Everything begins
                   is Begat(tossing Biblical language around like sloppy baled hay  randomly  either feed or ground-covering)

Begat by an idea(an id - each  id - piece  odd - piece  a flimsey codspiece)

then terribly overthrown by cringing lists outlines  then more detailed outlines
generating clever powerpoints
red pindots cast from across darkened rooms by a slim penlight
removed from its fit  nicely  between an array of fountain pens and mechanical pencils held in a vinyl geek breast pocket protector

Hurrah  Enthusiasts  Take a bow

though hed rather hold his ideachion tight

still ramshackle

and build off it as things evolved presented themselves  spinning off other orbits  ad hoc 

he knew better than making a hard list or attempting to adhere to one

and rather than drawing hard lines

he kept things in flux

because  tragically  lists were often lost or  accidentally  left behind
                                                                          and as Time

fashioned itself as a critical element to the planning and execution
for these lists  lost or left behind

someone had to suffer its degression and learn to neigh meh-meh like a bearded scapegoat

and assume  everyone involved  their sins iniquities and transgressions

then according to Moses(Bible busting out again) set free to roam the wilderness as an Azazel goat

neighing meh-meh wasnt a forte he wanted

Everything begins

  

                       how it ends is up to you

1575,  Saturday,  25  4. 15    

He worked himself into that most enviable place       

                                                                                    at his diningroom table   on elbow

leaning over a sheet of paper

slyly tempted by a brown paper bag

amused by their naked brown and white skins

they tickled his thinking   coerced him to determine the ink he might use                                                                                                

gingerly  he fingered a pen dismissed the pencil                                                                                                                              

the white would obviously take all comers                                                                                                                     

                                                                     as white did

and if brown  if he didnt use black ink hed screw himself because as it was he often was unable to read

what he wrote afterwards

his mad scribbling putting his words and ideas at risk     illegible     hard to unfold

though  to be sure 

                              what he eked out of them  probably  were better than he originally wrote

and being that he perpetually rewriote
he squeezed the text for a better word
created inflections
altered space

evolved

               he could hardly wait to see what finally shook out  stopped moving  too fuckin tired to take another step
while the faces in the trees outside the window nodded or shook their heads to the wind that drove them  and the animals the totems who subtly offered advice hidden in the clouds were obscured by thin sleeves of silver rain that rarely fell from California skies  he wished the rain like the jabber of a cocky bluejay penetrating the glass was accompanied by peals of thunder and jagged lightning by the pissed off howls and shrieks of a freshborn babe
who detested their new world  kicked to the curb  tossed from their gardens embrace

                                                                                                                    too fuckin tired to take another step

then rolled over and picked through

worked on by a pitiless homeless who wouldnt dare miss a trick   

who would eat a dog off its leash

 

2212,  Friday,  24  4. 15

1033,  Saturday,  25 4. 15

 Yahs boithday

Its  funny  not laughably funny

queer perhaps  is a better word

when you recognise that what youre hearing is also overdubbed with another language

aimed at those who hang on the coded words within a speech

it was irksome  he thought  that some people tried to be slick 

choosing not to be plain-spoken

refusing to hold their discourse out in front of the shimmering veil they hid it behind

not that that would happen 

being plain-spoken carries culpability

and the desire of coded words is deniability

I didnt say that

Youre putting words in my mouth

You misunderstood my intentions

coded word are articulated  acknowledging or addressing a specific subaudience

their specialised listeners

not all were dire 

                           physicians  physicists  engineers  attorneys economists

though others were

but theyd deny it

he listened to a program regarding transgender children                                                         

                                                                                           NO(he didnt have to hear it  to hear it)

Where the hell do you suppose transgender teens and adults come from

and during the discussion he picked up three parcels which were impossible not to be code

Persistent

Consistent

Insistent

they might as well have been pointing their fingers at him

at his belligerence  and affected curmudgeonness

                                                                                 though he didnt really SEE the pair as derogatory

not as other people saw them or accused him of being 

all he ever did

                        was respond when his triggers were pulled

Know Thyself

he fuckin knew himself like a book  and chose NEVER to cross himself

if that hurt someones feeling or bothered them

they best not look for apologises from him

they werent coming

persistent  consistent  insistent

having known transsexuals  now called transgender
three more potent words couldnt have been used to describe what he heard  unremittingly  in all of their life stories

they were eye-openers

they not only opened the book they tore it in half   turned it into rags

by comparison

                         anyone elses lives  were simple

it seemed  even then  he was attracted to the unorthodox      the Odd

and how unOdd they were if you stopped   and took the time to really experience them

choke down what repelled you  ignorantly

 

looked and saw what truly was revealed

he couldnt guarantee that you wouldnt wish to be pithed afterwards

to forget

              itd be the only way you could

 

   

2045,  Wednesday,  22  4. 15