she staggered eversoslightly 

someone else might not have noticed

they would have noticed she was noticeablebut perhaps not beyond that

when she spoke her words slurred slightly  like a jazz slurone breath running a string of notes

he liked her soundyou might say he liked the instrument that played it  reminded him of someone behind him  Miami  during his hellion days  his to-be-wife plucked him out of that maelstrom   it wouldnt be a stretch to say she may have saved his life  at his crass violent Miami crossroads it would have been hard to say which would have been the road less traveled since all roads end in demise 

she reminded him  of   someone

Canya help me  she had come at him on a beeline

Youre hangin out girl

she clutched at her open jean jacket an found skin where buttons should have been  I am  she slung her purse on her shoulder I oughta charge you for a peek

Wouldnt have been a peek

Smart guy  she buttoned a couple of buttonskept her cleavage 

Years of experience

Funny thats why Im approaching you

Always nice to be approachednice to help

I like the way you talk

I happen to like the way you speakwas trying to remember exactly who you reminded me of

I have a predecessor

I think everyone has a predecessor  Or should

You got something against virgins

No but Im allabout learnin curves

Learned mine

Mammorised em

Oh Clever

Thank you  Youah needed help

Yes

Sound exasperated

Im only here because Im sober enough to be here

Hangin ten on sober

My rides outside

Then we can talkI can help

Youd refuse me

Id refuse you

Youd refuse me

Yeshow can I help

she shook her head  slightly  like her stagger  Im to buy whiskybut nobody could decide what  You look like you know your whiskys

One reason why I work here Ask me about wines an youd be out of luck  Id hand you off to Cay

No thank you  Were a team

Then lead on Up the spirits aisle at your back 

he followed  Left are your ryes and bourbons right your Canadian Irish and Scotches  How you intend to dispatch your spiritssippin or sluggin

Sluggin

Probably not familiar with the vernacular  Shots

Ah  Yes shots

How many are drinkin

Me and five other twentythreeyearold girls  Maybe a couple of pervy guys

At twentythreeyearsold girls are just as pervy

she turned on her heels perfectly  maybe she wasnt as slight as he thought  Nice turn

Just as pervy

Usually more from my experience 

Jesus  Yeah  I dont want Beam or Jack Ive heaved up stuff from dark places that I didnt know I had that I couldnt identify

Couldnt have said it better myself

Really

No  Kinda illuminated in a single sentence what many people experience  Been there myself  But you gotta beits part of the process

Nice

Kudos

Thank you

Rye

I dont think so

Howbout we swing to your right behind you  Irish  Jameson  Good price  Good for shots

By experience

By my daughters experience  I sip spirits straight  I enjoy  Savor

she looked his apronhis nametag  Joe she said  Grampa Joe

Maybe pushing grampa if my daughter was underage an birthed which she wouldnt have shed have aborted  he grabbed a Jameson by the neck

Your daughter would have chose to abort

She wouldnt have had a choice

Its a womans choice

A womans choice  Not a childs

he watched the vapors of her drunkenness rise out of her  he struck a sober cord  But youre rightI am a grampa got two beautiful granddaughters  Im just not old enough to be your grampa  I could accept Uncle Joe  Id be that uncle dig

she burst out laughing 

her laughter was musical

1039,  Saturday,  20  1. 18

first day of the Republican government shutdown – 1096 days remaining or fewer

he rolled a fattie harkening back to the days when grass was cheapwhen it wasnt modified by freaks for genetics all the freaks are getting out of handoutrunning our ability to process even consider what the long term might be an might be not what theyre purported  were reacting were not proactive not braking  Slow it down muthafucker  slow    it     down

hitting it deeplyholding it in breathlessly he remembered Frank  dead now  shot himself in the head when he was diagnosed with cancer  Frank worked at Phillips with him a liquor store  Frank always carried a few joints in his pack of Camels  Man hed say I remember when the shit grew wild in empty lots around Chicago. I’d pack up grocery bags with it and hide em in the garage. Somehow my old man always sniffed em out. Ya a dumb nigger or wha? he’d say, whyya always baggin up weeds an hidin em in the garage? Yaint that dumb or are ya, nigger? My old man liked his booze. He’d get his high on and toss my bags in the incinerator in the alley, burn em, and I’d have to go out again and just pick me some mo.

