soldier

       take out its I

                    solder

thats wha he gets for playing with words

solder -- a low-melting alloy  careful he was trying hard not to read into it  a low-IQ annoyer especially one based on lead or tin  used for joining less fusible metals 

take out its I

             beat the snot out of it until it lets go of its egoconforms to the desired army ant instinct  not to reasonnot to question  obey 

                  walk in lockstep  walk in goosestep 

nope 

      he missed the appeal

hell never forget his brother  then a recently enlisted indoctrinated jarhead returning home from basic training thinking – maybe he should have believed – thinking he could take apart his older brother 

                                                                                   they had a fistfight on the front lawn  they meant to have it in the backyard but push came to shove and as he learned and knew  if a fights inevitable get in the first punchhis brother beat him to it  he wouldnt have hit him from behind so turning to lead them into the backyard it was a glancing blow off his left cheekbone  had he turned left as was his usual his kidbrother probably would have dropped himcaught him turning into the punch

all HELL broke loose 

                    his little sister raced through the front door into the house to fetch their mother to break it up

before she made it outside he had his brother inverted and was bouncing him on his head on the lawnLET HIM GO! she screamed 

          it was a terrified screamshe was right to scream because it was probably the only thing he could have heard maybe he was listening for it he flopped him onto his back in case his mother needed to give him mouth to mouth to resuscitate him 

                 it wouldnt be the first time  it was the last

the Marines did a mighty good job of removing the I from the soldier

he didnt come home until later that evening

he remembered breaking into tears and walking off

he must have walked to the railroad tracks his shoes were mighty scuffed up 

his hands were swollenthe left side of his face and head was bruisedswollen  his brother never had much of a left

he came home because he was hungry and he hadnt any money  his wallet on his dresser  he hadnt planned on going anywhere when his brother called up to him from the foot of the stairs to meet him out front 

                                                                                                he thought some of their buddies had stopped by  he let a slew of them knowcalled around because his brother up and enlistedwas gone before they could throw a hullabaloo for him

they did show

                a couplethree of them showed after he walked off and helped his mother take him into the house where she could better examine him

his kidsister ran off to the corner house across the street where a friend of the familytheir mothers in particular had been a nurse before she had a family  she came over to help

he was duly informed of the goings-on by his father Your mother’s too upset with you to talk to you right now  he was at the dinner table in the kitchen eating a cold meatloaf on rye sandwich  he had thick slices of raw onion on it yellow mustard  he sipped a cold glass of milk

Thats too bad

                I . . I didnt throw the first punch 

2130,  Saturday,  24  4. 21

1514, Monday,  26  4. 21

 

how often does one go back to the well

                                         that would likely depend upon whats in the well his wasnt lifethreatening gaming  pool 

               returning to a particular shot he practised and practisedpractised ad nauseam worrying itpresenting it as improbable a hustle  often broke the backdrained away his opponents will to resist or try turn aside what seemed inevitable

miss the shothowever inevitability flopslays over his shoulders like an heavy oxen yoke 

but its only a game 

                      it is not life or death 

although it could beone could gamble their life on a pool game 

                                                                  a coin-toss

some people might be convinced itd be worth their while  induced by money if theyre distraught enoughpressed hard enough

Call it. 

      isnt that gracious  now its a spectators sport when is a game a sport when there are spectators 

Call it. 

       fifty-fifty

but fifty-fifty wont feel fifty-fifty if you loseif your throats going to be cut no double-or-nothing going to be cut which could also mean leverage  servitude 

                                         -- Game time again

-- Thats cold

it can be warmed up 

slip a sleek bullet into a revolver chamber and spin it

Russian roulette

                  can suppose its considerably cheaper than affording a gaming table wheel croupier and gamblers

far grittier

          far better odds than fifty-fifty

it takes all kinds

all kinds of wells

all kinds of people

                   he gave up hustling before things got too hectic violent   people got their feelings hurt when they lost

         he couldnt go out the front door

last couple of times he left through the attic across rooftops 

hed bet one of those monkeys could be convinced to play Russia roulette

at least their feeling wouldnt get hurt if they lost

1719,  Saturday,  24  4. 21

1312,  SunnyDay – not,  25  4. 21

https://www.rbth.com/history/332732-history-russian-roulette-game-origins 

Zappa  Fifty-Fifty  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACYfndr1DwY

