he was in the habit of saying whenever he heard something either ludicrous or implausible or profane(saved the best for last as he heard it least)

Blow me

Take me in your mouth

Suck my cock

granted it was spicy a bit long-winded  halting  it didnt flow   but if pressed hed admit it was his prerogative

A seigniorage(but then theyd think he was speaking another language)

however on rare occasion in accord with his remark it did lead to head  him being pleasantly fellated   frankly though more frequent than he imagined(not that he was fishing for head) 

he wasnt an unappetizing sexual partner  he made sure he gave as good as he got

(You dont give women head

Yes you do)

yet he was forever astonished by the bedroom tumbles that ensued   grateful    though still astonished

he didnt say it as often now

he was forced to deign to more lengthy exposition  vitriolic  smeared with disdain  and because he was uncompromising  genuine  his genuineness was usually respected

he didnt say it as often now

because for the last eight years he curbed himself his remark because he thoroughly enjoyed his vital creative partner

he wouldnt dare risk their relationship by saying so to another woman which wasnt to say he relented when commenting to men  which infuriated them  demeaned their manhood  exceeding even referencing them as bitch(which he didnt do he refused he hardwired himself not to demean women  unless truly provoked) 

which also wasnt to say on occasion that he wasnt a little bit tempted to rail against an attractive woman who spoke out of her ass

he fell to saying Christ youre so full of horseshit  despite knowing he was settling

but that he was willing to settle to compromise quietly spoke volumes to him of what their relationship meant what she meant to him

he wasnt one to hold his tongue

1634,  Twosday,  20  12. 16

“Pascal’s tragic religious vision: ‘Imagine a number of men in chains, all condemned to death, some of whom are executed daily in sight of the rest; then those who are left see their own fate in that of their fellows, and regarding each other with sorrow and without hope, wait till their turn comes: this is a picture of man’s condition.’”

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/23/the-uses-of-oblivion

What were you thinking

               whenever asked what you were thinking you can bet dollars to doughnuts(dont ask)  obviously you werent thinking  so why the fuck ask What was I thinking

You wanna a confession?

Alright  YehI wasnt thinking

not thinking had only hurt him twice badly in his lifeonce someone else not thinking almost killed him with a backhoe

but it missed(he heard it snap its finger and say Nuts!)

                                       therefore in his ponderous middling life hed obviously thought more than he didnt and (hed think) everyones allowed a respite

                                                                    I was thinking Id roll me a fatty have a beer and read some surrealist poetry or Finnegans Wake  which is psychedelic or in Joycean parlance psychedicklickhe hoped Joyce got his cock sucked while he wrote(might explain things)

I found I could make sense of Finnegans its flighty synapses bizarre connotations while I was getting headat least for a little while before turned inside out

                     . . . When their bride was married all my belles began ti ting. A ring a ring a roaring! Then everyone will hear it. Whoses wishes is the farther to my thoughts. But I’ll plant them a poser for their nomanclatter. When they’re out with the daynurse doing Chaperon Mall. Bright pigeons all over the whirrld will fly with my mistletoe message round their loveribboned necks and a crumb of my cake for each chasta dieva(page 147  First Erudition) . . .

nice thing about Joyce was every time he read Finnegans he Came away thinking something different from when he read it last  a perpetual thinking machine bound in ink and pages and Eternity

Fuck the Great American Novel!

Americans hadnt the soul hadnt the  whahad Jung called it   ahyes The Collective Unconsciousness of the European continent  fresh Americans had raped and pillaged and plundered their continent and killed it pithed it Good and Proper  it tried reeling out from under Their feet like a dazed snake too stunned to rattle and bite  and was stomped and stomped stomped and crushed it vitals spattered then oozed like wildhoney bitterly in the dirt  off walked the anttrail of fresh Americans spoiling as they went

I rolled me a fatty and had me two beer

Either you or I asked me  What were you thinking                                                                       

Thatll teach ya to aske

1404,  Saturday,  17  12. 16

1439,  Monday,  19  12. 16

Bob Dylan  Rainy Day Woman #13&35  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Zxd5jp-lI

Jonny Lang  Darker Side  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsL7c0pLBsE

All the leaves are gone he muttered(brown yes)

                         inside his head began The Mamas and the Papas And the sky is grey

his rude facile memory always has to put its two cents in

he and it were linked in a malleable crazy daisy chain vying for its head forcing the other to follow talking over each other louder and louder to be heard foremost

he had to admit that when he spoke from memory and things went sideways he couldnt remember what he was saying what his point was he wasnt embarrassed  he didnt drop the ball or fail

his memory didGOTCHA! SEE? You aint all that Always buttin in

Maybe now youll allow me to recall you

but his memory never did

ham-handed heavy-footed irascible it always had something to say and itd be damned if it was going to wait its turnit interjected it jumped in with both feet

he had almost convinced himself when he died his memory would separate and get along fine without him

pure conjecture   because hed never know  not really

sometimes he actually tried to conjure up how thatd play out

but it never seemed  feasibleHa he laughed as if feasible was ever exigent to its parlay Not his memory not ever

he supposed itd be just fine roaming around untethered  scot-free

1303,  Friday,  16  12. 16

0959,  Sunday,  18  12. 16

The Mamas & the Papas  California Dreamin  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhZULM69DIw