they took down the ancient oak

   he preferred specificity they not so specific  but he had no idea who they were Citymaybe Property ownersperhaps 

                 the oak disruptedlifted snapped broke the sidewalk which had been poured too close to it boundaries assholes the tree also shoved the concrete steps leading down to the street below down itself 

he couldnt help but enjoyed the shambles 

                                            Excuse me excuse mepardon me as he hoppedhotfooted from one broken blocking to another over risers crippledtheir backs snapped from behind by fleshy roots

                                                                                            the tree had its way with them 

until they cut it down fucking criminal 

   he arrived a daytwo days late there was still woodchips sawdust scattered blood slopped at a crime scene 

nearly tossed his lunch

 

then he was aggravated

then terribly angry 

                 he didnt care for himself when he lost his shit had served three separate week stints in jail didnt care for them either  fortunately inmates gave him a wide berth

a few weeks later he walked by the scene again evidence was gone   freshpoured walk and steps

it was evening  vaporlighting from the parking lot behind him tossed his shadow long

he stopped

             took a deep breath

on the new concrete was a dark redmaroon stain stood fast  didnt move with the quiet respectful breeze  didnt reach was terribly solemn 

                       the trees shadow

they took it 

              no one told its shadow

1630,  Thursday,  1  6. 23

1745,  Saturday,  3  6. 23

Stone Rebel  Silent Universe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYr0Vc56iVA

 

   absently Hmm not in the cards

across the table from him his girlfriend said Didn’t catch the cards you were hoping for?

he looked up from his Excuse me

Not in the cards, you said not in the cards.

Did I

Yes.

Sorry was thinkin out loud you know  habit of mine

I should have taken a hint from the deep sigh that preceded it.

I sighed

she nodded a soft smilean encouraging smile on her lips  Deeply.

Wow Im really not in the game he laid his cards facedown

she set hers downreached across the table took his hand What’s up, babe?

he squeezed her hand he was thankful for her she was good to himgood for him always gave him his space ofttimes most of the time more generous than she needed to be

                                                         Thank you baby  I was thinkin I cant be a mountain man  

her smile enlarged No. The mountains’ loss, they’re missing out.

he laughed robustly

she saw his spirithis demeanor liftedbolstered she laughed with him 

                                                                          What made you think that?

My tendencyas you know  to be alone 

I never take it as a slight.

No No you don  Just born into the wrong time

I like the time. If you hadn’t been I wouldn’t know you and I enjoy our time very much she squeezed his hand tight shook it gently relaxed her grip

he squeezed hers 

                   Id rather be a mountain man than a hemitwhich Im becoming 

Hermit.

No  a womans a hermit many times more widows than widowers Hemit chuckling he squeezed her hand

   Okay, then at least a playful hemit.

I love playing with you

You ought to play with me more often.

Perhaps  though I respect your time I always want you to do for you firstbe selfish treat yourself first your habit you spread yourself thin leaving too little for you too little time for yourself 

                                                                         Im a big boy an as you know he tapped his temple with his indexfinger yare always right here even if yare not physically  I wake to you I go to sleep with you You help me be alone  Alone is not lonesome

   You say.

I do I do

You do. 

I cant be a mountain man

1430,  reggaefriday,  2  6. 23

1129,  Saturday,  3  6. 23

Colin Stetson  The Righteous Wrath of an Honorable Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cns50Eh_-_Q

he might have said he was surprised 

                                       but that wouldnt be true 

Not just a little bit shehe heshe teased him

You

Honestly no 

              Maybe once youd have surprised me but then youve become everything we hoped for  an more

I aim to please

You invigorate 

                 So honestly no

Yah me neither 

   he stuck his thumb between the pages of a book to hold his placemade his investigationsatisfied his curiosity and when he opened the book again and pulled out a plum and saidof course What a good boy am I 

                                                                                                      Mother may I 

No. I saw you move.

