again       again

                             he was becoming ambivalent  it didnt matter whether the sentence was a cry in the dark or letters on the darkness asif expressed by a label marker on embossing tape  etched sharply distinctly

IF SOMEONE IS GUILTY OF SOMETHING THEY EASILY ACCUSE OTHERS OF IT

someone 

           who

guilty of something 

                      what  

the cry repeated 

                   echoed

the text went round and around asif on a stock market ticker tape display 

since the dream was his  invariably  the clues laid with him   asif he were some mystical detective 

the screen on the back of his eyeballs ran black black black black black anthennearlysimultaneously he heard and read the sentence

the voice wasnt his not hearing himself as he spoke or hearing himself recorded by a machine

it seemed feminine to him 

                            it wasnt spoken by his feminine side

the script was in capitalised block letters print  not cursive   asif a fortune from a Chinese cookie turned into a clam buried in muck and mud at the bottom of the sea 

                                                     alien

flat  unreflective  black

 

maybe who or what wasnt important 

                                      what was important was the criminals nature and their criminal intent  and maybe as blatant as the sentence sounded and appeared or appeared and sounded it seemed the former  that if his head was on a swivelhis eyes peeled he could recognise the personality preceding the crime and avoidgo wide around them

hints and traces are always present

if he was watching

so he didnt have to later mutter  Hindsight is 20/20 

he  everyone   had been through 2020 

                                           he was willing to let it go and watch it slowly disappear in his rearview mirror

  

early AM-ish,  Saturday,  27  3. 21 

1022,  Saturday,  27  3. 21 

 

It was slim pickins

The actor? Doctor Strangelove?

mumbles absentlydoesnt lift his head Pickins with an i at the end not an e WAIT  Why the hell am I talkin with you whya eavesdroppin interlop . . 

. . Awstop, you know why, that’s what we do, all of us; you know we’re here.

Yahyah yah  Though Id prefer if yawanna interject wanna enjoin me then make yourself know prior not skate in surreptitiously yahave no no-knock privileges

No-knock? Warrant? Like cops?

The Fourth Amendment baby 

Baby? Are you being kind to me now?

Sarcasm baby

You make things difficult.

Difficult 

          No me no you Thats the lens through which I view our relationship our relationship and my relationships with all my known and unknown chuckleheads crowdinground peeking through keyholes 

I am usually amicable to our interactions am I not

I hate it when you phrase it in that manner.

Am I not that disturbs you

It does.

Oh I wouldnt want to disturb you Unlike you Correct I am usually amicable to our interactions correct 

                                                                                                              Better

Yes. Thank you.

Mebbe you can remember that for future purposes

Maybe.

Work on it 

If I may, slim pickins?

You were there Whawas your take 

                                      I mean since you invited yourself inopened your mouth 

Really? 

Im talkin to ya aint I

Yes. Yes you are.

he set himself to thinking

                           when he did he was a little distractinghe had a bad habit  habits not accurate  he didnt do it on purpose he began thinking hard in his head and his eyes would cross 

                                                                             made him cover his mouth so he wouldnt see him grinning like a hyena aint another animal fashioned on the planet that didnt look more humoured than a hyena  even while pulled entrails out from a hopefullydead animal then a grim grin though grinnin nonetheless

his thinkin made his eyes hurt 

                                Whadaya think 

It was thin.

Yes

The before an after of the remark were dislocated not linear

Linear? You're talking about linear? Ain’t nothing linear about your thought process. Maybe if you thought more linear the remark wouldn’t be a puzzle now.

Puzzle  excellent analogy   Yare pretty smart for a chucklehead

Thank you, I think.

Quit thinking yare killin my eyesgivin me a headache

Huh?

Nevermind Never mind

Alright. What do you recall the voiceover saying?

Yaremember

I do, but I asked you first. I think that because I ask you first you should say, besides, you did say you wanted me to quit thinking.

Yare a funny guy

Pomegranate don’t fall far from the tree.

An I like that analogy too The abundance of seeds  Yare pretty sharp this morning

I had a good night’s sleep; unlike you.

Yes Thats true  Fitful

You ran the gamut last night, you woke up crying, you woke again laughing, I was happy for you that your sleep closed out, an hour and a half dreamlessness; we all put in, chipped in for you, just so you know, or as you say, you wouldn’t know unless I said, so I’m saying. We bought you oblivion. It was a little pricey, but we felt for you. 

Thats kind of you . . 

. . Everyone, it was everyone. As you say, all your known and unknown chuckleheads.

THANK YOU 

                        Ya think they heard me

You’re a nut, you know we’re around you all the time.

