he went out the door early this morning with the intention of walking and reading a bit better than five klicks to collect his vehicle from the shop

he couldnt have imagined the shit hed find himself inthe shit of people who cant follow posted speed limits SLOW THE FUCK DOWNcant fuckinslowdown to save small animals from mangled deaths

bending down he picked up the crushed brains spattered remains of a brown squirrel by its tail  he imagined the driver that killed it might argue the dumb thing ran out in front of them and there was nothing to be done  besides  it probably never felt a thing  no never felt its body and bones and skull crushednearly severed in half under their wheels   dumb thing? asif arguing that what an animal does in its natural environment constitutes doing a dumb thing  a dumb thing  Christwhat an insult  insufferable bigbrained bipeds made him sick

he walked upright  on two legs 

did they cravenly implysuggest to insinuate him among their number

they could slow down

                     but driving in a super-engineered deathless airbagged vehicle no bodybags required perhaps their confounding hubris ran with prime numbers indivisible and hence incorporated in that perfect perfection that they can go from Point A to Point B heedlessly perhaps recklessly  because they wouldnt have to pay the piper

he could also suppose they didnt know he was all-in for the mountain lion who leapt and killed and feasted at not much meat some cyclist or jogger who by virtue of being human wasnt concerned or worried about their intrusiontheir transgression into territories where wild animals have always lived  the wild animals no-mans land

he could suppose     

then ofcourse a big cats killed may not have been the cat who actually made the killingwho exercised their nature  and its murdered body is held updisplayed touting that Justice has prevailedhas been served that Justice has provided the remedy for the terrible unfortunate Spandexed death

he was seriously considering carrying a brick in his bookbag that hung from his shoulder as he walked and read on the offchance he might witness a car traveling too fast to avoid an animal  or the brick hed hurl at their windshield

no sooner having mused of the brick he came upon pieces of another destroyed animal that he couldnt identify

walking at the edge of the neighbourhood streetsidewalks werent afforded more than one hundred years ago in the city planning a crow cawed from inside the tangle of huge live oak CAW CAW

looking up to see if he could make it out among the limbs his gaze went into the blue sky above and beyond the tree where he saw five hawks circling lazing a looseformed funnel gracefully turning turning and weaving over or below each other like a threedimensoinal game of follow the leader or not             

finally he came up on the widest intersection the town had

                                                              it was guarded by turning lights turning lanes red amber green lights greenarrows timed and counting-down pedestrian crossing lights  and agitated drivers who were unable to believe their bad luckmisfortune to have to wait on someone who had the gall to walk

waiting for the light to change so he could cross he notednot ridiculously that the townspeople needed their pickup truckthey needed their SUPERDUTYs their fourwheel drives their super-suspension

they needed them to haul their fat asses around                             

he might imagine otherwise all the cardiac arrests sprawled and twitching on the pavement beyond those airconditioned cabsrealistically it could be their death  an awhell  while he could pick up dead animals off the road he didnt think he could tenderly drag their dead carcasses off the road anworse if finding them later having languishedbeen exposed to the elements pulling them by their legs to the shoulder of the road a leg or both legs might pull offJesusChrist Whadhe get himself into Eeuww

Hello. My name is James, the homeless man said as he finally caught himcame up alongside his left after traipsing behind him his particular footfall that he had heard for the last five minutes either the sole of his shoe coming off or that foot was flatfootedhad a defective arch

James  Joe

Hey, Joe.

Hendrix wrote that.

He did but I have an aversion to guns  Theyre cowardly

I’d love to have a gun. I’d probably have more of my teeth in my head if I had a gunhell, I’d have better provisions, I wouldn’t be drinking this orange sodayawanna sip . .

. . No thanks  Dont drink soda . .

. . Don’t drink soda? I’d be drinking Crush, a real orange soda not this phoney stuff.

he was tempted to say Beggars cant be choosers but he left the reply to roam around inside his skullhe wasnt rude unless it was warrantedhowever he maintained a low threshold he didnt allow nonsense to taint him or flourish  hed justassoon hand someone their tongue than listen to horseshit  otherwise he was a patient fucking soul

James drifted on ahead of him throwing unintelligible words back over his shoulder  unintelligible because either he couldnt make any sense of them or because he was already returned to his reading Marlon James The Book of Night Women a disturbing book what fucks human beings can be to other humans who they deem less than themselves

. . . like small animals  

0855,  Friday,  20  7. 18

1700,  Saturday,  21  7. 18

Clayhill  Afterlight  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8huvLX_E9So

he had an awful dream

those he related it to called it a nightmare

he corrected them immediately A dream is a dream is a dream Determining where it comes fromno matter its context  is fascinating and worthwhile If one cowerslooks away when a dream presents it is their construct if they dismiss it as a nightmare I think they have thrown awaycast off valuable and likely very constructive insights to their psyche perhaps motivations and desires Nightmare fear opens their dreaming eyes No matter how disruptive or distasteful a dream is lick it It needs to be tasted That is critical  

Time. Time. they chimed Time  Who has that kind of time to waste?

