his daughter looked over his
right shoulder between the machinery
that was enabling herenabling her to defeatreverse her illness
no one ever had
but if someone could
it would be her
to use her words
she was a Badass
she was
she threw dives in college
that only men threw but her coach held
her back she didnt want her to be the
first woman to challenge mens diving
her coach said she wasnt prominent
enoughwell known enough
Fuck prominence he told her If she has the athleticism to put the dive in the water let her
her coachs credibility would be
on the line
it was politicssome ridiculous etiquette
but somebody had to hold politics downmuzzle it
he told his daughter to throw her dives
up on the board tell the judges
the change in dives one at a time
she told him thats not how it
works
Fuck the Works he said
I love you, Dad; I love your
unbridled enthusiasm, but there are rules . .
. . Rules are made to be broken baby
she smiled lovingly as she always smiled at him Oh, Dad, if I could only inhabit your world.
Step in baby Just know what you can do and do itdont wait on the Establishment theyre always a day late a dollar shortthey lack imagination Establishment is bound to reticence to the mundane Blow it up!
she didnt reverse her coach
she was a good soldier
hed never be a soldier
she looked over his shoulder at
the outside
a Meyer lemon tree a warrior a species almost entirely eradicated
prior to World War II replaced by a fauxmore
sour lemon todays lemon a tall bottlebrush
plant behind it
hummingbirds worked the
bottlebrush plant
it was delicious to watch their sudden
flits their immediatenecessary satiation
his hummers back home took plastic
roosts satiated themselves without having
to expend vital energyenergy that taxed them at 1400 heartbeats per minute on
wing verse 400 restingverse 40 heartbeats per minute when they went into stupor
overnight
she watched out the window
intently
her disconnected watching reminded
him of his youngest granddaughterhis daughters daughter
she often stared off into the
distance
like a sleepwalker you didnt interrupt them you could curb themgently but you didnt waken them
eventually her gaze returned
Where did you go
What, Grampa?
Whered you go baby
Huh?
You didnt acknowledge meyou were
staring off
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.
she never did
she never acknowledged she wasnt present
as
now his daughter wouldnt acknowledge her
departure
she didnt have to
where she went to step aside of her existential malady was
good with him
he sidestepped his often
it was a survival technique
he wanted more than his own life
for her to survive
if he couldbut he couldnt hed take her genetics and throw himself into
the blazing fire that would free her and incinerate him
Life doesnt give you that option
that option is fantasy
fantasies are unreal
no matter how hard you wish them
into being
his daughters external lifeoutside
her home was limited to a Meyer lemon tree bottlebrush plants and hummingbirds
she took their comfort
she seemed content
for that
moment
the rest of her time was consumed
defeating her illnessto become the first person to have rendered it mute rendered its remission
she looked to him for that
strength
hed overcome Graves
hed overcome a pronounced rheumatoid
arthritis Doc you dont know what youre talking about
she took comfort in him
overthrowing doctors who he fashioned in his mind as employees to
hire to fire
doctors didnt see themselves in that light
Pity
entitlement
assumed Authority
HA
his body was his Authority
he welcomed doctors opinions
they were only opinions
he was his own Authority
he didnt betray himself
his daughter didnt either
the applethe acorn didnt fall far
from the tree
but
maybe she was wrong to assume
his past medical deliberations
she wasnt him
as much
as he wanted her to be or she wanted to be
she was his bloodline
she was also her mothers bloodline and she was affected by it
there wasnt a thing he could do
except to never have had children
with her mother water
under the bridge
the window was an entrance
hed be naïve not to imagine it an
exit
1324, Thursday,
5 12. 19
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meyer_lemon:
“
By the mid-1940s, the Meyer lemon had
become widely grown in California. However, at that time it was discovered that a majority of
the Meyer lemon trees being cloned were symptomless carriers of the Citrus tristeza
virus, a virus which had killed millions of citrus trees all over
the world and rendered other millions useless for production. After
this finding, most of the Meyer lemon trees in the United States were destroyed
to save other citrus trees.”
