the President gives credence that
hes a retard in the parlance of his
upbringing to compliment his abysmal racism and misogyny
asshole
2021,
Thursday, 13 8. 20
13.8.20
on 17 January 1933 Anais Nin
confessed
I suspect that I am most of the time in a dream state.
87 years later he suspects the
same
words and events happening around
himinside him wouldnt exist without his presence
he freed them
he freed them
audacious
yes
but when he dies it will die
with him
and it will die altogether when
the last sentient being dies
1204, Thursday,
13 2. 20
1134, Thursday,
13 8. 20
Love
Death
& Taxes
Blood
Sweat
& Tears
he hadnt put them together before
maybe he was just thick
they jived
he had oodles to say of Death
& Taxes
though Death exhausted himtoo many dead in a short time aunt
uncle daughter mother niece neighbours a best childhood friend
felt like a sadistic carnival
barker had set up shop and was jeering Step right up! Step right up, Ladies and
Gentlemen! Step this way! Freakish death your fancy? Just behind this curtain,
step right up, guaranteed to curl your hair!
his daughter was deathly ill when
his aunt and uncle died he didnt have
time to mourn when his daughter died
grief swept him up like a tsunami he was still spinning and flailing just under
the surface when his mother died two weeks later
itd been like that since
he had yet to properly mourn his
daughter
his mother would be next
terrible to have to prioritise
ones grief
Taxes
they taxed him
paying tributes
why was he paying tribute to an assbackward
system that celebrated and catered to the wealthy zealously myopically
while it turns its eyes askance when challenged to regard the monstrous
portion of Americans who struggled every day to keep their heads above water keep Americas Free Market lubricated with
their blood
ably the system sustained the rude
pyramidthe pinnacle of pearly Haves towering above the base rheumy Have-Nots
theyre not as pretty
the system was devious
manipulative crass
he stuck with Love and
Death
Money cant buy ya Love
Money cant buy-off Death
1150, Thursday,
13 2. 20
1101, Thursday,
13 8. 20
Beatles Can’t Buy Me Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBSpmoA8V78
when she died she would take her
mothers eyes with her
he hadnt realised that beforehadnt realised the quiet subconscious comfort his daughter her eyes had given him since his wife died
at a suddenin a panic he told her
her eyes widened she shrugged slightly she smiled her ventilator mask rose though he couldnt see her smile
then . there . . . there . . in her eyes . shone her smile
I had to tell ya baby
she blinked once Yes.
when his daughter died another quiet possession would be stripped from him
his daughtertheir daughter his daughters eyeshis wifes eyes evidence that her motherhis wife existed
a brook that insisted he wasnt deludedhe hadnt dreamed his wife to utterly selfishly fulfill himself
when his daughter died his grip would be more unreliable
their lives together were too short
onehundred years would have been too short
despite his helphis jumping on command to try and secure what they neededwhen they needed it most
when they needed it most
HA he wasnt a god
mortals cannot intercede or heal
mortals cannot intercede or heal
when his daughter died he would be less diminished dulled
he would have to live with less
and as time past
even less
Natures way
1139, Thursday,
13 2. 20
1220, Day-between-Two-Ts, 12 8.
20
Sparklehorse Eyepennies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTNvoWzRmhg
It’s a Wonderful Life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vKhVUhX6_M
12.8.20
he asked
she blinked once
Yes
twice meant No
simple
distilled communication
functional
all parcels parsed
minimal
on the eyegaze machine
y n
shortesthand
no exposition
heartbreaking she finally conceded
y to a larger morphine dose
4 days after her physician
prescribed it
4 breathing
4 pain
she dragged her feet
y b in pain he asked
n
p
he smiled sadly yet bemused they were athletes they defined p as discomfort they refused to allow p a purchase
not p
he showed her the dose in the modified
syringe
she blinked once
he took a breath
they knew where this was going
he infiltrated the morphine
through her g-tube
she closed her huge beautiful
brown eyes
she had her mothers eyes
she wept
tears filled the inside
corner of her left eye
her eyes were sunken
tears when she allowed them heartbreaking collected
he went to dab her eye
he saw himself reflected in the quiet pooled tears
looking beyond his reflection
he saw her on her seventh birthday playing on a Slip N Slide in the grass with
friends she handpicked from among all her friends
who were invited by telephone calls to their parents they sidestepped the injury of not receiving
a paper invite at school
it was a beautiful gay sunlit day
filled with crystalspray splashing and thrilled laughter
he used the same Kleenex to quiet
his tears and hold to his mouth as he left the room so she wouldnt hear him moan wouldnt
hear him cry
p
Day-between-Two-Ts
evening, 12 2. 20
1052, Day-between-Two-Ts, 12 8.
20
he tried to sleep
he was exhausted
he didnt want to imagine again
what he had been imagining recently to fall asleepthat let him sleep
she forgave him when he told her though he wasnt sure he would be able to forgive
himself later
she used her eyegaze machine and
wrote If it works, Dadu, whynot? she wrote whynot as he wrote whynot
in letters to her her eyes smiled over the top of the
ventilator mask strapped to her head
to fall asleep he rolled himself
inside a carapace an angled shiny skin
blastfurnace
heat inside icycold without
a dichotomy separated
by an Kafkaesque insect scale
he didnt know if inside or
outside was his comfort or why it worked
it just did
2038, Day-between-Two-Ts, 12 2.
