there was a timetheres always a time but she found it difficult to get away from cherrypicking times of those times 

she was writing her autobiography 

she wasnt twentyfive 

and thinking of them reminded her blatantly  Of Opportunity

of her powersher tantalizing hypersexuality 

her innocence

and naiveté   

she wasnt naïve  

she had assets 

she merely applied them for the best returnthe BIGGEST BANG for her fuck 

she was always surprised they seemed hurt afterwardssomehow misunderstanding the sum of the equation  

asif she somehow she took advantage of them 

that they werent worthy of her affections  and intentions

Christ look in the mirrorReally  Its simple  I played ya I played ya exactly like you play others Doesnt feel gooddoes it

she knew their hurt feelings were temporary a ploy 

Its a gamea fuckin game You have to strike your worth early an never let anyone take you down from the esteem you hold yourself in

If you were some kind of Gumby hangin out with a sidekick named Pokeyya fuckin kiddin me? you deserve exactly whacha got Pokey

even if she wasnt blessed with the fortune formulation of her genetics purely accidental she wouldnt let anyone prescribe or define her abilities 

she wasnt going to settle for anything less than what she determined was her due

so what if a couple of old men died under herGood riddance isnt that what they paid for besides their hardons were better dead than aliveIm just sayin  

she didnt suffer being too honest 

to her nothing was better in the world than honesty  cleansing

somehow it never came cheap or natural

it had to be tortured into existence

Oh, what a World! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQJ8WrKnLUs

Little girl?

HA! Little girlmy ass

1410,  Thursday,  26  7. 18

Trump: The Manchurian Candidate

Trump the other Manchurian Candidate though not as popular 
                                                                       a little bummed that he has to backtrackwithdraw his cuddle with Putin at the White House this year hell be long gone before he has that opportunity

he read enough about Vlads history  

Russia is as bad about history as Trumps loyalists their excuse might be State media

                                                                                       Russia recognises 1941 as the year they entered World War II  adamantly disregarding their alliance with Nazi Germany in 1939

when they carved up their share of Eastern Europe  

he read enough of Vlads history to recognise theres a very good chance he turned Trump based on the obvious knowledge of Trumps unparalleled pliable greed his selfishness bordering on sociopath and disdain for the Rule of Law 
no laws in Russiawhy would an authoritarian accept Law

Trump was and is low hanging fruit

the nightthat early afternoon in Russia when Trump was confirmed President of the United States Putin gave everyone with a dick in the Kremlin permission to masturbate Trumps Election (he couldnt hazard to guess how many women were allowed to stroke their clits)

let Trump prove -- beyond a shadow of doubt -- hes not a Manchurian Candidate

he was sorry to say he had no sense of innocent until proven guilty   Americas ways have been perverted 

1844,  Thursday,  26  7. 18

908 days remaining or less

he had a problem although he recognised his problem he taped a poster by a single tab of Scotchtape at its top to his livingroom wall to remind himself maybe notper se he needed reminding but to remind others around him 

the poster was of a burntblack Bill the Cat drawn by Berkeley Breathed sitting flat on his ass under the exclamation  I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, keep me here.

too bad he didnt have it when he was married 

it would have be so fuckin helpful

he could have pointed to it before he began arranged the room

shed say I’ve got something I need to talk to you about.

hed say You bet and he put down the book or magazine he was reading or set the red Bic down on the paper and clipboard he was writing on or turned the television set off if he was watching it or cross the livingroom to record player she began seething take the needle from the vinyl seat it and turn it off then grab a chair from the kitchen set and set it down immediately across from where she sat on the sofa hed sit down  then hed say Awright you have my undivided attention

          and shed go nutsrage at his elaborate staginghow fuckin ridiculous he was being

he didnt ask What did need mean

                                                    

and at the end of her bitter volcanic eruption shed burst into tears stumble off the couch leave the livingroom go up the hall and slam the bedroom door shut behind her

neighbours within earshot thought they heard a gunshot that someone inside the apartment was dead not like they lived in a bad neighbourhood while he rocked drolly back on the chairs two metal legsclasped his hands fingers intertwined behind his head  keeping it from falling off  muttering JaysusChrist JaysusChrist I staged nothingnot a damn thing

he told herreminded her for as long as he knew her that if she wantedneeded his undivided attention that he had to kill any distractions that might pull him away from what she might say Sometimes he told hersometimes youll say something and Ill find myself riffing on itsuddenly absent from the conversationabsent regarding what youre saying

