he whistled a wolf whistle

people stoppedlooked

thats why he did it

                    he wanted to attraction their attention because Americans have been conditioned crass news cycles to lack longterm memory  to not remember a damn thing

WOLFWHISTLED to get their attraction  remind them 

                                                 TRUMPVIRUS 

hed been lax

             he hadnt said in 36days  last 14April  then 1,158,017 had died 

today the tally he used the word specifically because it was grotesque 1,164,019 are dead 

                                                                                          167 Americans a day 

sez so  because he refuses to forget

1214,  Saturday,  20  5. 23

wolf whistle black humour  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZaPScHXacM

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

she sat on her handsrocked back n forth back n forth  lookedqueer   made him uncomfortable

                                                                                                     in spite of her beauty

he asked Is tha a tic

suddenlystopped Where?  sharplyratcheting her head left right anagain hands stayed put she turned on them as she lookedglared   she barked Where?

Jesus realising he upset her No no  not the insect no  Tic  a tic T I C   An idiosyncrasy 

   Idio ah tic ah  the tension anxiousness leaked like air from a toy balloon abating dissipating  she rolledlolled her head her neck shoulders loosening 

                                     she eyed him I’m sorry I’m sorry . . I hate ticks . a little girl trauma . . they make my skin crawl.

Looked traumatic

a brokensmile crept on her lips That would be . friend . . . an understatement.

I apologise I didnt mean to make you uncomfortable

You didn’t know. 

                      An idiosyncrasy? 

Sitting on your hands

Ah that . . I forget I do it. 

                           I’m prone to gesticulate. haha  There’s tic again. 

Aw beat me to the punch

I’d punch you back.

                     she rocked her hips rockedleft freeing her right hand rockedright freed her left snapped her wrists getting blood flowing in her hands   My mother insists it’s unladylike to gesture. 

   Shes not here

                     I think whashe don know  wont kill her  

No. she giggled softly No, I suppose it won’t.

No it wont You be you 

                         I know we don know each other well but I like you  A moment ago you were nakedly yourself unabashed   honest  I find them exceptional qualities

   My mother wouldn’t like you.

Never can tell I have a way with mothers   Often theyve sealed the deal . .

. . Deal, sealed the deal? a lilt in her ask

Yes, acted as closers Women Ive met dated have had  er wha shall we call it . . 

. . We? You. 

                What do you call it?

Yes Correct 

               Wha do whawoud I call it  he put his hands together in his lap fingers interlaced looking down at them Now whos sitting on their hands  he smiled

she laugheddidnt cover her mouth then smiled large he was jealous of her dimples 

                                                                                     Your dimples are fetching

Thank you you’re not answering the question.

You interrupted

You seemed stymied.

Words matter   I was trying toas Im not often to explain this 

                                                                Women Ive dated have been  reticent at first unsure he chuckled I am charming apparently Theyre kinda of like native Brown trout hard to make raise flyfishing   cautious

Cautious.  Curious.   absently noddedwas sitting on her hands again 

                                                                          A fair assessment.  Honest. 

I am 

      I woud also say  many had been burned in the past By dishonestyhonesty may be queer unsettling  but I also understand I can be unsettling which is why I was struck by your remark

   Lonesome aberration?

Yes

       Ive been called worse     smiled

2320,  Thursday,  18  5. 23

1126,  Saturday,  20 5. 23

Octopus Diver  Black Cloud’s Shadow (33:18 minute-mark)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY3-YeMEgdc

putting the newspaper downJesus Its sick world   he snickered 

                                                                     what made him do so was that as he said it he couldnt stop himself from playing Disneys It’s a Small World https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVpMUgKtds4 in his head 

           Twas good to have a sense of black humour

as a boy he finetuned it

Charles Stuart wasnt as clever as he thought

the October prior he claimed his car was invaded by a black assailant as he and his wife Carol left a childbirthing class at Bostons Brigham and Womens Hospital

the man forced them to drive to a black neighbourhood where he robbed and shot them

Stuart notified Police with his car telephone

Carol died although her body was sustained on “life-support” machinery so their child premature could be delivered

the boy was christened Christopher he died seventeen days later

the shooting setoffcloaked Boston under a racially intense atmosphere that endured for months

early January Stuart was indicted for murdering his wife

he committed suicide jumped off a bridge into the Mystic River his body was found the next day

                                                                                                       Sick Yes

The tragicbrutal loss of three lives  

though SICKER in the newspaper he set on the table then leftwalked away from a literary agent calling it “a wonderful, wonderful story”  

234preferred,  Monday,  15  1. 1990

353preferred,  Thursday,  18  5. 23

Me do me do.

boy was adamant

he didnt want him to put the shaving cream on his face Me do. 