I didnt 

        a Mothergoosed Little Jack Horner

she said she couldnt help herself You think fathers hold the corners on fondling their children? Wakeup. Smell the coffee boiling.

she had been a very young mother felt the same with other girls other women

she caught him move

shimmied  the shake shook the plum from his thumb

it rolled in the playground dirt

no telling what had trod there

he bent over picked it up put it in his jacket pocket

hed wash it off later and eat it

   which would likely be very interesting he lost Mother may I shed have her way again

one day hed turn the tables on her get her over a barrel go head over heels

1425, Twosday,  30  5. 23

1619,  reggaefriday,  2  6. 23

their trip ended in Seattle she sat beside him the final states was returning to U W for her senior year he was visiting his daughter

   “final states”   perplexed him 

geographic states

                  could look out the bus window see the land they rolled across as in an aircrafthis nose pressed to the glass unless it was in a book or article he liked taking buses and trains so he didnt have to negotiate traffic  could BEHOLD 

         his mother-in-laws line 

she quieted her children when they began to get on his father-in-laws nerveswhich wasnt hard as they drove

Behold children, feast your eyes. 

she was a painter  shrewd keen observer 

                                            she feasted constantly 

they understoodappreciated each other 

   “states” 

              what did he mean

Elzi had gotten to him saddled him with feelings he thought extinguished  somehow she kickedover unearthed deep dull purpledred embers cloaked in pale ash ghostly sarsenet distantly revealed in failingsilvered glass

what states were he now in 

   he was guardedprotective 

hed have to huddle with his heart interrogate his braingive it a thorough once over thirddegree under a searing carbon arc lamp 

          he hoped they might be on the same page though he wasnt opposed to mudfights 

hoped he could keep them to no fisticuffs 

though he wasnt opposed to that either 

they shared addresses

                         Wouldn’t you like to ask me for my phone number?

   No 

        I think before I ask for your telephone there are thingssubjects Id like to explore via letters  You like mail 

enthusiastically Ohboy do I!

he smiled wryly M A I L

That too!

Elzi had so much going for her 

                                      their magnetic opposites attracted 

If we coud  then we can share numbers

Yes, sure. she nodded Id like that.

I woud too Thank you 

   when unexpectedly he kissed her goodbye he felt states change stases slip tectonic plates let go

when sheher ride pulled away they waved goodbyewaved until they couldnt see each other he took a bench his bus wouldnt arrive for thirty minutes and wrote her

1415,  Twosday,  30  5. 23

1301,  reggaefriday,  2  6. 23

Desiderii Marginis  Freedom’s Captive  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3NNV1u9IM0

Gawddammit Keep up he couldnt keep up with himself   Woudya step it up 

I am

Yarenot Notch it up 

You slow down

Cant Got places to be

Cant be there without me

Yawanna bet

   this was typical banter between he and his hims hers the drag he had to permit of the shehes heshes that gatheredround his bassinet when he was a baby 

                                                          Jesus had three the Magi  they had names  when theres only three they could have proper names

hes grown older

they havent changedhe didnt want to know

he figured they werent assignedhe didnt invite them 

                                                       simpler perhaps  moths attracted to light

they came in droves 

                     had theirs eyes out for himcould turn their heads 360degrees were attracted to minutia shadows penumbras discovered penetralia unexpected sancta sanctorum and laden as they were if he were realistic hed understand why they couldnt keep up   kids in a candy shop 

                                                                 gleefully  Did you see tha 

he couldnt resist

they knew 

he stoppedbacktracked

                         Where 

There 

Ohshit 

        pen tucked behind his ear paper inside the book he was reading  sometimes he wrote it sometimes he took dictation 

never got old

Woudya step it up 

I am 

      

           I were more than he could count or would

1440,  Twosday,  30  5. 23

1106,  reggaefriday,  2  6. 23

Mogwai  Superheroes of BMX  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raNIsUkEvOM

 

   Determination

                     exhalingwhispered Determination drives me 

Ohyare a hoot 

I was thinkin

I heard

           Yare determined  You

You may misunderstand me

                                In a manner of  speaking

Unlikely they resided in his head

                                    Whamanner 

Proactively 

             To deter  Latin de awayfrom terrere looks like terror terrain huh  frighten folded together like cake batter deterrere  MidSixteenth Century deter falls out 

