he walked out of the Out-Patient door at the rear of the Miami VA Hospital into the brilliant sun and azure and saw an old man down by the chainlink fence at the edge of the parking lot scourging cigarette butts off the hot tarmac parking lot and out of the sand at its edge

he watched him then stoop to a knee tear the paper filters off if necessary and dump the tobacco onto a page he ripped from a phonebook chained to a pay telephone booth

he pinched the tobacco into a Zig-zag paper and rolled his own

he lit it and taking a deep pull he grimaced

it couldnt taste good

he said Fuck it out loud to no one in particular  rather to himself   a cane across his gawddamn flank and walked across the street to a convenient store and bought a pack of Camels a pint of whisky

he approached the withered old man  Pardon me he said

Wha the old man said as he backed away I aint bothering you

No  Im botherin you

he flipped the pack of Camels to him

he was spry enough yet to capture it against his chest

he flipped him a matchbook

the old man now into the game snatched it out of the air

then walking forward the old man not retreating he twisted the whisky cap snapping the flimsy cellophane seal and said Care for a drink

he swigged first and held it out to the old man

the old man took it greedily and gulped a long pull

I thank ye he said and held it back to him

No thanks I bought that for you  Just wanted a taste wet my whistle

Whaelse ya want

Nothing  I thought you might enjoy it with your cigarettes

Mighty kind

Aint much  You gonna be able to hold onto them

Yeh  Got buddies to share with

Good to share

Hellyeh how can ya not share a windfall

Thats a good question   Fare well

Thank ye  Back atcha

1511,  Monday,  19  12. 16

Pink Floyd  Astronomy Domine  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QawLRFL0Js0

he was in the habit of saying whenever he heard something either ludicrous or implausible or profane(saved the best for last as he heard it least)

Blow me

Take me in your mouth

Suck my cock

granted it was spicy a bit long-winded  halting  it didnt flow   but if pressed hed admit it was his prerogative

A seigniorage(but then theyd think he was speaking another language)

however on rare occasion in accord with his remark it did lead to head  him being pleasantly fellated   frankly though more frequent than he imagined(not that he was fishing for head) 

he wasnt an unappetizing sexual partner  he made sure he gave as good as he got

(You dont give women head

Yes you do)

yet he was forever astonished by the bedroom tumbles that ensued   grateful    though still astonished

he didnt say it as often now

he was forced to deign to more lengthy exposition  vitriolic  smeared with disdain  and because he was uncompromising  genuine  his genuineness was usually respected

he didnt say it as often now

because for the last eight years he curbed himself his remark because he thoroughly enjoyed his vital creative partner

he wouldnt dare risk their relationship by saying so to another woman which wasnt to say he relented when commenting to men  which infuriated them  demeaned their manhood  exceeding even referencing them as bitch(which he didnt do he refused he hardwired himself not to demean women  unless truly provoked) 

which also wasnt to say on occasion that he wasnt a little bit tempted to rail against an attractive woman who spoke out of her ass

he fell to saying Christ youre so full of horseshit  despite knowing he was settling

but that he was willing to settle to compromise quietly spoke volumes to him of what their relationship meant what she meant to him

he wasnt one to hold his tongue

1634,  Twosday,  20  12. 16

“Pascal’s tragic religious vision: ‘Imagine a number of men in chains, all condemned to death, some of whom are executed daily in sight of the rest; then those who are left see their own fate in that of their fellows, and regarding each other with sorrow and without hope, wait till their turn comes: this is a picture of man’s condition.’”

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/23/the-uses-of-oblivion

What were you thinking

               whenever asked what you were thinking you can bet dollars to doughnuts(dont ask)  obviously you werent thinking  so why the fuck ask What was I thinking

You wanna a confession?

Alright  YehI wasnt thinking

not thinking had only hurt him twice badly in his lifeonce someone else not thinking almost killed him with a backhoe

but it missed(he heard it snap its finger and say Nuts!)

                                       therefore in his ponderous middling life hed obviously thought more than he didnt and (hed think) everyones allowed a respite

                                                                    I was thinking Id roll me a fatty have a beer and read some surrealist poetry or Finnegans Wake  which is psychedelic or in Joycean parlance psychedicklickhe hoped Joyce got his cock sucked while he wrote(might explain things)

I found I could make sense of Finnegans its flighty synapses bizarre connotations while I was getting headat least for a little while before turned inside out

                     . . . When their bride was married all my belles began ti ting. A ring a ring a roaring! Then everyone will hear it. Whoses wishes is the farther to my thoughts. But I’ll plant them a poser for their nomanclatter. When they’re out with the daynurse doing Chaperon Mall. Bright pigeons all over the whirrld will fly with my mistletoe message round their loveribboned necks and a crumb of my cake for each chasta dieva(page 147  First Erudition) . . .

nice thing about Joyce was every time he read Finnegans he Came away thinking something different from when he read it last  a perpetual thinking machine bound in ink and pages and Eternity

Fuck the Great American Novel!

Americans hadnt the soul hadnt the  whahad Jung called it   ahyes The Collective Unconsciousness of the European continent  fresh Americans had raped and pillaged and plundered their continent and killed it pithed it Good and Proper  it tried reeling out from under Their feet like a dazed snake too stunned to rattle and bite  and was stomped and stomped stomped and crushed it vitals spattered then oozed like wildhoney bitterly in the dirt  off walked the anttrail of fresh Americans spoiling as they went

I rolled me a fatty and had me two beer

Either you or I asked me  What were you thinking                                                                       

Thatll teach ya to aske

1404,  Saturday,  17  12. 16

1439,  Monday,  19  12. 16

Bob Dylan  Rainy Day Woman #13&35  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Zxd5jp-lI

Jonny Lang  Darker Side  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsL7c0pLBsE