This isnt stupid

Ohno, it’s stupid, and trying to defend it is even more stupid.

You took my words out of context which reminds me aligns you with your Republican siblings  Goin to the dark side                        

that cut him to the quick 

                         he saw anger flash on his cheekshis eyes go paleblue to hot piercing electricblue 

good 

      got him in the chops at a primal level he knew that hurt that it angeredenraged him he worked him into a corner right where he wanted him

                             Yalistenin now  listenin  Listenin to the context of what I said annot cherry pickin

he continued to radiate

                         although he was smart to hold his tongue

radiant knew him not to have much of a fuse

nearly combustible at a touch 

                                Son his parents told him you have to learn to control yourself, if you don’t, you’re heading down a long, ugly road.

Wont be ugly if I come out on top 

ah nothings perfect 

                      he came out uglycould have been uglier suffered far fewer loses than he thought he might                           

scars are evidence of character 

                                 he had character in abundance 

Ya ready to hear me out

radiantboy continued glowing

he tossed a wet blanket on him to take him down a notch or two

                                                                   Im gonna repeat wha I told you why I didnt turn the fan on it had nothing to do with stupid or your want that I should suffer one of your senior moments be forgetful lose my place my train of thought an the only reason Im gonna exhaust my patience explaining again  is so I don punch ya in the mouth an ruin our friendship  It just a shot away Stones 

his expression didnt change 

Can you hear me

                   Can you hear me through the blood in your ears 

I . . I . can hear you.

Areya listenin to me to my words

I  can  hear  you.

Not good enough 

                  Lemme know when ya come down enough to listen Yaknow better than push an issue with me

radiants anger hung around 

                              he didnt like debating his family they were religious they were red Republicans they were mighty white and fortunately entitled they were older and sure they knew everything better than he 

                                                                                                          dropped him like a white sugarcube into their hot tea or whatever brew they imbibed  they truly offended him

he was familiar with like offensesthe tyranny of family 

                                                          but he meant to offend him

bring him back to earth

 

the colour seemed to be leaching

Can you hear me

he didnt say he nodded his head

Awright I apologise I offended you

                                     It was my shorthand to bring you around to hearing me out and remind youas you knew because I said prior why I didnt turn the fan on when I went to bed to help alleviate the heat

You remember

I was teasing you.

Stop You were no more teasing me than I teased you But ya didnt like it  No ya didnt

No. That was apparent.

Goes without saying 

                     I told you earlier that night I had been writingworking a piece hardbeen shuffling parts around editing finding the right words so it would strike home when it was read  an because it wasnt coming together I thought I might be tired  I turned off the computer and went to bed thinking maybe Id sleep on it Laying in bed it was hot I seemed slightly aware of it Ill give you that however I was more aware of the piece and unable to turn it off

Working it with my eyes closedseeing the script rereading it parsing it I saw something I hadnt before

So I got up out of bed an went back to the computer Id been down about an hour     

I went back to bed two hours later

I stitched it up achieved what alluded me An with that off my shouldersout of my head I realised the house was hot 

Returning to bed I turned on the fan over my bed  

It wasnt that I forgot it was there or I wasas you insisted stupid  rather I was preoccupied and focused an in that space its hard for anything external to penetrate me or I can relate to

Thats a fate Im doomed to have having been raised in a house of twelve Ya learn to turn things off in your head

Its a matter of selfsurvival

Not stupid

Follow

1548,  Twosday,  22  6. 21

1121,  Twosday,  29 6. 21

Boards of Canada  Nlogax  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vHEtin2qsM 

Stones  Gimme Shelter  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeglgSWKSIY

  

What would you say; what would you recommend?

he didnt saydidnt recommend unless he was tryin to get into someones pantsBE IT KNOWN  thatthat someone would be a woman  he was heterosexual with extreme prejudice which didnt or shouldnt suggest he didnt appreciate or approve of sexualities that were equally as potent as his own 

I cant say

           I know wha works for me therefore I would say find wha works for you Theres truly no worksarounds Try try an try again  Sooner or later tried and true will become apparent 

                                                                        Try not to submit to frustration Take a breath  Take a break Then get after it again

Thereya have it for what its worth

he found that his imagination didnt stop at the waters edge it was amphibious it perched where there were no perches and that was too attractive to resistCOME ALONG THEN 