                                                                   if he wasnt so cute hed be cantankerous

looking at him in the mirror he nodded  Yes  You do

boy held his hand out to him

he placed a dollop of Noxema Sensitive Skin on his fingersWAIT wait a moment  cautioning him with an upright indexfinger

he placed some on his fingers set the can down still looking at him in the mirror he swabbed some with the fingers of his other hand and began lathering his face cheeks chin under his jaw throat daubed under his nose

Me do monkey see monkey do

he did a fine job

two years old  very coordinated

he ran water and rinsed the excess cream from his fingers

Me do followed suit

he ran his razor under hot water and cautioned HOT

Me do ran a plastic toy pothandle from his cousin Bellys kitchen set that looked remarkable like a razor under hot water too

Now we shave  he began strokedup his throat  

                

boy noddedacknowledged him in the mirror

monkey see monkey do

Yare doin a great job

he nodded he concentrated  he shaved deftly

   when they finished Excellent Now we use a warm washcloth to soothe our skin

he halffilled the sink dropped in two cloths squeezed out one set it on the counter then a second for himself

Like this Remember its very WARM  he rubbed his face gingerly with it

monkey see monkey do

they placed the cloths back in the sink

he stepped awaycrossed to the towelrack  gathered two handtowels 

Me do stepped off the stool he stood on  together they dried their faces

After shave young man Original Old Spice

he nodded

a splash in eachs palm 

he enjoyed its astringency

YEOW 

     oops

two year old skin

he snatched a washclothwrung it out leaving it just wet enough and wiping his face he heard his wife hustling up the hall What’s going on! 

Were cool were cool

   not even into the bathroomcurious how well women can smell You gave him aftershave.

I did

       Rite of passage  our rites are evaporating

Ill give you a right. playfully she socked him in the shoulder  Come here baby. 

his skin was flushed

You seeing his skin?

AwJesus whadayatthink  a chemical burn

 

   she rubbed baby lotion on his face He’s still a baby.

I gotta disagree he needs to man up hes shaving now

Oh for Christssake. 

                       I want you in the kitchen and make your waffles, the girls are watching cartoons. she scooped Me do up in her arms  Come on, honey, you can watch cartoons with your cousins while uncle makes us breakfast. 

                                                                                                                 WHOOSH

they was gone 

   Man he thought  she ought to be grateful I was teaching him with a safety razor annot my straight edge  Our rites of passage are slipping away

            

2353,  Thursday,  25  1. 1990

1126,  Thursday,  18  5. 23

he chuckled a bit too hard 

                            woke her 

she got in latewas gone on a long hectic business trip in these circumstances he was familiar shed wake disoriented

he was not wrong 

                   Baby baby yare goodyare home got home late last night yare fine just fine  her tussling eased 

her eyes focusing 

lying beside her he smiled warmly Yare home love

a sleepy smile broke across her face 

she closed her eyes again 

                             Home. 

Yes  Im sorry I didnt mean to wake you

   sleepily You laughed.

Yes Isabel the cutiepie snuck in an left us a note

A note. her breathing deepeningdrifting back to sleep

Woudya like to hear

Yees.   Please.

Its on a napkin

To M an D 

            I’m up doing all my things, go back to sleep. P.S. I’m going to be fine. her breathing softening I’m not going to get into stuff I’m not pos to. he cuddled up to her kissed her forehead A.O.K. she smiledmumbled O.K. Love, Belly  It is 6:50.                           

she smelled like warm freshmade bread 

                                           A.O.K.

 

he followed herfell asleep to the rhythm of her breath it curling gently on his throat

   

2353,  Thursday,  25  1. 1990

1013,  Thursday,  18  5. 23

Octopus Diver  A Fireplace in the Universe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvFZ4Kwt4gw

Isabels on a roll

at the dinner table

always lots of conversation coursed between family

he shared a Jack Smith LA Times story a calendar called The Exposition of Days was published  each month was headed by quotes from educators writers philosophers scientists on Life Service Ethics Morality similar uplifting subject  he particularly liked one from Harry Bender 

                                              he memorised it

Imagine the appeals/dissents and remandments/if lawyers had written/The Ten Commandments

went over like a lead balloon

Awright  howbout Irv Kupcinet  

                                 What can you say about a society that says God is Dead and Elvis is alive?

like attending a wake 

                       Comon ya guys This is great stuff

It’s not Dad.

Isabel before you go off anyare welcome to  but yare not leaving the table until you eat half of your meatloaf Its Uncle Ralphsbest damn meatloaf anyone puts on the table

Maybe not.

Hows tha  Elaborate

You say it’ll put hair on my chest. 

                                    I don’t want hair on my chest. I’m going to grow two hills.

Ohreally Whakind of hills Like this 

                                       he put his hands under his sweatshirt  breastheight he poked his indexfingers against it 

OHno no! Not like Auntie’s, like Mom’s. 

                                           Hers are just right.

   he had no argument

2145,  Twosday,  23  1. 1990

1441,  day-between-2-Ts,  17  5. 23

More Today Than Yesterday

lying on his belly on the carpet rubbed the outside of his hand  This is hard

his wife looked up from her crossstitch from her rocker  What’s hard, babe?

Writing in this notebook he shook his head  Its always been problematicyoud think by now theyd make a notebook for lefthanded people

Hmm. There’s a simple remedy.

Quit writing in my journal

No. Simpler. 

             Turn it on its head, binder right, free your mind.

he turned it 

             Sonofabitch

I’ll let your mother know.

Onbrother yare in rare form this evening Might suggest your crossstitch is going well Yare really making it an artformbreaking tradition almost freestyle

Thank you, trying to make it appear more like painting.

Mom woudbe over the moon Her abstractsI think were her best work

Frees your mind.  she chuckled

Yes 

    Speaking of free mind he looked up to her  Isabel keeps coming out of the blue on me

she looked up found him looking at her Shouldn’t surprise you she’s your daughter, you come out of the blue.

he chuckled  Stay off the walls

she pursed her lips Even when I ask pretty please you don’t.

I cant help myself theyre your friends ansome of them got their heads up their ass

And you like pointing that out to the whole room.

Subtletys lost on them Ya gotta slap em upside the headwhich is queer They are for the most part intelligent people  Tha old quotient working against them the smarter someone is unfortunately their common sense ticks dow . . 

. . And yours is up to your eyeballs.

Either common sense or horseshit

                                    You likedlike that about me 

I love that about you. 

                      Isabel?

Yah Do you know today is 

January Sixth.

Yes began singing On the twelfth day of Christmas . .  stopped  Yare right 

                                                                                Isabel asked Yaknow Dad, what today is?

Saturday

Yeah but . . what today is?

January Sixth

Yeahbut . . what it is?

Baby  evidently I don anya do   What is today

Dia De Los Tres Reyes.

I don speak adaEnglish

she set him earnestly in her eyes  It’s El Dia de los Reyes . . Reyes Reyes . that’s a really big hint, Dad.

Chile Reyes chile relleno  No

she harrumphed sounded like he punched her in the belly  Today’s the day the Three Kings arrived before baby Jesus.

I did not know tha anya know tha how

My teacher, Mrs. Garfield, she’s kinda churchy.

Shes a lot churchy

She said as we were leaving school yesterdaygoing out the door. I remember it because I didn’t know it. 

he said Kids got a mind like a sponge

she chuckled

               Remind you of anyone. chuckled harder  Anyone . in particular?

   Shes my kid

TADUMb! 

I caught tha

              Your silent b

You're so quick.

I hadhave to be  otherwise I woudnt have caught you my lil CIF State medalist in two events

You love me.

Forever

6Jan 1990

1023,  Day-between-2-Ts,  17  5. 23

Spiral Staircase  More Today Than Yesterday  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89eEa3RvCF4 

Blood, Sweat, and Tears  You’ve Made Me So Very Happy   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjZtRAoITP0

         AD

 

                                                                                                                                                              SKIP AD 

interrupted the music he was listening to on YouTube

quicklyhe stepped out of WORD went to the header opened YouTube

advertisement was for Hiscock Business Decisions 

                                                                                          SKIPped

Tim Heckers Ghost Writing Pt. 1 resumed

                                            he dropped to the bottom of the page and restored WORD and in that heartbeatpassage of time through a chuckle he said  No it aint thenimmediately argued with himself  Mebbe it is if his cocks business was at brothel   Yes Theres tha   A house of prostitution   Game on House of Ill-repute   Bordello   Bagnio I know archaic Also known as brothel bathhouse prison for slaves   Awright were playing tha game Stews

A Medieval brothel stews stewhouses bathhouses where prostitutes were available   I didnt know tha   I didnt know bagnio Got another   Cathouse   Yes a sportinghouse   Yes Bawdyhouse   Man ya got those archaic terms down pat  Im a greatwere a great reader of History   We are   An our point was wha                                                                                                                              Hiscock 

Yes  His business His cock

Yes

Im okay to go

Yes Come again  Tha was fun

Yah Who knew we knew those terminologies

Spose when push comes to shove we plumb our depths he laughed 

                                                                        As shallow as we are

But were fortunate to have the good sense to be selfdeprecating

Yah Nobody depreciates us better than we do

Im outahere 

             he subsidedsubmerged into the frothy curds of his brain wherein all Hes reside

1918,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  14  5. 23

1122,  Twosday,  16  5. 23

Tim Hecker  Ghost Writing Pt. 1  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhxddO2qly4

small things tickled him

                           that resume to begin again and resume a document submitted with an employment application are spelled alike 

                                that English cinema often regarded for its dry humour has repeatedly been described to him as full of piss and vinegar 

                                  that a loving person can humanely put down their pet but cannot count on anyone to help them ease their suffering

1746,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  14  5. 23

1001,  Twosday,  16  5. 23

Nobody should suffer clutter, you know how it is what I’m talking abou . .

