9.4.20


he was reading beside her bed

he was reading a book he gave to her on her birthday when she was in college they drove up to spend the afternoon take her out to dinner and then spend the night on her apartment floor in the morning she had to leave for a competition

but it was her birthday

theyd steal whatever time they could


the book Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee had short parts he could read one and look up and see that she was still asleep she catnapped hadnt truly slept in threefour months she couldnt lay down sat at a seventydegree angle

he read one put his finger between the pages to hold his place
                                                                   then read again

she woke in tenfifteen minutes in a sudden gasplunge lurch that shed been waking like of late 

Easy baby easy sweetheart Im hereright here he took her hand shegrabbed his
                                                                                       Im here Youre here I love you
he told her he loved her every time he had a chance


she couldnt speak

her eyes grew big
                   she said I love you with her eyes

she looked at the book in his hand over the ventilator mask she wore 

her eyes asked what he was reading

he held it up his finger still in it 

her eyes grew large again she nodded it was a favourite of hers

I found a short piece I wanted to read to you

she nodded

she released his hand  he took the book in both of his  cleared his throat  he steeled himself so he didnt cry

Chief Crowfoot
                 he died on her birthday in 1890

What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night, it is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.


he couldnt raise his head immediatelycouldnt look in her eyes afraid of what his daughter would see in his  


when he finally looked through his tears she had tears in her eyes

Beautifulhuh he croaked

her eyes shone Yes

he croaked again Almost as beautiful as you I love you so very much

she motioned to his hand

she could hardly move her arm

he took her hand

she squeezed his hand he squeezed hers back

they didnt  they didnt let go of each other for a long time


0744,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  2  10. 19
2258,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  8  4. 20


Fuggedaboutit.
                the painted clown in Trumplands center ring squeals like a little girl   
Fuggedaboutit.
                       
hed love to forget about the phantasmagoric excrescence and putrescence this president has laid at our feet

Aint gonna happen
2256,  Thursday,  9  4. 20


it was corrosive

                      he remembered walking into a classroom of teenage girls at an extension high schoolmaybe fifteen girls some kids dont learn mainstreamcant be taught in a parochial environment

they were pregnant

they were embarrassments to their parentsprobably God-lovers 

to their community which preferred it didnt have a problem with their youth

straitlaced 

Conservative

head-in-the-sand
                   somebody can fuck you in the ass if youve got your head buried in the sand just an observation



corrosive
           he later saw a smattering of young women left high and dry and with a child or more abandoned by their impregnator who have an inalienable right to inseminate not their fault they were seduced and by their rights they werent going to provide for the fruit of their loins
                                                    and there wasnt a damn thing the women could do about it
abortion was outlawed


shackled

slavery

aint bygone


1036,  Sunday,  13  10. 19
1611,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  8  4. 20

8.4.20



John Prine  That’s How Every Empire Falls

he died today -- coronavirus claimed another soul

2013,  Wednesday,  8  4. 20


he didnt knowcouldnt say maybe it crept into her skull early one morning when she couldnt sleep and went out to sit lay down on the couch in the livingroom and turned on the bluelight of the television sound down she didnt care what the machine had to say the pictures interested her more the faces and she could makeup words that they said perhaps words she always wanted to say either she was too frightened despite being outspoken or no one cared anyway her eldest son had told her he quit listening to her advise when he was still a teenager living at home

in her blur of illness and tiredness maybe her hallucinationsher hypnagogic trances were more entertaining


maybe it did creep in and infect her brain she said as much maybe that prevented her from sharing with him  

I don’t have to share with youwho do you think you are?

Im your son I love you Im asking you because Im concerned Im asking the same question Ive asked during telephone calls and in my letters These are my only access to you However you avoid me

I don’t have to address themI don't know what you’re talking about.

You should understand Maw I wont stop asking

Ah, clever boy, a battle of attrition, like Nazis invading Poland, invading Warsaw. You had family die at the beginning of war, die in camps . . 
. . Youre being really dark Maw 

Is this how youre feeling insi . .
. . I don’t know how I’m feeling, what I’m feelingI’m unhappy, I’m unhappy with my health, how I am living, the husband I have . . 
. . Whos caring for youfeeding you  running errands for you

You don’t know.

What I know is what you have told me in prior telephone calls  Thats what you have said

I did not.

You have

I don’t remember. 


Okay



Would you prefer I call back later Maw

Yes. Later. Maybe I’ll feel better later.

Youre not hurtingcorrect


Life hurts. 

You know that.