 

the country suffered crybaby Boehner the “uncompromising” Speaker of the House 

the country suffers House Minority leader Kevin McCarthy whos fondest wishwet dream – if he can still manage one -- is to become Speaker 

                       anyet neither was able to manhandle their caucuses  unlike Madam Pelosi  or display convincing leadership  Boehner quit  McCarthys up to his Adams apple in horseshit which quivers gelatinously when he gulps the January 6 insurrection was the formers fault  then it wasnt  kiss the ring Kevin a better treatment than suffered in Gucciones Caligula all the Republican Party can do is whine and bellyachehold up the formers Big Lie

https://www.msnbc.com/the-beat-with-ari/watch/-dangerous-trumplicans-gop-leader-defends-trump-out-of-fear-110888517713

Republicans cant be happy for Merrick Garland who they ghosteddenied a hearing for the Supreme Court and now cant be denied as Attorney General of the United States 

                                                      they have a hard time standing up and cheering for the United States  theyre apparently best as supplicants cheering from their knees  their concern is branding is raw power  they arent interested in governance  rather Look at me! It's me! LOOK!  

1747,  Monday,  26  4. 21   

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/mccarthy-bemoans-liz-cheneys-nonstop-grumbling-about-trump-when-leaders-dont-work-as-a-teamit-creates-difficulties/ar-BB1g6Pqn?ocid=mailsignout&li=BBnb7Kz  

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/anecdote-in-nyt-report-paints-mccarthy-s-leadership-during-1-6-trump-riot-in-poor-light-110898245906?cid=eml_mra_20210427&user_email=e4c91d00eead6d858374885584701152a02c6d873bb23bf387b4583a289e5951

 

ever get caught up in a revolving door 

                                      anbetter yet to power a revolving door so fast that people dondare to try to get in  or does security want to try either

usually security came from inside the building leaving a hole in their operation that he could hurl himselfhad to hurl himself out onto the pavement avoid peeved hands trying to grab anhold him because he heldup their day fivesix minutes

        he rolledscraped his bare arms  he crieslaughs eyes shut tight Ya couldave joined me ya couldave tried  No takers no takers shame on you

he got away more often than he didnt

                                    that was a physical revolving door

he still likes themhas to pull himself back from wanting to do as he did when he was a kid however time to time he takes several revolutions to soothe himselfsoothe the beast that lingers in his memory

the beast recently has been displeased with him that hes not letting up on the length of the leashkeeping it tight and in check 

     anlike all things frustrated they look for a release

the beast was smarter than it looked

it waited for him to fall asleep and begin dreaming then like a commercial interruption fuck advertisers who insist its a break the beast scribbled in abysmal handwriting on the black spacethe suspended void of interrupture applying a leaky tincture of phonaesthetics

                                  Ya lookin an listenin, palooka, yapayin attention?  Got to  Im a captive audience prick  Yes. Yes yare.

the reveal is in rapid succession  blue waders  blue waters  blue waiters  blew waitersHA

lights begin to comeup words fadeout

the dreamnot missing a beat flickersreignites 

                                                 it made him leerynot preoccupied rather a tad frustrated   his beast had taught itself a neat little trick anknew it could get under his skin

the malevolent dream trying to be he wasnt afraid of the dark shuffles images of brutal walkways uprooted gardens broken gates uneven fractured pavement weeds reeking gangways threadbare hallways transom doorways wrecky staircases clinging ironworked fire escapes graveled coal-ashed alleys deserted streets potholed puddled oilyfaces reflecting overhead yellow streetlamps moonlit clouds staring black skies

                                                                   Ur-labyrinths  his fashionhis kind of dreams

                   INTERRUPTURE the beast again 

                                                   he hears a sound a chucklelaughter who knew a sense of humour

it could be impossible to take it down a peg or two nothing compares to consciousness 

                                                                                            cinematic eh? simianmatic semenmatic TOUCH A NERVE YET  

lights begin to comeup . . .  

0233,  Monday,  26  4. 21

1303,  Monday,  26  4. 21

Natalia Lafourcade  Nunca Es Suficiente (It’s Never Enough)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYK9QpEA3j4

 

coming into the hallway from out of his bedroom he felt her presence

he stopped not a step into the hall and looked right

she stood framed in her bedroom doorway

she was a bit taller than the doorknob

she stood centered in it asif the jambs were toxic

her armshands hung before her

she held them towards each other but they did not touch

she stood like a supplicant

which was eerie

                that wasnt herwouldnt ever be her shed go to Hell before supplicating to anyone for anything

Whasup baby

I think I lost it, Dad, you told me to be careful, and I think I lost it.

confessions good for the soul but he didnt think he had qualifications to listen it wasnt on his Dad List anhe read it over and over again to assure himself hed be a good fatherthe best he could possibly be 

                                                                                       he wanted to be a good father

she was his first child

he turned up the hall towards her she wasnt as tall as the doorknob Wha is it that yathink youve lost love  

You told me to be careful with it, now I can’t find it.

Wha is it sweetpea I can help you look for it

I’ve been looking for it since after breakfast.

Oh I thought you were cleaning your room

Sorta, I guess, while I looked for it.

Please for wha 

                he shouldntve pressed it occurred to him only after it came out of his mouth and he saw how his words racked hermade her unstable her spine unlocking  unhinged

he made it to her before she went to pieces 

                                             Therethere little girl he wrapped his arms around her something between a cast holding a broken bone or a tourniquet to stop her from hemorrhaging  It will be okay love It is okay

she sobbed

he heard his wife getting up from her sewing in the livingroom

he anticipated when shed enter the hall behind him and briefly waved her off then reclasped his daughter to him again

he saw his other daughterthree years younger than her sister sitting on her portion of their trundle bed 

                                                                                                           her eyes were big thats sayin something her eyes were huge to begin with

he smiled at her to assure her that everything was going to be okay

tears welled in her eyes

his smile directed at her helped her to wipe them away with the sleeves of her blouse and smile a little broken smile

 

the stitch 

         she lost the long singlefilament stitch the doctor pulled out of his incision after healing from a shoulder tendon surgery

she was curious in the doctors office 

                                       they all went in . .the four of themhis wife and girls  the doctor was cool

the doctor explained that he had healed wellfurthur ahead of other patients time to remove the stitch

his wife stoodwent to take the girls with her from the room 

                                                             he chided  Yare like rats fleeing a sinking ship . . I didnt know until now that rats can swim 

                                     he smiledwanting her to know he was teasing

his daughter didnt want to leave

                                   his youngest was at her mothers hip with the motionsway in her stepswinging in her arms  Get the hell out of my way!  

Sticking with me baby he said to her

I’m sticking with you, Dad. she scrambled up onto his lap and sat still shed have the best seat in the house

Thas my girl

the doctor laid out a prepared tray of sterilised tools 

                                                      he liked that the mat was babyblue  comforting

Aniela eyes grew wideshe eyeballed him searched his face to try and gauge his discomfort

he wasnt uncomfortable if there was to be any pain itd be good pain

the doctor snipped the knot at the top of the incision and then grasp the other knot near his elbow with a hemostat 

You set? he asked

 

Yaset Yeller

I am, Dad.

Were set doc

the doctor placed a gloved hand on his shoulder Then we’re off . . and in one long deliberate pull he extracted it

he felt a persistent tug flipswitch back and forthback and forth down the length of the wound

an interestinqueer pain not that Aniela would ever kmow 

There you go. the doctor said he went to toss the filamentstitch in the trash

Aniela spoke to him with her eyes 

                                   fixed him

Doc 

Yes?

Well take the stitch to-go ifya donmind

The stitch?

Thats why they call ya doc aint it always ahead of the game  Anielad definitely like the stitch please

 

they dug around together looking for the fiilament in the girls bedroom 

                                                                          no luck 

Did you put it your underwear drawer

My underwear drawer?

If Maw doesnt want to lose something she puts it in her underwear drawer I keep my tacky lil pamphlets in my bottom drawer

        later his wife asked Really? Really? Of course he confirmed  Jesus, Joe.

No, Mom didn’t tell me.

Awright then Im tellin ya both if we don find the stitch youll likely remember into the future

never did find the filamentstitch 

                                  but then neither girl ever misplaced something that meant something to them

0937,  Sunday – Aniela’s birthday – 25  4. 21

1644,  Sunday – Aniela’s birthday,  25  4. 21

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/like-rats-fleeing-a-sinking-ship-history

Zappa  Dirty Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaXWG0fBYuk

 

Takin dick

What?

      What was that, what did you say?

it didnt take much to make his buddy flinch 

                                              lean into homosexualitynot lesbians visuals  homosexuals  he creeped out

But theres nothing wrong with itright

No. Nothing wrong with it.

Im not convinced

I just don’t want to see it.

How often have you seen it

Seen it?

Yes when youve watched a couple maul each other in publictongues ramrodding going down each others throat 

I haven . .

