29.4.20


he took another hit off the bong
                                 when no one gathered sat forward to take it from him he set it down in the grassat his hip beside his lawn chair

he leaned his head back and exhaled a long breath of smoke into the night sky it moved to the cool breeze coming off the lake

the water played in the reedslapped the warm mud mixed with silt and grass and last years fallen leafmulch 

they pitched tents built a firepit fed it seasoned oak they brought in their trunks and trucks 

they joinedthey said to celebrate their mothers life
                                                        he came to defend it
she was his motherinlaw 

hed known her only three years when she died but when he visited her his fatherinlaw they spent inordinate time together usually rising before the rest of the house  took their black coffees – another predilection only they shared -- outside and sat beside each other in wicker chairs sharing a side table made of a finished log stood on end  they knew the tree it came from  and usually sitting up before an applewood fire in the fireplace long after family went to bed
they were never bankrupt for conversation

he admired her deeply she laughed when he knelt genuflected – he liked the word -- before her paying homage to her for all the balls she managed skillfully to keep in the air it seemed that only he and his wife appreciated her delicacydeftness her aplomb as she negotiated yetanother riff between her children her children and her husband agilely constantly  putting out fires
                                     Why  he abruptly asked herhe felt too many times   Why

she would reach over to himtake his face in her hand  few people got that close  and smile beatifically Because they’re my family.

Who heap shit on you anfrom our conversations have heaped shit on you for long as theyve been conscious an youve been married

I accept it, it’s not like I didn’t see it coming, didn’t try and thwart it.


Is it a project

she laughed heartily No. Not a project, no. They’re selfish people, they were born selfish; it’s their nature. 

It’s my nature to nuture.

he couldnt hold his tongue Man your cross to bear
                                                      Seems the wrong people are bearing crosses


he hung on her wordsalways paid attention to their depth their gravity

he learned lot from her but hed be damned if he put it into practise as she did

she shined a light into a wilderness which otherwise he wouldnt have known


his wife wasnt selfish

unfortunately she exhibited the same tendenciestendernesses her mother did  they were two peas in a pod

yet once he started dating her he made sure her siblings understood they were to treat her right or hed treat them in kind 

they really didnt like that 

he didnt care 

Balls in your court Cross your sister youll cross me An as you know I wont tolerate it Make her life hell for a moment  Ill make yours hell for a day

it wasnt a threat




he sat around a campfire with them

he wouldnt have been there if his wife hadnt begged
                                                         truly
he couldnt deny his wife anything

but he could make her beg

he wasnt sure what that said about him about them  about her

he preferred to keep her out of harms way

but she preferred to walk on hot coals

Why
      that echoed Why he threw at his motherinlaw

his wife let his Whys roll off her back

she tried to disarm him They’re my fam . .
. . No Theyre your siblings Theyre your parents family

shed set her jaw adamant like trying to make a mule get up and walk if it didnt want to  They are my family.

Yes Yours  Allyours


they sat before the fireyapped what a miracle it was that their mother held on as long as she did before she died that she clawed back and was able to communicate with them after her physicians said she was at Deaths door

they liked to co-opt her miracle as their miracle lighted by its light  not their mothers light  they wouldnt give her that
anymore than they gave his wifelied to her that her mother was doing well when in fact it was apparent to her physician that she had lapsed back into a coma and could linger for weeks months   a year 
a real Quality Lifehuh

her machine was turned off



stoned
        what he could imagineknowing his motherinlaw  her and her witchy ways  was that she foresaw what loomed in the future for her granddaughter the only grandchild she was alive to meet and enjoy  she sidestepped her miracle hoping that it might flow to her granddaughter

he could imagine and he could accept that


he let them talk

he pulled his chair back from the corona cast by the firethey wouldnt mind  and sat situated where he could hear the water better than the fires crackling
                                       their cackling

his wife got up out of her chair and squatted down by him gave him a kiss Are you alright?

Ahyour sweet Im fine Really  If they cross any lines . . 
. . You’ll swing in like Tarzan?

Yes Jane Exactly like Tarzan

I love you. Thank you.

he looked up into her face  it was darkened by the night her shadow the bright fire at her back  You know  eventually  Ill submit to you  Im stubborn   And Im stubbornly in love with you

Your mom was one-in-a-million  I am so grateful meeting you allowed me to me her

You were her guy. You know she wrote that in her calendar the day she met you.

Yah  She was so cocksure

he saw the smile break on her face his eyes more accustom to the darkness now or maybe lighted by moonbeams reflected by the lake  Cocksure?  My mother and cocks?  Could we agree to assuredconfident?

