“I found 2 new suggested tasks you may want to look into”

Ohbrother just what I want to be greeted by when my computer comes upFuck You his computerlest it forgets  is a machine  a machine shouldnt suggest him to look into somethinganything

Blow me  I    I  the audacity of IT suggesting anything to himattempting to influence him  a programmer paid to devise an algorithm to hedge corporates bet he could be persuaded

D U M B   F U C K I N  M A C H I N E

                                         thatsaid  he assumed some people Theres a sucker born every minute do buy into the horseshit the interactivity  wheres KNOW THYSELF  apparently people struggle he was going to give them struggle or arent circumscribe enoughinterested enough to know themselves not like they dont have cribsheets scribbled on their brains justbehind their eyeballs Look In not like they havent lived inside their skins 

                                                                                           however to admit that they do

they have to assume accountability for their words and deedsNOT ME looking left and rightinside and out for a fall guy

he was nobodys fall guy       

as a matter of fact

he was usually the guy who pushed themshoved from behind Pick up yer feet Move it Yawanna get stepped on

he watched them cringeimagined their faces he was behind them nobody likes to be pushedthings arent happening in THEIR time and their time is sacrosanct they have no consideration for anyone elses time that time would be outside their tight cozy sphere

they were like the marbles in a cinched leather bag dumped in the dirt cats eyes agatesaggies steelies clambroths lutzs crystalspuries or princesses boulders  a corkscrew boulder was always tough to risk not that he ever thought he risked any of his marbles he was a shark 

a shark at marbles 

later a shark at pool

KNOW THYSELF

1636,  Saturday,  23  3. 19

1044,  Sunday,  24  3. 19

Chicago  (I’ve been) Searchin’ So Long  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08sDz9Fqfnc

Breaking Bad

                 badly broken he hadnt watched the show when it was first releasedhe wasnt watching television then television and he were at odds

                                he listened to it drone allhours his wife watched itslept through it when he ventured out of the bedroom in the middle of the night to check on her and found her asleep on the couch he turned it offshe stirred suddenly I was watching that. You were asleep I checked if you werent asleep I wouldnt have turned it off You calling me a liar? No Im saying you were asleep Turn it back on.  he wasnt going to wait for Please he flipped it back on and leaving the livingroom he said Goodnight What’s so good about it? Goodnight I hope you fall back to sleep I wasn’t asleep.

that was one of many nights he somehow aroused her angerher ire  later  still dark  she filled a kitchen pot with cold water and dumped it on him while he slept

                                             not a good way to be wakenedhe bit his tonguerestrained himself  he didnt say Are you out of yer mindyer fuckin mind

to this day he had no idea how he got out of bed stripped it threw the wet linens in the bathtub dried himself padded the mattress with bathtowels absorbing what water he could threw another towel over the large cool wet spot made the bed an went back to sleephe had work in the morning 

                                                   not a word escaped him except for the Excuse me as he stepped past her careful not to bump her to dump the gathered wet dripping sheets into the tub

she glared him

he appreciated her heat it nursed his shivering

she abruptly left went up the hall back to the livingroom to watch television

she was gone now she died he missed her terribly so he exercised his latent anger on the televisiondidnt turning it on for weeks on endfor years  rendering it an utterly useless appliance I AM NOT AN APPLIANCE until football returned in the Fall

this evening as he watched Breaking Bad on Netflix he caught his breath and stopped it Walter White was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer

the programme depicted him dealing with his mortality his family confronting him

he stopped watching in that momentit occurring to him that his sister who recently died of her second bout of ovarian cancerher third successive cancer had possibly danced Walters dance her family danced Walters familys dance the dance of mortality of annihilation  whether to fight or not 

                                                             it was breathtaking

he stopped watching all the years and all the hours every week he spent on the telephone with her descended on him

her husband and children were grateful he was steadyfastgrateful he gave their wife and mother emotional sustenance

no he talked with his sister

he listened to his sister

he listened to her as he wept not letting her know he was weeping

she died

he hoped she took their time with her

he was at her bedside when she died

they never had conversation she was unconscious by the kindness of drugs

they made a point of never saying goodbye

she punctuated that with an !   

itd be a bit before hed go back to Breaking Bad

2050,  Twosday,  19  3. 19

1131,  Saturday,  23  3. 19

Chicago  State of the Union  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxA8GAjMOhc

it was the kind of a thing you didnt see outside of a dream if he could hed pay good money

she stood at the edge of an infinite pool looking out over a moonlit ocean surfshe was more appealing than the exotic island the swaying cocoanut palms evening breeze or buttermilk moonlight

she didnt turn to him You found me.

I have

Are you upset I didn’t tell you I was going out?

You dont do anything without good reason

No news is good news? she teased himhe drove her nuts by never worrying 

Baby youre always good news

she turned to face him

she wore a sheer black wrap over her swimsuit 

she hadnt gone swimming 

her long black hairblunt bangs were dry

Youre very gypsyish  sirenish   tonight

Thank you. I can’t say I did it on purpose.