Ill call in a couple of dayscheck up on you You should have a letter arrive this afternoon or tomorrow

Perhaps tomorrow. The mail arrived today and there wasn’t a letter from you; unless, of course, your father is keeping it from me.

You know he wouldnt

You don’t know that.

You received my last letter

Yes. I don’t remember what you wrote in itI don’t even remember what I had for breakfast.

Ha  I dont eat breakfast so I dont have to be concerned about remembering that I didnt

You’re foolish not to eat breakfast.

Ive been foolishwha almost twenty years now You always tell me to eateat breakfast  But it works for me

It’s not smart.

Ive never been accused of being smart

You’re not stupid.

Im not stupid I wouldnt suggest it to anyone but it works for me

You should eat more.

I eat what my body needs Gas to go from here to there until I need to refill

You are not a machine.

Are you recalling this conversation

his mother laughed This? Yes. I recall.

There you go You do remember things

I remember like Pavlov’s dogs.

Look at that You remember Pavlovs dogs Thats memory Well keep working on it 

And then maybe youll say  youll answer me on the telephone or in a letter 

I will keep asking you


You should save your breath.


I love ya Maw

I love you, Joe.




he was always Joe to his Maw

he was always Son to his Paw


he wished shed say what was ailing her 
                                           but they often discussed that their lives were the only thing in life they really had for only themselves

he shouldnt mind not knowing if she didnt want to say 

what he needed her to tell him was that it was none of his business not avoid answering the question again and again and again

two different things


Hell she taught himtold him never avoid things


was it some kind of do as I say not as I do

he was a parent

he said and did exactly what he said

they werent different things


he sighed Ah Maw

1239,  Twosday,  1  10. 19
1453,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  8  4. 20
James Gang  Tend My Garden/Garden Gate  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqeErugWXZ4 


         acting     Acting      ACTING! everyone in Trumpland is   ACTING!

the IG selected by a panel of inspectors general Glenn Fine the ACTING Pentagon watchdog was removed Monday by the clown in the center ring Drumpf who replaced Fine with Sean O’Donnell the EPA Inspector General which to be fair the EPA is sitting on its hands not overseeing industries due to coronavirus apparently healthier and more convenient to let industries oversee themselves

1733,  Day-between-Two-Ts, 8  4. 20

7.4.20


while medical professionals governors mayors around the country seek to mitigate coronavirus

while the Assistant to the President  Director of Trade and Manufacturing Policy Peter Navarro sought to mitigate the recent damage his noxious disagreement with Dr. Fauci  a world-class expert of infectious diseases  touting Hydroxychloroquine Plaquenil a decisive gamechanger  echoing the presidents harping  it might not be curious The New York Times published Maggie Habermans article revealing Navarros memo that he shared with the White House in January  warning it of the possibility of a pandemic    

while also the president who may or may not – using his language – have financial ties with entities that would benefit from increased Hydroxychloroquine production and sales – and possibly or not – providing for his billionaire buddies the president continues seeking to mitigate any failure or culpability regarding his responsibility to protect the American people from coronavirus 
            he attempts to mitigate his abysmal lack of leadership mitigate the Federal Governments piss poor response

mitigate his Reality Show favourably


mitigation apparently is a game

trafficking in human life

1848,  Tuesday,  7  4. 20


“SCOTUS Just Set the Stage for Republicans to Steal the Election”
he questioned a friend years ago why he was so paranoid  his friend didnt even wait even 17 seconds to answer him he said It’s never a matter of being paranoid; it’s a matter of not being paranoid enough.
                                                                                             too long for a fortune cookie
his friend currently serves as a successful security expert


so much for the Court being apolitical or humane  WIN at all costs   no matter the cost

1549,  Tuesday,  7  4. 20
https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/scotus-wisconsin-election/                                 
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote in a fierce dissent: “The majority of this court declares that this case presents a ‘narrow, technical question.’ That is wrong. The question here is whether tens of thousands of Wisconsin citizens can vote safely in the midst of a pandemic.” 


Thomas Modly a Trumpist gotta be a Trumpist to be elevated to a position you have no chops for  Modly the ACTING Secretary of the Navy has resigned and is being replaced by James McPherson who was the ACTING Undersecretary of the Army – although McPherson as of 25 March 2020 was finally confirmed by the Senate as Undersecretary of the Army  eight months after he assumed his ACTING part 

James McPherson will now become the ACTING Secretary of the Navy until hes confirmed

ACTING  ACTING   everyones acting gigging in Trumpland  under the biggest fake of them all

