the coward-in-chief
“suckers” “losers”
theres no money in
it
2151, Reggae Friday, 4 9.
20
4.9.20
Dadu! she yelled from in the
kitchen to him in the hall where his granddaughters caught him coming out of
the spare bedroom Care for a cup of
coffee now, or did you want to wait a bit?
Cawwfee he yelled back Thank you
An you two knuckleheads the way youre acting I might think youve had
too much caffeine
Grandpoo! they chorused
Too early in the morning girls Ive told you if youre going to call me that
Ill shut you downignore you
Grandpoo!
he parted them a hand to their chest and gently pressed them
to the walls
Excuse
me ignoramuses
they tried to grab his arms to hold
him but he slipped them and under a hail of Grandpoo Grandpoo Grandpoo at his back he went up the hall into
diningroom where through the pass-through he could see his daughter drying a
coffee cup to fill it for him
Good morning love
she smiled widely her dimples deep her mothers dimples he could only wish he had dimples
Good morning, Dad, sleep well, dream?
Yes Yes Yourself Sleep well and dream
Yes. Yes. I’ll
pour your coffee and we can sit and talk, share our dreams.
Good Then Ill take it you had pleasant dreamsbeen
a bit
Yes. It has been a bit. A
wonderful dream. I dreamt of Mom.
seventeen years later Mom made
his throat tightentears work into his eyes he wiped them quickly his daughter
didnt see
How fortunate are you Did you
recognise her right off
when he dreamed of his wife she came
to him as a different woman rarely
herself a different woman who had her
hazel eyes which belied her as theyd speak
Yes, right off. I was walking
Spirit and she waved to me, hailed me, and crossed the pasture toward me. I walked towards her and we embraced and kissed. I held Spirit’s reins and we walked him hand in
hand.
she set his black coffee on the table
before where he sat set her cup down pulled out the chair and sat
Spirit and Mom In the country It cant get any better than thatcan it
she smiled huge
I’d have to think
but I don’t think so . . maybe if you were there too.
In a dream as rare as Mom visits me unlikely
Maybe. Though I appreciate your
unlikely to an absolute like never.
Boom A philosophical morning begins
But before I forget he reached
over and took her hand I love you
I love you.
he leaned towards her she met
him halfway they kissed once they kissed a second time
they sat back
Black coffee and kisses Cant think of a better way to start my
morning
Me neither.
the cup she filled for himwashed for
him was his favourite of her coffee cups it was decorated with a replica of a Joan Miro canvas
he
preferred the Miro to the various Van Goghs she had it spoke to him
it was very much like his
daughter her gentle thoughtful generous
nature which she readily extended to him
Thank you for serving me Miros
cup
she blinked and smiled
it seemed he
surprised her that he noticed every time
You’re welcome, Dadu. she loved teasing him with her new moniker she had addressed a letter and either in her
haste or distracted by the girls she wrote Dadu rather than Dad and seeing her
error she sent it anyway
You certainly are observant, have an eye for
detail.
Actually love thats rather an eye for beauty An how graced I am this morning to be able to
have coffee with my beautiful daughter
Awshucks, golly geewhiz. Am I blushing? she laughed deeply
MyGawd he thought Ill never get enough of her laugh he laughed with her
1737, Sunday,
8 3. 20
1204, Reggae Friday, 4 9.
