I like cold uncomfortable winters Comon its California not Minnesota

                                                                        he confessed

I like living on par with animals

                                 he confessed

it was nice to sidestep confessionals holy priests flickering votives an allow himself to say things aloud clean to the wind sonorous dry tumbling leaves to a hawk soaring above which found him unworthy of its attention

                                                                                                             hed confess

I can embrace my worthless humanness

. . . an consciousness  Wha about consciousness

What about it?

he knelt down to a planter heaping with vagrant poppies

                                                           These are perennials they have consciousness . .

. . No.

They do

No they do not.

Do not

        When you say that I know yare makin a comparison Wha are you comparing a poppys consciousness to

Comparisons aren’t necessary; they are not conscious.

Ah . . they are . . . yare comparing it to yourself arent you

I didn’t say that . .

. . No I am

            Im referring to consciousness  Why do tha Why must you an others have to compare everything to themselves Were not the be-all end-alls he or she are only a human beings

You don’t grasp how ridiculous it is to suggest a plant has consciousness . .

. . A five hunredyear old tree an ancient rock

                                                They have consciousnesses We cant even begin to relate to them because were here an gone in a centurythats ridiculous  most of us gone inside a tawdry seventy years if were lucky an the whole of it thinking ourselves the preeminent the apex being on the planet We don use our time to become acquainted with rocks plants animals because you your ken believe they exist only to be used befouled   tortured

Sounds like you’re coming off your rails.

                                          Careful, man, talk like that makes you sound like you’ve gone around the ben . .

. . Talk like that because you don believe consciousness exists beyond human animals

You’re being ridiculous, fantasifull, drop it.

No

     I wont

1500ish,  ReggaeFriday,  7  1. 22

1220,  Sunday,  9  1. 22

I am eye

Why would he say that

For instance chorused several of his interior hims and hers he was just taking a leak an do ya know wha he imagined we see wha he imagines he couldnt blind or blinker us if he tried it was rhetorical question  The clear bright bubbles coming up off the surface created by his stream made him imagine they were compound eyeslike insects they watching him as he watched them

                              An then he imagined that the toilet seeing had vivified anif it was discontented with its functionif it stomped off its mooring pulled free of its tethers its plumbing resisted  at least he knew where the main was so he could turn off the water minimise his cleanup  after slayingsmashing the fragile animated porcelain

1053,  Sunday,  9  1. 22

“Our eyes see very little and very badly – so people dreamed up the microscope to let them see invisible phenomena; they invented the telescope . . . now they have perfected the cinecamera to penetrate more deeply into the visible world, to explore and record visual phenomena so that what is happening now, which will have to be taken account of in the future, is not forgotten.”  —  Provisional Instructions to Kino-Eye Groups, Dziga Vertov, 1926 

http://www.sensesofcinema.com/2003/great-directors/vertov/

I am eye for the creation of fresh perceptions unknown to you

whole lotta love

 

he crossed traffic the crosswalk ended at the toes of an embankment which was treedhad threefourfoot tall bushes as ground cover

              a path wound down from above cut by people like himself a shortcut  an from it a darkcomplexed girlnot a tall girla buxom girl exited the bushes like a bunny onto the street

                                                                     from above unseen he heard a woman calling after her Come on back, come back here, I want you to meet someone.

buxom turned back to the bushes with a bottom to match and cried I wanna get going.

You can go after you meet them.

buxom shorts were too short the longtorso black hoodie she wore barely covered their creeping

Alright, God alright. she went back up through the bushes where she exited

at the corner was a walkway a ramp that circumvented the parcel of trees and bushes he took it up to where buxom waswhere she shortcutted ignoring it and rather took the earthen path

a Starbucks operated at the top cars lined up waiting service via the drive-thru 

a black late-model Suburban waited twoback from making an order its rear drivers side door was open

                                                                                                             buxom leaned inher hands on the bench her fanny was taking healthy bits out of her shorts  plenty of cheeks for his viewing

the womanthe voice who called to her was inside the Suburban but obscured Get in the car.

I’ve said hello.