1527,  Twosday,  7  4. 20


his brotherinlaw was coming on him like gangbustersLatin Non compos mentis. Whas that mean Non carborundum illegitimi. Back to the mentis whas that mean Think about it. flailing like a schoolgirl in a fight to save her life he interjects My girlfriend taught herself basic Latin on a lark she was curious The only way I could learn Latin and I did was to attend Catholic school But who wants to suffer religious indoctrination An besides I think its illegal for an atheist to go to Catholic school whadaya think I think non compos mentis. Awright mentis  brain  compos a compost heap Shit for brains Not worth composting That’s not bad. Mentally incapable. My girl would have crushed it Shes damn good with wordsbreaks them down to their roots Dazzles me                                                          
Unfortunately more often than notnot that Im trying to feed her words she wouldnt knowlike Im knowingly trying to frustrate her it prompts her to be stern with me  Joe, that word, I believe, has a Greek root. I didnt study Greek. You know that. I know she didnt study Greek but why would I know the word had a Greek root

So I always tell her as playfully as I can  but earnestly So what youre telling me is the word is Greek to you which always cracks me uptoo funny to let pass

She doesnt find it funny

She  no matter how long weve been together she thinks I try to make fun of her shes been made fun of all her life now shes sensitiveso sensitive she sometimes thinks Im making fun of her too I wouldnt  Fucking no

Its funny I tell her Ya gotta laughlaugh at yourself An laughing at yourself you can find their perverse humour Dont take it personally When other people try to goad youlaugh  Theyre thinking theyre gonna get the better of ya Shut em down By laughing at yourself you defray and deflate them  You dull their miserable cruel attacks
Theyre trying to make fun of you to feel better about themselves 

So you steal their laughternot that theyll feel ashamed No But youve disarmed them

Yacansay Thats so clever have it stutter an spill through your laughter An walk away Still laughing     

When someone laughs harder at themselves than others can theyve stolen their fire Theyve fucked them



That’s a mouthful.

Its true

Non carborundum illegitimi.

Cryinoutloud Normally you cant remember shit when youre taken off your train of thought

I didn’t hear a word you said. I was repeating it over and over to myself until I heard you stop to breath.

Not a word

I cant listen to every word you say. I have to parse my attention when you carry on, otherwise I’d burn out.

You do recognise that you usually have something to say, in depth?

If its something I know about otherwise I shaddup listen and try to learn


Non carborundum illegtimi.

Fuck

Awright

Was able to stumble through shit for brains

Howbout illegitimate bad carborundum all lifeforms that we know of are carbon-based Non is non Non-carbon lifeforms are illegitimate Thats all I got

Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

Non carborundum illegitimi  Hmm Seems itd be illegitimi non carborundum  Illegitimi The bastard part first

Might be. But the fact that I could come up with the three Latin words is more than plenty for me. Your girlfriend can correct me.

Ill tell her If you need correcting shell tell me so Ill let you know I wouldnt want you walking around with shit for brains


1100-ish,  Reggae Friday, 4  4. 20
1309,  Twosday,  7  4. 20

6.4.20


call the clown in Trumplands center ring  Irresponsible
he aint no Sinatra
he is however irresponsibly mad

2210,  Monday,  6  4. 20
the you in the song is him singing to himself in a mirror 
I caught myself singing Sinatra in the shower
                                                almost didnt remember it to wriote it


Ohbrutha
           the acting  Acting   ACTING Secretary of the Navy Thomas Modly flew 8000 miles (in a military transport hed assume – its 24901 miles to circumnavigate the globe – the Acting Secretary will fly back – he was confident he would – whats the pricetag on that inane jaunt?) to berate former captain Capt Brett Crozier who stood up for his ailing crew aboard the USS Roosevelt  besieged by coronavirus 

ACTING Secretary Modly dismissed Capt Crozier  

thats the hubris of Trumplands teenytiny Acting players as they abide the clown squatting in the center ring
  
1931,  Monday, 6  4. 20
Grand Funk Railroad  I’m Your Captain  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fryGyqTJPU

opportunity


Intelligence reported January 3 and in later ongoing Daily Briefs to Trumpland that a SARS-like virus would strike major urban centers in America first and likely thousandstens of thousands would die if action wasnt taken immediately

a political saying exists  Never let a good crisis go to waste

once attributed to Winston Churchill

more recently attributed to Rahn Emanuel
1808,  Monday,  6  4. 20


pathetic script for Sundays rally

who better however to deliver a pathetic script than the center ring clown at Trumpland
                                                                                         1826,  Monday,  6  4. 20

If


      snake oil salesmanOops! President of the United Statesfinger on a tweet tweets: “HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE & AZITHROMYCIN, taken together, have a real chance to be one of the biggest game changers in the history of medicine.”

then game changer doesn’t cut  "It will be wonderful. It will be so beautiful. It will be a gift from heaven, if it works.”