exhale

opening a bottle of beer finishing the joint he sat down to watch Planet Terror an make his way to Death Proof  a twin-bill for the evening reminding himself of all the twin-bills he took in at Drive-Ins an missed some of the first an sometimes all of the second the great B-films that played flickering lights on their bodies painting them as they laid inside his parents stationwagon playing with each other plied with grass an a lil something to sip

he dug that Rodriguez and Tarantino set their hands to grindhouse their vision of over-the-top xploitation  they reminded him of Russ Meyers Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Rosario Dawson done up like Tura Satana anfool if ya dont know who she was yare shaky an might follow Franks exampleLOOK HER UP! or Warhols Frankenstein or rather Flesh of Frankenstein  to know death you have to fuck life in the guts he wasnt fuckin a gall bladder an while these bits roiled an twisted in his head like a wax bolus inside a lava lamp he injected into it imitation is the sincerest form of flattery Colton  then one-upped by Wilde that mediocrity can pay to greatness  then into the mix he slathered Vanilla Ice blatantly drafting off Bowies an Queens Under Pressure  xploiting its bass line(while insisting he had bought it outright)  that hadnt dawned on him until he wandered into a liquor store in California that was playing uninspired cannedmusic overhead  the bass line began  in his head he heard Under Pressure  then Ice Ice Baby Ice commencedDafuck  he usually he heard what he heard  this was the first time he was fooled  he didnt listen to Vanilla Ice  his daughters did  which they now tried to deny as they tried to deny Ricky Martin  Comon Martin was talentedhe stayed in the industry far longer than the white rapperYo  if one was inclined to bestow onto Ice  rapper  that was his act rather than his life  to livin the life sez Wilde  sez Wilde   he agreed with the elegant satiric or satyric homosexual 

when the girls come to his house an flip through his CDsthey ignore his hundreds of vinylstoo lazy to turn a record over  flipping through themhes sure they conspired they always find Ice an Martins CDs an holding them up they say Gee Dad you certainly have an eclectic taste in music  he had   theyd smile knowing full well the CDs were theirs 

Hmm he wonderedopening another beer when he croaked would they finally take them for themselves

muthafucker just crushed a disembodied testicle under his boot

                                                                AwChrist  hed almost forgotten

1744,  Thursday,  18  1. 18

1155,  Friday,  19  1. 18

a crowd rocked the front door  ah mebbenot  six    but they made noise for a crowd

at its head was an afroed cat who looked at once asif he was tryin to put some distance between himself an the rest the hale an hearty clutch at his back or had been hurled bodily through the automatic doors by them

then they entered

they were well-fueled women

the second through the door was a selfcontained nicelywrapped package who seemed every bit the substance of thick sweetcream that had risen to the top  she exuded confidence  was erect  bemused by the chattel pressing at her heels

she was the ringleader

he had no doubt

                 but the ring she led was becoming unalloyed  not unraveling splitting like an aortic dissection  rather into dull irregular clots  separations(no doubt no facsimile to the individuals they usually were)  but alcohol can do thatslip inside nefariously xploit slight fissuresfractures an gape them

behind the tall turnstilesthe stacked shelves of miniature liquors which stood between the cashiers counter an the beginning of vertical aisles two of laughing women stopped  they embraced kissed deeply SHOWTIME the curtains parting

this had gone on at the ringleaders back who had gone up into the tequilas and gins

he heard the sharp report of her heels at the linoleum

they quieted  

deciding

then he heard the measured gunshots of her stride as she returned to the front of the store

she split the kissers in-two  Awcomon this aint the place

she had two bottles of expensive tequila by the neck in her hands

usually they were locked inside cabinets behind glass 

she assessedrecognised that someone inside hadnt locked the glasshadnt done their job  why would she press the callbutton for someone  wait for someone   she helped herself  

he liked people who helped themselves

behind her walkedfollowing the leader a young gal who may have been trying to be her shadow  emulate hershe had her work cut out

passing the miniature turnstiles she unsteadily passed to the leaders left an nearly lunged at the counter to get there first

she drew herself up absently reared her shouldersbreasts rising  Yoou knoow wa   ta dayiss she oogled his nametag  Jooe Joe   Helloo Joe Ya knoow wa  ta day    iss

he smiled at her smiled at the ringleader who watched her friend with evident discomfort as the restthe afroed catthe remaining three glided to the front behind them drawn on the draft in their wake  he said I know its Satuday an its January Thirteenth

Nahnah  nah   she blinked she was happily inebriated smiled big white teeth which played marvelously in contrast to her complexion big bright eyes   Nah  Iismu birthdayguess  hoow ol I am   her eyes narrowed  she was deadly serious

Happy birthday

Tank yoou

Youre welcome  How old are you

Yoou gotta guess

Well  you got a baby face  he looked at the ringleader Shes got a baby face too 

I got a baby face

You kiddin me  he turned his attention back to his voluptuous interrogator  Id say youre so freshblown an bright that today is your twentyfirst birthday

Iismu twentyfiirst birthday ta  day an mu friends have have  have taken me ot driinkin

he glancedsaid to the ringleader  An you have her in check

We do

She looks like shes a handful

Babygrrls my best friend

Then shes in good hands

Yes  Thank you

the birthday girl said I am a handful

he turned his attention back to her Thats what we were saying

I am

An I have both your words on it that you are

the gaggle behind them nodded nearly in unison

Joe

Yes bright eyes

Yoouah  wanna feel my breasts

Ohjesus the ringleader said Not now

he smiled warmly  Thats a real nice offer bright eyes but Im not allowed to accept gratuities 

Joedese aint gra  howya say   dese aint gratu tu   sighed concentratimngeyes narrowing  dese  aint  gratuities 
Dey huge titties

  he laughed  
               An I can honestly say no one has ever offered me such large gratuities before  I am humbled

bright eyes smiled real big  she seemed pleased      

turning back to the ringleader to finish their transaction he said Shes very thoughtful

And Im embarrassed

Dont be  Shes inebriated  Id love to see her expression when you tell her tomorrow

Oh shell hear it tomorrow

Ive no doubt  Best friendsbosom buddies  Ive no doubt

            

2333,  Saturday,  13  1. 18

1246,  Thursday,  18  1. 18

yaintnoappleseed

he took her web when she last disappeared  after she reappearedmissing for several weeks an returned missing her foremost two left legs

appleseed lived in it for more than a year which boggled his mind 

she maintained it

it was immaculate

he found her ditched mummies laying on the countertop of the washbasin  

her immaculate informed his  

yaintnoappleseed as he called this clown  clambered in one day ran off a smaller spider an seemed content in its dissembling squalor

he couldnt imagine any selfrespecting spider wouldnt provide a minimal due diligence  the gaping holes an fraying hadnt the integrity to trap let alone hold a soul                                          

though sooner or later one way or another hed depart 

he wouldnt take any action against him

it was just a matter of time

he missed appleseed

he particularly missed her when he took hot baths in the evening under candlelight

she was intrigued with the flickering flame 

often he watched her descend from the web an stalk the candle  then withdrawing when she must have felt its heat

shed take her sweet time climbing back up to her corner asif she had been ambling out for a casual stroll

then she had fun articulating her legs throwing odd shadows on the ceiling

he didnt imagine that

thats the way she was

the way it was

evening,  January 7th or 8th,  2018

1822,  Monday,  15  1. 18

Barbra Streisand  The Way We Were  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJjVlEG8WHM

fake boobs riled him

but he was tryinghe really was  trying very hard to put himself in their bras an jiggle for awhile but they dont jiggle 

no they dont must be jelly cuz jam dont shake like that

his friend Sean augmented herself

they apparently fulfilled something in her that needed filling

nothing that he saw or could imagine

but he wasnt her 

shes a smart woman a fit woman a woman young girls could model themselves after

though after her augmentation he bit his tonguewithdrew that young girls might hold her up as a model

those facets  he didnt think ought to be idolised  

frankly what riled himput him at odds with Sean was that they were unnatural 

he realised the argument could be made that he grew up when plastic surgery wasnt coveted  its reason for being then was to correctas best it couldto moderate disfigurements of misfortunate birth defects or horrible wounds received in fires car crashes accidents  or war

those exacted a reason for noble plastic surgeries

moneyed narcissismthat had to be the word for it  isnt noble 

catering  isnt noble

he also realised the argument  Its my money Its my body I can do with it whatever I want

Yes
    he however didnt have to respect their choices an he didnt have to be quiet about them either if he was provoked

artificiality is not superficial 

beauty is not skin deep

 

there is no such thing as a single artifice or a single flaw to any person

1337,  Friday,  12  1. 18
1205,  Monday,  15  1. 18

Glenn Miller Orchestra  It Must Be Jelly  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRwt2DawLkM

Jill Scott  Gettin’ in the Way  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RALIqun26tg

                                     . . follow the bird . . .   or follow the bird  conundrum

he crossed Traffic Way just west of DePalma who showed so much promise Scarface Body Double then quietly evaporated in the curling miasma of fickled entertainment press an that what cannibal Hollywood is about

it was a T-intersection DePalma commencing north off Traffic

one bird  one bird strutted down the hill DePalma was

the strut invariably caught his eyeshe wore a short flowerpatterned dress closed to her throat  her legs madeup the difference  greaved in brown laced leather boots to her knees  to her shapely thighs

she wore a casual shelby at the back of her head  under it shimmered sunstruck auburn hair that hung in carelessly curls an bounced with her steps asif DePalma was her personal catwalk

at the intersection she turned left sharply away from him  his heart lurchedwanted to follow  damn beast

he denied his blood  though he didnt mind  she could walk away from him any old damn time

as her hips wenther dress flipped more thigh

                                             he would miss her when he walked past their parallel while simultaneously
the other bird  the other bird  a huge hawk circled them 

he spied its shadows blackflash streak the street  hed have had to become some walleyed muthafucker monster inthemoment to see them both then the spassm twitchedpassed  it forced him to dole out the few remaining seconds in time between them

he broke the unenvied plane an lost the young woman behind a sarcastic muraled wall on a building at the corner  turning his eyes up he watched the hawk cease its circulation an enter a lowering glide up Traffic Way above the woman

evidently unable to contain its beasty heart
                                             then a crown of trees obscured the hawk an they were both gone

however they left him their images sketched in fast unbroken lines on his immemorial memory    

1417,  Friday,  12  1. 18

1059,  Saturday,  13  1. 18

Paul Revere and the Raiders  Hungry  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY4rIFc3JVA

Lynyrd Skynyrd  FreeBird  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np0solnL1XY         

it was the middle of the afternoon still four hours before he had work

rather  had to work

hed always have to work

Retirement  HA

he didnthe never saw it  it wasnt in the cards for him it wasnt in the cards for a lot of people an even more people todayFUCKED by free market ideology by employers who flipped or rolled over like dogs to corporate where did he read thatwhere did he put that quote Ah here  BINGO! an from of all places Homo Deus the self-interest of capital accumulation  its logic of brutal calculability in its indifference to life 

any life other than its own

fortunately(?) he saw thataccepted that when a boy when a much older friend Mr Wappler shared with him what retirement was

he cut Mr Wapplers lots during the summerraked his leaves in the fallshoveled snow from his walks and driveway winters

You might say Mr Wappler said I’m your patron. It's from the Latin patronus, protector of clients, defender; from pater, also Latin, father. 

Ohyes

Oh yes?  You know pater?

I think I do  I have an uncle who complained of a paternity suit  Is it the samelike father  not like he was complaining about his tailor right

Goodness, for a young boy you certainly hear things that perhaps you should not.

Im not eavesdropping not really  Ten people live at my house an half are adults an yacant help but overhear what mebbe you shouldnt but it seems to me adults thinkthey must that I cant follow or understand their words as if my vocabulary is lacking  An how can that be for when Im not working not in school my nose is tucked in books  I read with a dictionary an encyclopaedia an an atlas at my hip  I dont know a lot of things  The more I read the less I know

The more you read the less you know? 

Yes sir

Most people never learn that simple fact, boy.

Theres too much to know 

Yes, there is too much to know.  But it doesn’t hurt to try.

Yup  Thats the way I see it

Mr Wappler told him of retirement

Are you retired Mr Wappler

I’m an artist. I’ll never stop working.

Is Mrs Wappler retired

he laughed deeply  No, and she’d agree. She has me to take care of.

they laughed together

every time he hears talk of retirement he hears their laughter last century in the sideyard before Mr Wapplers studio at the back of his property 

usually a tray of covered uneaten food lay on an overturned wooden bucket at its threshold

Mr Wappler was too busy working

1441,  Twosday,  19  12. 17

1230,  Friday,  12  1. 18

I like what you havent done with the place

That sarcasm babywe gotta watch where we step so we dont slip and fall  or ballbustin irony 

Perhaps a smidge of each Papa

Youre obviously content in your disorder scattered and stacked books unopened and opened boxesunhung art  but I find it overwhelming  restless

Take a moment  You see feel restlessness                                                                                     

Yes  your place encourages a restlessness in me

Waitillya see the kitchen

Youre funny Papa  Always the funny guy tongue in cheek cheeky basturd

Basturd  I like that youre using my nomenclature

Ill be the funny guy till the day I die

Thats when youll really miss my funny stuff

Stop  Why do you always invite the dark side

Dark side                                                                                                                                        

Yes  You seem fixated on the dark side

No

Im not fixatedI dont fixate on the dark  I mention the dark side of thingstry an dull strip the shininess to remind you an others that theres another side to the bright cheeriness marketing would have us swallow  Were under a constant unrelenting barrage  I understand thats marketing job  As I suppose the dark sidereminding you is my job  Its a dirty job but somebodys gotta do it   Like fucking fat women Dummer thats Dummers line not mine  But it is ohso visually illuminating  isnt it

Papa  Youre visual no matter what it is youre talk about  visually arresting

A gift

A gift  or a bane

In the eye of the beholder we might agree

Yes  We can agree

So  Restlessness   I might suppose its a good thing you dont live herehuh

Wouldnt  That said I still dontwe dont . .

. . We

Yes  Yah and me We  Despite me knowing next whats going to come out of your mouth  shed be okay with me speaking for her regarding you livingcontinuing to live here . .

. . You can only speak for yourself

Of course  As I knew  However youll have to find your way to hear me out  Im speaking for us as we agree steadfast on this point So deal with it

Go

I hate your GO . .

. . No sweat  You an others

Alright  Yah and I have a hard time seeing how youre still living here  You dont fit in

Has it ever occurred to youor youse that that may be precisely why I live here  Youre both aware of my proclivity to confrontation Im guaranteed handsdown each an every day I live here to enjoy my inevitable confrontations 

But Papa  thats so stressing

No love  Youre confrontationalYah is as your mother an I raised you . .

. . No  Mom didnt

Awright  Point taken  As I raised you  As I raised Yah

Its a mans worldan a shitty mans world for that matter  so I wanted you girls to be able to stand on your own  Be confrontational  Take no shit

I just happen to be wired not to take even a hint of shit  Yes Im extreme I know that  If youd girls take that aspect of me into accountdrop your considerations of comfort for yourself  restfulnessas it were  for yourselves   Confrontations  as hard as it might be for you to believe  mitigate stress for me          

Here  This town 

Yes love  This town is not your cup of teaYahs cup of tea but dont forget this is where Mom and I chose to liveto travel half the length of the continent  to live 

Our choice  You had no choice  However as an adult you have your choice and youve made them

Have I ever remediated your choicesYahs choices

I have not  Because I respect your decisions

Because I helpedyoure mother helped in forming educating your consciousnessyour ethics

I would not secondguess you or your sister

Why would you secondguess me

 

1616,  Friday,  5  1. 18

2336,  Sunday,  7  1. 18

I think it was my ad hoc strategy that kicked instressed whatever it was inside him that became my brothers cancer  Its been a long time since weve seen eye to eye  Truth be known we might never have seen eye to eye  Its been a long time since we lived in our parents house together     A very long time

he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his fanny against the countertop

he didnt stand contemplative in that posture

rather he appeared selfcontained

his muscled arms combative

his coworker was wary 

You’ve mentioned before that your brother and fatherif I’m correct are at odds politically with you

Politically Socially Theyre almost always the heads of the coin to my tails  I might be less combative if they offered reasons for their standings This fuckin Moore they say the women are liars women always lie they always have something to gain or want to gain  to have over men 

My father has three daughtersmy brother two 

They have wives

What are they saying about the women in their lives if they vouch for Mooreas every bit a cunt as Drumpf

Are they religious?