. . No

        Ya know how often you try to park my ass in your tent

surprisedflinchingpulled his head back You disagree?

I do 

      Speak for yourself don drag me in Its I not you us we

You’re my wingman.

Im notI keep tellin ya  an for some reasonunknown to me ya continue to believe so

But you have my back.

I have your back Thas not a wingman

There’s no difference. 

There is 

          Ya get in a fightget outnumbered Im all in Talk you up to some woman yare interested in Nada  Canya recall a time Ive called on you

   No.

          But you’re more confident than me.

Then bolster your confidence The person who believes in you the most ought to be you   Ya shoudnt need strokes

No strokes that’s you, but you were built to be a mountain man. Lousy timing. Went two centuries long.

Next timeround Ill have to aim better 

                                            Thasaid clutter yawere talkinbout wasnt yours

No, not mine. 

                Helped a friend alleviate theirs.

Anya tossed things ya shoudnt havedidnt ask first

Asking would have slowed the process down.

Your process Ya took it upon yourself to be the arbiter arbitrator a twobit traitor                   

Can’t help yourself.

No I cant

           You  screwed up 

I can replace them . .

. . Yacant 

           A replacement isnt them You must understand tha    Ya screwed up 

If I hadn’t throw them away they would have remained clutter. Youknow.

I don I don  I suffer clutter right angle clutter

Right angle . . what the hell you talking about?

Comon DUH  Yave been round I got books art record albums Sharp right angles  Sometimes yaoughta shaddup think before ya open your mouth 

                             Or throw things away tha arent yours 

   Right angle clutter

1210,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  14  5. 23

222preferred,  Monday,  15  5. 23

Bobby Vinton  Mr. Lonely  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djU4Lq_5EaM 

Bob Dylan  It Ain’t Me Babe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoagldK69U0

 

The Durham Bust

   Whell no  not really    no bust

not the CRIME OF THE CENTURY former attached to the Durham Investigation

not CRAP for $6.5M taxpayers dollars over four years 

                                                          money that otherwise could have provided scholarships college degrees for inspired students

1736,  Monday,  15  5. 23

https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-russia-probe-durham-report/index.html 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qt0TfoBQW8

Santana  Evil Ways  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVPUAntzOl4

   queer   his nose bought him time

the apoplexy that caused himthe stark ridiculousness that he call on his nose not consciously to help him circumvent the time that remained before he got home and the remainder of the book he read 

                                                                                   hed be walking without reading 

and he didnt like doing that

it was nonfiction

when he went out the door he failed to take into account that at the back of the book were Notes Acknowledgment and Sources and an Index 

                         woefully little text remained 

he held himself accountable

his kind of accountability 

suffer the consequences 

he did NOThowever  fail to take into account his hay fever

                                                              he carried a second handkerchief one in each back pocket in addition to another he kept in an outer pocket of the canvasbag he slung over his shoulder 

he took solace in that 

   actually  a bit more than solace

the longer he walked the more he needed to blow his nose 

still walking he placed a bookmarker between the pages tucked the book in his armpit and used the handkerchiefs

as it turned out these innumerableuncounted interruptions were tantamount to extending the time he needed to finish the book and as he returned to his placewalked up the drive he finished it verged on the Notes that he hadnt intended to read

   so  lo and behold 

                           his nose bought him time

afternoon,  Saturday,  13  5. 23

1139,  Monday,  15  5. 23

Mogwai  Glasgow Mega-Snake  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hpj2WC4ZSXw

Comer from Kentucky Republican representative  OUCH someone or several in Kentucky cried 

         the latest newcomer latest iteration of FAKE politician

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/gops-comer-cant-track-anti-biden-informant-rcna84401?cid=eml_maddow_20230515&user_email=e4c91d00eead6d858374885584701152a02c6d873bb23bf387b4583a289e5951&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=TRMS%205/15/23&utm_term=Rachel%20Maddow%20Show

hed spent the morning writing letters 

                                       his parents girlfriend  a birthday letter to his brother

and the reason he was writing was because he was trying to shake Infamy v. Fame  how some people will do anything to be famous the quickest route was to lie yet somehow not realise that they were not famous rather infamous 

it seemed to him that it shouldought to occur to them but to professional attention-seekers they must believe bad news was good for themwas better than no news no notice at all

   it seemed to him 

                       he may have to write another letter

he hadnt shaken it off

1730,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  5. 23

1240,  Monday,  15  5. 23

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/the-dangers-of-attention-seeking-behavior/