IF  IT  WORKS     IF

hes an idiot

thats no IF
1614,  Monday,  6  4. 20
wanna bet he used a spellchecker for HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE & AZITHROMYCIN  --  big words lotsa syllables

2 part Bear



. . . We’ll take my truck. His place is really out-of-the-way.

This is out-of-the-way

This really isnt, JoeMeme. But Bobby’s place is.



Bobbys place was

they definitely needed Jermans 4wheel drive

they sat on the truck bench in line

Joe kept sneaking peeks at Cindis breasts hed have to recall this for some other time when he got his hands on a 4wheeler she could drive


Stop she eventually said slyly out of the side of her mouth

he wasnt as sneaky as he thought

he patted her thigh


Jerman talked about his family and Bobbys how they went back generations how the families owned the lands they drove through

Joe bit his tongue

Cindi patted his leg said out the side of her face again Discretion is the better part of valor.

Shakespeare

Huh? said Jerman

Sorry Thinking out loud Just ran across my brain Falstaff

King Henry the Fourth?

Chaayah You know your Shakespeare

I remember that Falstaff was in Henry the Fourth. Nothing beyond that.

Still thats good Better than most

Joe loves his Shakespeare. said Cindi Shakespeare, and foreign films with subtitles.

I do Every man and woman has their vices

Griz suit a vice? asked Jerman

I dont think so And it wont be if it doesnt exist  at least for the time being

Hear ya, JoeMeme, fingers crossed. Bobby has occasions to surprise even me; why I think he’s a good bet.

I appreciate that I appreciate that this can also be a shot in the dark

Bobby’s great-uncle died, shot in the dark, by his wife when he tried to surprise her. Evidently it was out of character for him. She reacted completely in character. Never came to no trouble though. What happens in these hills stays in these hills. I always thought the families ought to sue whoever came up with that print for Vegas.
Or at least shoot him, or her.

Out here  I hear ya

Cindi looked at one and then the other

Thanks for not being judgmental.

Hear ya Likewise

You two are a pair. said Cindi

Youre quite the pair yourself babe

Would you shaddup?

You two are quite the pair, whadaya talking about back and forth under your breath?

Im deeply in love with my wife Terms of endearment

His terms are less endearing. she gave Joe a quick shot with her elbow

Joe acted like it hurtOUCH Shes always so damn physical  I love it

Well, quit your lovemaking while I’m driving; it’s distracting and I wouldn’t want us to slip sidewise and roll, not with these rocks around us. They’ve killed family in the past. Though, to be sure, they probably shouldntve been driving loaded or drugged up. The errors of youth, and being immortal, yaknow?

I do Cindi made me mortal

And you still married her?

I married him. said Cindi 

We married each other . .
. . You only proposed trying to get me to climb over a barbedwire fence.into a hayfield for illict purposes.

Well said  and yah that  And because I love you

she tried to ice him with a sidelong glance

An I wanted to make love with you in that field

Cindi says directly to Jerman  In the field across from my parents house.

Which would have been alright if you were able to keep yourself quietCindis vocal encouragement  well  the sweetest fucking things come out of her mouth

I could cum just listening to her sounds


That, possibly, might come under the heading of too much information, Joe.

Cum Jerman She drives me up walls and across ceilings Im a lucky man

And often I think, I’m not so lucky. said Cindi

Stop You know better Jermans a buddyhes seeing if he can get us a bear . .
. . Us?!

Yathink Im doing this just for myself

Oh, Christ! Jerman, turn the truck around, my husband’s delusional.

You’ll excuse me, Cindi, but evidently his delusions have kept you for . . how many years?

Yes How many years Cindi Joe asked

You’re the numbers guy, you know.

Fifteen years this September Jerman she knows shes playing her parther innocent part the child bride sold off by her parents better me than gypsy Id paid more   
The gypsy would only steal her

Jesus, Joe, you’re so full of shit . .
. . And you fill me with it he leaned past Cindis bouncing breasts Jerman She says shes never met anyone like me She tells me that every morning 
                              Im like waking up to a stranger every morning

He’s stranger every morning. said Cindi

Obviously, said Jerman strange has an upside

It do said Joe


they lollygagged in their thoughts and didnt speak




We’re here.

another ramshackle cabin squatting between brush and patches of grass and wildflowers and leaning woodframed outbuildings

a well

an outhouse

We live simply, profits are pure profit. said Jerman

Good job if you can get it

Somebody's got to do it.