20
when he could finally lift his
eyes off her beautiful face
her triumphant smile had slipped her
colour draining and grey
over the top of her head he
looked into her backyard her roses her wisteria breaking into bloom and fragrance her grapevines flourishing
anhe witnessed an abrupt winda sigh shake the plants anfrom a dandelion a whitetopped woven seed
shook free anrose into the air rose into the sky climbing
he climbed on top of it
he wanted to be high
to look down on the world that was suddenly empty her lifeforce escaped
anhe
rose high into the blue sky an found that he wasnt looking down into the
neighbourhood where she died
he floated over the green pond
that was a block over from the quadruplex they lived in in Minnesota when she
was a little girl
where he defied the posted
sign No Swimming anhad her hold onto his trapeze as he breaststroked
anchased dragonflies an tadpoles an the occasional big fish that rose near its
center far from where people couldnt possibly cast
anhe saw her with a
crooked stick in her hand he snapped off a fallen limb an tied a string to an
fixed a hook on an baited with a split earthworm they dug up an watched as she cried proudly Daddy! I caught fish! anhe freed
the small perch or bluegill an had her hold it an tell it Go get your bigger
brother or sister to come for me to catch . . anhe made her kiss it
goodbye which she did because he told her They were so kind to play with you, don’t you
think they deserve a kiss goodbye? You might
not ever see them again. They may swim down down down past the Frog Prince’s
castle who on occasion has come to our front door to pursue you to the hole in
the bottom of the pond that connects to a winding tunnel that lets them swim free
to the other ponds and lakes around us.
up up up down down down deep inside himself he sought comfort with memories
his baby girl had just died
1439, Sunday,
23 2. 20
1449, Thursday,
3 9. 20
3.9.20
she left with more than she could
possibly carry comfortably
but he knew she could withstand discomfort
she withstood pain that sheas he aligned with discomfort Discomfort, Dadu, nothing more. it poignantly reminded them they were alive
but he knew she could withstand discomfort
she withstood pain that sheas he aligned with discomfort Discomfort, Dadu, nothing more. it poignantly reminded them they were alive
One has to choose to suffer, don’t you think? Why would I do that?
he nodded preachin to the choir
yet she would patiently suffer
the ignorance of others if she believed she could enlighten themmake a difference
anhed have to admit his surprise how often she succeeded
she was a velvet glove
he was brass knuckles
Girl ya got the patience of a saint
it was upon that gracious extraordinary patience she fell when she enlisted him and her husband and her sister to caretake her through the end of her life
through the excruciating drip drip dripthe loss of her voice loss of her motor skills the drip drip dripdecline that accompanies dying slowly that ALS devised
her death certificate alluded to her ALS as the cause of death
but they her caretakers knew she triumphed and lorded over her illness
her huge smile at her death
confirmed it
0805, Day-between-Two-Ts, 4 3.
20
1356, Thursday,
3 9. 20
Doors Crawling
King Snake https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5cwmZxW0Jc
he stepped in front of a buddy
heading into the tavern from out of the alley
Man yamight wanna not go
in just yet mebbe give it tenfifteen go around
to the front look in through the window see ifa cat in a plaid shirts still
sittin at the bar Youll wanna wait him
out
Hes cryin in everybodys soup
Nobodys gettin a pass
The manll stalk ya
Hes buyin drinks
Ya drink
Yer doomed
Youll wanna shoot yerself
Whassup with him?
Hes upset
Whas upsettin him?
Letters Letters he wrote home
Letters home?
Yah His
maw died She had kept all his letter
since he moved out of his parents house Forty years of letters see
Forty years. There couldn’t have
been ma . .
.
. Many Cat told me he wrote fourfive
letters a week home and to other family
Imagine
Forty years?
Yah He was in there scribblin a
letter at the bar when I sat down beside him I asked Whoya writin man
Cat was writin his nephewya ever
written your nephew
Nah. I don’t write a soul.
See Hes in there writin and
drinkin whisky an beer Bought me three
rounds
He bought your time.
He did he nodded
they flinched as a couple of toms
tossed some garbage pails getting at each other had to be some punany around or maybe territory
Fuckin cats.
So what's with this cat, his
dead maw?
She kept his letters His old man burned em
They were her letters, not his.
Yah I thought too Turns out his old man couldnt read his
handwriting so his old lady read him the letters his son wrote him
He
ditched hers and his see
Forty years?
Forty years Anhe said the letters were usually tenfifteen
pagesfront an back
Fuck, man, cat had a lot to say.