Get in the car. No girlie he thought not that way Get into the car.

I’d rather not. her shorts kept being chewed

Please. Get into the car. Nono not that way

buxom quit protesting and crawled in on her hands and knees

                                                                         maybe he should have something out loud  but she had fanny to go aroundWOW shed have to excavate rather than dig to save her shorts

 

walking beside the Suburbancutting in behind itbetween cars   beyond in auxiliary parking he discovered himself humming Shine on . shine on Harvest Moon . . .  had the door not been closed on her heels he would have been terribly tempted to crack her on the ass   last ass he saw like that he did

                                                                     that had been a whole lotta love

1344,  Saturday,  8  1. 22

Shine on Harvest Moon  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCBWmI6vq_E 

Zeppelin  Whole Lotta Love   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4ssgEXc2rQ

 

                                              smellsquared the 2^nd power certainly wished he could type in exponential form

Mack was yammerincarryin about a girl hes datingthey were on the phone last night 

she said she was watching Millionaire Joewas he near his television

he said he was

                 she said Throw it on, FOX.

he did

       Oh man he said Joe, you wouldn’t have believed the women on this show.

A reality show

Yeah, should have seen them, you’d have jumped out of your skin; foxes.

No thanks

What? No thanksyou kidding me? These women were beautiful.

No thank you

he rolled his eyes

                   How can you say that?

made him think of their discussions of vetting dating dealbreakers

                                                               Simple I wouldnt date someone who watched reality television let alone a woman who appeared on one 

Ouch.

Nah To each his own

he shook his head like a fighter on the ropes that a referee savedfor the moment checked to see if he could go on

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

I do entirely

Whatever, man, whatever, these women were amazing, however the best part of the episode was when yet another woman was added to the mix . .

. . The ingredients it tickled him he was finally saying women hed been beating him up about that as prior he constantly called them girls

Sure, ingredients Joe, yet in spite himself he was obviously wowed.

An the other women noticed

Shityeah, you know how it is when there are a lot of women in a room, it's to the nth degree on a reality show.

They can smell it

Yeahright . . . they can smell it.

Like blood in the water

Exactly! You said it!

                       Blood in the water.

They rip her limb from limb

They wanted to, you should have seen their eyes . .

. . Eyes of beautiful women . .

. . YES.

Yes

      As Ive told you Mack beauty is only skin deep reminded him again of their vetting discussions Mack was vacuous

1434,  ReggaeFriday,  7  1. 22

1208,  Saturday,  8  1. 22

Guess Who  These Eyes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DNww7bNtCM

disgusted

No shows

           he had to mull on that  JAN6

he didnt want to go off halfcocked

                                           a year ago House and Senate members were fleeing the Capitol or barricading themselves in offices in hope of not being discovered identified by domestic terrorists who breached it though probably not Republicans who sided with the cause and colluded they had to play act

  

when the Capitol was secured they returned and early morning JAN7 certified that Joseph Biden won the election and beat the twice House-impeached disgraced president

JAN6  Republicans en masse save for Wyoming House representative Liz Cheney and her father attended the remembrance in chamber and afterwards gathered for an outdoor vigil

the no-shows the terrorist-coddlers the Obstructionists   they disgust him

1022,  Saturday,  8  1. 22

https://www.npr.org/2022/01/07/1071154648/jan-6-anniversary-analysis-republicans-trump

https://www.npr.org/2020/12/22/949134479/congress-role-in-election-results-heres-what-happens-jan-6

 

BOO!

        not often heard cried in the middle of the dayin broad daylight

although he could say he saw it coming

                                         he saw the homeless man walking towards him on the broad sidewalkstaggering left right asif his ankles were broken pulling a brightred suitcase behind him with his left hand a sloppyrolled sleeping bag clutched under his right arm he was disheveledsquared  possibly cubed  he glanced up from the book he read as he walked to assess what was before him and immediately knew