20
1544, Twosday,
11 8. 20
when she woke suddenly stunnedwoke to her living nightmare she was terminallyill
he hopedcrossed his fingers that
she woke from a beautiful dream
but no one wakes
in terror from a beautiful dream
no one wakes gasping unable to breathe eyes bulgingswinging around the room for help because she cant help herself hadnt been able to help herself for better than two months
no one wakes gasping unable to breathe eyes bulgingswinging around the room for help because she cant help herself hadnt been able to help herself for better than two months
wholly
dependent on her husband sister and father
frightened
what could be more frightening
than being terminallyill at forty years old with two young daughters and all
the things they had planned to do things she had planned to do
2033, Wednesday,
12 2. 20
1517, Tuesday,
11 8. 20
11.8.20
he asked his daughter to text him
The moon was melting into the sky
he liked the sentiment but thought he might be able to say it better
when she did text it to him he
replied an oval of butter melting under
a thin rind of blue marmalade
she replied Ooooh he heard her Ooooh more than read it her Oooohs were sensational you were fortunate if you ever heard one it made your skin go goosebumps
that evening as he walked he
pointed the moon out to anyone he crossed
crossing them – they hadnt noticed
– something about being too busy to see to look up into the sky – Ah he replied you take things for granted
they blustered Obviously, you’re retired.
he didnt say one way or the other
he let them think what they
wanted they would anyways
when he was a boy and learned what
retirement was he laughed he knew he wouldnt
be able to retire afford to retire
and he was okay with that even then
retirement meant having a career
and there was no
fucking way he was going to have one of those
he was passionate about Life
living would suffer no confinement and
its attendant horseshit
he didnt own a suit
he had a sport jacket he bought
forty years ago
a concession he made in order to
attend a wedding
he made it a point to watch the
sun set
he made it a point if not to
watch the moon then to go outside spend five minutes and say goodnight to it
he was usually at work before sunrise
0849, Twosday,
11 2. 20
1105, Twosday,
11 8. 20
HEY Republican
Representative House Freedom Caucus member FREAK Jim Jordan
howbout you get your priorities
straight howbout you get behind the
emasculated United States Postal Service and help them do their job despite the
appointed Postmaster General Louis DeJoy whos apparent joy is sucking The Presidents cock
Fall football
or critical mail delivery provided to every
American in every town and city and every rural province
1711, Twosday,
11 8. 20
he tried to wipe the sleep out of
his eyes but it stuck
and it was stuck-tight for theHAR foreseeable futureNo fuckin rest for the
wicked – nah he wasnt wicked per se – he
was a caretaker he split time with untrustworthy
others who were helping an old buddy who had no one left
they had
exited five of six in a car accident some ten years or so ago the survivor was murdered not long
after a cold case unsolved
cops couldnt cobble a motive together
perhaps forgetting
that motive isnt intrinsic sometimes
murder is coldblooded without rhyme or reason it presents its opportunity an
someone dies
he didnt think that
he was told by an older employer
when he was a young teenager
Bill Hems
Bill was a rabid John Bircher rabid
Yawan, ya can get away with murder, easy. Yep.
Don’t doubt me, boy. Roll somewhere out of town. Walk up behind someone in
the middle of the night an shoot ‘em in the back of the head.
Walk away.
Walk away.
No motive, boy.
Except you wanted to kill
someone.
Ever want to kill someone?
I have.
But then I’d have motive.
If you killed them, randomly, they’re
known to take walks at night, you’d never be suspected. That; and you’re a boy.
when his buddy called him for
help he flewno questions asked
they needed him
he was there
he could have said No
someone else may have
he didnt have a No for him Ever
his buddy wouldnt have had a No
for him Ever
Whacha need? hed move Heaven an Earth if he could
they were committed buddiesthey
broke knuckles together back-to-back
rarely but on occasion toe-to-toe theyd irritated the other they were volatile flammable no apologises necessary the best-of-friends lovers husbands wives on
occasion couldnt stand the other
however those
spatsthose insignificant moments in time over years an years were forgivable they didnt erode the deep feelings they had for
each other
everyones a fuckin human being
aint a more faulty creature ever made
catch em in a bad mooda foul mood intolerant theyd break an broken ya both own
it
they were dyed-in-wool buddies
too bad one wasnt a broad
either would have married the other
he was exhausted
he couldnt imagine
exhausted and dying
eventually theyd find their way
out
itd end
not for him
then hed be responsible to
tell his buddys story happily
Yagot a moment Ill buy ya a beer I got
a great fuckin story
1402, Monday,
10 2. 20
1627, Monday,
10 8. 20
Mark Meadows the White House chief of staff the informal leader of the 2013 Republican suicide
caucus a devotee of the House Freedom
Caucus apparently wants to up his
suicide cred to homicide
all Meadows has accomplished throughout his political career is being unable to do anything
he and the FAKE PRESIDENT are a tight
fit they walk in stepcould say they walk in goosestep SIEG
HEIL!
