sluts

I pushed and rode her up the bed to the wall where other girls I knew had headboards

I can still hear

her fingernails at the wall

like kids nails dragged down the Elementary school chalkboards of my childhood

they stopped

and started      according to her thighs

warm and fleshy

at my cheeks

stopped and started

dictated by her thrusting hips

earnestly wrought

I admired the strength in her hands and arms  clutching my head    pulling my hair

at a sudden  twisting  

                                    she came

I was under her

ground under her hips

her fucking my face

when the last shudder went out of her spine

I toppled her over onto her back and stretched her legs apart like a wishbone

I thrusted

              I runted                                                                                                                               

I came gasping  FUCK fuck     fuc . . . ka

we hung like two dogs

exhausted 

                                                                                                                             

 

unaccounted

lost

I didnt revive until she at once gasped 

                                                           found my cock again      and choked herself on it

me now  holding handfuls of hair

and thrusting

I didnt care

if she couldnt breathe

I followed her mad  tenacious lead

                                                     fed her lust      her hunger

I came

 

           we collapsed again

later  bathed in flickering yellow candlelight   we didnt talk of love 

                                                                                                           or need

--   Its so nice   just to fuck

So nice to have a cock in me   a cock my hands

Nice   to be filled

I wasnt in a place to talk   let alone think

I grunted

I had to trust the sound I emitted  to say

a sound fulfilled     

                           spent

 

You wanna know the nicest thing

--   Yah

--   Oh    You are conscious

--   Yah

Dont get carried away with yourself alright

she laughed

--   Yes

 

You wanna know the nicest thing

--   Yah

--   A confession

You dont make me feel like a slut

I dont feel like a slut

--   You shouldnt

Why would you 

Because you like to fuck
 

Thats horseshit

--   Yes 

I dont feel like a slut

--   Then good  

Hell thats better than good  thats excellent

--   Yes

I havent any shame either

I dont feel like a slut

You dont feel like a slut  do you

--   Me

 

A slut

--   Yes  You dont feel like a slut

--   Fuck no

--   And you dont

Because you like to fuck too

--   I do

--   Then 

Like me

--   Ya know I do

I like to fuck

I like fucking you

 

she laughed

--   Then like me

That makes you a slut too                                                                                                               

--   Yah  I suppose that makes me a slut too  Like you

--   Were sluts

--   We are

Were sluts

--   Fuck  Thats liberating

--   Ill do you better  Its the honest ta Gawds truth 

One slut to another

 

she climbed up me and kissed me deeply

I didnt mind our cum  sticky on our faces

or the taste of my mine in her mouth

I suppose we supposed sluts are like that

                                                                  Suzey died five weeks later in a car wreck

a week out from our Graduation

When I think I havent any innocence left

I remember Suzey

                              and she ekes out my remaining traces

and when I cum ferociously  

                                             beastly

her face flickers like flame  across my lovers faces

2230,  Friday,  28  11. 14

I was going to bed

                        

I was tired

I had given drink a slight edge on my evening   and now

I was calling it a night

turning in

to sleep

but no sooner had my head hit the pillow

hardwood 

           blazed across my mind

fuckin marvelous

hardwood

engaged by hardwood 

                        I reeled hung up snagged on this slender rogue spur

my brain besotted caught a raw edge

a cleaved splinter

threatening to blow out  maximise its spike   drive itself deep inside me

too deep

       to be relieved by a matchscorched needle

or pray the carpenter Exacto knife I kept 

                                           a miserable excuse for a scalpel  

otherwise Id have to wait on it 

                                 let it grow uncomfortable warm and red  swelling

until my body had had enough and pushed it out

at least enough to grasp its skull with a tweezer

yank

      be alleviated of its irritation

                             

Im thinking bodies would make excellent landlords  

utterly  graphically Impartial

not turned in any direction

no argument  Reason

begging or cajoling

Keen

recognising either what benefits it or Not

and if Not 

            Adios moo moo chachu (he didnt speak Spanish or the steadfast Mexican 

his father erred)

Twentythree skidoo  baby

Ya dig

hardwood

 

there would be other names other nights that he summonsed on the glass vapor of vodka

another drink to-night

                       anmaybe nothing would have come

the quiet slap of linen at the back of my head

then senseless

no ruminating

no catches

or hooks

a congenital abyss

and perhaps others prefer

                            to slip into an abyss when going to bed  to sleep

not the sharp crackles and dull redden throbs that mill like networked lines and shafts
against the coalblack silvering  as those peering back at me 

                                                                and me at me

going to sleep was an adventure  and taking something into it

upped the ante

hardwood

ironwood

petrified 

                                       

wood

to fashion a shiv or club

theres nothing at the door to check you in pat you down  or ID you

you kick in the gate 

                      and it absorbs you

a greenviolet buzz plays in your ears

  

2307,  Saturday,  29  11. 14