I do I was concerned for those in the back

Jesus. 

        You’re stalling. What did you hear? 

I heard “Christ! You’d think a thousand pound guy would excuse himself.” but the dislocation walking on the edge of a lonely dirt and sand road I could smell the ocean I didnt see it then the diner a booth at the back the small exhausted Asiatic woman sitting down in my lap takin five “You don’t mind, Joe?” No I dont mind Yaoughta hire some help 

That’s what I hear and saw; what we heard and saw.

 

Slim pickins

Slim pickins.

0744,  Thursday,  25  3. 21

1152,  Reggae Friday,  26  3. 21

 

Another dreimka? 

Dreimka

Yes.

AhYes

      They find me  I am apparently susceptible

Willing?

Yes Im willing too

                  Willing to partake in take on the fantasticimpossible You DO know what is said about impossiblewha I say about impossible

No, I don’t think I do.

Impossible

            Im possible

Clever.

No not really 

              Its right there Just need only look

dreimka

          it began with gay laughterher laughter laughing harder than in the prior evenings dreimka

he can hear her

he can hear herher laughter like the sun sparkling in early morning dew

                                                                           clingingshimmering to blades of grass striping tree leaves bushes  flower stalks and petals

                                               coming down on himbrightening his head like the top of the rise ahead

going uphill he saw crumbled patches where underlying rock spied on the sky many anthills he followed a line of intrepid foragers that led him to a small dead bird they were rendering it appeared to have crashed its wings extended its eyes hollowed out there was tall grass dirt deer paths colourful wildflowers

at the top of the hill he saw he was able to take in a 360degree panorama  open fields pastures shy furrows where rain ran downhill other hillocks crags bold spines of stone darkgreen shivering oaks distant blue mountains shaded purple faces graywhite sunstreaked cliffs somber cloud shadows mountains furthur away ridges like blades keen silveredwhite a lightblue sky at the horizon whose colour deepened between purewhite billowing clouds which appeared as soft as the folds of a woman

then he was startledjarred his visionat once veeredjumped  he found he lost his peripheral vision  he saw impossibly at once 360degrees

                 saw everythingat once  he was full  his skull a broken melon its seeds like compoundeyes  ogling  seedeyes seeing the grass at his feetthe sky aboveall around him like a turret of sense and sensations

he was enormous

                 he was buoyant brilliant dazzling a ceaselesslyconsuming fire

                                                                                     and washing over him her laughter

he could smell happy tears dappling her cheeks her fecundity he could smell her mixed with earth warmed rock freedom feathers breaths of beasts birds hummingbirds bees the respiration hiss of insects

                                                                                        washing over him her laughter 

his seedeyes swam to focus on her

                                   his wildwide vision eversprawling suddenly ceased and fell on hermagnified her on a gentle bed of young green grass small shoals white sand flowers fleshy leaves

                                                                                     she sprawled naked   his seedeyes scattered over her body they were furiouswere enticedwere incensed then in a spasm they rocketed off her body like flying fish tearing through the surf everything flung wide again 

he felt himself grin obscenely large

                                    felt himself treated  to this wonderment this impossible vision 

happilypossessing kaleidoscopic seedeyes

2107,  Twosday,  4  2. 92

1250,  Thursday,  25  3. 21

$547K -- American dead -- remember

a year ago the former president said “I think Easter Sunday, and you’ll have packed churches all over our country, I think it would be a beautiful time; and it’s just about the timeline that I think is right.” 

                                                                                          Easter last year the Trump virus claimed 20,000 American deaths

https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/study-trump-likely-cost-the-u-s-400k-excess-covid-deaths-109107269611

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2020/04/11/coronavirus-white-house-cases-deaths-easter-preparations/5132802002/

2111 or 911,  Thursday,  25  3. 21

 

he sat inside the DMV

                      took him better than a halfhour to get in after it opened anthat chucked on top of the twentythree minutes he stood outside in line 

he rolled past on two prior occasions but the line wrapped around the building it wasnt movingwasnt going anywhere like a constrictor crushing the life out of its prey  slowly suffocating it before eating it head first

he had no idea where the DMVs head was

he sat inside head down reading a book

he glanced upeyes came up to a scent

                                      Where the hell she come from             

when he walked in he eyeballed the place  

hadnt a clue how he missed her

obviously she preceded him in

to his right at the counter an employee accepted her paperwork and motioned for her to step back 

                                                                                                        then they said Lose the mask.

took the words right out of his mouth 

                                     Wellsheeit off comes the mask her arched black eyes are heightened by high Hispanic cheekbones straight nose full lips painted red her head was the cherry atop a sundaeWOW                   