They do
         Now  Do they have a Griz suit

He’s always to the point. said Cindi

Direct

Shortest distance between two points.

Thank you Jerman

You’re welcome.

Don’t let me come between you two lovebirds. Cindi rolled her eyes

Doncha love how she rolls her eyes Cindi says more with her eyes than most people say with their tongue.

She does. 

I can see you appreciate my wife

I cherish her; otherwise I wouldn’t be up here right now, I’d be twenty minutes into where I thought I was going ten minutes before you showed. I cherish your wife.

Thank you

You’re welcome. Jerman leaned on the horn BOBBY!

Christ Whos bellowing now

Bobby’s deaf in one ear, long story, my fault, you have to project when you talk with Bobby. BOBBY!

Youre gonna make me deaf in one ear. said Cindi  Lemme out before you go off again  he looked over at Cindi she sat between them with her fingers in her ears

You knew this was coming

she smiled Coming, c-o-m-i-n-g, or cumming, c-u-m-m-i-n-g? Sometimes I have a hard time following your threads.

C-o-m-i-n-g

There you go, threw me a curve, usually your cumming; c-u- . .
. . Gotcha I can spell

Joe and Cindi were out of the truck before Jerman BOBBY-ed again I told you, he’s deaf in one ear; and he’s usually armed. Long story.
BOBBY!

FUCK! YOU’D THINK I WAS DEAF.

YOU ARE!

Yeah. There’s that. Jerald?

YEAH.

Jerald

We’re formal. Our families don’t allow pet names, as Cindi would say.

Bobby

He’s Bobby on his birth certificate. His parents never cared for the name Robert.

A long story

A long story.

Shall we, gentlemen?

they both looked around at once for gentlemen smiled at each other they were pretty funny

I’ll not be redundant. Cindi said

Jerald. That’s you, right?

It is.

coming out of the door hitching up his pantsbuttoning his fly I thought you was gone.

Almost. they closed ranks However, offering a little help to my friends.

Joe Cocker. I don’t have any dope right now.

Not that help.

Usually it’s that help you need to offset any trip you've planned, you’ll excuse me all ta hell. Bobby saw Cindi Hey, Cindi! he went around Jerald and hugged her I should have looked before I opened my mouth. You’re never in the market.

releasing Bobby she said  I am not. 

But I did see him, whoever he is, behind you.

And I look like I do drugs

You don’t look to me like you’d deny me if I asked you one way or the other.

I would not But then you didnt ask did you

I did not.

So what brings you three up here, Jerald?

A bear suit.

A Griz suit interrupted Joe Dont wanna waste your time if you dont

A Grizzly bear suit? Bobby was obviously enjoying the turn of the conversation  

Yes

How’s this Grizzly bear suit look?

Like a Griz

Construct? Whas yer name?

Ah, Christ, I didn’t introduce him; Joe, he’s Joe. My apologises said Jerald as he halfturned back to Joe I terribly sorry.

Bobby, this is Joe. Joe. Bobby. Joe’s Cindi’s husband.

We heard she had one. said Bobby  he took Joes hand in his mitt squeezed his hand firmly he didnt shake And not only is he living and breathing . . but he’s looking for a Grizzly bar suit to boot.

I am Jerald thought you may Though possibly not a Grizzly bar Joe winked

Understand. said Bobby But then, who the fuck would want a bear suit other than Grizzly bar, huh? Jerald would’nt’ve brought you up here if you were looking for a Teddy or a Panda bear; wouldja, Jerald?

No.

No. Cuz he’s got them down at his place. Doncha, Jerald?


I do.

Construct. Looking for head or a headspi . .
. . Careful, Bobby, head’s a dangerous place to go with Joe here. He sounds to be a liberal thinker.

You a liberal thinker? Bobby asked sucking his teeth

Will it cost me more if I am

You a liberal thinker?

I try to be a literal thinker but that leaves too much ground unfurrowed and while I like untouched earthappreciate its natural beauty I also know that if you want things to grow ya gotta plant seeds

Bobby moved his mouth as if he was chewing on Joes answer

A headpiece leaving my face unmasked

Bobby looked asif he swallowed what he had been chewing You’re in luck, boy.

luck shot through Joes brain like a bullet 


he didnt remember much

Cindi must have taken things in hand

he was already in his head coming down out of the hills with Cindi no Bobby no Jerman she was unclaspedblouse open he was bucknaked under his bearskin

Mygawd
           Life is a wondrous thing

1246,   Twosday,  31  3. 20
1751,  Sunday – with three stops inbetween,  5  4. 20

Billy Joel  Sometimes a Fantasy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTWSXhMKX4I