1257, Tuesday,
11 8. 20
10.8.20
Tarzan didnt say as much
but he was certainly leading him to it
he knew Tarzan was too kindtoo reserved
to say as much to hurt – nobody could hurt his feelings he didnt have any – to hurt his feelings
which
unfortunately was a deficit in Tarzans makeup he couldnt bring himself to offend anyone – ifya cant say something nice
say nothing at all which was horseshit – people need to be dressed
downneed to be heldup to scrutiny heldup
to derision heldup to scepticism
otherwise they skate away
quickly feel free to neglect questions or challenges or opposition and then too far away from the point they interjected
they aint doublingback to offer any explanation or defence
which is why people called him rude rude to deflect his interruption and try to rally polite listeners to their defence
that ploy didnt work either
and thats when in fact he became
rude
he could be as rude as the smell
of freshcrushed dogshit on someones sole
so . . Tarzan didnt say
an hed have to say it for him holdup Tarzans gun to his head
I think what it is you want to
sayare trying to say is that either Im
perverted or what comes out of my mouth you find to be perverted at least in regards to your sensibilitiesyour
. gentle . sensibilities kind sensibilities of which I have no patience for
Am I accurate
he looked like a worm twisting on
a hook impaled fearful to be feed to largemouthed toothed denizens of
the deep
still no reply
hed let him off the hook
he
looked pale looked uncomfortable despite his joy in making comfortable people
uncomfortable
Tarzan if pressed Id concede that I write – as I speak
– pervert prose and poetry
Yaought to
give it a try sometime
It is liberating
Anif anyones worth
liberating you are
I couldn’t. It’d be rude.
Sometimes nicety ought to be fucked in its
nice clean white teeth
2137, Friday,
7 8. 20
1354, Monday,
10 8. 20
Wolffe Fuck with Me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8y5kD3qUoA
$163K -- killed
re-opening schools
perhaps white Americas latest
way to lynch . .
1711, Monday,
10 8. 20
when Tarzan thats what he calls him
said it the first time it went off in his ears like a Fourth of July rocket
firecracker
he didnt say anything thenhe could
imagine he wasnt hearing right they were
pretty fucked up maybe they didnt need that
third bowl but the shit taste great like
smoking flowerslike creamybutter melting in their mouths seeping down their
throats filling their lungs and exhaleddrifting like lazy smoke from a censer
anhe was a bit distracted by the two chicas who sat across the street in
the park on a blanket in skirts facing him with their knees drawnup
it was a warm day and a slight
breeze tickled the hems of their colourful skirts
maybe they were giving him a show
or maybe they werent
hed take them either way
white cotton pants the backs of
ambercoloured thighs shins
reminded him of being a gradeschooler pleasant
memories
AGAIN
jarring he heard him clearly clearly the first time it snatched him out of his prepubescent flashback
Comon Tarzan Check it
Check it? he was obviously perplexed
he could see it in his face Tarzan
was telling a story and he really didnt want to interrupt him but . yareally
gotta tell it right . . inaccuracies distrack inaccuracies mar the Imagination thats kicked
backshoes offwigglin its toes goin with a
remembered flow a humourous tale
Tarzan wasnt a storyteller
for him it was as easy as letting the air out of a blownup coloured toy balloon
maybe for others it wasnt
that easy
he had to allow that
Im sorry
Fuck, man . . don't, I’ll lose my train
of thought.
Fuck A runaway train
I don’t know what you’re talkin
about.
he wasnt going to waste his time he wanted to enjoy his high
I said I don’t know what you’re
talking about.
Check it Stow it Fuckin stop it Youre veering me off the tracks train of
thought runaway train Full set of
hair
Whas a full set of hair
A full set of hair. It’s a full
set of hair.
Saying three then fourfive times aint saying what it isI
know what it is or what youre trying to say . . but its disrupting the story
youre trying to tell me
I don’t know what to tell you, man.
It’s a full set of hair.
Okay You mean . a full head of hair a full head of
hair because a full set of hairIm seeing simian tits and cleavage tits covered with coarse Neanderthal hair .a
full set of hair A full head of hair
Ohyeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant.
I figured Cant tell you how disrupting your imagery was
Maybe you can start again
I don’t remember what I was
talking about.
Fuckin guy
it wasnt just because he was stoned taken off point he often misplaced his point
Maybe itll come back
Yadont want me to
say cuz youll kick yourself
No. Please say.
River float college-aged girls in
thong swimsuits but you cant hardly take your eyes of their full luxurious
manes the sunlight playing in them
Ohyeah.
Thong swimsuits They could have been bald for all the fuck I
would have cared
the white cotton pants were still peeking at him
3-ishafternoon, Friday,
7 8. 20
1143, Sunday,
9 8. 20
Daisy Gray Wicked Games
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4VU-AwxzSY
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