Yah
He said he could rationalize why his old
man did itthough he thought he might have offered them to him before he burned em
I could see that.
Yah Me too
Then he said it reminded him
of his first girlfriend all the letterslove letters he wrote her When they split her new boyfriend was jealous
of em wanted her to toss em
She resisted
One day the boyfriend went into
her place when she was out took em all anburned
them in the yard with some goofy carnival toys hed also won for her that she picked out
He burned up their memories
What a prick.
Yah Not gonna be a long relationship
She called him antold him all his
letters were burned up
He asked why she didnt just give
them back if he was threatening em Imagine how fuckin insecure Threatened by old love letters Written before he was ever around see
Jesus. So these guys burned up . . his memories.
Pretty fuckin cruel
But thats wha we
excel athuh
Yeah. Wanna have at drink at Johnny’s up the
streetI’ll buy ya onekeep your streak alive anless costly to your psyche
Me anmy psyche thank you Yah
0850, Thursday,
3 9. 20
Joe Cocker The Letter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlX5IWwizGg
the CDC wants states to prepare
to distribute a nonexistent vaccine November 1
that will be nonexistent until likely mid-2021 end-2021
a politicised vaccine to yank the
presidents ass out of a sling which Americans are suffering because he was inept
is horseshit
is horseshit
remember the game Mother May I?
this
game is called Cunt, I Aint.
1553, Thursday,
3 9. 20
Frank Zappa I’m the Slime
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiCQcEW98OY
when things were called to an end
he realised when she was 20 half her life was over
not that anyone could possibly have known
although she insisted she was going to die young
anwhenever she related that she incensed him
they were the only
times he found himself angry with her
as a matter of fact she said emphatically she knew it would be true
she was certain as he was when he said he knew hed live into his 90s perhaps beyond
his advanced age would be a matter of his bad habit of
noticing everything and because everything did not reveal herself at once he had to be patient
everything would unfurled unraveled like a good stripper
anhis rope had to be long enough to allow
him to rappel to the depths he intended to venture
she said he was a chronicler
a listener lister
a namer
a charlatan of preposterous
fantasy and reality
2147,
Day-between-Two-Ts, 4 3. 20
1600, Day-between-Two-Ts, 2 9. 20
$186K -- killed
radiologist not infectious disease expert not public health expert Scott Atlas insists on the advent of herd immunity
AwrightOkay lets begin Atlass herd immunity at the very top lets infect Atlas every senior White
House official the president vice-president chief of staff cabinet members every administrative
White House support staff with coronavirus
give em 14 days
then letem talk to the American people
no skin in the game
shut your fuckin mouth
0008, Thursday,
3 9. 20
ELP Welcome Back my Friends https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VsifANR96s
2.9.20
the paperbacks were exactly the
same size
one was published by Warner
Books a Time-Warner Company The Mysterious Press James Ellroys The Black Dahlia 325 pages
the other A Plume Book published
by the Penguin Group Toni Morrisons
Paradise 318 pages
seems they were printed to a standard
applied to the paperback industry
their content was similar
while one was common
the other poetic elegant elegiac
they were equally brutal
they reminded him that no matter
how you dressed a whore she was still a whore
if there was the hole in his
logic it was simple
hed never meet a whore
not a street corner hooker
not in an alleyway or in a
backseat
Suck your cock for five dollars,
mister.
cocksucking was
foreplay
it wasnt the game
would he have to pay more to have
her put her finger up his ass while she sucked his cock
did ya tip
he hadnt ever paid for sex
he could masturbate
queer that the paperbacks were
the same at first blush
but spreading their pages
like whoreshe assumed
they were different
2131, Twosday,
3 3. 20
1508, Day-between-Two-Ts, 2 9.