                                                                                         something

homeless was large how does homeless get large he wore a closed fatigue jacket camouflaged beanie an pants nondescript gymshoes tied with yellow laces

homeless was troubled possibly behavior drug addledhis head  twitching right  like a funny little birds might if it were shocked by electricity

he glanced a second time as they approached each other

                                                           he had a moonface pitted by acne scars

as they passed homeless screamed BOO! into the side of his face  out of his peripheral he saw him leer

he did not start

he kept walking asif he was deaf

he was unaffected because he anticipated

                                                something

homeless couldnt hit himthat was off the table his arms were full anif he dropped his bundles his ballast his balance he wasnt agile he wouldnt be able to beat him to the punch

                                                           besides reading the book his hands were up high  he could protect his head or strike that big moonface

the BOO! which could have easily been mistaken as a backfire fell uselesslyhelplessly on the pavement writhing like a busted snail whose thin shell couldnt protect it

had he a sideview mirror he could have glanced into it and seen homeless looking after him  he knew he was because what his leer telegraphedbecause he didnt hear his shoes shuffle or the slap of the loose yellow laces

1220,  Twosday,  4  1. 22

2336,  ReggaeFriday,  7  1. 22

 

COURAGEOUS

TRUSTED

CONSISTENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54k3d3mcdDg

Texas senator Cruz has proven himself neither courageous trusted or consistent                                                                                                                              hed have to assume the bait Former jiggles in front of his face to be all you can be an American oligarch is too muchoverwhelms Teddyits too much for him to ignoreturn a blind eye perhaps the genuflectingprostrate sycophant hasnt grappled with despite his Harvard education -- taint wha it used to be the fact that promises which ooze from the Formers mouth will be true or untrue dependent upon whether if he realises a benefit 

1811,  ReggaeFriday,  7  1. 22

V for Vendetta  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHVzzxrPt1c

" . . unprecedented allegations of voter fraud."  Cruz lie

Queen  Liar   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNVoMg9uVaY

 

DMT or N, N-Dimethyltryptamine doesnt quite trip off the tongue a hallucinogen which naturally occurs in plants and animals

         MAN you an animal

                

the Forecast says  There will be a DMT brainstorm in your head when you die. You will be euphoric. You will smile the biggest smile you ever have. You will be free, once again, to voyage. 

hed been reading articles that associated DMT with NDEs Near-Death Experiences  people who were dosed with it experienced a “subjective feeling of transcending one’s body and entering an alternative realm, perceiving and communicating with sentient ‘entities’ and themes related to death and dying.”

                                                                                   whas not to like about that the Doors of Perception swung wide open an unattended

 

  grief

        he wished grief would be understood by others the way he understood it an enormous room everyone is gathered to one wall  Awright Everyone who feels that grief is sadness or depression cross the room to the wall opposite us an everyone who feels there is joy and bright memories in grief please remain here stand with me

to his experiences hes grateful the enormous room isnt on a boat weighted to one side it might tip and sink                

Early AM,  Monday,  3  1. 22

1106,  Thursday,  Jan6 Insurrection, 2022

https://kinesismagazine.com/2018/01/27/dmt-a-kick-in-the-head-from-god/ 

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01424/full 

Neil Young  The Last Dance (TLD or DLT  mighty close)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FciEHJvecQ

he shopped a retail department store for economysized litter and dry catfood when he finds himself in that neck of the woods

      been shopping there for years

when Trump virus tripped in like most businesses it reeled too without significant guidance national overarching protocols devised to protect employees and customers

                                                        perhaps the only time trickledown actually worked  Ignorance at the top trickled down

he shopped there fourfive times a year

always wrote a check

he wrote another after the cashier rang him up

she fed it into the scanner

it was rejected

turning to himhe could see she was flustered before she could stammered he said The checks good Scan it again please 

she did it was rejected again

                                I’m sorry, but I’ll have to ask you for another form of payment.

You have my form of payment

But as you can see the machine rejected it.

Yes inside him all his HIMs an HERs were groaning Not again just wont fall in line will ya I see the machine rejected it but yare the cashier I handed you the check Its goodIve written checks here possibly longer than youve been alive

I’ll have to call management.

