, on my way, not ten minutes.

I appreciate it

You’re welcome. 

                   before starting the car he slipped a bit sideways to look directly at him  Your gambit, it’s working?

Its workin Got me past two entry level associates

They didn’t want to be gatekeepers.

They did not 

               I return tomorrow at Eight

I imagine your expression will be . subtly . . threatening?

I was thinking quirkyabrupt though itll dependent on who  I suspect hebelieve theyll be a he  he may find hes not keen on corporate hierarchy keen to say no to me

You’re crazy.

I need work Im incentivising them

Incentise? That’s a stretch.

Surviving hand to hand combat cleavingcaving in skulls with axes rocks like rotten wood  I have unique skills

1704,  Thursday,  4  8. 22

1218,  Saturday,  13  8. 22

Beatles  Maxwell’s Silver Hammer  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJag19WoAe0

   You he missed her 

                         Youve replaced youyour videos artwork emails text messages letters

Youve replaced yourself

I can live with that

hes had to contend with other losses

he keeps what they left him

there was a bitter difference

they were dead

2013,  Thursday,  4  8. 22

1126,  Saturday,  13  8. 22

Beatles  Nowhere Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8scSwaKbE64

Cucumber Slumber reminds me of West Side Story 

                                                         Cool. 

Ah ya dig daddy-o

I dig.

he thought he might not dig was his affectation it fit he was still tailoring his didnt own it quite yet but fingers crossedin time  everything in time 

                  If time runs long enough

Time. You say something?

Ah yacaught me thinkin outloud not a good practise

I should say.

now that was his affectation fit him to a T 

                                               humoured  Yes 

That’s quite a grin.

Had quite a thought

Thought?

I shoudsay

his features bunched should have taken a photo and had it published in The New Oxford American Dictionary for perplexed man could say without saying anif something goes without saying dont 

                                                                 Yamaking fun of me?

Dammit ya blew it It went without sayin

How?

Yare trippin over an interior dialogue The Chicago Manual of Style prefers dialogue to dialog of mine Offerinya an explanation woud only ruin it Ill keep it to myself  Ya cant have itNah cant do that

THAT reminds me of something.

Is time

  It’s something. 

                      No. he shrugged  Can’t . . quite . . . put my finger on it.

Need a little help

absent still working on it

A little help from your friends 

                               oblivious No. Ain’t coming with it. 

HELP

No thanks no thank you. polite little bastard It’ll come to me I prefer it come to me you not say.

Im happy to oblige 

                    But let me know happy to help

     

0933,  Saturday,  13  8. 22

1025,  Saturday 

Weather Report  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gsk-ae_y8I

West Side Story  Cool  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wugWGhItaQA

Beatles  You Can’t Do That  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PK21u7YzmI  With a Little Help From My Friends  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C58ttB2-Qg

purulent pensee (one helluva week)

Witch hunt?

criminal docs

radioactive redux

again inside Mar-a-Lago

   Never was a witch hunt

1702, ReggaeFriday,  12  8. 22

0904,  Saturday,  13  8. 22

Beatles  Helter Skelter  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWW2SzoAXMo

crisp new neighbourhood

trussed young leafy trees

edged green lawns

fresh new houses   

brandnew healthy babes at least they look healthy pink  black babies rarely rate 

babes warm wombtumbled aquatic   amphibious twoworlds

    inside looking out between windowpanes   flat housewives

walking past on a whiteconcrete sidewalk noting them he heldup his hand a salute  not a solicitous wave

they didnt motion

one  a redhead   he stoppedturned faced her

she didnt flinch

at the bottom the window was slightly open

Hello

she didnt move

Hello

she didnt move

HELLO

a breeze pickedup stroked his back 

she seemed to wag twist

   it wasnt a woman

it was a highresolution portrait heatpressed on a window shade 

                                                                        flat housewife

housewives

Twoishtwatish,  ReggaeFriday,  12  8. 22

333preferred,  ReggaeFriday

I must be dim

If I agree with you are you going to get pissed off?

Ifya use pissed

If I agree with you are you going to be upset?

No

What makes you think you’re dim, as in dimmed-witted correct?

Yes

I believe . .

. . Believe . .

. . Had to go to church with my Maw.

Had to

Yes. My father made me.

Wasnt it up to him to attend with her

He golfed on Sundays.

Anyer the oldest

I was . .

. . Condemned  

In a word . . yes

For how . .

. . Years, fucking years, though I did make my Mom very happy attending with her. 

It begins Forgive me FatherBless me Father . for I have sinned. My last confession was yadyad years ago. Then spill your guts.

Thas creepy Didnt know

Now ya do.

Before I confess my dimness ya remember any formal prayers of sorrow

he slowly turned his head to face him a real puss he must have thought

Don play poker do ya

What of it?

Lemme heardgive it to me  Knock me out

Really?

Im spillin my guts  Wet the floor

Just listen . . My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.

Ohwow  If I were Gawd Id fuck you

Really?

Continue I apologise  Ya sold me

I repeated it for years.  I can give you the Cub Scout oath ifya like too . .

. . Nah no better Cub Scout than Gawd

. . . All my heart. 

                  In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things.

Awesome Reminds me of your relationship with your father  

You gonna keep interrupting?

No

Thank you. I firmly intend, with your help to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In his name, my God, have mercy.

Thas it

Yeah.

Thawas licketysplit  Im impressed 

                                     Yet despite prostrating themselves before Gawddoin penance  to sin no more  theyre backSunday unable to keep their word 

                                                 Tithes A fluid relationship  Get squeakyclean spend the week doin who knows wha then back for another whitewash  Like washing a car

he fixed him sternly with his eyes

I quit interrupting

  Dim. Explain.

    Yes

       The song Eagles Witchy Woman 

Yeah.

Crazy laughter in another room and she drove herself madness with a silver spoon

Yeah.

Yah Whatha mean to you

She drove herself to madness with a silver spoon?  You kiddin me?

   Tell me

Cocaine.

I thought you were going to say tha

Of course cocaine.

I didnt care for cocaine  

What else would you think?

Whaelse woudya think

Your confession.

Masturbate I imagined her masturbating

                                            When shes done I get to lick it like cake batter or frosting off a beater  reminded me of weekends afternoons baking when my Maw baked

Maw. You’ll keep my mother out of this, keep her away, a long long way away.

Are you going to acknowledge that?

Cant

Can’t? 

       Why not?

I bought my Maw a vibrator for Christmas once Bought it on good authorityhad fallen in with a den of lesbians wellconnected bought hash through them so I figured why not  whod know better than they

                                                                                                  The place was always rocking with crazy laughter 

I don’t know if you’re dim.

  Really

            Tha might be the nicest thing yave ever said to me

1854,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  3  8. 22

1519,  Thursday,  11  8. 22

Eagles  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCcEjZQQNjo