17.3.17




a long line of burnished and weathered railroad track has always quietly obsessed himwhere it came fromwhere it was going 
         the trains rumbling its haunting call  which so many seemed prone to describe as lonesome  he never understood that   and when it was posed in his presencedespite himself  despite knowing better  he gave them a stinkeye a direct look which readily might be translated as A cowpox on your house or accuse them of deficiencies 

he conceded it was a sonorous voice  however it was steeped in patience and recalled histories which most prefer to disregard or ignore for their own comfort deny their entitlement often which was not small  and were therefore to his mind terribly ungrateful        


he scrambled up onto their raised beds picked a favored cresoted tie and standing on it he looked long up one way
closed his eyes  turned a onehundredeighty and opened his eyes to look long up the other way

it was breathtaking  frightening   particularly when they ran perfectly straight in either direction  as if he stood on a splendid razor that could bisect him as it glided separately to each hued and coloured horizon


he adored their unquestionable steeliness fixed and homogeneous  their awesome lengths and timber and beds of stone which were unlike anything else in the world  hugging and bundling the land

you couldnt argue where the stone was quarried or the steel smelted  

however not its timber  few were wrest from the same tree and the ties laying side by side probably werent cut from the same forest  they were separate mongrels

standing atop of or walking on them he was poignantly aware they were uninscribed grave markers laid flat

he wondered if they could  would they have words regarding their circumstances

hewed eight nine feet long  a foot wide  eight ten inches deep

they were massive wounds



today he had the mind to extrapolate how many ties it took to lay a mile of track and from where he and his shadow stood in the sun slender mocking burdens the track ran a halfmile in either direction before rounding a curve

they were laid roughly on twentyfour inch centers

fivethousand twohundredeighty feet in a mile

multiplied by twelve inches

by longhand mathematics pencil on paper that equaled sixtythreethousand threehundredsixty inches

divvied up at twentyfour inches 

that equaled twothousand sixhundredforty ties per fucking mile

he had no idea its overall length or rail sidings within the country
                                                   but a whole lotta trees died to make the clickety-clack the lonesome(Die muthafucker!) train whistle blow
talk about holocausts
Jews aint got nothing on trees

theres a clamouring of souls seeping of sap and weeping they groan and sigh as iron wheels and laden or empty cars pass over their bodies  and he couldnt help himself but wonder if they might remember their shaky heads wending up through the soil  haloed by the sunremember their surly competition against brethren and others to grow and grow into exquisite organic towers before they were dismembered 
                                          harvested
harvested sounds better sounds prettier than murdered


you might think if a life doesnt scream bloody murder! when its killed if it doesnt bleed gouts of warm blood when its slaughtered then its death is inconsequential and is less than a human beings life
you might



1031,  Monday,  27  2. 17
0831,  Friday – Saint Patrick’s Day,  17  3. 17
1405 days or fewer remain

16.3.17




too soon
 
            he hadnt a word for itshe had no cluehe hadnt    not until this very moment


he was enlightened   intrigued

                        the charred sweeps of her absence that ran across his eyes hid his shadow in its folds
it finally revealed itself revealed its  palpable  existence

       this thing  was the thing that came between them
that interrupted her
rather it interrupted his affection for her                           


it wasnt another woman
                    despite many warm spontaneous touches  subtle   issued with kind words with looks that felt like stroke of an eyelash
                    perhaps innocently
insignificant          

though quietly pregnant  pregnant   as when a rose begins unfurl in the soft yellow sunlight


not that he was moved or could be moved 


she thoroughly enthralled him  enticed him
  
                                 and he was too dumb and blind and insular to be affected by a touch a look
a suggestive word   
                                                              

what they shared he called Love


she inspired him satiated him  
she tipped him with her voice  whether it was sung through the pale air or a mimicry tatted on the words she sent him in texts and efemales
                  but at this very moment

she was interrupted

and who had interrupted her

was her past selfwas who she was had been during timethe months when he last saw her


he tried to carve out time for them

                           but every time he gamely fashioned it she shot him down  and shot him down late
four times he left gifts at her locked door
                                while she was on the other side of it        
she said she was too unwell to open it


he could have smashed itwent through it if he wanted 
                                          his violence was there
his violence always attended him

but what would that have purchased him


it would have given him nothing other than the stark admission he could take what he wanted 
                                                                                                          
one didnt take Love                              


he didnt want to take it


he wanted her to give it freely


if she wouldnt

why would he want it


she wasnt now who she was

he had no control over that

he wished he had

he didnt believe in wishes



his happiness now was the memory of her 




1906,  Twosday,  14  3. 17
2353,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  15  3. 17
1406 days remain or less