When it serves their purpose

You’re not.

I am not

So what was your cancer-causing strategy?

The last I saw my brother we argued the financial inequality of the country  And this was before cunt was elected
My brother doesnt see any problem with billionaires or their money undeclared blackmoney manipulating voting an legislation an politicianspoliticians whod like to be at least millionaires  an when they leave office enter that spinning door between government an lobbyists acquire a cush job sell their influence  because those in government also want to leave it then park their fat asses as their predecessors colleagues have 

If I could Id stop that revolving door so fuckinfast theyd break their wolfish faces on its glass panes

I see you’re irritated.

Im irritated because we didnt have to be here 

These clowns serving are commiserate to my era Nam Nixon War on Drugs Watergate the joke of trickledown economics  they didnt learn anythingnothing except   greed 

Pretty polished coiffured greed

I thought my strategy was enlightened  I see it as feasible   If cunts president an can squeal an taunt on Tweeterwhich wouldnt have seemed feasible or doable in the past  then nothing is beyond the paleis it

No.  Although I’m sure he’s surprised even his base.

Youre jokingright

You don’t think he surprised his base?

His base is base theyre why the Resistance was formed immediately fortunately  No wait an see  He said exactly what hed do when assuming power  Asked my parents why Hitler surprised the world particularly after what he wrote in Mien Kampf  The Word  Like the fuckin Biblethough less mysterious

There's something to what you say.

Unfortunately there is

his arms were still strapped around him

they made his coworker uncomfortable  their manager asked him how strong he thought Joe was  he replied I don’t know. I wouldn’t like to find out.  Fortunately he seemed self-contained. Though, he also seems capable of violence, an immediate gloves-off kind of violence, I don’t know why I think that, mind you, but I do; he’s intimidating . .

. . Without being intimidating, right?

Yes. Exactly.  It makes you hesitant to cross him . .

. . Even of the smallest thing . .

. . Yes. Even the smallest thing.

But he works like a devil. Nothing too small or too big that he doesn’t throw himself into it. And he always exceeds what I ask him to do; picking out something I missed and doing it without asking. Done. I can’t correct him because he’s correct.   Intimidating.

Yes. But as you say, without being intimidating.

My strategy  I think its cogent perhaps stretching norms  but then who ever thought a presidential candidate would say that corporations were people too  An then within a year or so have the Supreme Court confer exactly that with Citizens United

I was somewhat surprised.

Unfortunately I wasnt  It is a majority Republican court  Justice wears a blindfoldnot they

Theyre not supposed to exercise politics . .

. . And maybe once upon a time they didnt  Its moneybaby  an they know who butters their bread   Money  Speech One in the same orso were told

I’m distracted.  Please. What’s your strategy?

Very simple Ill admit  a simple premise   Five of the top ten wealthiest people in the world live in the United Statestheir corporations headquarters function within the United States  I think its ten of the top twentyfive if I really want to be greedy  but Im not I think the five will suffice

Okay.

You remember when Castro took Cuba he nationalised American corporationstook them over  did not reimburse the companies  I wont be that greedy

I’ll take your word for it.

Never take anyones word for anything  Factcheck me  Ive no concern that Im wrong

I’ll take your word for it now, for your argument’s sake.

Thank you

So  if a corporation can be nationalised  an a corporation is a person   then it stands to reason that person can be nationalised  We take their wealthhell we could leave them with a billion allow them to remain billionaires  they would still get along swimmingly  A more egalitarian standard could be provided achieved 

Case in point the Walton Family  Threefour family members became among the top twentyfive wealthiest people in the world by virtue only of their birth  And the poorest among us are poorest by virtue of their birth 

Were past the tipping point

Time for a radical correction

That’s . . . I don’t know what that is.

Its cancer-causing

Sunday,  31  12. 17

1548,  Day-Between-Two-Ts,  3  1. 18

1104 days remaining or less

https://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/2014/04/18/cuba-you-owe-billion/jHAufRfQJ9Bx24TuzQyBNO/story.html