Please call management wasnt gonna blame the help

through the intercom he heard a man say hed be there in a minute

he looked to the woman behind him in line she was of a commiserate age  You werent going to write a check for your purchase were you

she laughed

              I was, but I’ll not now; I need to hustle back to my business.

when the manager arrived the young man didnt say anything to him addressed the cashier she explained that she believed she did everything correctly he then told her what to do she followed his orders the while insisting softly I did that . . I did that

it was rejected again

                       the manager turned to him but before he could speak he interruptedtold him  You are holding my form of payment  Don tell me the machine rejected it  You sell check scanners  You solve the problem your machine has made

he tried hard not to glare his customer care skills werent good but managers tell people what to do don like to being told themselves

Which machine now sir his HIMs an HERs moaned Yare really picking a sore ya didnt mean it You have eighteenth registers numbered beneath brightred signs  though only two are open

the manager ignored himcreated a receipt so he could scan the purchase into another register curtly Follow me. he began walking towards Four then obviously changed his mindGo to Number Eight. couldnt resist telling people what to do

jovial Onto Eight

the manager fed the transaction in this machine accepted it I need your driver’s license. one last nudgy to affirm his superiority 

          he had set it on the shelf between them before he asked

                                                                   Right there 

not a thank you

he scanned the drivers license the machine accepted it reluctantly he returned it to the shelf he wasnt going to hand it to him Do onto others as you will have others do onto you his HIMs and HERs uttered he hadnt appeared religious

So whas with your machines

he couldnt stifle an irritated sigh They haven’t been updated. Nobody writes checks anymore.

Well meet Mister Nobody

High Noon,  Monday,  4  1. 22

1223,  Twosday,  5  1. 22

Billy Joel  You May Be Right  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilsv0C1-aBw 

 

Monday 

3

No more events 

today

haunted taunted by his iPhone

                               asif it thought hed enter anything into the Calendar for it to disseminate he knew better freakin spy

          asif hed willingly enter parcels of his life because he couldnt keep track of his Ps and Qsremember where he was goingwho he intended to see what did it think it was someone hed roll over for

he couldnt be manipulateddidnt play friendly games of poker with someone standing over his shoulder who swore they were just watchingwere curious to see how hed play his hand

You can trust me.               

I wouldnt trust you ifya were blind Get out from behind me

theyd screw up their pusses thinking not daring to say You have trust issues.

                                                                              BAM strike a tally in that column dont trust anyone

on occasion his wife told others maybe she was looking for sympathy comradery If I tell him it’s sunny outside, he goes outside and looks.

                    they turn look at him maybe attempting to accuse or intimidate him Your poor wife he’d have another thought coming if he tried that with them but he wouldnt because he didnt care what they thought he wasntthey werent friends none of their damn business

No more events

today

it hadnt a fucking clue

                       he shut it out of every daily event he enjoyed as a matter of fact lacking health apps HealthTap Elevate Remente Moodpath the machine probably thought it was committed linkedup tethered to a dead person  ________  a flatliner

2034,  Monday,  3  1. 22

preferred 202 to 1402, Twosday,  4  1. 22

 

Do you want to die?

                     she looked directly into his eyes  took hers off the highway

No I do not   he had always been completely harshly honest with her

she did

         she wasnt responding to her psychologist psychiatrist their treatments the drugs

I didn’t think so.

they passed under an overpass past its steelreinforced vertical concrete embankment

they approached others

it was LA

he wasnt out of the woods

every quarter mile or so she could kill them

he wasnt going to say it again

                               he saw the glint in her eye seen it in his platoons eyes immortal eighteen year olds he couldnt say how many immortals he hurled them body parts dogtags into Medevac Hueys under fire

he didnt go with them

                          he didnt act immortal

her look was cold cleareyed dared Call my bluff.

she wasnt bluffing

theyd been married twenty years within a week of him returning from in-country justice of the peace high school sweethearts they went steady he proposed in the light of day the day before he was inducted she waited she suffered his letterletters filthy with mud junglesometimes spattered with bloodhe sent them anyway

                                                                                                      they were real deal when everything around him seemed surreal

he didnt bluff

she wouldnt

Do you want to die?

