how prevalent is fear

she would have preferred it be a rhetorical question it was not

one answer she thought ridiculous 

                                      create your own smart house

she surmised

                create your own prison  

a house surveilled inside and out  its working accessed remotely  it working like an algorithm selfsufficient

a house is not a self

                       that house is not a home

a smart house reveals how fearful its tenant is  they believe what they have is worth stealing they surrender the advantage of knowing their houses guts so if an intruder breached they wouldnt have the sense of outrage to defend what is theirs  defend their family to the death

at home she treated people like vampires she had to invite them inside  

                                                                           if they entered uninvited they ought to know they were playing for all the chips

could suppose she was smarter than brick and mortar

1501,  Sunday,  30  10. 22

0938,  negraReggaefriday,  25  11. 22

Grouper  Holding  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyOFA_sUHBU 

 

   I am who I amcant be no other 

                                        and what I am has been deliriously happy to have been with youshared with you to have had you to have had our delicious intimacies

                                                     which in their midst an depth we couldnt have believed would end 

   yet was doomed 

I fail to understand that natural premise

2254,  Sunday,  30  10. 22

2208,  Thursday – Thanksgiving,  24  11. 22

“I have never been able to ignore the possibility of the spiritual altogether, my brushes with synchronicities, with the divine, with the unnamable, have been too numerous and too real for me to dismiss whatever else is out there.” 

Jeanna Kadlec her book Heretic

. . . whaever else is out there 

                               he concurredloved concurring

hed met whaever face to face or no-face melting face more times than he could say

                                                                                        but he was receptive

he believed the thinnest of veils exists between living and nonliving similar to a two-way mirror from our side reality an images are reflected on the other side whaever sees witnesses us in toto Because some things cannot be explaineddefy reason does not diminish their existence however brief it may have been 

I don’t believe in ghosts.

he heard him before was blasé  You havent an opinion

he glared again  Yes . of course I do. 

Ya don

        Not having experience negates anything you might think you have to say  Whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent Wittgenstein Philosopher Logician   Take it up with him

You’re ridiculoustake it up with him. I'm welcome to my opini . .

. . Not when its utterly worthless Ill put it this way 

                                                      If you havent had sex yare a virgin an I have  Why the hell woud I ask you for advise  I woudnt

   I have an opinion.

Empty words

                Yaoughta be embarrassed 

  

1919,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  11. 22

1041,  Thursday – Thanksgiving – 24  11. 22

the compound lights are on again 

bleaching his solitude 

                       offendingtainting his quiet soulful realisationrelationship with the dark 

as a boy he was frightened by itsure that things lived in it ugly things  malevolent fearsome things 

                                                                                                           monsters

yet 

    for some ungodly reason

unquestioning 

                  he defied frightconfronted it  defeated it 

and vanquished 

he doesnt fear Fear

   it like cancerous jealousy has no coinno influence over him

he can see it crawlround him spiderous slick vilebugs  unspeakable detestable things

   watching  he sees what few others can or want to see                                                                 

fearful of the dark  the night  the unseen 

                                            so fires lights are lit   electrically burn 

   but when they cease  failWhat 

                                     then 

he is armed with silent weapons that dont need reload

he can see in the darkisnt hobbled by fear

   not a betting man  he would bet on himself to survive the shroud

                                                                         he can point all he wants

howevertoday

                   seeing is not believing

 

1752,  Monday,  21  11. 22

2112,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  11. 22

Black Sabbath  The Wizard  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeZ8uVIOIhM

he caught the mane 

                     then rolling up the aisle along the mall storefronts glancingright he caught her fanny under the manethe automatic door closing behind her

two for two taunted him

   Pull over Park 

                 Youve leapt from moving cars to invite women to college partiespicked up the tempo livened apartment parties by foraging live wires who were as interested as you to skinnydip in the evenings lighted bluepools

Were first to take a chance

Which didnt always work out 

    Or keep rolling

conflicted 

           conflict kept him busy until he realised he had driven halfway home blindly  a homing pigeon some thing must have paid attention

I suppose we conceded he said

he heard nothing

   he chuckled 

                  Goes without saying

stepping out of the blue Whaif  an accusation

Then we woud have learned either yea or nay 

Anya didnt want to

I didnt react kneejerk 

If you had been on foot 

If

   We werent

She was attractive from behind

She was Bit like tossing a coin though  heads or tails   One cant attest for the other

A bit sexist

A bit 

     But Im not fool enougha feminist enough to believe sexism is a one way street

 

carrying groceries inside mane and fanny accompanied himtheyd stick with him for awhile 

                                                                                                   he was okay watching their memory

    

1419,  Twosday,  22  11. 22

1137,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  11. 22

Apparat  Goodbye (Skin&Soap)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35NHFdi3bKc 

he upset him

aww poor baby

because he wouldnt make a bet 

If you’re absolutely sure, why wouldn’t you bet?

I don bet

But if you’re absolutely sure, next the provocation asif daring seasoned with machismo ever proved a thing absolutely surewhy wouldn’t you? he smiled wolfish

Whell lets see 

                 Aah  because I don bet

That doesn’t follow reason.