20
“The more authentic you are, the
more authentic you can be with others. It has to come from an intention not to
manipulate.”
photographer Lynn Johnson
he found her quote in an article
called The Power of Voice in National Geographic its editors note explained that photography
is not unlike meditation the intimacy
captured can come only from a relationship ground in trust
he yearned for authenticity
either one has it or they dont
Boy, if you ain’t the real McCoy.
Mr Clarke said
Mr Clarke confused him the only McCoy he knew was The Real McCoys on
television he didnt follow Mr Clarkes
meaning what was there about him that
reminded Mr Clarke of the television program he wasnt a hickhe didnt call
California Californy
he smiled at Mr Clarke
Thank
you sir thank you very much
No. Mr Clarke took a knee before him he was sixfooteight on his knee he was still taller than him No, Joe, thank you. You’re quite a boy.
Mr Clarke was to undergo a
surgery
Mrs Clarke was quite agitated one would have to be blind to miss how the talk
worked in her face that she was holding back her tears bright blue eyes made brighter by the sheen
of uncried tears cornflower blue
eyes girlish eyes
Mr Clarke would chuck her under the chin and call her
his little girl
Joe asked her what he could do to
helphe wanted badly to help
Mrs Clarke knew Joes dad knew that
he was always clamouring through the neighbourhood trying to encourage people
to donate blood he was a donor
Joe, if your father would, he
could donate blood in Mr. Clarke’s name. The doctor said Mr. Clarke will need a
lot of blood. she caught her tears againstymied them but he saw
That would help a lot, Joe.
at dinner that evening
conversation circling the kitchen table what everyones day was like he
mentioned Mr Clarkes coming surgery and what Mrs Clarke had asked . . An I want
to donate too Dad.
Son, I don’t know if the hospital
will allow you to donate, you might be too young.
Somethings wrong with my blood
No. There’s nothing wrong with
your blood. There’s professional ethics, and because you’re nine you may not
understand what it is you’re doing.
Im donating blood for a very
good friend who needs it An your my
father an youll tell them to draw my blood because it is okay with you Youll make them listen an youll make them
take my blood
Dammit
his brothers and sisters went
bugeyed because he swore
It may be out of my hands, son.
I wont accept that Dad I want to give my blood to Mr Clarke an I
can if you say it is okay with you
You donate I should be able to donate
he was an adamant little cuss
he and his father donated at the
hospital
they also reached out to the
neighbourhood
Joe knew damn well that because
he donated he could leverage shame others to donate
they did
fiftyfour units were available to Mr Clarke
for his surgery
1127, Thursday,
5 3. 20
1237, Day-between-Two-Ts, 2 9.
20
Harry Belafonte John Henry Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydTRk1l0ZqI
Death – if one is dying fortunately
(186,000 have died in America and the majority have died alone robbed of comfort robbed of the care and the embrace of their loved ones robbed of saying one last time I love you
when it will have to suffice for the thousands more they thought they were
going to be able to share Trillions of
unsaid unheard I love yous vanquished negated) – Death creates captive
audiences
driving to his daughters home
in Southern California windows down blue air whipping through the car his
hair no radio nothing to balk or interrupt his thoughts he sang repeatedly over and over I’m working my way back to you, babe the Four Seasons over and
over he might have sang for two hours tears streaming out of his eyes
and as he sang
it occurred to him
that she might be thinking along the same lines except she was working her way
out of a horrible debilitating illness working her way to a new existence that
she knew existed
what was binding herkeeping her
from her new life was her failing bodyher failing mortality
she wrote him that she was
becoming very anxious
she wrote she was upset that she
was leaving him her sister her husband
and two children
but her time here was at an
end she had done what she was meant to
do
he did not doubt her earnest her intelligence
she had been one of the wisest most caring people he had ever known
he took no credit
she took after her mother
he was grateful his wife was dead
he was sure their daughters
death would have killed her
1514, Saturday,
22 2. 20
1937, Twosday, 1 9.