to this day hes never asked that of himself

0933 or 1133, he preferred 0933,  Monday,  3  1. 22

 

for years he watched one football game a week 

received one station NBC on his television

it carried the late Sunday night game

he muted it to a mumble to avoid hearing Collinsworths ceaseless surmising his inane banter wasnt there a carnival somewhere that needed a barker a snake oil salesman 

                                                          then tantamount to that muted muck were the crap commercial breaks when they cut to break he went into the hallway out of sight of the screen and did exercises pushups planks situps he didnt mind athletes making millions of dollars playing the game rather them Labour than owners who prior had their foots on the players necks however he resented athletes doing endorsements for millions more Advertising was impressed they had it in their heads that jocks were celebrities influential 

                                                              although he couldnt say he was ever induced led around brainless by the nose to buy a damn thing ever hawked an that went back to when he was a kid watching cartoons

commercial breaks screwed with themNot again! had he learned the word fuck earlier he would have spewed it

USAA acronym  disliked them United Services Automobile Association not so sexy for United States military members and their families

               unless all military members are scraping by with IQs edging on eightyone  why is Gronkowskis hamming-it-up So cute, huh? televised multiple times every game as he saw heading into the hall

had he his druthers hed voice-over CHA-CHING of a cash register a one-armed buttons now Las Vegas bandit paying off

the cha-ching isnt for viewers rather the lackluster millionaire Gronkowski

Gronkowski was quickly catching Collinsworth for his disdain

1807,  Sunday,  2  1. 21

1528,  Monday,  3  1. 21

 

a friend invited him over to watch Sunday football

he arrived around NineThirty brought a box of donuts to have with coffee since the game kicked off at Ten also a sixpak pint of whisky pound of pistachios for the two later games theyd barbecue that night

he was mistaken

his pal had a freaking enormous flatscreen and the ability to play the seven morning games at once the six afternoon games

       he said hes been watching football College ball too like this for years

For years

You betcha, as soon as technology afforded it.

You gamble

Huh? he looked up from his laptop  

Gamble Ya gamble

he looked back down into his laptop Well, I’m followingplaying fantasy football, three leagues, not serious money, it’s more like friendly competitions than anything else, although, thinking of it, I could couldn’t I?

You could This seems wha Vegas must look like

                                                        Do you think you can pick one game an watch it

he looked at him asif he were an green alien with two heads Watch one game? Why do that?

Im overstimulated I watch the Sunday evening game only that game all season an that for more years than I can remember mebbe the last tentwelve years Ya didnt mention this setup  asked if I wanted to watch some football not every fuckin game broadcasted

No.

he could have supposed every fuckin game would have teedup his curt No

                                                                               but at least it told what it was

I think Ill head out leave ya the donuts

You’re leaving?

I am Thank you though for the invitation Not to be rude but had I known or an inkling to askwe only know what we know I wouldntve accepted

Well, man, suit yourself.

I do

he gathered the beer from the fridge an bagged it with the whisky an nuts an crossed back to the setup in the livingroom

at its threshold he stopped an watched the matrix unfolding in seven boxes looked at crowd shots city shots overhead stadium shots replays

approaching him he saw him look away from the gameslook down into the computer 

                                                                                         Hey man Im off he extended his hand Thanks again for the invite Appears yare in your element Have a fine Sunday

they shook

            You’re welcome. Too bad things went sideways. I hope you also have a good Sunday.

Ill see my way out

Oh . . alright.

driving back home the road nearly deserted for Church and football it occurred to him that technologies give way to the next wave forfeit  albeit more and more sudden

                                                   drones would likely replace the fleet of Goodyear blimps

1807,  Sunday,  2  1. 22

1214,  Monday,  3  1. 22

https://www.nytimes.com/1993/10/24/nyregion/sports-wouldn-t-be-the-same-without-the-view-from-a-blimp.html 

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2013/03/the-history-of-the-goodyear-blimp/ 

https://www.cbssports.com/general/news/a-look-at-the-goodyear-blimp-why-one-wont-be-at-super-bowl-xlviii/