   Reason Follow this   An atheist doesnt have to bet theres not a god

1600,  Thursday,  27  10. 22

1234,  Twosday,  22  11. 22

Deru  Pathologically Bored  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH_bcIIDw7A

unseen doorsopening shutting slamming 

                                          they are all the time  he knew he missed themcouldnt answer every knockevery door every interruptionintrusion 

                                    or would he

locked doors un-locked ur-doors transoms swinging doors revolving split- trapdoors egress EXIT entrance In Out  out in interiorised exteriorised hypnagogic hypnopompicYES  all awkwardly stuffed hardedged soft pliable Dalian swinging fluttering in dreams moonriled tides rounded waves crystalline surf  magnifying water 

                                                                                                    amassed they forced him out 

    he woke

               in or out through what doorwhich door

what consciousness

who was he dressed in today 

    he was awake earlier than he wishedNO no  he had gone to sleep earlier than usual  the first door perhaps  or perhaps stacked doors he missed the shiveringexistentialslivers in between out between

    sitting up in bed he waited to hear a knock a doorbell 

                                                               there was a flurry of hummingbirds at feeders outside his bedroom window

    he mused  a window can be a door

before 7AM,  Twosday,  22  11. 22

1142,  Twosday

Steve Roach  Slowly Revealed  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRvs-TCaVks

if its slipped your mindya didnt remember

or you havent been taught

President Kennedy was assassinated 59 years ago today

1257,  Twosday,  22  11. 22 

Dion  Abraham, Martin and John  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwn8hIyiHvI

Why should nepo babies . . . 

                               Is tha a thing his daughter reminds him  always  Whenever you think Is that a thing? an ask me . . it's a thing, Papa. hed think shed get tired of setting him straight

                                                                                    . . . why should nepo babies have to admit their privilegetheir entitlement if White males cant  particularly White evangelical men who think the sun the SON GOD rises and sets on them 

                   spoonfed fortunatelyborn compared to white women whiners  gobbling horseshitgobbling replacement theory white supremacy critical race theory they cant handle the truth apoplectic White fragility their veryvery clever echoes  White Lives Matter! 

   NO recent entitled children neednt answer to their benefit of privilege nepotism until White men can acknowledge 400 years of theirs 

                     eventually swept away into the dustbin of History

 

310preferred,  Twosday,  22  11. 22

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/nepo-babies-hollywood-famous-parents-b2230537.html  

https://www.npr.org/2022/05/17/1099223012/how-the-replacement-theory-went-mainstream-on-the-political-right 

“You can’t handle the truth!”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FnO3igOkOk 

Mogwai  Music for a Forgotten Future  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYpimokjfYw

You’re kidding meya gotta be kidding me.

No

Lemme get this straight . . you . youactually went on-line and found a date.

found tha tickled him he smiled as he answered I did

You actually rolled his eyes met someone who passed your obscenely stringent, chocked full of dealbreakers . resume?

Not wha I call it aint applyin for a job

You meet for dinner?

No  Coffee

Wouldn’t even pop for dinner?

Yare the one who likes to impress don confuse you for me

                                                             Coffee he coud see he wanted to refute him but theyd had tha conversation too many times

How’d it go?

Fell on its face

She passesI’ll assume she . .

. . Absolutely  Ill assume is my line yare who isnt absoluteShe

Quit . you’re always taking me off track.

Then stay on it  She

Awright. She passes muster . . 

. . On-line

On-line.  She post a picture?

She did a recent headshot full body shot

So she was physically appealing.

If either isnt physically appealing dealbreaker yah

Okay okay.

                She passes muster and it fell on its face.  How?

She took a new job

That’s good news . tending upward?

It is

She looked like her pictures?

Outperformed them

Awright . . then there was some dealbreaker?

   Yes

          Her job

Her job? eyes bugged Man, everybody’s got to eat.

They do She will

   You axed her because of her new job?

An immediate irreconcilable difference I wasnt gonna waste either her or my time

You didn’t even get through coffee did you?

We did not Unfortunately she asked Wha do you do? despitewhich I appreciate offered wha her new job was 

Shes working at Twitter

   First . . . you literally pick a girl up whowho was very attractiveyour words . who sat down on your lap and had been sitting on your lap and you set her down on her feet, patted her fanny, sent her away . . . because she was a life coach . . and this one, now, because she working for Twitter?

If the first then why the stupid question

his eyes bugged again Stupid question?

Stupid question 

                   Ya need to clean your ears

   You’re so fuckin brusque. 