Its not for lack of attention hed say I suddenly find something youve said so utterly interesting so more engrossing than the context you said it in . . . you only get one shot/do not miss a chance to blow/cuz Opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo . . . Baby its not likely youd appreciate me signaling for a timeout so I could scribble down what you saidhow it enticed me

maybe the crispy Bill the Cat poster would have helped

since his wife died he tried to steer clear of intimate relationships 

if intimacy reckoned he duly pointed to Bill and say Im reminding you right hereright now youve got no excuse or cause to be angry with me Im dead and done with drama You bring it into my house an Ill drag it out by its hair or whatever I can get my hands on first  I dont want any drama period Ive had enough for a lifetime  Im not apologising for what I want 

hed take his hand down from pointing and look them full in the face  Cuz mebbe youll dig what I have to offer

Bill aint up no more

his last intimacy has lasted better than seven years

1446,  Twosday,  24  7. 18

0034,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  25  7. 18

Eminem  Lose Yourself  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFYQQPAOz7Y

the coolblue powderedblue cube on El Camino was losing its icy demeanor  to sized and sawn pieces of reused plywoodvertical patchwork screwed into its stubborn sides

an icecube wounded and scabbing

the blue cube was melting despite built of wood and slathered with stucco that was applied as-smooth-as-a-babys-butt

above the front door now secreted behind plywood were wounds where an awning hung a high rectangle of brighter blue paint  a dismissive shadow

the face of the housethe front door was a foot back from the edge of a public sidewalk and a singlestep stoop just large enough for two kitchen chairs laid on top the sidewalk 

he recalled the small fight between the city and the old woman who lived there the local newspaper carried the story  the city violated her property line and she wasnt going to have it  and when the wind of jurisprudence blew away the feeble smoke clearing her the stoop remained 

                                                if the front door wasnt hidden behind a decrepit sheet of plywood and a posted UNSAFE City Ordinance notice one could read the clipped yellowed article of her victory inside a brittle plastic sheath thumbtacked to it

other metal awnings hung over other windows at the sides of the house and over another doorway that let out onto another stoop to an illkept scant gravel and stone driveway

he never went behind the house  the property was curtailed by a ramshackle stacked threefoot stone retaining wall

an easement paralleling the drive on the opposite side of the house led to its rear 

he neglected remarkably his curiosity out of respect for the privacy of who lived behind the old woman

the awnings at the sides of the house were collapsing which he thought oddthey were stout

                                                                                                 but it seemed since the house was clapped with rancid plywood the old lady removed?dead? that either the weight of the vacant birdnests or the small birds perching on them singing their gay songs had finally defeated them  or that they were sorrowful eyelids that no longer had any reason to remain open and gaze  the support scrolls on either side of the awningslike musical clef notes were squeezed into whole notes or mournful mouths

Ah dismayed he wondered if the old woman had lived alone

                                                                 the coolblue powderedblue cube for her made as much sense to him as a shoe made sense for the old woman who lived in a shoe – she had so many children she didnt know what to do – and they abandoned her as soon as they could

                                                    and her children never looked back

for they were certain their memories for the most part were fabulous fiction and really  really who would have fealty to fiction

woefully he missed the cubes vitality

1310,  Monday,  27  7. 18

1024,  Twosday,  24  7. 18

Trump: "And just remember, what you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening . . .”

that probably goes for yesterdays altered White House transcript and video of reporters Q & A with Putin and Trump in Helinski last week

what you saw and heard never happened

however perhaps the VFW is old and senile and a perfect stage to launch a misinformation propaganda campaign against Americans for Novembers elections

