she was an attractive young blonde woman

which was saying something

he rarely found blondes attractive

her hair was cut shortTomboyish  but that enabled her features to take centerstage stand out  wideeyed  sharp cheekbones   if she wasnt blonde hed lean towards First People ancestry  not that it was impossible 

Awright baby  Anteup  You got a babyface

I do

Great  I love it when I dont have a fight with someone about their babyface

No  When my hairs long no one questions how old I am  I was being served in bars at seventeen  Cut my hair short and Im challenged every time

Well  My hats off to your genetics  Take care of your faceyour health an youll be challengedas you say  until youre in your forties

Thank you

No  Thank you  Id be ridiculous if I didnt admit I enjoy gazing at attractive women

Thank you

Youre welcome

he scanned her purchase  a Teeling single malt  Irish  which simply improved her attractiveness  You have a savings card

I dont but my boyfriend does  she screwed up her face   If I can remember his number

No pressure he isnt here  An no matter we have a remedy if you fall down 

Okay  the twist in her features didnt relent

but she looked even better twisting  hooked on a line

Ten digits babe

Area code

Area code too

Youre only making it harder

Ive got confidence in you

she spat out the area code  then one digit at a time at different intervalsunsure pauses  excruciating  she emitted the remaining seven

Was I right

I havent entered it yet  Building the suspense    Though I must say  while you havent the ability to witness your expressionshow your face worked  Im entirely sure you hit the nail on the head

Ready

Youre killin me

he hit ENTER and the savings card posted her savings to the screen  BINGO baby  

YEAH!

Love your enthusiasm

I wasnt sure

Not being sure is like delicious seasonings on food  Ups the game

Thats a nice way of putting it  Normally I wouldnt agree

Comon  What fun is a sure thing    Theres no challenge

Youre right

So now I gotta ask  Your boyfriend know your number

No

No

No  It took him six months to remember my middle name

Then I suggest you go home an tell him you got the savings on the Teeling by remembering his numberAn WHATS MY NUMBER?

No  He doesnt know my number

Your boyfriend doesnt know your telephone number

No  No   Hes a kind of head-in-the-clouds kind of guy

Ah

     he was proud of himself  he held his tongue  he didnt usually hold his tongue

probably the only reason he held his tongue was to not take her down from her piqued high  remembering struggling to recall his number  that she did all on her own   an would likely continue to do in the relationship

he would have preferred to shrug an say Ah  the kinda guy who has his head up his ass  You might deserve someone better

              but he didnt

he put the Teeling in a brownpaper sleeve and handed it to her  Have a fine evening kiddo

I will

        happy  she literally skipped out of the liquor store

1705,  Sunday,  11  2. 18

1540,  Monday,  12  2. 18

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        its what happens when you take something youre unsure of what it is out on a walk                                                                                                                            but hed be damned if he was going to stay in and wrestle it by himself  it had all the advantages it outsized him outnumbered himalways had its back safe to a wall

he could almost hears its distress when he didnt play into its handsits elastic tentacles hoary clawswhen he picked up a scifi book threw a cloth handled sack over his shoulder and went for the door 

itd have to leave the wall at its back to stop him

                                                   an in that undecisive lingering moment he was out of the house

Wait almost incurred in his ears

but Wait  out of which mouth

he was halfway down the drive before he was aware of its presence 

while it didnt throw a shadow there was a surly miasmaquality sheer vapor shifting on the road at his feet around him

if someone didnt have his sixfoot vantage point above it in its midst they wouldnt see it 

it was like a dog keeping up  but not getting caught up in his legs or feet even when it roiled between an under them

it was disgruntled

Dont bitch Ya couldave stayed at the house plied your charms an irritants on indie and october cats  but cats wouldnt brook it their qualities would keep it at oddsget behind it  even if it thought it had its back to a wall 