20
Four Seasons Working my Way Back to You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj0BnpvM5cQ
George
Michael I’m Never Gonna Dance Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7x9UUMmuTw
1.9.20
a companyhe couldnt remember its name but that was probably a good thing finally had an associate arrive after dark
Christmas Eve
its Outreach had been
promising for two weeks that theyd have an associate stop but repeatedly begged
off while reminding them it was the Holidays and because of vacations they were
understaffed
he thought he could only think because his family
intervened on the companys behalf and muzzled him he too-readily and forcefully spoke his
mindwore his feelings on his sleeve How
nicehow fucking thoughtful a company that
touts its prowess its primacy in critical healthcare-support acted like any-old non-critical business would seeing
to itself first
the Christmas Eve visit was a
last-ditch effort the company wouldnt be
Open again until Thursday January 2 partially-staffed not picking up the reins again until Monday
January 6
the associate intelligently diligently
deployed her script she dazzled them
and instructed his daughter specifically the family scribbling notes on an unreleased fourth-generation gaze-machine
-- some sales pitch – she left his daughter a loaned first-generation machine
unspoken beggars cant be choosers
they constantly had to recalibrate
the machine to read her eyes
if she went unhindered fifteen
minutes they considered it a major victory
his daughters their frustration
was palpable
the company said they get a
technician out to troubleshoot it
a technician never came
he had arranged his daughters
pillows to fix and make stationary her head so she could communicate on the
machine
it was early morning nearing three he knelt at her bedside his head under the monitor and worked a CBD
balm into her right hand wrist forearm and bicep
the machine made audible words phrases
and sentences she placed with her eyes
Dadu.
cant say she didnt maintain a
sense of humour
he looked up Yes baby
she gave him a familiar look with
her big beautiful eyes over the top of her ventilator mask
he crept backwards not to bump
the machine with his head stood sidestepped it and standing beside her looked
at what she had written on the screen
D feel No working D feel
Dfeel No working D feel No working
his throat thickened
D feel he said
when he felt his eyes wouldnt betray
him he looked in to her eyes
he asked D feel
she looked wondrously back into
his eyes
it
seemed she didnt know either as if the
machine printed D feel by itself
he asked her if she wanted him to
clear the screen so she could write
she blinked once
one blink Yes
two blinks No
he cleared the screen
Ill keep
massaging your arm
one blink
while he worked on her arm he
would watch her eyes as she intently wrote he assumed emails through the
machine she could also text
this was one of the longest times
he could remember when she didnt have to recalibrate
Dadu.
she startled him the speaker was directly above his head he was surprisedhe jumped inside himself
and not physically not knocking the
monitor out-of-synch
she gave him a familiar look with
her big beautiful eyes
he worked his way out again and
stood beside her
on the screen D feel D feel D feel D feel D feel
he didnt say anything for
lingering seconds
D feel had been a stand alone
phrase
a phrase she saved
he wondered if she wasnt tallying
her D feel-ings
her
Death feel-s
he couldnt
bring himself to ask her
maybe she couldnt bring herself
to say explicitly
when he could bring himself to
speak he turned to her again
You dont
know
she looked wondrously back into his eyes again
she blinked twice
then her eyes
moved from his she looked over his shoulderlooked into the corner of the dark
room where he had turned too many times to look and see nothing but where she obviously
saw something
she lay bathed in a
single halo of light from a canister above the bed
whatever it was seemed to provide her solace
Shall I clear the screen for you
it was a while before she turned
her attention to him
she blinked twice
then she closed her eyes
Are you going to try to sleep
she opened her eyes blinked once and closed them again
he leaned forward and kissed her
gently on the forehead
I
love you so very much sweetheart
she didnt open her eyes
he saw she smiled behind the
ventilator mask a big smile she only knew how to make big smiles
all her life she smiled
big
0758, Friday,
21 2. 20
1217, Twosday,
1 9. 20
Blood, Sweat & Tears You’ve Made Me So Very Happy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjZtRAoITP0
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