I could suppose if embracing oneselfimproving oneself is perceived a waste of time then yesby all means I agree Dont waste your time

You’re being sarcastic.

No Im not In the future Ill not waste your time

Don’t be that way!

I shouldnt be that way 

However you can be in a way that Im opposed to 

I can assure you  Ill be as I am

it wasnt long before he was shunned for being selfabsorbed that would bring him around ignored for wasting his time on fiction

he didnt pay any attention to them chastising him 

he didnt waste his time to say Fiction My dreams arent fiction I create them

he didnt waste his time to hear their inevitable counter You didn’t create them. Your subconscious, your unconscious mind created them.

he didnt waste his time to say You think my mind is not mine Then one could suppose I would be excused for pissing on your leg because I didnt piss on your leg ITS not my piss he hated the word piss       

Now you're being ridiculous. he also didnt waste his time to hear that Don’t be that way!  

the dream had run like a short film shot at night in an unknown wild place  he was lost black ribbons dangled webs wrapped his face clung to his nakedness sharp jetblack slants valances stabs of tree limbs and trunks lashing shrubs lurid queer misshapen bipedal shadows vaporous presences  and the whole of it backed up by a horrifying soundtrack of pursuit and menace and terror

he could have awakened himself at any time  he suffered it

and suffering his fear his parched mouth and throat his wounds the slick of his blood smearing him painting him he remembered the dream from when he was a boy and when he was a teenager and a young man then too his personae refused to wakerefused to succumb 

fear can be routed by memory by history

                                            the sun ascended and lightened the sky the blackness purpled and eroding it inexorably gave way to the wholesome blush and fresh milk of the morn he slaked his thirst with clear water he washed his wounds  he dabbed them with spirited aloe and vegetal antiseptic fat parasites feeding on his body shriveled and died

he awoke in his bed      

earlier, then I texted myself at 0719,  Thursday,  19  7. 18

1457,  Thursday,  19  7. 18

the man moved sidewisecrablike he was bristled  long stiff hairs fourfive inches like boars hair stuck up out of the neck of his polo shirt a polo pulled taut that he should never have opted to wear in publicit did not reach the waist of his pants  it contained him like a sausage casing

the man was not attractivewas never an attractive man a cute boy hed lay money on it

in each of his hamfists he held a bottle of Gordons gin one-point-seventyfive litres 

carefully setting the bottles on the worked linoleum countertop the man said Christ I hate the homelessDont you hate the homeless?

Thats a no-nonsense bull-in-a-chinashop kind of question out the gate eh  Lemme first wish you a Happy Sunday so I can catch a breath to consider your scurrilous question

Scurrilous?

Making a scandalous claim with the intention of harming anothers reputation

Christ. They’re homeless. What reputation? They’re bums and slobs, they’re filthy, uncouth. Goddammit.

no sense interrupting a rant

I lived in Santa Cruz for thirtyfive years before they forced me out. Fortunately I got a good price for my house. They’re vermin. They’ve overrun the whole of the downtown. You can’t cross the street to avoid them.

I remember the clowns They were pretty thick ten years ago But you could cross the street to avoid them

the man glared at him his bristles ticked anxiously like insect antennae

No humourhuh

You miss I lost my house to them?

Your sole reason for movingyoure living here now I'll guess  was because of the homeless in Santa Cruz

I am living here, yah. If it weren’t for those buggers I’d still be living in Santa Cruz.

Sounds to me like you had an opportunity to stand up to thembe confrontational

I’m not confrontational. And at my age I can’t be. Hell, I doubt if I’ve never been.  Likely as a young man I wouldn’t have confronted them either.

So you cut an ran

indignant I didn’t.       

What do you call it

I call it making the best of a bad situation. I hate em.   almost docilely his antennae picked up his slack and began to sway the big man didnt seem conscious of their motion their eyeless ends roved  as if unplugged wires seeking outlets or upset snakes hoping to flee rather than buckle down and strike

I was happy in Santa Cruz for a long time.

I  yahI cut my losses.

But you admitted you turned a good price for your home Therefore its not something to tally in your loss column I dont need to tell you everything changes

The animals shit on graves in the cemetery.

Every single homeless person didhuh

You might admit there are bad actorsbad apples

Can you imagine shitting on someones grave? Desecrating it?

No I cant Though apparentlyan I havent thought of it before now thats yet another good argument to be cremated as I hope Death wishes sometimes are adjusted by the livingthe survivors  placating their comfort  Not much one can do when theyre dead

Well. Yah. Dead.  the fat man growled Fuckin heroin overdoses will cleanse the gene pool.