                                                                                    fuck with a feral cat

its all incensed passionate sharpteeth and claws

he crossed over the bridge over the creek

the creek seeped it creeped  it crawled

                                          seeped creeped crawled   he liked its context

it didnt

I dont care what you like

beyond the bridge he cut left onto a narrow dirt deerrun that wove between emaciated saplings whodespite winter vied for sunlight rootspace  some of them grew around each other violently

he opened the book to where he had stopped Lock In he didnt buy into thatdid he What do you see? I looked at his hands for a couple of moments No blood Right she said He’s got blood on his shirt and his face but none on his hands The broken glass has bloody finger marks all over it 

                                        no blood no bloodhe looked up out of the book standing at the woods precipice and across the street he saw a girl in a freeflowing cottonblouse that oddly clung to her  nice jugs no blood

nice jugs no blood   handsome jugs  he dropped his eyes back into the book

                                                                                  but itdave to wait until he negotiated his steps to the trails end

it wound for better than a mile and kicked him off at the lip of a concrete bridge erected in 1915they dont make them that way anymore  pity  a majestic plain old bridge he thoroughly enjoyed  he wondered about the workmen who formed itnot so much the engineer but the blood sweat an tears workmen  truly manual fucking labor then scores of men not the paltry parties these days empowered by effeminate technology its tools an advances  hed say encroachments   hed say belittlement   hed say someone else harvestedpocketed the greenbacks that ought to belong to those who labored    hed say

crossing the bridge threw him into a return loop that eventually lead back to where he left the roadleft Lock In

his sidekick was still kicking but had grown reflective as he took it over the dirt an spoor an insects an groping roots 

he figured before he entered the deer path itd dig more primordial surroundings 

he thought a couple of times he witnessed it scratch its back on the live oakrun its fingersorwhatever through the cold spoor toppling their original architecture original leaving  possibly penetrate an anthill an realise its underground community  its complexity  kiss its queenfondle its workersspar with its singleminded soldiers

recrossing the first bridge he went straight an headlong an entered the town proper  woandered into a small shopping mall held intact by one of the towns two grocerystores an one of three pharmacies

Whynot

         he found himself in it because he never ventured into one before  he found himself in a Mr. Pickle

that didnt last too long

                        just long enough to know hed never buy its product

unlike the impatient line waiting restlessly to make their order

going out the IN door startled patrons entering  he wasnt rude he simply sought the first egress  IN was closer than OUT  patrons were humorless

                                 he hoped at least a portion of them shoved an stirred the stick that was up their ass  akin to a womans ben wa balls

Ben wa balls?  it was the first thing intelligible out of his ornery sidekicks mouths

Well talk about when we get home

1400-ish,  Friday,  9  2. 18

1243,  Sunday,  11  2. 18

Boards of Canada  Gyroscope  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbFgxucxVcM

                                  Hey

                                                  

                                                                                                                                                                                 Hey

Are you asleep

her whispering roused him up from the shallows between the undulating phosphorescent seaweeds wed to the bony reefs of pleasure they happily inflicted on each other  

                                                            he laid still   and listened to her bated breathher anticipation  

Hey are you asleep    

I couldnt answer you if I was baby

You are awake

he smilednot that she could see it in the dark  I am now

Ohgood

Ohgood  good Im awake or ohgood you woke me

I woke you

Youre cute   I would be awaken by a voice in the dark  Usually Im the only one in bed who has a voice

Yes

Did you want to talk

No

Did I leave a single square inch of your body unattended to that its feeling neglected

she laughed sweet    No

Are you thinking you may have neglected a part of my bodyyou didnt

her laughter grew sweeter intoxicating   No

Did you roust me . . 

. . I didntdid I  roust sounds severe I . .

