Executive Mansion
Washington, December 23, 1862

Dear Fanny

It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father(his long-time friend William McCullough); and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.

Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.

Your sincere friend
A. Lincoln




he couldnt help as he listened to the reportinghe stopped the showhe went online to find the Presidents text and read it for himself  he did this incessantly nowincessantly because he had to read the words for himself without an intermediary telling him  but primarily because he had become misphonichad developed a revulsion which nearly made him physically ill hearing the cunt speak
hearing his voice


he couldnt help but think that America since had produced lesser men 

ethics displaced 

cheap


hed written lately of collusion irredeemableness existential threats natural and manmade maninduced crises  however this newshed found other news depressing but this news profoundly affected him it pushed him down deeper than he had been in a long time 

it seemed the cunt was depraved to a depth that exceeded even his wildest imagination

he understood the process the Mueller investigation was continuing 

however he wondered why there continued to be overt Republican efforts(they might have thought they were being covert to the general population) to waylay the investigation and support either a sociopathic or psychopathic cunt  he remained unsure which the man was



ahh   he turned off the words
                       then he turned up the volume on his computer speakers sat back and listened to Mal Waldron play the pianolistened to Coltrane play the saxophone Clifford Brown play the trumpet McCoy Tyner Gene Ammons Sonny Rollins Lee Morgan Jackie McLean Sun Ra Miles Davis(he could write etcetera etceteraetcetera but it reminded him of ordering Chinese food and he hadnt been to a good Chinese restaurantto his chagrin in a very long time)
  

0859,  Thursday,  19  10. 17

http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/mccull.htm
http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/trump-disgrace-laid-bare-in-interactions-with-gold-star-families-1076551747620

he took his beer and books(wanderlust the buried giant mythago wood anti-intellectualism in american life) outside into a pleasant wind

looking north and east he saw the dull grainygray gauze of ash and smoke of forest fires still untamed 

               untamed

just like us to think we can tame anything                            

we can certainly put our fingers in a pie

start a fire

cause exquisite mayhem

remain unrepentant

eventually we can clearcut bombard it with water and chemicals  eventually assisting the beast to extinguish itself

provide hospice

yeah   Tame

he took his beer and books outside to escape the telephone  to put a brief hold on their off-and-on conversations that beaded a slender chain of the better part of two hours  

he rationalised(really  really  she was doing fine on her own) helped her confirm her suspicions that the nonprofit she worked for was profiting handsomely possibly profiting its Board(cream rises) but definitely the executive and a select minion  they were systematically bilking(she preferred defrauding) state agencies who were too ponderous too understaffed too underfunded to afford regulators to sift through the mire and minutia determine who the bad actors are and run forensic accounting on their books         

the crux of their conversationhis alarm was her stress  not only that she was enduring this now-unfolding uncertain certainty but also her misfortune of contendingconstantly and consistently with her overseers rebuffing their courses which had over the past year borne her out readily confirming her grit and acumen  unfortunately though to her disadvantage affecting her physically  she was struggling with a yet-identified if-ever-to-be-identified immune disorder
he guarded her jealously sternly warned her(not that she didnt know or didnt grasp its reality) that the last thing she needed in her life was more stress

I understand your passion your hatred – not typically your forte -- of those who try to play you a fool

she received a text forwarded by a coworker from the executive officer just after she had confronted him about their recently deployed and terribly improbable scheduling  she told him that it ran afoul of labor lawslaws she had cursory knowledge of but possiblyquite frankly other laws too

she asked if she could forward the text to him so he could read it and give her his thoughts 

:  Ah yes – an undoing when when a Trust is broken - a resource when it provides:bestows gifts and opportunities . Onto another learning and maturation curve.

he texted her that it lacked context(was poorly written) that she couldnt assume it was in regards to her  its context could only be grasped if she read the text her coworker sent  then the executive replied

he texted a second time:  It is ambiguous. HA! Interesting.(inside joke)

she texted:  my chest tho holy shit.

:  Thinking Swedish(hospital) before it gets worse?

:  i can’t yet.

:  Can’t ?

   Can’t breathe . . . really tough to finish out a day.

then :  Heart?

       Heart don’t beat ..  . really tough to finish out a day

:  ha.

:  I didn’t mean either as a joke, as I know you know . . .I understand the job, you spent the morning adamant about how you were being treated.

How are you treating yourself any different?

he didnt expect hed hear from her for a while

he took his beer and books outside

he didnt hear from her until later that evening

she called

she wasnt well

1816,  Friday,  13  10. 17

1132,  Saturday,  14  10. 17

collusion   howdthat make him feel

 

                              in the exact moment it revealed itself he was angry
anthensuddenly humoured he almost laughed  he literally had to bite his tongueliterally to keep from tipping his hand  corporates intentions stumbled in dumbly like domino pieces falling over each other  he would opt to play a very minor role in their shlock B-drama  a minor role?!  yes taking a bit-part  they wanted himclamoured for him to be their lead  awshucks no  he wouldnt be able to play the part   hed stick with a cameo performance

cameo 

the instant the snitch came through the automatic doors at the front of the store he recognised him

he was disturbedmomentarily  then he flipped like an adept gymnastfeigned a jovial enthusiasm  bemused now by their audacity  amused by their foolhardiness
this was going to be fun
  
he leapt into his old softshoes scattered sand improvised he played his bit to the hilt right up to when the snitch approached him with his purchase and said Im ready now(do snitches think customers walked up to clerks and say Im ready now – like a woman tipped off by her basal thermometershe better get on the stick(is that how that phrase came to be))  to which he replied Great my coworker Karla at the register will be happy to help you

                                                                      Uh-Oh that wasnt in the script
Whassa snitch to do  Is he gonna whinetip his hand But I want you to help me  Dont think so  Nope  Cant be that obvious when youre a snitch

itd only been two weeksONLY two weeks

but maybe what corporate didnt knowmaybe what the snitch didnt know was that his manager unwittingly outed the snitch(he did lack certain abilities) 

his manager showed him the securityvideo footage and from that stark glimmeringa stop-action frame he IDd himhe committed his ratface to memory  an one thing he never let pass out his memory is the face of people who meant him harm

  

then two weeksTWO WEEKS later his manager colludes with corporate to spring(?)waltz in parade the same damn snitch

now
     maybe a chimpanzee whose memory wasnt correctly reinforcedfortified with food rewards wouldnt remember himan maybe his younger coworkerslean on experience might also not remember himan that would pique him  because they should be observant(observant beyond their magicphones)  but he wasnt a chimp or young or unobservant

the snitch stalled at the counter filling out a membership card for Karla

a second customer was ready with his purchase and languished a few steps behind the bent snitch  Sir he said  Ill be happy to help you at the next register 

it was a brilliant performance(Oscar!)  he touched all the bases corporate would want touched 

he was cool as a cucumber

he ignored the desperate skewed glaring klieglight of the snitchs peepers on himhanging on his every word hopefully that something audio might be inappropriate  dingable

the snitch was trying hardspying hard   no dings today baby

No dings today!

Not one 

No ding-a-ling a-lings today! 

snitch left emptyhanded – except for his purchase when he finished scribbling and took the receipt Karla offered

collusion   howdthat make him feel

Well  honestly (theyd say Its only business)  he understood only one person can have your back  can help you

only he could do for himself

aint a soul who knew him bettercould fight harder

          Id like to thank the Members of the Academy
    

1152,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  11  10. 17
1318, Thursday,  12  10. 17