It nearly tossed him down a flight of stairs when he saw someone deluded(diluted?)

he preferred optimism

he encouraged it when he could

                                                       however

when it was necessary

and he liked it wasnt often

he discouraged it rudely

he appreciated those who complained there were subtler ways  more finessed or peddled softly

but he argued his life was finite and he wasnt going to portion honesty in long tepid draughts

neither was he going to solicit if he wasnt asked

but when asked

he had to assume the asker must be prepared for a direct response unfettered  frank

she didnt have to ask him what he thought of her bargain brand new single bed

he hoped his pained expression prior to her asking was sufficient that he didnt have to say

others standing around her car the bed was strapped atop were encouraging

it wasnt going to hold her comfortably

no matter the savings she incurred

she was obese

obese people do not take the rickety chair in the livingroom to sit on

   

or did they

 

did they delude themselves that it could possibly endure their girth

No  they wouldnt sit in the chair

and yet she asked him  So what do you think

Honestly  he prefaced it  I dont think it is a good purchase     hoping that would suffice

Whatever do you mean

he cleared his throat  You know the story of Humpty Dumpty

Yes

Thats what I mean

I dont follow

How bout Newtons apple or Rock-a-bye Baby

I dont follow

You will

It isnt going to hold you and all the Kings horses and all the Kings men arent going to be able to put you back together again

Or it

Youre rude

Ah  you did follow me

1754,  Friday,  25  9. 15

he disliked being compelled

pushed outside his autonomy

by an anonymity contained within him

that Is without respect or deference to the thing it thrives inside of

the thing that without

the trapped parasite 

 

might cease to exist

he wasnt sure it would die

it could realise suspended animation

  

a fertilized encapsulated egg waiting on preferable conditions

laying dormant   patient   beyond any febrile sense of time or urgency

 

simply persisting

he wasnt too sure
                             he was any different

1350,  Sunday,  20 9. 15

“I wonder if revelation comes not like light to the eye but as an imposed ordering of that part of the self so deeply interior that it is anonymous”  pg149  Doctorows  City of God 

HEreversedK

      which he continuously  longer than he dare say  read as HEK

what the heck was HEK?

s l o w l y 
                 he began to assemble an argument that what he saw  --  that wasnt there  --  was a subtle or sly interpretation of HELL  --  although for the life of him he could not  --  rationally  --  not that “rational” was stalwart among his processes  --  create a plausible inference of having a white HEK decal affixed to a vehicles rear windshield

“Life” as “HEK”  really

and for the pummeling he subjected himself to  --  at his own hands  --  as   s l o w l y   he began to realise he must have made a mistake

then he finally came upon a parked vacant vehicle displaying the HEreversedK decal and saw  --  finally SAW  --  the reversedK was not that after all

it was the “greater than” sign immediately followed by a lower case i

which then he easily read as HE “is greater than” I    HE>i   the diminutive i furthur reducing the I we ordinarily use to describe ourselves in the world

aside from e e cummings  i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)  he rarely encountered anyone who wrote or described themselves as i and the diminution in the Christian decal made more sense than the reversedK or backwardsK he thought he saw

a moneyed cult? 

 

looking closer he found the decal advertised  --  as if He needed more advertisements  --  a clothing company which operates out of Hale’iwa  O’ahu  Hawai’i(as they write it)  --  citing John 3:30  HE (Jesus) must increase

but I must decrease

he suppose by some warped reasoning the company HE>i might also increase(>)  its sales

brilliant  he supposed(again)  to tie ones wagon to someone elses horse and then excuse themselves   suggest they were also doing the horses work  not just being drawn along in its draft 

success by association

or parasitic

 

he wondered what HE got out of the deal

tythe?

tips?

  or some other tommyrot?

late morning,  Twosday,  15  9. 15

1423,  Twosday,  15  9. 15