. . No  Ill rephrase   Did you arouse mebetter  to see if you could   We should be unconscious all sexed upsatiated  exhausted

I am exhausted

I am too

No  A strange blue light flashed occasionally from your wrist  It confused me  I saw it   Then it seemed when I tried closing my eyes again Id see it

                                                                       I dont remember you wearing a watch

let alone wearing one inside your wrist rather than on top it

No  no watch  I wouldnt wear a watch if you paid me

Then what is it 

he moved closer to her he wasnt a cuddler  Brilliant icy electric blue   Ethereal

Yes

Like lightninglike light underwater

Yes

Ive never seennever seen it emitted from my wrist  You say you saw it  I have no doubt

she took his right arm  she ran her fingers gently over the inside of his wrist  Here

Yes  There

Then Im not seeing things

You saw blue lightyes

Yes I did

Then please dont doubt yourselfI have no doubt

It was very strange 

Well  it can only be one thing

You think you know what it is

I know what it is

What

Years ago driving home from San Francisco ten miles from homebearing out police and insurance statistics  accidents   a huge buck appeared at the edge of the highway in the grassy medium  

I was committed  I yelled at him to stay putplease  Please stay there for a few more seconds let me pass

He ran onto the highway

Midstride  just before I slammed into him a brilliant blue light lit up inside of him  in profile  majestic  ethereal  godlike   I think I killed a god

The inside of the car was bathed in light

An then on impact everything went blackthe blackest black Id ever seenI wondered if I hadnt had died  I was suspended  Then I wasnt an everything was hurtling past me  The engine hood unclaspedacted like a shield throwing the buck over the top of the car  I tore the airbag awayslipped downcould see the road between the dash an the bottom of the hood  The road went right  I was able to negotiate the curve an while decelerating I found the dirt an gravel shoulder 

I hit the buck doing seventythree

My right wrist was wounded by the plastic sheath that contained the airbag  fingerbones connected to the  hambone hambone took the bite of plastic an resisted it lacerating my wrists like a foolish failed suicide attempt  crosswise  not running up my arm  Blunt trauma  Me and the buck

The blue light you saw must be the gods residual invested in me  Otherwise I have no explanation for what you saw

I saw it

Im sure you did

I believe your explanation

I do too

You certainly fuck like a buck might rut

Youre so sweetthank you  You inscentivised me beautifully   In the morning

Yes

           If Im not too sore

I have something for that 

she felt his hardon growing against her thigh  Something just for me

Every bit for you

she closed her eyes  Thats something very nice to fall asleep to 

Oh  dreamilyas her eyes closed  she saw another scintillating blue flash

1604,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

1244,  Friday,  9  2. 18

You know, they didn’t have a choice then.

                                            he spoke with a white towel over his head hiding his face

Didnt have a choice  They certainly did

No.  The country was at war. When your country’s at war it’s your duty to go.

that was breathtaking

he let the moment drag

he wanted him to digest his words

the fat man pulled the towel down and let it hang across his shoulders

he looked up into the fat mans face  vapid  

his words exhaled were gone  evidently in casual conversation he felt they carried no weight 

words all carry weight  and harm and happiness  they confer respect or disrespect

he knew the fat mans name once

names are important

however in an offhand mannerdeparting the sauna some weeks back the fat man made a remark to another man sitting with them  he alluded that the president was finally shaking things up in America at last the country was going to be what it should be

he interjected rudely to the fat mans back Your remark incenses me nearly as much as your television reality presidenthack does  I take no pleasure calling him a cunt an never thought Id ever call an American president cunt

he promptly dismissedpurged the mans name from his memory

So  Youre gonna stand on your words   Be careful here

Be careful?

Yes

I don’t understand.

You should understand

The country was under the pretext of war  It wasnt a war  The drafteeswhich you insist otherwise  they all had a choice  Had those young men challenged the old men I dont think the nation would have incarcerated a generation

The choice you insist they didnt haveyou had  You exercised a choice

Excuse me?

You said as much

You’re mistaken.

Mistaken   Be careful again

And again I don’t understand.