0946,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  25  7. 18

910 days remaining or less

https://www.c-span.org/video/?c4741889/president-defends-tariffs-policy-tells-vfw-media

http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/trump-white-house-edits-putin-support-for-trump-out-of-transcript-1284716611545?playlist=associated

Trumps trade war is changing the international landscape  and now he wants to dole out $12B to American farmerspatriots  hes hammered

http://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2018/jul/25/12b-in-relief-to-aid-farmers-hurt-by-ta/

sometimes when liftingeyes closedmost of his workouts he did in the black behind closed eyes quietly  subsuming the grunts and growls that crowded himthat he heard around himthe slam and clamber of tooheavy weights dropped nahman it doesnt sound manly it sounds like youre out of controlunmanaged not in possession and liftingin his mind was in controlunder control  strength deep and possessed

his goal was endurance

hed been lifting since it was finally okay by his doctor more than twenty years ago

he did say  endurance

every once in awhile something without breaks inbreaks into the black and stretches out

it used to throw him off his gameoff his lift 

it used to frustrate him

the lift would go poorly

he missed his number

he let it defeat him

pisspoor

he had to learn to let it in  like water

water always find a way finds the path of less resistance

waters patience

if it doesnt evaporate

                             though evaporation is the epitome of patience

letting it inimagining cool clear fresh water yahmountain water  it bathed his countdidnt knock him of his cadence 

he learned not to miss a beat

thats how he learned to manage the clowns who auditioned their grunts and groans 

they didnt last long

maybe a year

certainly not two

hed know

occasionally now it was the music over the PA that sifted in that he let wash in and spread

it humoured him

because attendant with the music usually thought forgotten  came the when and where and with who

crazy  memory   video rolling in his eyes behind the faded number of his count 16  17 . . . faded numbers because the music obliterated the count he otherwise heard in his ears

Sunglasses at Night

                   she bid so she did her required hours in a frenetic two weeks to be home for the remainder of the month with their girls telephones calls late at night had to make do as the extent of their relationshiptheir marriage in her absence  hahis absence  

they had one car

he made a game of it with the girls going to the airport to get their mother  always different routesdifferent times sometimes he carried them down to the car in their pj’s as they struggled to remain asleep

like that nighttheir timing was perfect

                                     she was just coming out of the terminal through the automatic sliding doors as he pulled uptimed perfectly he stopped the car with a gentle sway parked applied the parking brake swung out his door keys in hand took her luggage from her opened her door let her sit closed her door unlocked the trunk laid the luggage down shut the trunk slipped back in through his opened door shut it 

On the road again he sangas he always sang when she was back as he turned to her and kissed her deeply deeply

a kiss between them for all the kisses they missed while they were apart

while he got the girls back in bed and settled she undressedleft her uniform in the hall that he snatched up and took downstairs for laundering in the morning  she freshened up a soft warm shower that he joined her in he toweled her off he took her by her hand into the bedroom took her by her wrists kissed her palms the insides of her wrists and elbows her armpits kissed and nibbled her pecs to her breasts up her throat to her mouth he worked his way around her his chest hard to her back put her hands on the dresser and everything that stood upright on the dresser they knocked on its facesome of it falling onto the carpeted floor 

perfectly timedthey came together   

1310,  Sunday,  15  7. 18

1037,  Monday,  23  7. 18

Sunglasses at Night  Corey Hart  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2LTL8KgKv8

On the Road Again  Willie Nelson  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBN86y30Ufc

US Duck Test

if it whines like Trump and squats touching their tie to the floor like Trump and cozies with big strong men like Trump then its probably Trump

  

texted to self at 2217,  Monday,  23  7. 18

911 days remaining or less

he thoughtan he said as much  Fiction informs reality 

one only has to look at the fictional man elevated to the American presidency  he points his finger at the lout daring someoneanyone to refute him 

what he had in mind however when he remarked that fiction informs reality were the fictionsclassical fictions that are superlative and supersedeby leaps and bounds turning in the heavens like brilliant satellites dazzling to the naked eye not droll calamitous fictions like vagrants or dogs shitting turds in the loose dirt beside a road or dribbling them step-by-step on concrete sidewalksWha? To be admired?

