fewer or 1447 days
he didnt sleep well(that could
either be his reason or his excuse for what followed – though at the time he
wasnt cognizant of it) he was achy from
his workout and wasnt able to minister it because he went to work directly
afterwards didnt get home that night until after 2200 took a light meal of
canned tuna a green salad a bagel then went to bed because he had to be on the
road early to drive a hundred miles to meet a new internist/primary physician
whose physicals were scheduled more than seven months out
it all conspired to give him a
bad night
laying there eyes closed he
remembered a trick he used running the dishwasher when he went to bed
concentrated on its sound mesmerised by its surf the ticking of its drying
cycle(if he got that far) so he rose
made up a fix of white laundry and ran the washing machine and not fallen asleep he got up again and
placed them in the dryer and ran it and
not fallen asleep he got up again and folded and put away his laundry the dishwasher trick he assumed belonged now
to a different time in a different state and a different circumstanceTHINKING
TOO MUCH put
it away he
drifted into a reverie of his surgery his complete left shoulder
arthroplasty fashioning him a cyborg the mirrorball in the recovery room the exquisite Asiatic nurse who made
him bat his eyelids more times than he ever had in his life and who tended him
bathed him Eros stymieing Pain
that did not give him rest or
sleep
finally exhausted
he slept
then
the alarm clock woke him
he swore he just fell asleep
Up muthafucker
Time
to rise and shine(his father told him that when he slept through his alarm for
his morning paper route
Thanks Dad Sorry)
then off into the shower off
onto his day
examined and not found wanting returning north he liked to stop at an
alehouse in Goleta that a customer recommended
it didnt open until 1400
it wasnt noon yet
and rather than try to find a
worthwhile coffeeshop(very good coffee beans and sporting his particular(a difficulty others said of him) ambiance) he recognised he wasnt far from the
city library(libraries always fit his bill)
the Goleta branch he was familiar with it years before he often took his daughters
there when visiting their grandparents
entering it he remembered it
better than he thought he should he
almost look down before himself to be sure he didnt trip on his girls who often
heeled wide-eyed and wanted to look at the books for sale to support the library
in the lobby
he imagined no one witnessed him
stagger momentarily
everything around him was visceral
seemed bittersweet a different time a different state
a different circumstance
for midday there were more people in the library than he
expectedalthough he wasnt sure he was a person just then
he seemed to be in two places at
once exquisite not often had this sense been so
pervasive and tangible usually it accompanied him when he was
slaked with drugswhen he sought to plumb or spelunk himself or tethered to a
spiderline freefalling up into a blue-then-plumcoloured atmosphere
he was within himself and outside him and perfectly aware of his dichotomy while
his twins were also aware of each other and aware that he was watching them as
a petulant overseer(the Father the Son the Holy Ghost?)
then it seemed his bad sleep if
he ever did sleep laid hand on these peoplethese tenants and transformed them
he watched themthey watched them
furtively and their outward appearances
he usually wouldnt have given a thought to
were different were not
existential representation of that person
but were masked impersonal hiding threats
he looked about his feet for the
soiled Ulyssean cord to grapple and tie himself in place and withstand these milling
blankeyed Sirens to stay his hands to remain
unwonted of these unoccupied visages who was the zombie he wasnt sure though he was sure they were ciphers
accumulating drawn to something he didnt know except he was accidentally in
their midst he was sorry to imagine and say that they were
nothing more than inanimate buckets of guts inside their eyes shone the black
lifelessness of elk and deer and rabbits he killed and guttedclothed meat on
the hoof
they
seemed robotic inert waiting
he didnt sleep well
maybe it was the heavy metal of not sleeping
well that conspired against him made
masks of their faces made them
threatening he didnt respond well to being threatened if they wanted it he was game-on!lets play!
his hand at his hip pocket
he had talismans and bone at his a
throat inside a blessed doeskin pouch
at his hip was a lethal talisman
from his teens in Chicago
it was his because he was faster
with the lead pipe and broke his armthen broke his leg for the fuck of it because he pulled it on him there was no need for that all that cat needed was to be coolbe chill but
he couldnt school of hard
knocks he left him with knocks he could
survive
cat
maybe it was the murdered feral cats
maybe tracking the homeless man
downcatching up to him too late he used burlap sacks loosely stitched together weighted here and there at its edges and
threw them over the cats
he smashed a kittens head and was
already gutting it a slice of hot liver in his mouth when he came up behind him
he didnt come quietly
the man spun on him he got his right
arm upfist turned inward to take the brunt of his boxcutter
fairs fair
with his left he slammed his stiletto
up into his throat and jigged it side to side severing his windpipe nearly
cutting his tongue free hed suffocate
before hed bleed out(he avoided the carotids arteries)
he watched the
light go out of his eyes
he kicked his body into the
surging creek water
hed be found downstreamif he was found leaving
no trail
he bound his forearm tight
itd hold till he got home to
stitch it
some skills you learn you dont forget not ever
just like riding a bicycle
maybe it was the hapless kitten killed
that ruffled him and made him sleepless
no matter he didnt sleep well
1244, Thursday,
2 2. 17
1726, Reggae Friday, 3 2.
17