Because every homeless person is a heroin addict and procreatinghuh Take your gin man Youre dreamin  Which we may suppose is better for you than confronting the problem 

Homeless people dont fall from the sky or spring up out of the pavement fullyformed

1852,  Sunday,  15  7. 18

1045,  Thursday,  19  7. 18

Christ Fakers a lousy a slovenly choice to reprise Laurence Harveys role but he did spend nearly two unrecorded hours in private consultation with Putin prior to throwing America under the bus(Ken Kesey: You’re either on the bus or off the bus)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oc8LpuM5Bhs

1124,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  18  7. 18

when Rachel Maddow says Congress can hold hearings  shes referring to the Republican-majority House and Senate they can hold Congressional investigations(they choose not to) though  mebbe  Oligarch 101 came home with the seven Republican Senators and a single white female Republican Representative   

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/plenty-for-congress-to-do-if-it-wants-to-deal-with-trump-crisis-1279876163617?playlist=associated

1109,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  18  7. 18

he wasnt often tapped on the shoulder not atleast without the oral foreplaythe perfunctory Excuse me

it wasnt that he saw himselfhis person the physical space about him as sacrosanct  inviolate

Excuse me prior diminished his irritation the irritation of assumption as he would never touch anyone without Excusing himself first 

when people dont do as you do dont exhibit common courtesy reveal commonsense  it grated him 

intruded upon  typically  stiffly  he turned abruptly aroused  almostalmost with Yafuckinkiddinme in his mouth

to be fair

         he wore an apron that insisted he was workinghe was approachable he shouldnt expect the same respect asif he were another customer a common Joe

he turned 

she was nearly as tall as him

she was light as airwore a profound buoyance  bubbles  bubbles came to his mind as he laid eyes on her

Do you have something called simple sugar, simple syrup?

Simple syrup Sounds enticinghuh

                                 his irritation spilling out of him all over the concrete floor he made a mental note to be sure to clean it up so nobody slipped on it or walked through ittracked it into their carstheir homes spilt irritation its hard to get it out of thingstenacious animalspets go apeshit at its scent it creates disarray

Simple syrup. I suppose it does have a  verypleasant sound to it.

You can make it yourself

What?

Its along the same line of sugar water I feed my hummingbirdsthough not as rich dense  simple syrup is a one-to-one proposition a cup of sugar to a cup of water my hummingpigs get  like   between one-to-four one-to-three 

Hummingpigs?

A few years back I was making a gallon and a half a day to keep up with better than three dozen They were freakin enticing colour small lightning darting whirl of their wings their peepstheir violence Phenomenal Gluttons Hence my loving moniker hummingpigs 

Unfortunately Im down to sixeight refreshing four hangers a week not six hangers a day

I would have loved to see that.

Theyprobably would have loved to see you Though they might have gone after you for sips

Oh. You’re very sweet.

No Im not Though I get that a lot I should just say thank you 

Thank you

You’re welcome.

If youll follow me Ill show you the variety we have Though as Ive said you can make it yourself If you have the time One-to-one he smiled One-on-one The best odds for things to happen

following him up the aisle  I don’t know what to make of you.

casually  over his shoulder  Im a clerk  I do register and stock   

I mingle and have fun

I like our mingle.

I do too

So I can make it myself?

Yes

Could you show meMake it for me?

I could  I should tell you I thought of iridescent bubbles when I turned around to meet your tap at my shoulder and saw you

I should have said Excuse me, but I saw you from behind and I hoped what I saw from behind to match who I’d meet when you turned.

I am happy your sides match.

Im happy youre happy

I could be happier.

Awright Okay Lets take a leap Us making simple syrup together

Yes. Wouldn’t that be nice?

I think nice might be an understatement 

I was thinking a Whisky Sour. Or an Old Fashioned.

Simple syrup sour Muddled sugar Old Fashioned Scotch versus bourbon

Oh goodness, that's too complicated. I’m not complicated or a chemist.

Howbout this, I go buy a hummingbird feeder, I have a couple around my house that I don’t feed, I’ll pick up beer, and you come to my place when your off, show me how to make simple syrup for the birds.

Im not off til nine Ill bring the beer Then pizzabecause Ill be hungry

she smiled coyly I’d be happy to feed youYes. I’ll order a pizza

he wasnt usually partial to blondes though he loved bubbles

he really liked her quiet curves 

he liked the subtle buoyance of her breasts beneath her cornflower and ivory peasant top it accented her bright blue eyes her freckles and complexion

he had a pen and paper in his apron pocket

scribbling her address she gave him directions from the store to his ahems 

she wasnt far

Call me when you’re off and I’ll order the pizza so you can eat. We can eat. What do you like?

I like anchovies  And garlic

Oh that’s funny, I do too.