fecal soothsayers

aswell

       reality informs fiction

a fuckin teeter totter

playful

deviant

informative

disinformative

provocative

harebrained

reality leaves it to a readers intelligence intellect to ascertain its founding premise  to be realised   realeyes

while  as a onceover egg  fiction makes no bones of strappin in tight an takin a ride to see if youll go in through shardsthe busted paneglass windows to help yourself to the begging spoils while outside the rioting turmoil spins itself on the red streets seeking to alleviate youprovide you cover to do what Everyone else was doinwha Everyone is takin advantage of  The Opportunity Youd be an fuckin idiot to let Opportunity pass you by

for robbery like murder adores accomplices adores spreading the wealth an the blame

fiction anoints blamelessness

reality harvests blame

can you smell the fire the burnt staked meat

2035,  Sunday,  15  7. 18

1658,  Sunday,  22  7. 18

watching Goodbye Christopher Robin he cringedhe stopped the film backtracked it and he didnt play it again until he had his old weathered clipboard on his lap hes had it longer than he had his wife she thought he was nuts for taking it out of the trash at a secure military facility he wasnt going to allow the poignant quote to escape him then with the clipboard on his lap and a pen in hand he ran the film again stopping it as portions of the quote unfurled he never took shorthand until he had it in its entirety

he texted it to his girlfriendhis daughters his two closest friends but because he sent it at three in the morning he didnt expect responses then  he anticipated their thoughts later that morning

however unanimously they had nothing to say

someone else might have been galled to hear nothing back 

but he was inured to being ignored

that they got the quote was all that was important to him

he didntwhere once upon a time he did take offence at their silence

busy busybusy   busybees

he recognised it as an ailment of the timetheir time time prioritised to death spontaneity apparently left to those who had nothing better to dodid he really have nothing better to do? no he was grounded to spontaneity the unexpected  and he was also healthy one has to be healthy to be at the roiling edge of the here and nowthe hear and now he was the antiwar marcher peace marcher politics freak unwilling to stand down interrupting people at the very moment he disagreed with them sharply he apologised for his apparent rudeness yet explained he wasnt waiting a single moment for the poison of their wordsthe violence in the words to hang in the air unchallenged unrefuted When youre snakebit you dont wait for the snake to crawl off before you seek remedy that never went over well but he didnt mean it to go over well he met bombastic with bombastic and facts  he relished the Old Testaments eye for an eye tooth for a tooth it was old hat to himhed been removed more times than he bothered to count from rahrah gatherings for challenging the talking heads which was okay the air was foetid by the exhale of the braying asses

A person should do the things a person loves with the people the person loves because you never know what happens next

2056,  Sunday,  15  7. 18

1119,  Sunday,  22  7. 18

Clayhill  Funny How  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h5Fbv2Ku4w

it really threw him for a loop

lavishly mystified him

how could a man known for having a meagre attentionspan perhaps that of a dancing mite how could he participate inlet alone endure a two hour conversation (unless ofcourse he talked about himself – which he wouldnt have)

in all likelihood since he was unpreparedwithout a strategy that he could forcefully delineate in all likelihood he sat on his handshis flaccid coloured tie hanging between his thighs and listened a significant portion of the time to what Putin wanted apparentlyaccording to the Russian press – the State – he was in agreement
in agreement with policies he wouldnt remember
                                                 nodding in dumb acquiescence which his interpreter wasnt necessary to interpret