Youre beautiful You cant help yourself

Oh. You love me.

I love you

You in a good place or would you rather I leave you be

A good place. I think I was waiting for you, I think, I know.

Hideanseek

Maybe.  Evidently I’m a lousy hider . .

. . Im an excellent finder

I found you

Good thing I opened my mouth . . 

. . Excellent thing you opened your mouth Though you have other excellent qualities

I do.  Annow, this conversation, has set the table . . .

Set the table

Yes. Stand where you are.  Watch.

there was a hard flint of earnestness in her voice 

he did as he was told

the moon broke behind her a halo  her head a silhouetteher body blacksilver

she dropped the wrap from her shoulders 

it fell slowly catchingclutching at her like jealous hands  part of it refuseddraped her calf

the moon was at her shoulders

she placed her handsher palms on the front of her thighsher long slender fingers relaxed  straight

she seemed to flicker a momentthe moon at her clavicles a chill she closed her Indianslanted hazel eyes flickered again there was a softsound a softsound of mothwings at a bulb butterflywings at a blossom her neck grew longer softsounds softsounds the moon under her clavicles soft sounds vertebra by vertebra chicklets soft sounds asif she were elasticgrowing taller taller softsoft sounds she was growing taller the moon at her floating ribs taller  the softsounds desisted when the moon caressed her Venus dimples   she had elongated

Ah  There.  What do you think?

Witch

Snake

Rather one to the other?

Not if theyre you

the moon had her by the bottomthe cups of her heartshaped ass

she bent  with both hands she brought the wrap up over her shoulder

she walked up to himthe fine sand under his naked feet warmed You should take me up to our room. And take me.

over fresh papaya guava berries for breakfast the following afternoon she took him by the handhis hand flat on the white linen and told him that she knew he wanted her desperately when he went to showerhe meant to have her  I elongated . . because I felt if I hadnt . . . you would have pounded me . pounded me out of shape . . Id never recover my height . . . never . . if I didn’t give myself some space.

before 0700,  Twosday,  19  3. 19

1337,  Thursday,  21  3. 19

Chicago  A Hit by Varese  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GszAAmVEKa4

Awfuck he was going to have to push hard to find her  Of course she was flatteredshe was excited to meet people who had heard of her art who declared their enthusiasm and interestpossibly to the extent of purchasing a piece 

                                                                                 an then there was much about her too to be enthusiastic she was beautiful which thereby  she was also something to be excited by

it was that something-aspect that turned his crankpissed him off

she wasnt something

she was someone 

                    anshe was enticing an doublescooped atop her person  somehow she had preserved a childlike wonder and innocence that made people want to run barefoot through her like a puddle after a warm summer rain

as he suspected unfortunately the housethe estate was what he expected

it wasnt a house he would be welcomed in  

but he wasnt easily daunted 

                               an particularly so when people wanted to daunt himhe shouldnt say people he should say men when men wanted to daunt him

some men thought their homestheir cars and money were perfect trappings 

they didnt know her

she wasnt interested

she was deeply interested in substance though not typically things others believed were substantial

her art was for sale

she wasnt

often men were disappointed Of course people have their price everyone has a price

she didnt

he didnt 

         thats why they jived an who jives anymore

Yah he hopedmaybe he could get away with explaining he was undaunted he tried to convince himself he preferred explaining he was undaunted

however some peoplefrom the get-go  decide they arent going to listenhe could see it in their eyes

his father shared two things with him that he always kept they and his fathers ivoryhandled straight razor

one Don’t stand still. It’s hard to hit a moving target.

two When it’s inevitable, throw the first punch.

whats inevitable 

he knew what inevitable washe usually knew it before the other guyguys

when it was guys Inevitable screamed in his ear

it helped to be crazy

he learned that from his brothernot a year younger than him amazing what you can learn if you listen

No they didnt want to let him in

he was going to have to convince them

he showedoff the policestick an brass knuckles he carried 

he said Look pointing to the array of scars on his face Youre welcome to walk with me but Im not walking away

aside from heads there were many valuable things along the way that could be bustedthey should never have let him in

he also employed his fathers old salesmans foot-in-the-door Fuller Brush insurance vacuum cleanershe was a door-to-door kind of guy until he met his mom then all bets were off although his technique was less subtle leg-and-shoulder-Im-inside Whachasay your name was

with his entourage he found her beyond a sprawling wet bar standing near an infinite pool with an entourage of her own they were each about the same size

Hows tricks babe he had a bad habit of catching her with a drink in her mouth she began to choke he quickly stepped around behind herrapped her on the backtook her by the shoulders My bad

clearing her throat You’re bad? Yes you are. Time to go?

It is time to go

Sell anything         

I could have; but not any art.

Oh baby its a wild world . .  