                                                                                                          then she quickly undid her folded ponytail let her jet black hair fall across her back down to the base of her spine she used both hands to shake it free then shook her head shaking her mane utterly naturally free

 

                                                                                              What a beauty

he liked when happenstance treated him well

though his happenstances usually did when it came to women

in the right place at the right time

who knew the DMV would ever be the right place

he thanked his lucky stars

they graced him again

 

the employee took her license photograph

itll never do her justice

if the DMV was wise and took a moment longer and created flattering shots most people wouldnt bitch the excruciatingly long wait 

          yadon like your image  yacan pay for another toss of the dice which might be as poor as the one yahave

Okay. Put your mask back on. 

                              NO Whambamthankyamaam so anticlimactic  wannabe climax strangled in its crib

she did shutdown the fireworks quickly bundled her hair up and confined it again kinda like closing a exquisite dangerous stiletto

she did what she was told

he had to get himself a woman like that

the DMV is publicspace

NOT IN PUBLIC

NOT ALLOWED

TRESPASSERS WILL BE VIOLATED he loved that sign he saw hung badly on a barbedwire fence in Montana  

if he didnt do all the things he did that he wasnt supposed to hed have lead a miserable life

the quality of ones life isnt doing what youre toldisnt falling in lineis understanding the difference between you and othersthe difference between right and wrong is standing up for what is right decrying it deploring defying it not lipservice  but getting in its face because the very first thing to understand about wrong is that itll never correct itself 

it has to be corrected 

                     all that shit ran subterranean through his brain as he watched the employee and goddess conclude their interaction

then she was gone 

                   gone as suddenly as she appeared    

he hmmedstroked his masked chin  returned to his book

he decided she was never there

a figment of his imagination 

he liked figs 

            sometimes they presentedrolled out of his imagination when boredom picked at him like a cat bound indoors picked with a claw at a screened window trying to work its way out        

0819,  Twosday,  23  3. 21

1157,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  3. 21

Siegel- Schwall Band  Shake for Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH97-Ckmqtc

thatll teach him

he should have just gone to bedhe was tired  instead he decided to play with God  rather with the Hebrew Tetragrammaton (its most recent iteration looks like a stylised n i n ’ – his girl  Anais Nin)

YHWH  Yahweh

JHVH  Jehovah

Hebrews have seven names for God

he didnt understand why

he had two

his first name

when he crossed his parentsfrosted their fannies he was his first and middle name

he read that the Tetragrammaton four letters were used a symbol for the ineffablethe unpronounceable name of God

hmm  ineffable 

                    1.  beyond expression  indescribable  unspeakable 

                    2.  not to be uttered  taboo

thatll teach him

he dreamed

waking the following morningknowing that he was teed up knowing that he dreamed an ineffable dream for a man he figured hed blow his whistle on taboo on his somehow assigned ineffable dream that YHWH or JHVH might have slipped him to let him choke on it  be ashamed 

                                                 Fuckya  Im just the screen it was projected onthe canvas painted  that yaYHWH amused yourself but using me aint gonna shut my mouth

he took a deep breath of fresh air 

                                   runners on your mark  get ready  get set . .  GO he ran his share of race and won several

 

he found himself in bed with a small young slender blonde man smooth cheeked  hairless  a male version of a groomed saloned woman

they spoke intellectually  thatll get ya in trouble

they were naked  thatll get ya in trouble    

the young man embraced himkissed him imbued by his Eastern European culture men kissed men he kissed his father uncles brothers cousins never thought it queer he was not upset by the kiss it was pleasurable

evidently the kiss was more pleasurable for the young man he became aroused and physicallyforcefully pushed him down on the bed and rubbed his sex he could write penis but the only thing funnierlooking than the word is an actual penis against his 

             it was not unpleasant  he in-kind became aroused  while he enjoyed the contact and the kissing he was unsurehis eyes were closed asif closed eyelids were noncommittal  

                                                                       it wasnt until in a huskythick voice that the young man wanted him to turn over onto his belly that it got real  the thought to be fucked – he visualised it in his mind – I want you to suck my cock. – he visualised it in his mind – the reality nauseated him  the kisses were no longer sweet 

No

the young mans not listening to him  is on him like a dog 

No

hes not hearing him

Stop

he doesnt

he doesnt waste his breath and physically throws the young man onto the bedroom hardwood floor 