                                                           not that he needed to invite it the invitation was strictly for himselffor his piece of mind his sanityinsanity in these moments he perched where there was no perches either  they were tacky like him  3M adhesive products  which were failures that they found purposes forcreated niche markets developed applications adapted  Necessity is the Mother of Invention  they created artificial necessities

his necessity was hardwired 

                              be that as it may he refused to worry  Worry was antithetical 

    

1634,  SunnyDay,  27  6. 21

1150,  Monday,  28  6. 21

Velvet Underground  I’m Sticking With You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5je_eK0V1w

 

Ya went through with it didntya

I did. I’m telling you, man, those sites are unrelenting, they constantly pepper you, appear on your phone . . 

. . They appear because yadid something to tip em

I don’t know what I did, if I did.

Yadid Your smartphones surveilling ya 

                                           In a word algorithms  he sang Teach your children well . . 

Well I’ll tell you, I can’t wait until you finally get yours.

Ill disable the fuck out of it Its a matter of choice

You’ll get hooked, it’s so convenient.

Do you realise how often you tell me somethings convenient

                                                               Convenience aint all its cracked up to be But were getting off point

Ya went through with it

I did, I did.

And opportunities have begun to present

They have, they have, currently halfdozen, ten.

I donwanna know 

                    Although I will admit a curiosity regarding your application Were ya allowed to write a statement an introductiondeclaration or was it a matter of submitting to an array of multiple choice questions he sang Getting to know you . .

Multiple choice, multiple sections, one dating site provided four descriptors to define myself.  

Submit your definition

Don’t say it like that.

You submitted correct

Not in the way that you mean.

Exactly in the way I mean 

                            Lets not quibble . . 

. . No, let’s not, you got the last word in.

Quibble

Not in the way that you mean. 

Ya feel better

No, not really; I can’t efface or offset your interpretation.

Yer correct ya cant 

                     Going forth my curiosity

Yes?

  Donsay it like that Ya sound defeatedthis could be the beginning of the rest of your life  I ought work for them

The descriptors four choices from how many

Probably twenty, twentyfive.

Religionreligious descriptors I might assume there was more than one Gawd works in mysterious ways

Can’t you stop, stop being ludicrous.

Im ludicrous awright 

                       Forward  They offer irreligious

Irreligious? That would have been nic . .

. . See how nice I am

A real sweetheart.

Thank you If not irreligiouswha

I don’t remember now, however I steered wide of atheist.

Because ninety percent of America believes in somethinghas faith

Yes, I agree.

Ah somewhat a conundrum  The best they offered you was atheistwasnt it

Yes. 

     I didn’t select it.

Ya lied

I sought an ambivalent repl . . 

. . Which was 

I don’t remember now.

Donremember 

               Why not atheist

Because I know you know; you always got to push my buttons?

Never fails by now you should able to admit you don know wha I know Ya don

                                                                                        So why not atheist

Because a majority of Americans hold an atheist in the realm of a pedophile, possibly interchangeable.

he nearly deafened himself with his laughter 

                                                    gathering himself No kiddin Once again yare wrong I didnt know that

It’s not funny, you shouldn’t laugh.

Atheist paedophile coin toss  Thats choice

Listen, man, you got to get along.

Ya gotta get along 

                    Im long gone  Left the zipcode  

1532,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

1454,  SunnyDay,  27  6. 21

C,S, N & Y  Teach Your Children Well  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkaKwXddT_I

Bing Crosby  Getting to Know You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1LNc0RRhnw

 

Are you really going there?

of course he was going there

it was his Achilles heel 

                         for the time being

he might complain to him it was too soon however he was understanding throughout he listened when asked he offered insights 

                 he was there steadfast for him as his divorce evolved he remained unsparing observant honest

didnt pull his punches 

so he protests 

              but thats a deflection briefly sidestepping the harsh reality of the choices he made he didnt have his ear to the groundcould have been more objective 

                                             he got what he wanted 

Really?

I’m only repeating your words, you ought to listen to yourself when you speak, or . . stop, think . then speak.

You are unsparing.

One of my best, indelible traits, and I say that because I’m also unsparing with myself; it’s nice to have company.

You’re funny.

