yawanna twist his nut

go ahead

ya go right ahead n tell im

tell im you didnt have his back

tell im about yer obligations yer sense of responsibility

tell im   all about yer honor

(what the fucks that huh)

that it lies

with some bloodless corporate icon   some bland slogan Marketing thought clever

and whos to argue with Marketing

  

in the course of their four five minute heated disgussion 

his only defense was  --  fiduciary obligation  --  to mean  poignantly elucidated 

accusations

--   You dropped the ball  You didnt do your job  You put the screws to me rather than stand up 

which you should have  were obliged to

                                                        And then you squawk fiduciary obligations   to a company 

fiduciary obligations outweighing the obligation you assumed on my behalf twenty years ago

your fiduciary  

up-the-ass

warrants you not having my back

warrants you refusing to stand up to higher-ups for fear of making waves    or worse

singling yourself out as a less-than-teamplayer  who  in the pinch might 

not play ball

toe the line

or further their obsessive tact

the Bark  Bark  Bark  into his ears were

--   I have fiduciary obligations to the company

   

fiduciary

sounds insidious

like he was telling him  in Latin  Fuck you 

or in some obscure crank language  Ya fuckin douche

one gets a little Edgy

when fiduciary  frankly  becomes the lexicon for  I sold you down the river

funny a white man should ever get edgy about that

not that that was ever a white mans fear

  

fiduciary

fiduciary obligations

--   Here  This is for you

he took a folded paper from inside a blue payment envelope he held in his hand and stuffed 

it down the neck of his shirt

he paled a bit when he grabbed him roughly by the collar 
(were talking white collar)

--   Its my remedy my absolution  Its what you should have gotten for me without me ever asking

--   What is it

--   Youd ask the same damn question even after you looked at it  You dont see what the main office communicates  You never see things from my  a customers perspective 

It confirms the payout I told you I wanted two years ago  and repeatedly  during the interim  whenever I asked you to intercede on my behalf

Which you did when asked  Good dog  Hurrah  And were told No  And accepted No

Because the fact of the matter is

it wasnt your ass

your loss

But it was

and is

You took No

because they told you No

You didnt push

I know you know that

You didnt push

--   They said No  When they say No who am I to argue

--   Youre suppose to argue

for me

You were obliged to argue
for me

Oh

Fiduciary

I know differently now

he pulled a check from inside the payment envelope

--   This  Is what remains of my accounts with your company

One account

A mock piddling of what it was

I suppose  oddly  it is a reflection of your fiduciary obligation and responsibility to the company

And when they ask you can tell them

Im sure they hawkeye your bottomline as if it was the greatest ass known to Man

You cant answer their questions

because Im confident theyll be beyond you

have em give me a call

Ill bring em up to speed

I cant tell ya the contempt  the temptation Ive got goin on inside me                                                                                  

to call you a cocksucker to yer face 

                                                                                                   

But                                                                                                                                                            

yaknow

I dont think someone who sucks their own cock

can be called a cocksucker

0105,  Sunday,  24  8. 14     

“because he didnt feel like going home to an empty apartment on his birthday . . . ”   *

the apartment didnt missing him

it held its breath  pinched its nose when he was there

Stinking human being

it could scarcely abide his presence

it fowled its plumbing

chilled its water

impeded its electricity

shuttered it  at least a couple times a week forcing him out onto the cold tiled hallway floor barefooted  --  the fool  he wasnt learning the game  --   to throw whichever switch needed 

to be thrown to restart the electricity flowing back into the bedroom bathroom or kitchen

the bedroom is where he spent most of his time when he was at the apartment

he didnt entertain

it might have liked that   had he given it a chance

it might have enjoyed guests

their different voices manners and dress  scents  sexuality  humor

it might have enjoyed anyone

 

other than he

                                                                                                

not that it would  ever  while he lived there

he didnt cook meals

didnt read books

he 

usually returned to the apartment to sleep

and slept fitfully

he cried

pounded his pillow or mattress with his fists

pulled his hair

talked  ranted to himself

and often

collapsed into a stupor that might pass itself off as sleep

  

his birthday

it came and went every year 

for years and years and years

 

he knew it

though when he was pressed for it

he disallowed it

lied

he said he was a Jehovahs Witness

which usually provided him a wide berth

a nearly insatantaneous pass

 

religion  it never ceased to amaze

and amuse him

 

 

 

hed go to a bar

have the bartender pour himself a shot  and another for him

silently congratulate  toast himself on another year snaked  

Again

--   What are we drinking to buddy

--   Well drink to ourselves  Our intransigent selves

--   I dont know what the means  but dont mind if I do

--   I dont either

 

and then he have the bartender poured him a couple of doubles and wander away from the bar

take a seat at a table for two

set a drink down before himself and the other across from the empty chair

a drink in front of an empty chair an empty glass in front of an empty chair kept even drunken patrons at bay

none the wiser

 

and refilling a glass

buying the bartender another shot   

kept his mouth buttoned shut

none the wiser

 

 

 

only the apartment knew

and the apartment for all its efforts  squandered  couldnt push this  this

this squatter on his way

 

the brownstone knew only one family for three quiet generations before him

 

and maybe  

maybe it wasnt really him it despised after all

 

it despised being an elegant warehouse to someone who wasnt waiting for anyone

 

 

they had been 

and were gone

 

 

if it knew the game he played at the bar

on his birthdays

it could have said who the empty chair was for

 

 

 

 

2241,  Friday,  22  8. 14

* Laszlo Krasznahorki, War and War, Gyorgy Korin’s consideration