                                                   Theres tha

An

Mine minedunearthed  Mining determent 

                                             Communications tha makes one afraid of something Nation goes without saying acculturation  ones mindset if febrile  agile   

Soyare not necessarily determined  Determination drives you  

No not necessarily 

                    Words are pliable like clay though have depth if you choose to weigh emfreight em forcemake people who like walnuts to have to shell them to eat 

                                               I knew a galwas terrible attracted to herMary whose parents owned a walnut farm California black walnuts Juglans californica glans californicate rolls off the tonguedon it When she returned from visits shed bring me burlapsacks of walnuts Id sit in my cubicle have gladiatorial competition between nuts pitting embreaking em in my hand winners I put aside into a second round sack then third fourth fifth on an on  Sack champions I keptdidnt eat lined them along a shared cubicle partition Did it for years  Squirrels peering through the windows at my back pounded on the glass Awcomon

Determination

   For anything else other than black walnuts

Every hill is a hill to die on  Grit   Grim determination

1719,  Monday – Memorial Day,  29  5. 23

2023,  Thursday,  1  6. 23

made him laugh

   he had a lousy night

was up earlier

                when he finally concededlooked at the clock it stared back at himBouttime its illuminated fingertips numbers shouted 4:29 

                         So youve been up since before 4 

Yawanna shaddup

Im just sayinwere just sa . .

. . Then yall can shaddup 

                           Im aware I have a keen sense of time

they wouldnt fight him on that he could usuallyhaving established a baseline say within five minutes either side time didnt bitch himhe didnt have obligations other than to himself those days were softfrothy wakes astern

   Christ he turnedtwistedthumped pillows he got uptook a leak  Id say after 6

After 6 

         6:59 is after 6

Donbe an asshole mines plenty enough

                                         he walked into the kitchentook a gander at the clock on the stove 6:09 he opened the frig pulled out a pot of redbeans he was soaking took off the lid stirred them with his fingersflicked the water off them back at the pot like a priest an asperges  fingers aspergilliums 

You likening yourself to a priest

Happy you followed my train of thought

Like we have a choic . .

. . Excuse meexcuse me  Excuseme all to Hell You chose me I didnt posted any Help Wanted signs 

                                                                                                          Im having rice an beans for dinner 

he placed the pot back in the frig

                                    went back to bed 

leftie followed him

Heybaby you gonnabe my sleeping pill

he pet herscratched her chin she went side to side backanforth then tucked up between his thighs against his loin 

Crotch 

Jesus man Ya gotta have the last word

 

Awright Crotch

Thank you 

   he wokedreams had been like scoops of icecream piledhigh stalwart on a sugar cone the clocks hands went beyond its face they exaggerated10:09 which was welcome all this extraordinary shit was welcomenothing out of bounds if the clock could talkmaybe someday itd say Bout time youre up Buckaroo 

4:29

6:09

10:09

his daughter was a fiend for numerology

                                           shed say the times meant something

One at a time babe

MAYBE Dad 

           he talked for her because she couldnt

4 plus 2 plus 9  15  1 plus 5  6

6 plus 0 plus 9  15  1 plus 5  6 

1 plus 9 why belabour the zeroes  10  1 plus 0  1

he Googled it read 6 is considered most powerful 

                                                    No wonder it woke youwoudnt let you go 

Hushit

        Also represents Venus Reflected in a person the person is artistic an creative

You needed a bout of sleeplessness to tellya tha

he turnedround faced into himself Please 

  he read 1 1 signifies self once I got some sleep and dreamsgalore Thus it can make a person selfish 

                                                                                                               It says a tad bit selfish 

One toetoke over the line Selfish is selfish

Awright Yaint a tad bit

Not I aint 

           May I continue 

Knock yourself out

Havent yet but thas another story 

                                     On the positive sidenot tha selfishness is negative indulgence in oneself also boasts a natives maturity selfawareness 

You are tha

I is

There you have it Dad.