I  said  Stop

dumped on the floor clutching the slack of the throw rug under him he acts wounded he begins to cry Is that a thing

then from above he sees them in the bedroom  hes on a voluminous bed white linens pillows and blankets  the young man silently crying on the honeycoloured wood floor  then it is a white silent space asif they are in a container  in the sense that the whiteness of the now-sprawling bed consuming bed  the whiteness inhibiting any sort of edge or horizon or atmosphere  there seems no top no bottom  a great white metastisising void

he could still see the young man his well-shaped head his shoulder no muscular definition  he thought he could still hear his whining disappointment 

                                   his Shaddup unheard his anger roils  he wants to leave but he continues to sit and listen and look about and smell feel the bedding enjoy the translucence  the utterness of the white  a white light casting no shadows  he is surrounded  the white become fluid  it defining his extremities  filling in-between his fingers and toes  when he opens his mouth for a breath it enters his mouth  fills his nostrils  fills himhis lungs as he breathes  he slowly is becoming part of the white fabric 

                                             just before he wakes he is aware of only himself asif hed been alone the whole time the girlish man never was no sense of violation or anger asif hes a whipped aerated eggwhite 

he wakes  its morning           

1129,  Twosday,  4  2. 92 

1414,  Twosday,  23  3. 21 

 

the shit he wandered into when he read the dictionary

intinction 

           he immediately thinks tincturehes wrong hes okay being wrong hed been wrong more often that he was right  his object was not to be afraid of being wrong  in school he saw all those hands suffer by not going upby being ashamed they might be wrong he threw his up WRONGawright he learned by being wrong his problem may have been by throwing his hand up too quicklyhis classmates anticipating him that they let him wallow publicly which saved them from their errors he figured they debased themselves quietly in their own minds ANYONE ELSE? the teacher would ask if she was looking for another sacrifice GOD FORBID SHE SHOULD CALL ON ONE  then correcting him usuallymajoritively there was an unmistakable communicable sigh that blew up behind him he could feel it on the back of his ears he always sat at the front of the class if he didnt in his head he was likely to flee the confines of the classroom astral projection pull a Jack London Star Rover he bet he could if anyone could  when other kids were reading Charlotte’s Web he untangled himself and used her web as a slingshot   he read Charlotte long ago

intinction 

          he wasnt too far afield it was the Eucharist the host dipped TINCTURE in consecrated wine a wine which didnt give him anymore a head than other wines did – hedve figured sneaking into Church chugging their wine crossing the priesthood The Three Stooges The Father Son and Holy Ghost that it should have been a mindblowing experience -- NADA 

       intinction therefore was like a cop dunking his donut at a local diner or coffee shop 

he supposed at a young age his persona was fixed

persona 

         Latin mask  the role a person assumes to display his conscious intentions to himself and others

Nin wrote in her diary Anais Nin her preference the portrait of the subconscious self rather than the persona offered to the world

she was wrong 

                she wrote in her exhaustive diary amassed over nearly fifty years that it was the place where she could write her anger rage jealousy write of her demons openly honestly without fearing criticism not fearing NO

where she could expose her dreams

she was wrong

                writing a diary is not writing openly  honestly

he felt badly that she didnt embrace her separateness overtly  her individuality originality

he exposed himselfhe said things others preferred he did not

he didnt do it for shock

he did it to be honest 

                     anif someone thoughtand there were occasions that what he said was revelatory he smiled See revelations neednt come from God or gods or saints a broken-toothed gutter rat wearing sour clothing could make a revelation 

            so be it 

he was honest

                a divulger  dis -- abroad broadcast perhaps  vulgare make common make public publish

a divulsioner   tearing apart  violently separating

 

its all there

open a dictionary  read 

1101,  Twosday,  4  2. 21

1052,  Twosday,  23  3. 21

 

he read in the Philosophy of Tao as close he would tread to religion that Oriental yup Oriental  as Oriental is to Occidental  Edward Said that Oriental musicians learn music not by reading notes but by listening to their teachers playing  get the feeling of it  which allows her or him to acquire rhythmic and tonal sophistications                                                                                                                                sounded like jazz to him 

Tao refers to this as the peripheral mind

the peripheral mind he called his periferal is used for “knowledge of reality”

Tao concerns itself with unconventional knowledge 

                                                    where the fuck was that when he was a kid growing up beating his brains out in school 

Tao is understanding life directly instead of in the abstract refreshing  lessons were abstractions instead of the linear terms of representational thinking 

Tao seeks to restore and develop the original spontaneity termed “Tzu-Jan” self-so-ness

Shit had he known then Tao would have been so liberating 

                                                             free of convention not spurning it but not to be deceived by it to use it as an instrument instead of being used by it

Well   Wha the fuck 

                       Oriental to Occidental he couldnt help but wonder if this also wasnt race though to be sure his parents hadnt a clue when he mentioned Taoism to them

2339,  Monday,  3  2. 92

1516,  Monday,  22  3. 21

Don Cherry  Orient  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPmxnQiYgoc

 

We need more candles.

