all i ever wanted

was to keep you in sight   incited

i wanted

but that wasnt a good reason for you

was it

what i wanted wasnt what you wanted and what you wanted is what i said i wanted

for you

when did i slip off the track

onto that short ugly siding

sliding badly

blind

thats not what i wanted

for you

not what i wanted for you sounds like a miserable excuse

though i could probably fashion worse

to get out from under all the lies ive told you

to keep you

for me

to keep you for me  sounds horrible

i didnt mean it horribly

i suppose no one in love ever means it horribly

but it is 

and in love  

is just a miserable excuse

there isnt a reason on the planet love can invoke

to wash blood off its hands  

but lovers try to convince themselves there is  

and there are scores and scores

trying to tilt the playing field to their advantage

how does advantage work 

in a loving relationship                                                                             

for you

for me for you

or for me

 0054,  Saturday, 21  9. 13

stand your ground

comon  a bit of swagger

take your fuckin hands out of your pockets

stand upright

shoulders over your hips

look like you can take a shot

not like youre looking for a way out or around

bore a couple holes through their eyes and out the back of their skulls with your own

be fearless

concede youre gonna get hurt

no matter

your wounds are gonna look pretty compared to theirs

no fawning or beating a retreat

no blinking

hard eyes  black

reptilian

no words

nothing to be said

stand your ground with your fists on display

2304,  Twosday,  4  2. 14

she went down on her list of things

he wanted her to do for him

if it wasnt purely him

it was things he was taught he should expect from her

since youth she was fingered by their pop and beauty cultures

women sold over-the-counter  minimized  objectified  idealized

                                                                     what Beauty Should Be

she didnt pause to wonder if he would put up with the shit she put herself through to try and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Barbie

his sex wasnt held to conform to any Market ploy or desecration
                                                                                                 yet

if she could take a peek-see

at what he was willing to do for her

shed see

hed sooner jagoff to a skinrag or internet porn  buy himself a piece of ass  roofies  and imply she roofied herself if he drew any heat  never forgetting

                                    a Woman as Scapegoat 

has a long illustrious legal history
 

her list included

figuring out an outfit (trying on one thousand things)

jewelry  and special adornments

filing and painting her nails

plucking her eyebrows

showering

washing her hair

drying her hair

doing her hairdo  curlers or iron  gel or hairspray

getting dressed

applying make-up

(she takes a deep breath)  

primer  

an array of concealers (yellow or orange for under eye bags green for blemishes  that matches her skin color to cover anything else aka  scars) 

contouring concealers (a shade lighter than her skin coloring to accent where light naturally strikes her face a shade darker on places more apt to tanning or where she might want to thin out as to either side of her nose highlighting from the bridge to the tip of her nose to make it appear more equine  more ideal at her forehead and temples to look naturally sun kissed)  

foundation over her concealers 

powder to set everything she just applied 

blush on the apples of her cheeks 

eyeliner 

eyeshadow darkest shade in the crease mid tone across the lid  highlighting shade on the brow bone corners of the eyes the middle of the lid 

apply fake eyelashes   

reapply eyeliner to cover the glue  

retouch her eyeshadow 

curl her eyelashes  

mascara  

outline her lips with a lip pencil  then apply matching lipstick

double check everything in a full length mirror

outfit 

shoes 

bag 

hair

the way her ass looks from behind

and no

she didnt forget to have her esthetician provide her the much-vaulted much-desired full Brazilian

                                                                                                       or have her anus bleached

0058,  Sunday,  16  2. 14