Did time have to bust my chops

Please. You got to be clobberedhurt before you relent.

You know me well

I do.

I miss youlove you very much

I miss you too. 

                I love you from the tips of your toes to the ends of your hair, you always tickled me with that. 

 

4AMish,  Thursday,  1  6. 23

150preferred – a 6,  Thursday

Brewer and Shipley  One Toke Over the Line  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9HXClusp_E

 

   bumper cars  Thawas it thaswha it looked like 

                                                  Exactly carnivals Kiddielands other amusement parks cars slinginround slammin into each other theres a reason why once a ride began no one was allowed on the floor No Gauntlets Allowed yad get your legs cut out from under ya in seconds flat 

                                                                                  Jesus Christ 

he entered the marketentered into a sudden clusterfuck of carts whirlin stoppinmidstride around the flowers stands vegetable bins pushed by people too preoccupied with themselvestheir erupting thoughts lists cellphones careening aimlessly too selfabsorbed soppywet to absorb any datum sensorynegation exceptmaybe for tinnitus deafening them one hand not knowing what the others doing   very unoctopus 

                                                                          Jesus Christ

he clutched a deepgreen coloured basketheld it like a bumper to wardoff carts pushed in one direction pushers looking in another good thing he was agile on foot he slipped between carts before they collided

it was nuts

            it wasnt even Friday the stores advertised SALES Day 

he made it safely to the aisles where traffic at least was linear ifnot as aimless some carts perpendicularperpendickular to the shelves hogging the aisle damning it cart attendants unattending off in their own little world 

                                                                                                       Excuse me all to Hell

Im just trying to live in your World he could hear Timi Yuro singing Make the World Go Away leak out of their ears 

   a pound ofNo elevenounces of coffee box of linguine pasta sixpak of beer package of everything bagels 

made CheckOut intact  

                         MISSION ACCOMPLISHED  no small feat

standing in line he cast his eye to where he entered the flowers vegetable binsChrist  looked like a beehive

1440,  2sday,  30  5. 23

1241,  day-between-2-Ts,  31  5. 23

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVcbfUWbRPA

 

   Elzi.

Letters L an Z abbreviation for names you were given but don like Otto Bob great if dyslectic theres George WhellGeorge whadaya think Georgeduh

she giggled No. Given. Parents creatives.

Not Elsieexcuse me the cow the Borden Dairy symboladvertisementcaricature

giggled again No. Z and ends with I . . like memento mori, you know memento mori?

Ofcourse memento object reminder souvenir of a person or event Mori ending with an I Latin to die verb morier mori mortuus sum or the always favouriteclassic gladiators line nos morituri te salatamus we who are going to die salute you 

     Memento mori

You know Latin?

I dabble bits and pieces

A history buff?

Am now not in schoolrequired to graduate high school don know if thawas a requirement for you so rather than suffer an entire year I did summer school six weeks five days a week eight to twelvethirty passed with a C

A C.  I never got one of those.

A D

Never got one of those.

   I got two but thawas passing Geometry physics both teachers said they had never seen a student try so hard but fail an in good conscience they couldnt fail me although freshman year junior senior got As in math physical science biology chemistry two As a Bplus wasnt stupid concepts didnt gel Geometrys too linear I don work thaway 

                                                                                                                  Not Elyse

No, though it’s a pretty name. Elzi. E L Z I. 

they met on a cross country bus he didnt see her get onwouldnt have missed her

couple hours later the bus stopped for a breaksaw her she saw him    

after two state lines she approached him in a diner on route dinner break driver swap

   Excuse me, would it be okay if I sat an ate with you?

he stood too quickshe laugheddidnt cover her mouth exposed deep dimples 

Yahsure please 

               he extended his hand Joe 

she set her foodtray on the table took his I’m Elzi.

their trip ended in Seattle she sat beside him the final states was returning to U W for her senior year he was visiting his daughter

he carried hisher onboard bags off the bus then gathered their other bags from its belly a classmate was coming to collect her he was taking transfers local buses to meet his daughter at work had told her not to lose time his was unencumbered

he carried their bags to the street before the transit station

                                                              My ride should be here in twenty minutes. 