Awright  Lets bring you back home

You said when you were drafted after college SixtyfourSixtyfive you were classified Four F  Four F because you were too fat

In SixtysevenSixtyeight when all hell broke in Namthousands of GIs killed  the Draft Board changed your class to One Y qualified to service in case of a national emergency

Yes.

I remembered correctly

Yes.  You’re correct.

Then I would also say Im correct that your choice was to remain fat to retain your Four F status 

You chose to be fat to beat induction

1420,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

2210,  Thursday,  8  2. 18

1067 days remaining or less

he looked at his inside feral catshis outdoor ferals peeking in through two separate screen doors  Awright gang  feel like stretching my legs this afternoon  Too nice a day to stay inside 

from overhead through the open doors he heard his hawk cry 

it was his hawk because no one in the neighborhood ever seemed to stop what they were doing to take in its free criesits luxurious circling

                 give him wings and hed soarhed see how high he could fly and never worry the wax meltinghis wings rooted deep in his skeleton his muscles constricting relaxing constricting relaxing flung  held outright fixedwing  soaring  diving   Hit this raptor he thought an you got 210 pounds of flesh sinew snapped bones hurtling through your windshield  Aint no airbag savin your life mebbe packing your brains back in your skull  Mebbe  Shovin your eyeballs back into their sockets Mebbe  But guaranteed aint no open casketaint no separating me from you entirely your familys gonna have to burn the whole mess   Will in order    Did you really love up your family the last time you saw them not knowing it was the last time                           

he lived with cats   

he loved to torment themloving them up  theyd know for certaintheir coats still mussed that he loved them

it was a fine bright blue day whiffs of cloud like subtle beads of sweat at ones temple  moisture in their armpits 

he hadnt walked five minutes down the Old Town road when he came across a tangle of black irrigation tubing broken kinked laid atop a leather workglove 

he looked again

wrong

he was wrong

but what he was looking at was wronger yet

a squirrelrather its remains  nothing but something that looked like a large twisted fivefingered gloveJESUSCHRIST What the fuck was with people 

had there been a car on the driveway hed have doubled back and knocked on the door and ask if whoever was responsible for tearing up the irrigation was around  if he was going take issue with someone in the house he wanted the right culprit  no sense braining an innocent though by association possibly not-so-innocent themselves

acorns apples apricots dont fall far from the tree 

What the fuck was going to have to suffice for the front end of his walk

it wasnt as bright blue as it was a moment earlier

descending a steep hill dead leaves in the breeze came on his heels like fast knowing lizards  lizards running through his legs then out ahead of him stopping  then avoiding his steps halting  running again  jeering him eluding him  

their playfulness was balm helping offset the dead squirrel   Really he sighed

he walked and he read for nearly two hours 

he walked ways he hadnt in nearly two years prior to whatever it was that incapacitated him nearly nine months  he liked to think of himself as either that terms baby or resurrected  his body attempting to wreck him 

if it didnt put him away it made him stronger

on the last of the long string of San Jacinto lazily strung between El Camino Real and Traffic Way  staring at him from up Nogales on his right  in the roadFUCK ME in the middle of the road  something   he wandered over expecting to find yet another small animal dead that no one from the homes either to the left or right had any sense of compassion to remove itbury itnot let it be smashed disfigured any furthur 

Ah  Its nice to find something that isnt dead he said out loud  it was an inanimate thing a handkerchief of green tan camouflage

he snatched it off the road and stuffed it in the back pocket of his jeans 

hed wash it and utilise it  no waste for him 

before he picked it up he was halftempted to take a picture of it print out Lost/Found fliers an staple them to electric poles tape them to street signs in the neighborhood  put their assemblymans telephone number on it label it Bubba Whiteman
            for shitangiggles  

itd be exactly something like that that would take the smart of thoughtless human callousness out of his eyeshis dayhis mind

1257,  Monday.  5  2. 18

1123,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar  Pray for Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5xERXE7pxI