Thanks, black humour, my favourite; you were saying . .

I was saying that my Ex turned out to be an expensive . .

Say it. I’ve already said it for you, pretend you’re quoting me, may be less painful.

She was an expensive fuck.

She was. 

           Eight years of your life . . at threehunred days is twothousandfourhunred days and eight years at sixty is fourhunredeighty or twothousandeighthunredeighty and eight years at five days is forty is twothousandninehunredtwenty, toss in two for Leap Years, twothousandninehunredtwentytwo days; but who’s counting?

           How many times ya get laid?

It started out hot and heavy.

Yah? 

      What happened?

I don’t know . . it just petered out. 

You didn’t think before you opened your mouth, did you?

1525,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

1316,  SunnyDay,  27  6. 21

 

some people claim they adore watching children run so freeso gay

                                                                       they dont  they are lamenters

what they adore is the memory of themselves as children running 

                                                                     I ran here I ran there I ran everywhere

she did too

she remembers it readily 

                          although she doesnt remember why she ran  she just did 

she was having a fancy latte treating herself 

                                               she assumed she ducked a bullet she was supposed to be having coffee with a match from an on-line dating service but he was ten minutes late 

                                                                            if he showed up now and stupidly dared to approach her she tell him to go to hell she was punctual she expected punctuality out of a prospective date

actually she was itching for him to show so she could tell him to go to hell 

nevertheless she enjoyed her medium latte in a bowl two hazelnut shots an additional espresso shot 

she flipped casually through her smartphone not looking for shit from him looking up occasionally she saw children running in the park across from the coffeeshop where she sat and mused

thats when it occurred to her 

                              she saw a little boy break a handhold with his big sister she assumed they looked like siblings and he began running she groped for himmissing his arm then ran after him

the little boy ran and ran and ran 

he swerved a couplethree times as his sister closed on him avoiding her grasp

finally catching up on his heels she gave him a chuck in the back and he went down headlong on his hands and knees  

a big head is a disadvantage that small children do not recognise 

                                                                    they have to go where it goes

he rolled onto his backhe wasnt crying

she grabbed him by his forearm and pulled him to his feet then began towing him back to where his mother sat on a blanket in the shade of a huge tree with either her sister a relative friend or lover

they were terribly engrossed with their conversation

the little boy was obviously his big sisters ward 

                                                 he was her responsibility

it occurred to her

small children run

they run because the fight or flight response does not apply to them

they are too small to fight

therefore reasonably they can only flee

                                             only run

1426,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

1610,  Saturday,  26  6. 21

he couldnt say where this came from

                                       when yahawk a loogie it wasnt like the loogie had been knockin around for days SUDDENLYan suddenly this pressed on him  needed to be expectorated  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CL8ASLVWPk  a throat full of Vanilla Fudge  thatd do it  he wasnt keen on vanilla 

he couldnt imagine housefly was tasty  yet the phalanx of pussycats he fended for prowled the screen doorpouncing like panthers and convincing him to consider otherwise

he hadnt tossed back a handful of torpid insensate flieswhad he know

                                                                           they eyed himDon knock it until youve tried it  he hadnt walked a mile in their moccasins

                                             he didnt know any Indians either      

the kitkats kept flies inside to a happy medium

which saved him spools of tawdry flypaperwhich saved him picking clean their guts from his flyswatter

both appealing to him 

he kept thinkingtried believing that the neighbourhood would rebound

                                                                          it had been a good working class neighbourhood  people got along  mothers had eyes in the backs of their heads  paperboys delivered or hawked the news  kids went to school to learn and if they crossed a teacher they crossed the principal which meant they crossed their parentscrossed their grandparents of whom many were born in other countries

                                                                  they were colorblind  but those who looked in saw otherwise  they struggled with broken English and learned to understand each other  but those who listened in didnt like what they heard 

it takes patience to learn to see and hear

                                           and without it those outside determined that they werent much better than muttsbelieved them weaklings  and with what they thought they knew  compassion dictated it would have been better had the mutts been strangled or drowned when they were young