. . Tough to get by on a smile she smiled very big

Ready

I am.

Gentlemen were outa here

his entourage escorted them out an Of course they did Don’t come back! difficult to parry witless repartee

before 0700,  Twosday,  19  3. 19

1105,  Thursday,  21  3. 19

Chicago  Ballet for a Girl in Buchannon  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQkGQHnwVjE 

Cat Stevens  Wild World  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iC6K8fZDik

3:17 on 3/18 of 2019

                       it was hard for him not to get caught up in numbersthey tickled him

his happy joke regarding them he admitted was when he discovered what 36 – 24 – 36 meant his fascination and attraction and abstraction multiplied significantlyexponentially an he learned what the figure meant before he learned in school that the number-line also had negative-numbers

1 plus -1 equaled zero

1 plus -3 equaled -2

1 plus -3 equaled -2 equaled debt  equaled an obligationan indebtedness

                                                                                possibly equaling I am in your debt

debt upset him

it as a leverage a cudgel

                           one could be owned if they incurred excessive debt

the number-line was terrifying

so as a boy he decided to try to remain to the right side of zero 

                                                                   an later reading Mario Puzos The Godfather he saw what an obligationwhat indebtedness might entail

an inability to refuseto say No

he said No often

most often he said No to himself quietly honestly quizzing himself if he needed it or wanted it

3:17,  Monday,  18  3. 19

1149,  Twoday,  19  3. 19

Dear cunt or cuntess --

after your batshit blitz of tweets this weekend

                                                 which made you sound like a trained mynah bird rather than a sentient human being  it occurred to me that you may never have enunciated mulled over or even considered one of the tenets of your office the Declaration of Independence:

                                                We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

I quote them hoping you might read(read?) or recite them before you choke to death

during the evening while watching Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer,  Monday,  18  9. 19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoE8pd_C45w

not a good coincidenceif one bought into that kind of horseshithe didnt he poured the last of the black coffee into a mugthe last of the Irish from a bottle of Jameson into a shotglass

fittinghe thought they expired at the same time then done hed be left high and dry  grey ash of a fine fire

what a fire it was

                   he knocked the corned beef and cabbage out of the park after bitching about it for more than two weeks in the runup to St Paddys Day which he latently discovered was also the Feast of Saint Dionysus

hed been cryin that his corned beef wasnt savory

hed been picking brains

he took in some ideas an made them his own

the corned beef cabbage carrots onions potatoes  spiced up with horseradish was sumptuous  or maybe it was Guinnesses and Jamesons or maybe it was maenads who showed upwho rolled up his drive thinking they were actually on a road going up into the hills

perplexed  Maidens he asked 

No. Maenads.

Whats that 

Trust us, it’ll be better if we show you. 

he had been drinking since shortly afternoonafter wriotingafter getting his creativity out as was his practise every morning for more than five years 

                                    Awright Im up for anything Its a celebratory day

they laughed together

                        Anything?

Whynot  my drive is Frosts the road less traveled

the taller blonde smiled quickly  I’m familiar with that poem

Yes smilinghe closed his eyes Yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubted if I should ever come back 

Two roads diverged in a wood and I  I took the one less traveled by                                                   

And that has made all the difference

when he opened his eyes the small blondeher hair curly maybe itd been woven in cornrows earlier stooped across from him as he sat on the sunwashed porch steps

her stooping made him happy

beyond her very large green eyes he could ever-so-subtly look down her blouse enjoy her bralessness

she didnt right herself

she was keenly aware of his eyes 

her keenness honed her nipples aroused them

Then she said are you extending us an invitation, as we have come up your, your road-less-traveled

he looked her in the eyes then looked up at the tall one behind her who tilted her head birdlike  curiously   slowly  deliberately    attractively

he smiled rather large 

                        Maenads whatever that is are welcome

1300,  Monday,  18  3. 19

http://zeroequalstwo.net/the-feast-of-saint-dionysus/ 

https://sabazius.oto-usa.org/dionysus/  

Ben Harper  Amen Omen  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWoafpw0rg4

no  it is no secret  

"It is no secret Trump campaigned on white supremacist ideology, on division and fear," CAIR Executive Director Nihad Awad said in a public statement Friday. "He campaigned against immigrants, Mexicans, against African-Americans, against women, against Muslims. Muslims have received the lion's share of his attacks. During your presidency and during your election campaign, Islamophobia took a sharp rise and attacks on innocent Muslims, innocent immigrants and mosques have skyrocketed. Your words matter. Your policies matter." 

https://www.newsweek.com/new-zealand-muslim-shooter-donald-trump-blame-ties-manifesto-trump-supporters-1365302

our white nationalist racist president cries foul 

                                                  Chicken Little

in light of his words he has nowhere to hide

Yes Drumpf it sucks to be held accountable

1608,  Monday,  18  3. 19

https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/watch/what-s-behind-trump-s-weekend-tweet-storm-1460433475815