Twosday evening,  10  7. 18

1110,  Sunday,  15  7. 18

Senator John McCain

Senator John McCain

Thank you sir

I concur vehemently

“Today’s press conference in Helsinki was one of the most disgraceful performances by an American president in memory. The damage inflicted by President Trump’s naivete, egotism, false equivalence, and sympathy for autocrats is difficult to calculate. But it is clear that the summit in Helsinki was a tragic mistake.

“President Trump proved not only unable, but unwilling to stand up to Putin. He and Putin seemed to be speaking from the same script as the president made a conscious choice to defend a tyrant against the fair questions of a free press, and to grant Putin an uncontested platform to spew propaganda and lies to the world.

“It is tempting to describe the press conference as a pathetic rout — as an illustration of the perils of under-preparation and inexperience. But these were not the errant tweets of a novice politician. These were the deliberate choices of a president who seems determined to realize his delusions of a warm relationship with Putin’s regime without any regard for the true nature of his rule, his violent disregard for the sovereignty of his neighbors, his complicity in the slaughter of the Syrian people, his violation of international treaties, and his assault on democratic institutions throughout the world.

“Coming close on the heels of President Trump’s bombastic and erratic conduct towards our closest friends and allies in Brussels and Britain, today’s press conference marks a recent low point in the history of the American presidency. That the president was attended in Helsinki by a team of competent and patriotic advisers makes his blunders and capitulations all the more painful and inexplicable.

“No prior president has ever abased himself more abjectly before a tyrant. Not only did President Trump fail to speak the truth about an adversary; but speaking for America to the world, our president failed to defend all that makes us who we are — a republic of free people dedicated to the cause of liberty at home and abroad. American presidents must be the champions of that cause if it is to succeed. Americans are waiting and hoping for President Trump to embrace that sacred responsibility. One can only hope they are not waiting totally in vain.” 

1414, Monday,  16  7. 18

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2018/07/16/disgraceful-and-tragic-john-mccains-excoriation-of-trump-on-russia-annotated/?utm_term=.e17976ac481d

https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2018-07-16/trump-s-already-tainted-putin-helsinki-talks?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_term=180716&utm_campaign=sharetheview

in light of Muellers latest indictment  twelve Russian government agents by name  in light of Fakers inability to call Putin an enemy  rather a competitor  and now his recent cockamamie remarks somebody ought to put a cock in his mouth and shut him up remarks to CBSs Jeff Glor 

                                            "I think we have a lot of foes. I think the European Union is a foe, what they do to us in trade. Now, you wouldn’t think of the European Union, but they’re a foe."

Fakers going to Hellsinki-in-a-handbasket to see if Putin will enter him in Yanukovych 2.0

akin to a recent visit of US Senators and a Representative for Oligarch 101

0929,  Sunday,  15  7. 18

https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/news/trump-calls-european-union-a-foe-ahead-of-putin-meeting/vi-AAA6BFw?ocid=mailsignout

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jACrmwTsi08  Is there anybody out there 

if youre really there and you really care  

I rarely use I

he was a juggler

                  as long as a third or fourth ball wasnt introduced into the mix  distracking himdisturbing his concentration

I had serious thoughtsdoubts  regarding his ability to concentrate 

what Id seen of it resembled a moth frantically fluttering around a bulb lighting a small halo in the night

I listen to the words that come out of his mouththe lies  and I know I have to pay attention to what he does rather than what he says

the times I take him at his word are particularly when he exercises his disgust  it rivals my disgust of him

I enjoyed when he argued he wasnt amoral  he was immoral  explaining that he thought outside the boxhe saw it necessary to twist the status quo drop being PC awful political correctness  cowardly we stand behind itwere too polite  things have long needed to be said bluntly  and if feelings are hurt that was understandable  but feelings shouldnt and cant limit an honest discussion (I hear disgustion)  being PC was unacceptable

things needed to be said unflinchingly  bravely

he was bravehe said

he was charismatic he said

maybe he doesnt understand that one doesnt say either about themselves 

they are conferred by others

I suppose he was just trying to save us some time

I can only speak to the way I see things an Gawd knows I dont limit my tether  I have a fast appreciation of fantasy the absurd the confusion the Inanimate sows

it served his purpose to be immoral 

it feeds his white rallies

however when things catch up with him and the faithful crowd size falters  hell get fussy 

and when the facts are pointed out to him hell argue that those who are against him are amoral  they are the FAKERs

what happened before is implacable

it is irrelevant to the present

(the past is a nice place to hide)

however I recognise that the present is a continuum from the knowable past and forward into an unknowablebut possible or probable future

we are unlike each other

                          and I should think he would be as revolted by me representing him as I am of him representing me as a American citizen in the worlds eye

last week,  July,  2018

1144,  Friday the Thirteenth,  2018

Cat Stevens  Where Do the Children Play  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPr_WQm0-UY

Recap

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