                                                                     Somebody took their eye off the ball

now all they could do was assure themselves that the mutts didnt prosperthat they kept to themselves  theyd leave them in their ghettos 

        iron heels werent overseas

                                      they clunked around Washington clunked around the Statue of Liberty clunked aroundrallied around the Flag

they were born herethey didnt originate here

they werentwhy would they going to let loose of the throttle 

they werent sharing good fortune

 

compassion dictatesdictates

                             he supposed that was all he needed to know about them  and that throttle and fortune would have to forcibly be taken out of their hands 

they unfortunately saw and heard and understood that life is zero-sum

1841,  SunnyDay,  27  6. 21

0948,  Monday,  28  6. 21

Bee Gees  Lonely Days  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa2_CL-2ZI4

War  The World is a Ghetto  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIIbT89V7EI 

 

I disagree . .

. . Ofcourse ya disagree Seems where the rubber meets the road we agree on very little  however consistently ya don thoroughly vet my premise as a matter of fact your vetting skills suck Look at the bright shiny object  Ya seem to need little more than that

they were having coffee a dog barked another dog on the patio joined in he was distracted  barking dogs threw him off his game 

              aint much of a game how do ya break that to a guy easy  might call him shit for brains

Ya disagree

he pulled at the shoulders of his jacket adjusted them who makes adjustments alterations at a simple question 

Ya disagree he repeated himself

                                  he hated repeating himself sand in the hourglass had already sifted down and passed the aperture

I disagree, I rarely ever ask a question and answer it in the same moment.

Ya really disagreehuh 

                        I wouldnt think to ask a question of anyone without tendering an answer Ya donthink theyre due to know where yare coming from whaprompted the question

No.

No  Yawanna explain

What’s to explain?

Might save ya from getting shot in the face

What are you talking about?

Im an incensed seditionist paranoid  armed 

                                                I ask  Ya really believe he wasnt cheated out of his reelection

What are you getting at?

Answer the question Ya don know his politics

I’d tell him Trump lost the election fair and square.

Anhe shoots ya in the face because ya didnt vet him properly 

                                                                 Hyperbole ofcourse  However asking a question isnt a rhetorical exercise Therefore when asking a question yare obliged to answer it  Thereby an honest open line of communication is established  No loaded questions or gotchas

I don’t agree with that.

Don agree

No.

No huh 

        Yawanna know wha askin a question an not providing an answer is called

Alright, I’ll play; what’s it called?

An interrogation  Or an in-terror-gation

                                            Seems ya prefer to interrogate people

1500,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

1754,  Saturday,  26  6. 21

 

they were stoned

                  while edibles reminded them of their teen years it was more fun being high when it was illegalwhen cops shook you downconfiscated your grass  pocketed it for themselves or to sell 

best weed he ever smoked he bought off Chicago beat cops 

a uniform who he shared a joint with at a kitchen table in a secondfloor apartment off a Chicagoland timbered back porchwhose apartment it was he didnt know he wandered in a party was full-bore crossing the brick courtyard below he caught a nose-full and followed it  the uniform told him precinct knew who handled the best shit

A win-win situation, man.

Win-win

Yah.

Never heard of it

It’s game theory, you haven’t heard of game theory?

                                                       while twisting up another joint the cop enlightened him 

they smoked it 

You gonna remember what I said? he asked as he sipped a cold beer You look pretty high.

Ya ought to be a detective he laughed at his own joke

                                                         Yah Ill remember he poked his temple with a finger Ive got great memory a steel trap for trivia

Right on, civvy.

 

 

they were Up on 5mg Kiva Lost Farm Blue Dream strain

Worst president of all-time? 

                             he always asked questions without offering his answer

Yare highno competition

Aw come on, it’s debatable, play the game.

No debate

Say.

Former

the interrogator laughedthey agreed not to mention the human boils name after he lost the election 

                                                                                                         Why’s that?

In a word genocide

Someone could legitimately argue, possibly accuse other presidents of genocide.

I might agree however Id propose those were actively pursued 

                                                                  Former did nothing an a hafmillion dead Americans are on his plate Im not forgiving his enablers either  Hands down  historically the worst  wayway above himsecond worst Jackson Johnson just touchin him out for third

Could we talk about something else 

Sure . . alright . your folks still reading the obituaries in the Tribune?

1022,  SunnyDay,  27  6. 21

Man thats quite an admission 

                                 Id stick with that  its honest

I can’t stick with that.