Off of one meeting

Love. No matter who you meet, you make a substantial first impression.


Are you tryin to get in my pants



Could be.  she squeezed his thigh as she rose  I’m not going to ask you if I can get you something.


I love you Cindi

I lust you too. she walked away


as much as he liked to see her come he liked to see her go

Twosday evening,  15  10. 19
1257,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  4. 20
Blood, Sweat and Tears  God Bless the Child  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04rClGsbWp4   



healing
 
                       heal thyself

actually the quote is from Luke some chaptersome verse  Latin  Medice, cura te ipsum

she wasnt a physician

she was curiouslyinclined and knew her body

she knew her bodyshe thought as well as he knew his
                                                            Yadont Ive abused my body I know my abused body more than you know your unabused body 

Yours is a temple baby

Mines a hovel

I knew that from the getgo

So please dont follow my lead


he blew hot air



years ago when she worried she would die youngher mother committed suicideher maternal grandmother died young of a novel disease he reminded her that he was inside of her too
                                                                  Yagot me inside you I dontfor a moment believe youre going to die young

she smiled warmly Maybe, I’m telling you . . to prepare you.

Please stop Nothing can prepare anyone for death 

Youre an athlete You know the power of thinking positive Please Muster positivity  Put this death-imagining down



she tried her best to heal herselfletting her body dictate the terms 

it was a bad fit

she neglected the medical professionals despite seeking them

he had done the same

he did because he felt the physician didnt listen to himhad a preconceived notiona preconceived diagnosis 

he decided that the symptomssymptom of whatever was haranguing him was ultimately pain  the matter then  bearing it

so he decided to quash the specialists diagnosis and let his body heal

he accepted the pain the sleeplessness  accepted the time hed have to commit  and endure


her professionals were genetic specialists

he thought they could have impressed her

she swung their way later  perhaps later than she should have

maybe she would have endured longer

maybe


her healingher miracle manifested itself in her brute tolerance her determination and was alternatively aided by high-tech medical machinery  chicanery   snake oil

If you believe If you believe If you believe
                                            Theres no place like home



she broke his heart

not that she meant to

but there was no way she couldnt


the last thing she wrote him with her eye-gaze devise You are the best Dad


2303,  Monday,  16  12. 19
1438,  Twosday,  28  4. 20

28.4.20

432 Hz



she bit himbit his shoulder she bit hard enoughbroke the skin  he bled freely  

if he wasnt distractedif he wasnt stoned he might have felt pain

it may have been more pronounced

he was too distracted


Katies bite remains the only scar given him by a woman he didnt have sex with


he remembered the night wellhed never forget it  she snuck into his bed while he was asleep  though frankly between stoned on hashish and hypnagogic an octopus couldve slithered into bed with him and he might not have known it
he recalled her heat

her scent like warm fresh baked bread

her small hand  she ran her fingers down his throathis chesthis belly to his cock               

cocks are always game

it perked right up to see whadahubbub was it could have uttered NIIICE

she took himsqueezed his cock hard  then rolled onto her back 

he followed her overopening his eyes
                                       Katie

Katie. Nice you can recognise me in the dark.

Let go of my cock Katie

Let go? Do you really want me to let go of you?

Please For now

For just now?

For now Im pretty fucked up

Yet you can recognise it’s me.

Of course An I recognise your scent

My scent? You haven’t ever said anything about my scent befo . .
. . Doesnt mean I have smelled you Inhaled you

Inhaled me. That’s a lovely thing to say.


Whadaya doin in my bed

I’m spending the night.

You spend lotsa nights Siss best buddy

Her bosom buddy.


Quit Quit leading

I have nice tits.

he looked they stood like two mounds of ice cream her nipples erect  You have really nice tits

You can . .
. . I could evidently Im pretty fucked up  I like remembering  memories  If I did Id want to remember every detail I have long memory an Id hate to lose anything to a fog


You mean . . no.

I mean no now

Joe. Really no?