More candles

When these burn out do we have more?

Ah  to replace them   Not more candles burning

Yes.

he loved candlelight its hue and motion it is lush sensual  seductive 

they were listened to music just being together before she had to go to bed  his youngest said  Dad, I really like this kind of darkness; dark, but not too dark. I also like the patterns on the wall (the candles burned in three peekaboo copper orbs throwing light awry and up).

Anyway, we need more candles for the light and darkness.   

1020,  Monday,  3  2. 92

1437,  Monday,  22  3. 21

Don Cherry  Blue Lake  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br2KiSlOjgQ

 

Paint as You Like and Die Happy  Henry Miller

the pull-quote hed use to incite others to read it -- he was always dismallydisappointed when people made faces  sneered  aligned themselves  deigned him separate  asif that would be offputting -- he smiled wide wideWIDER for he wasnt keen on sneers  and he wouldntfor a moment wanna be confused with their ilk 

                                                                                             people who didnt shit 

he preferred his literary comradeship with Miller 

                                                   What is more intriguing than a spot on the bathroom floor which, as you sit emptying your bowels, assumes a hundred different forms, figures, shapes? 

he regretted that he never had the opportunity to meet Miller a 7 June 1980 expiration date  everyone has one some choose theirs

he didnt find the Tropics until high school 1970 he assumedmistakenly that Miller lived in France he was dumbfounded that Miller returned to a country that preferred killing to fucking 

Grove Press legally published Tropic of Cancer in 1961 where it garnered more than 60 obscenity lawsuits in 21 states before the U. S. Supreme Court decided it was not in 1964

therefore his window to meet Miller was small

to be fair to himself a large majority of that time frankly was filled with sex and drugs and drugs and sex and making money to afford the drugs 

                            a fullbore fullsteam ahead effort and blissful time which did not distract or interrupt his bathroom floor gazing 

he was utterly confident that bathroom floor covering designers were peoplewere women hed enjoy fucking  

0800,  Monday,  3  2. 92

1323,  Monday,  22  3. 21

 

seems the Republican Party is desperate to return to the time when only white male slave owners could vote

https://newrepublic.com/article/161084/republican-retreat-governance-voter-suppression

https://prospect.org/civil-rights/republican-party-getting-even-whiter/

now . . they just need to move the white women along   they aint swinging dicks 

1824,  Monday,  22  3. 21

cocktale 1

 

Awright one Sex on the Beach cummingup Watch yer toes seafoams sticky adverse to being purged 

                                                                                                            might gambolslither around between yer toes beneath your arches up yer ankle calf thigh to avoid being scrubbed off with dry sand or a beach towel 

                        Sex  a lively sip which may be because of a heavy vodka pourmay be the stuttering fuzzypeach schnapps the dynamic duo quickening the thin portions of fresh orange and cranberry juices

Sorry no party paper unbrellas  yare meant to get soaked 

                                                              unless yareally want the drink the cocktail

having lived in Miami two years Id recommend foregoing the limpid liquorGO for the gusto GO  for the fuck on the beach

Dare ya Walk into any Sunshine State bar an ask for a fuck on the beach Ya Theyd line up out the door around the corner but lemme know yer intentions whabar so I can get at the head of the line 

Well. My.  That’s certainly a cocktale.

 

It is But take care be alert because as is the animal man   some cocks tell

Tell the tale?

See donhave to put words in your mouth 

                                            An some cocks don Depends on the class of cock 

You're not overly fond of men, are you?

Actually theyre not my concern I donpay attention to em Man I doneven see em theyre invisible 

                                                                                                    An since its occurred to me just now  saw the film Ammonite last week  Miss Mary Anning Kate Winslet a famed English seaside paleontologist and lesbian meets struggling Mrs Charlotte Murchison Saoirse Ronan sexually curious an in it theres torrid sex between them where one cums and then the other inside of four minutesSO I nevernever ever wanna hear have a finger pointed at meaccusing me of cumming too quick a premature ejaculation notif thos two are going off blazin skyrockets an gasping fireworks in the breezy time they did  NEVER  

                                                                     Just sayin

2154,  Saturday,  20  3. 21

Don Cherry  Chenrezig (One who looks with unwavering eye)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGKk4goM2Qk