My bus goeshmmwha time is it 

she looked at her wristwatch Crazy eleveneleven . I love this tim . .

. . Stop  ya kiddin me my daughter an I text it if either of us catch it he went for his cellphone inside his jacket

Eleventwelve.

Nuts 

Goodness, that disappointing? 

I cant tell ya the times Ive seen it an then Im late

Eleventwelve.

A sinister time if ever there was

   You’re a piece of work.

Thank you        

a car hornsounded was directed at them

Elzi looked My ride. she turned to him It’s my ride.

Your rides here

It is.

Oh

Uhoh.

he smiled 

           Im gonna miss ya he hugged her hardshe hugged him back they leanedaway still in one another arms it was awkwardhe thought rawawkwardness  I want to kiss you 

I want you to kiss me

it was a deep kiss 

a soulful kiss

car horn 

still kissing 

   car horn                 

still kissing 

horn

they came up out of the warmestblue to breath

I think my boyfriends upset with me.

Your boyfriend  

                You didnt say

   Would you believe me if I said I forgot?

Yes

I forgot. That’s your fault.

AM,  Twosday,  30  5. 23

1256,  Twosday

Kahrist 

         that crap always got his attentiontugged on the rag of his ire particularly when they couldnt back into a parking space cleanlywasting other peoples time with their ineptness

                                                                  But hey, the World revolves around me. 

Ill revolve you 

               he caught the calamity out of the corner of his eye as he walked and readlifting his eyes to glancetake in the lay of the land

                   some yahoo in a late-model silver Subaruknew that only because a couple of family members had sipped the KoolAidwent away from Toyota was making a showtrying to park it screwed it up so badly that people waiting in either direction began honking their horns he rarely honked histhe sound rasped at his nerves rather than honk he preferred a rocket launcher but that upgrade wasnt available yet 

                                                            had he been waiting on this schmo from Yiddish shmok penis fool prick hedave rocketed him

he stopped walkingput his finger in the book to keep his place

he waitedwanted to see this cretin for Real get out of the clown car 

   PARKed

 

            the traffic jam in the lot quickly cleared

whoever  sat tight  likely fearful someone might be lingering to brain them

   finally they got out an walked around the front of the SubaruHOLY SHIT spitting image of Birtman a kid he knew in grade school  I’m Zeke, Zeke Fellows. thats how he introduced himself  turns out they were in the same classroom  David, David Birtman.   Here.  

                                 the guy walked the same way splayfootedduckfooted it was a crime to see David try to run pitiful he couldnt run for his life   probably why he ate his old mans service revolver put an exclamation on what a piece of shit Davids old man was a cop nonetheless   a cop

   the Desk Sergeant lived next door to a friend 

they were friendlyplayed catch in his buddys backyard when his dad threw a barbecue 

playing ball couplethree months later after Davids suicide he casually pumped him  where the old man livedheard he lived in a neighbouring city   No no, in order to serve ya have to live in the community. He’s over off Home, can’t miss the place, has a black lawn jockey holding a lantern to light the walk leading to the front door.   

Know it  

Yeah, kinda hard to miss.

a big tan brick house bucks  somebody croaked for him to afford it

he hid in bushesin the backyard saw headlights play on the doublewide garage doors he didnt usually park it inside unless it was inclement weather didnt lock it either as he walked around behind the car towards the back door where he hidtossed a rockstruck the garage old man turned to the noisehe was on himstink on shitsideswiped the back of his head with a stump iron pipe old man went down in a heapCOLD no harm nothing inside his head anyways he broke his legs an for the fuck of itfor David he broke his hand too he wouldnt run David down wouldnt beat David 

   he wished David had said

queer to have suppressed memories return stare him dead in the face

   doppelganger duckwalked into the market

he began walkingtook his finger from between the pages an began reading again through an evaporating image of Davids face as he remembered him                     

1500,  reggaefriday,  26  5. 23

1228,  Monday – Memorial Day,  29  5. 23