Whynot

An on-line dating app, you want me to stick with that; I’m trying to meet women.

You tryin to make your equation  AgeX over two plus seven

Don’t you think?

I think ideal but few things are ideal 

                                        Are there age-ranges you entered  yer preferences

Yes.

Whaya select

I went with forty to fifty and fifty to sixty.

Cant pare it thirtyfive fortyfive fortyfive fiftyfive Still ten year increments

That wasn’t offered.

Howbout legal to sixty

he laughed despite himself 

                             That’s not funny. 

Not being funny  

                 Expanding your an their horizons 

                                                     Or whore-izens  Denizens of deep throat 

Jesus, man, it’s not on-line porn datin . . 

. . Isnt it  Arent people tryin to get laid

It isn’t . . 

. . Arent ya tryin to get laid

Yes; but no.

Yare ambivalent to gettin laid  Awright

                                         Just tryin to help  Is there a questionnaire ya had to complete

Yes, it was kinda fun, one section they show you four panels with different designs on them and you choose your favorite.

How so

One’s got a circle, the next wavy lines, the next crosshatched, concludes with an abstract.

Thats psychologically obvious 

Hmm . . I suppose it is.

It is 

     Ya gotta describe yourself

Yes. They provide twenty, twentyfive descriptors, you choose four.

Whaya choose

It’s not as easy as you think.

Yadidnt go cub scout

Cub scout? What are you talking about?

Lemmesee if I can remember  he closed his eyeschecked his files he held up his right hand index and middle finger held together 

                Lemmesee   On my honour I will do my best  to do my duty to be squarehated that  square man really  to be square an to obey the law of the pack

That was amazing!

Think that was amazin he hadnt opened his eyes yet  he unearthed a treasure trove  Better give yourself some room I don want you pissin or shittin on me 

                                         Step back

he shuffled his feet but didnt move

STEP BACKya havent I can feel your space still pressing against minemy proxemics

Your proxemics, Christ.

Step away I donwanna be soiled

Tell me.

Ill tell ya  Mother says take three HUGE steps back

Mother, may I?

Good Ya remember the game 

                               Yamay

he took three steps back Better? 

Yes  thank you 

                     Yaready

This better be good.

Hold onto yer head I suspect this will blow your mind Its like on a placard like one our den mother held up so we could recite from it

Blow my mind.

A scout is trustworthy loyal helpful friendly courteous kind obedient  betcha wemens dig obedient submissive  donmind being trussed up spanked . .

. . Would you jus . .

. . Kind obedient ahcheerful thrifty brave clean an  anya can ditch the reverent bit

What the  fuck. 

                  That was amazing.

he opened his eyes they were rheumy from straining them in the dark wasnt like Moses burning bush Yahweh appointing himDon point at me thats impolite Doncare if yare Yahweh 

                                                                          Jesus  I was all of eight when that indoctrination started up  I was out in two yearsnot my cup of hemlock

That was unbelievable.

Thank you Were any of those words part of the twentytwentyfive descriptors to choose from

Fuck, I can’t remember now.

Yahoo  Can yaremember the four you chose

Kind, was one; I was reticent to choose intellectual, but there wasn’t another intelligence offering.

Id agree with kind

Kind?

Yah

Not intellectual?

Middling 

                       Sucker 

What? Sucker?

Yare

Are you equating kind with sucker?

I am

     Maybe yare intellectual after all

Thanks.

Yare welcome

                 But I think ya ought to return to the site and edit it

I don’t think I can.

Go back to the site and learn if you can edit itya completed it in the last couple of days Id think theyd offer a cool-down period to reassesshuh

Possibly.

          Why am I editing it . . again?

Really

I’m afraid so, really.

Suppose ya can lean on I blew your mind

You did, that was awesome.

Okay ya don have to shine my knob 

                                       Go back to the site and edit it to the simple statement ya shared with me  Im givin ya a hint

I  shared   with you?

he rolled his eyes the strain was easing it actually felt goodfelt like he was stretching a tight muscle 

                                                                                                           Yasaid  I quote  I just don’t want to work that hard.

 

after 1600before 1700,  Reggae Friday,  25  6. 21

1242,  Saturday,  26  6. 21

Beatles  Help!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKUex3fci5c