Katie youre my Fast Katiealways  No  Now


The man says no. You understand one day you’ll say yes . . . an I’m gonna blow your mind.

before he drew another breath she said Aw, what the hell! A preview?
                                                                          she went off  I’ll blow your mind. she slipped her hand between her legsher fingers strummed plucked fingered  I’m thinking right now . . she tugged her taut nipples . . I’m sucking your cock, you’re suckin my pussy . . Katie began furiously masturbating  he could smell her  her musk  her wetness . . Ahhyou’re fuckin mefuckin my tits  you’re fuckin me from behind  rabid  squeezing my tits tweaking my nipples kissin the nape of my neckpulling my head around to kiss mesuckin my tongue  fuck fuuuck   AwFuck  FUUCKshe shudderedbit his shoulder she came  came   and cameher panting rising to a crescendo she shoved his hand into her mouth to muffle herself
her eyes shining




he remembered her eyes in the morningremembering them as he slowly roused

he was alone

Up he thought  he could smell coffee and toast downstairs

he went to move rightget out of bed on the right side in the morning it tickled him to think so an pushing off with his left his shoulder barkedsmarted

he had been bleeding  Katie she made him bleed

he bruised too blunt trauma hed have to pick on her  I thought your teeth were sharper

he threw on a pair of shorts over his nakedness and went to the bathroom to clean up threw cold water on his face scrubbed his wound with a washcloth and soap

downstairs in the kitchen he pulled up a chair across from Katie and sat to have coffee

You like your coffee black? she asked

her eyes  I like most things straightthe way they are  nothing but themselves  Raw

his mother interjected  He likes his eggs raw, loose or wet if they’re cooked.

I like em to jiggle when their served

As he tells every waitress who has served him breakfast.

You say that to them? asked Katie

he looked into her eyes I do like scoops of jelly  as I am reminded   her eyes
she blushed

My son thinks he’s so charming he can get away with murder.

I am I am only acknowledging reality  Not bragging

his mother and Katie at once said He is. then laughed at their chorus

Thank you beautiful women I love stimulating conversation first thing in the morning when I wake Do I smell fresh bread Maw he looked over at Katie she blushed againprobably grateful her back was to his mother

You do, you do.

her eyes


the rest of the family began descending on the tablecrawling out of their nooks and crannies 

the old wood table could sit a dozen

with Katie they fell one short




a couplethree weeks later he shared his shoulder with Katie

her jaw dropped I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

Dont be Its gonna scar an you know how I feel about scars Youve carved yourself forever into my memory

In your long memory?

he grabbed her by the back of the head and kissed her roughlyquickly 

loosening his grip on her head he leaned in again and kissed both her eyes then looking deeply into them he said You remembered.

0057,  Sunday,  15 12. 19
1316,  Twosday,  28  4. 20


she unnervedvexed him  every time he saw her 

her person besieged him
                           frisson tingled his cock  root to tip    the whole enchilada  

he wouldnt apologise for spoiling someones dinner 

it was a biochemical response adrenaline beyond his control drug-run by his sympathetic – thank gawd -- nervous system vasodilation the not-so-short of it was that he suffered cock blush


he was lazing with his youngest niece they were laying in her bed while she read to him a school primer she had a significant vocabulary for a sixyear old reading in bed were her terms he was hungover the terms were acceptable  he could listen keep his eyes closed prying them open only when he felt himself swoon   

Havent you something else to read I mean something a bit more exciting grrl

I want to get my school things out of the way.

Business before pleasurehuh

What?

Never heard business before pleasure

No.

Its getting work done before you relax do what you want to do

I like school.

So its not work

When it’s work, uncle, I'd rather not.

Youre fortunate  school for the most part is a breeze to you

What?

Youre good at school

I am.

I wasnt Not for the lack of trying I worked hardreally hard for my Ds

What’s a D?

Disappointing

If youre anything like your motheran I think you are youll never know disappointment Youll survive in the heady oxygenless realm of near-perfection with few peers

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

You wont have to know you just will your own personal cloud Unhackable  
Inaccessible Except for you

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

You said

So were gonna do the primer thing

We're going to do my schoolwork.

Youre killin me kid Killin me

as she started again her babysitter as he learned a sprite teenager suddenly entered  Hey, Lorelei, I was passing by, finalising this weekend’s plan with your mom, she said you were back here, I wanted to say hi.

Jesus frisson Who stacked her frisson



she looked damn-nearexactly like a girl Fast Katie he knew in high school an affectionate name he gave her christened her 

she was his kidsisters best friend often slept over at the house

one night he wokeup and found her laying with him her skin warm against his her hand on his chest playing at his nipple slowly painfullyslowly sliding her hand to his belly

the nipple tugging woke him

he was still high

whose hand

he pushed his hands forwardstretched out his fingers  not either of his

the hand wasnt put off my his reaching it continued south

he caught it at the start of his pubic hair

he still really hadnt moved 

he cleared his throat

And whoo are yoou  his best Alice caterpillar

Who?  Me?  she whispered in his earsqueezed his hand

his kidbrothers were asleep at his feettheir feet in a bunk bed

Im still high . .
. . Lucky guy. About to get luckier.