Dealbreakers a dealbreaker man  Unlike your four five

0931,  Twosday,  22  11. 22 

https://www.theverge.com/2022/11/21/23472025/elon-musk-twitter-hiring-again-ending-layoffs?wpisrc=nl_daily202 

Nadja  Deterritorialisation  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryf4MOC00r4&t=313s

 

   hierozoika 

              Google Did you mean: holozoic definition or heroica or heroic or hieratic? back in the saddle again 

                                                                                                                                  NO 

Greek the sacralisation of items bones of whales of prehistoric megafauna interpreted as remains of dragons giants monstrous fish recall Jonah and the Whale a foreshadowing of Jesus’ crucifiction the source of the bones was itself a landscape of alterity state of being other or different otherness 

                                                               a loaded word 

CHURCH by hook or by crook will author things for the Faithful to swallow whole  like pythons anacondasSNAKES  he was surprised many more didnt choke to deathhe heard them gag  but maybe they were who eventually left it 

                                                                                                                         he gagged 

but he gagged on laughterwas terribly humoured

the nuns werent

but they had their remedy or maybe it was his he was the only funny guy in catechism

they wanted him to pray hard for forgiveness and understanding   grasp obedience 

what was hard was kneeling on a broom handle while praying 

                                                                  he learned well at a clip pace clipped six months off the usual two years he celebrated his First Holy Communion

dropped out of Church

excellent instruction

thereafter when perceived authorities sought to compel him he battled them 

he was not appreciated they refused his ardent two cents

denying them their pleasure to fire him he dropped out

                                                          while some similar to churchgoers believed dropping out professed one was a failure 

he disagreed

                they were the failure 

hierozoika

   hiero-  hier-  as in hierarchy systems or organisations ranking people or groups one above another by status authority 

           a load of crap 

it remains wonderful to learn new words

early November ‘22

1206,  Monday,  21  11. 22

WORD Microsoft Corporation not to be outdone by Google it tried to have its way with him too

                                                                                                     he wrote sacralisation 

it hmmphedharrumphed snorted it disregarded himignored what he wrote and ratherpreferred to populate socialization

               has to be the Z S swap that disturbs the algorithm

 

Okay geniuses 

                 sacralisation act of making something sacred 

                 socialization process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society society however is a plasticelastic term unto itself 

                               in a single glance an augenblick SNICKER one can see the words are not similar 

So please electronic kreatures Kraken of myth comes to mind your feeble entreaties fall on blindeyes deafears theyre not changing or altering me when I commit something to electric white paper reproduce it don argue  I am not pliable to suggestion

          Do the fuck as yare told like gut Kinder    

   he wasnt one to spare the rod spoil the child

1008,  Monday,  21  11. 22

sermomising

             Did you mean: reminiscing? Google questioned him

   sermonising  as per writers in England spelling sermonizing  Z S swap   wouldnt think that was beyond the algorithms 

             evidently YUP 

                               it was nice to inadvertently slip technology hole in the programming but programmers cant explain what their end-results actually endup doing

                                                        like having sex an not-exactly-a-child is born

sermonising

reminiscing

   2 Ss to one   Es Rs Ms Ns Gs crossout  2 to three Is   only the O singular 

but beginning ser- v. rem- would declaratively mean he meant sermonising not reminiscing 

                                                                                              why the question

could a Google programmer answer that or would they just shrug It’s a legitimate option, dude.

since they werent introduced he was pretty sure Google wouldnt call him dude 

                                                                                  he checked

D U D E  didnt get Did you mean: ? ? ? ?? 

   hed have shit if he typed DUDE and his name appeared

1027,  Sunday,  20  11. 22

1418,  Sunday

a reading from King James Bible . . the priest sermonisingdeploying hed suggest Genesis 28:11 

                                                                                                   And he lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set . . .

   very humouredgently he nudged his mothers elbowmurmured Jacobs dream Isnt it the premise for the hymn Nearer my god to thee Sarah Flower Adams 

                                        he didnt believe but he loved the Bible stories his mother read to him as a small boy before he could read what he wanted

he returned from Nam the day earlierhis mother overjoyed 

                                                             Please please come to church with me tomorrow, I prayed every day every day for you.

he kissed her widows peak

                              Yes loveyes  gently he reminded her You remember I do not believe  he had been away two tours 

she hugged him harder but didnt say anything

they stood in the warm scented kitchen hugging

 

                                                                         Sssh, yes. she whispered in answer

laughter bubbled inside him

                              Youll please excuse me for a moment Maw he withheld augenblick leaving alone confused her  he stood he excused himself as he went along the pew before parishioners to the side aisle

he followed it out into the narthex then outside

   outside his laughter possessing himhe roared  he placed his hands on the church to hold himself up

he chortled Nearer my god to thee it almost came out his nose 

                                                              Nearer my god to me 

on his last R & R he went to Japan 

other GIs preferred Korea

they were looking to get laid American dollars went a long way 

                                                                   he was looking for companionship if something came in the offing so be it

three days in there was an offing

Yui

older than he shapelier than most Japanese women

seductively she shimmiedshed her bra though kept her V-neck blouse on

                                                                             I make me comfortable. 

Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable

   Hai. Yes. her eyes bright

he tried  Excuse me while I slip into someone more comfortable 

Huh? confusion lathered her face

Im sorry Im teasing 

                      he fixed his look his eyesrelished her breasts furtive shadows behind white cotton  he inhaled exhaled  

          chuckled to himself Nearer my god to me

0654,  Sunday,  20  11. 22

1148,  Sunday