1553,  Thursday,  19  7. 18

1204,  Sunday,  22  7. 18

913 days remaining or lessRussian by

he went out the door early this morning with the intention of walking and reading a bit better than five klicks to collect his vehicle from the shop

he couldnt have imagined the shit hed find himself inthe shit of people who cant follow posted speed limits SLOW THE FUCK DOWNcant fuckinslowdown to save small animals from mangled deaths

bending down he picked up the crushed brains spattered remains of a brown squirrel by its tail  he imagined the driver that killed it might argue the dumb thing ran out in front of them and there was nothing to be done  besides  it probably never felt a thing  no never felt its body and bones and skull crushednearly severed in half under their wheels   dumb thing? asif arguing that what an animal does in its natural environment constitutes doing a dumb thing  a dumb thing  Christwhat an insult  insufferable bigbrained bipeds made him sick

he walked upright  on two legs 

did they cravenly implysuggest to insinuate him among their number

they could slow down

                     but driving in a super-engineered deathless airbagged vehicle no bodybags required perhaps their confounding hubris ran with prime numbers indivisible and hence incorporated in that perfect perfection that they can go from Point A to Point B heedlessly perhaps recklessly  because they wouldnt have to pay the piper

he could also suppose they didnt know he was all-in for the mountain lion who leapt and killed and feasted at not much meat some cyclist or jogger who by virtue of being human wasnt concerned or worried about their intrusiontheir transgression into territories where wild animals have always lived  the wild animals no-mans land

he could suppose     

then ofcourse a big cats killed may not have been the cat who actually made the killingwho exercised their nature  and its murdered body is held updisplayed touting that Justice has prevailedhas been served that Justice has provided the remedy for the terrible unfortunate Spandexed death

he was seriously considering carrying a brick in his bookbag that hung from his shoulder as he walked and read on the offchance he might witness a car traveling too fast to avoid an animal  or the brick hed hurl at their windshield

no sooner having mused of the brick he came upon pieces of another destroyed animal that he couldnt identify

walking at the edge of the neighbourhood streetsidewalks werent afforded more than one hundred years ago in the city planning a crow cawed from inside the tangle of huge live oak CAW CAW

looking up to see if he could make it out among the limbs his gaze went into the blue sky above and beyond the tree where he saw five hawks circling lazing a looseformed funnel gracefully turning turning and weaving over or below each other like a threedimensoinal game of follow the leader or not             

finally he came up on the widest intersection the town had

                                                              it was guarded by turning lights turning lanes red amber green lights greenarrows timed and counting-down pedestrian crossing lights  and agitated drivers who were unable to believe their bad luckmisfortune to have to wait on someone who had the gall to walk

waiting for the light to change so he could cross he notednot ridiculously that the townspeople needed their pickup truckthey needed their SUPERDUTYs their fourwheel drives their super-suspension

they needed them to haul their fat asses around                             

he might imagine otherwise all the cardiac arrests sprawled and twitching on the pavement beyond those airconditioned cabsrealistically it could be their death  an awhell  while he could pick up dead animals off the road he didnt think he could tenderly drag their dead carcasses off the road anworse if finding them later having languishedbeen exposed to the elements pulling them by their legs to the shoulder of the road a leg or both legs might pull offJesusChrist Whadhe get himself into Eeuww

Hello. My name is James, the homeless man said as he finally caught himcame up alongside his left after traipsing behind him his particular footfall that he had heard for the last five minutes either the sole of his shoe coming off or that foot was flatfootedhad a defective arch

James  Joe

Hey, Joe.

Hendrix wrote that.

He did but I have an aversion to guns  Theyre cowardly

I’d love to have a gun. I’d probably have more of my teeth in my head if I had a gunhell, I’d have better provisions, I wouldn’t be drinking this orange sodayawanna sip . .

. . No thanks  Dont drink soda . .

. . Don’t drink soda? I’d be drinking Crush, a real orange soda not this phoney stuff.

he was tempted to say Beggars cant be choosers but he left the reply to roam around inside his skullhe wasnt rude unless it was warrantedhowever he maintained a low threshold he didnt allow nonsense to taint him or flourish  hed justassoon hand someone their tongue than listen to horseshit  otherwise he was a patient fucking soul

James drifted on ahead of him throwing unintelligible words back over his shoulder  unintelligible because either he couldnt make any sense of them or because he was already returned to his reading Marlon James The Book of Night Women a disturbing book what fucks human beings can be to other humans who they deem less than themselves

. . . like small animals  

0855,  Friday,  20  7. 18

1700,  Saturday,  21  7. 18

Clayhill  Afterlight  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8huvLX_E9So