Whos me

she shifted her body they laid on their hips she crossed his legs with hers under the covers

he could feel her bush at his rump her cotton nightgown raised her breasts at his back

Your sister said you slept naked


Whos me

Katie.

Katie  Siss Katie

Your Katie, if youd like.

he turned left towards her flat on his back not particularly flat

What are you doing he could make her face out in the darkness her big eyes under her bangs

Nothing.   Yet.

Yet

Yet.  Something if you'd like.

Katie smelled good

her hand went to his cock

she smelled like fresh baked bread

he caught her at the wrist stilled her

Please, Joe. Let me give you pleasure.

it struck him crystalclear in that warm moment a never-to-be-forgotten moment he didnt accepthe did for others he was rarely given anythingan maybe that was him not wanting to be beholding  to anyone

Please, Joe. What would you like? What can I do for you?

Katie  Youre too young

Too young for what? Sex? a handjob, a blowjob?  I know what I’d like to do to you.

AwKatie Stop Youre killing me   You we  shouldnt

You’re pausing she grasped his cock gently she rubbed just beneath its knob with her thumb her nail her thumb  If you don’t like it, someone here does.

No Katie

No?

No

Katie seemed to take his No as well as he had taken Nos

she squeezed his cock hard and then rolled onto her back The man says no. You understand one day you’ll say yes . . . and I’m gonna blow your mind.
                         but she went off to blow his mind right then Im thinkin I’m sucking your cock, you’re suckin my pussy . .Katie began masturbating he could smell her her musk her wetness . . you’re fuckin mefuckin my tits  you’re fuckin me from behind  rabid  squeezing my titstweaking my nipples  kissin the nape of my neck pulling my head around to kiss mesucking my tongue   fuuuck  Awfuck  FUUCKshe shudderedbit his shoulder she came and came  and came  she started to pant she shoved his hand into her mouth


Crazy  Youre fuckin crazy Katie

she pulled his hand out of her mouth  panted Crazy. You want crazy?

I think . .
. . Quit thinkin! Im fuckin you. she rolled on top on himgreased his belly greased him down to where she had grasped his cockgreased its head slipped himengulfed him her tits were bigger than he thought JESUS he tried to fit them both in his mouth to keep from cryin out kept pulling her down tight to his body she wanted to buck on his cock Brothers

They wake, they’re paying.

Shaddup Katie

Can you shut me up? he grabbed a handful of hair leaned upcaught her knee with the hook of his handyank her off his cocka hand on her shouldera handful of hairtipped on his hipshoved her downjammed his cock against her teeth jammed jammedjammed until she open her mouthstill a handful of hair  then it crossed his mindlaughed briefly she was doing exactly what she said she wanted to do to him
he erupted
she choked
he erupted again
she choked

he erupted again

she choked  swallowed   choked   gasped


when she oozed back up his body face to face he kissed her deeply  one of the boys stirred

when he broke off the kiss he said I owe you Katie


I collect on I-O-Us. They’re promises. A promise, despite you going to Miami.



I better get outa here.she kissed him deeply then holding his face in her hand a quick peck You’re not pressing charges, right? laughing she slipped off the bedher nightgown fell down from above her breasts and from the floor beside the bed she wrapped herself in the blanket she came upstairs in



frisson

   frisson
               who stacked her

she walked over to the bed and extended her hand to him said Don’t getup; I can see you’re . . involved.

Understatement Christ girl after my own heart Nice to meet a young woman who understandsvalues a handshake out the gate

How I was raised. Im Keira.

Raised properly  Im Joe

My pleasure, Joe.

Oh yadont know the half of it Keira  My pleasure indeed

she smiled large

not as carnivorous as Katie 

but Katies doppelganger


he ventured it  Keira Are you familiar with the term doppelganger

I remind you of someone?

Spitting image Im a bit unsettled

I recognised it in your eyes.  A farness came across them.

AhYes  Very observant

I am

An knows how to take a compliment which would be redundant if I said more

Thank you. My mother says Im older than my years.

Like my sister Like this little grasshopper  he grabbed his nieces head and shook it playfully Its been my fortune to be surrounded by women who are older than their years

Too be frank Im putty in their hands

Keira laughed she didnt cover her mouth  Then I’m looking forward to molding you.


frisson
        or possibly a myocardial ischema or infarction   or simply his heart gulped


small  smallfuckin world

0057,  Sunday,  15  12. 19
1656 or 456,  Monday,  27  4. 20
Alice in Wonderland caterpillar  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy3VDu3Gc8Q
The Runaways  Cherry Bomb  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EBvXpjudf8