. . You haventNo  you havent  its the imagined kiss that makes you uncomfortable

I don’t want to se . .

. . Ya havent as youve admitted Whas the hangup if nothings wrong with it

 

takin dick 

          takin dicktation often his writing came to him in kind he wrote and reading it later marveled  marveled it came off his pen

Marc Chagall hundreds of gouaches 1926 – 27 created in the village of Auvergne France

“ . .images emerged in a contemplative interplay of thought and act, of spontaneous gesture . . . (Chagall) was astonished at the figurative world which, as if on its own, was pushing his way into image . . . he never knew at the start what he was going to end up with . .. much like Klee, he began with no specific content in mind and, in a relative passive state, let the picture grow out of whatever the forms and colors he happened on might suggest . . . the picture arose in the painting of it.”

often his writing arose by putting pen to a naked page

1451,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  12  2. 92

2142,  Reggae Friday,  23  4. 21

theres a pen pressed to a naked page 

                                          and then there are those moments when things fall in his lap

he abounds with found things  is the recipient of unintended gifts usually clamouringcrawling over and around each other  the misspellings  oddwords   poorly turned phrases

a recent adventure was with sprezzatura Gawdblessya  she texted him 

                                                                           he hoped it was an exotic sweet flakeycrust pastry  although used in context: I admire the sprezzatura with which you carry yourself in most situations  quickly neutered his opportunity to conceive of it as a pastry 

                                                      an Italian DUH Sixteenth Century – 1528 -- word appearing in Baldassare sounded slightly selfserving when considering Italian men are prone to being hirsute  Baldassare Castigliones The Book of the Courtier  defined by the author as “a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it”

it was a compliment 

                      though she knew compliments were lost on him  Thank you he said and did not elaborate

however  given that she was game he played dumb

  :  :  sprezzatura 

                     Isnt that the sound a cockmy cock makes when Ive spent my load  the wheeze of propulsion following on the heels of the ejaculate  in its wake  then a forlorn sigh of emptiness   until the next time

  :  :  Better look up sprezzatura and then own it. 

                                                        she wasnt taking the bait 

he rebaited his hook

  :  :  I did look it up  but seeing the writer coined and defined the word I like my definition better

Try to imagine this  having sex   CLIMAX Whas that sound? she whispersasks  then particularly so when I – Im owning it – pull out from behind her and let my shot go over her spine and back  That my sweet close as he was going to get to his pastry is my sprezzatura  Feels goodhuh warm  oozy

  :  :  Jesus, Joe, you could turn a jump into a half frozen lake into a sexual event!....shrinkage and all. Probably why those repressed involuntary celibates in Asia love you.

  :  :  Hmm  repressed celibates in Asia – I believe Asias population is in the billionsBillions – meanwhile  the West  less populated is more sexually self-repressed  Lemme say this  Asians take the gloves off  the West cant and it cant because it hasnt figured out how to get the blindfold off or realised its been fitted with one

By the bye thank you for the cold lake compliment  powering unshrinkingunfurling    

1051,  Saturday,  24  4. 21

1325,  Saturday,  24  4. 21

Zappa  Dinah Moe Humm (Got a spot that gets me hot)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hzVpYAP-U 

 

Kahrist Gotta go again

You went a halfhour ago.

I did I did

Last time, not that I’m keeping track, you didn’t have to use the facilities at all.

Sometimes ya feel like a nut sometimes yadon

                                                   Ill be back his buddy always said it like Schwarzenegger did in Terminator  it wasnt an attractive quality  but he did it to peeve him peeved an needin to pee

inside the coffee shop on the bathroom door on the plate by the handle in a red field appeared IN USE had the bathroom been unoccupied the field would be green and read VACANT

he waited six feet off the door it was apparent he was in a line of one

the gal working the counter had been cleaning sundry items in a sink  she looked up and stepped towards him wiping her hands in her apron

he nodded to her

                   Just waiting on the facilities thank you

she looked at the plate 

                         I didn’t see anyone go in.

Yawere pretty intent on wha you were doin in the sink

I suppose I was, just trying to stay ahead of the game, not play catchup.

Yadon look old enough to be wise

a bright smile quickly fluttered in her face 

                                             You call me wise? 

I did don let it go to your head

her smile widened 

                    Thank you.

Yare welcome yare keepin the place shipshape a real plus  an don think its lost on your employer  I pick on him regularly

Thank you.

Ya neednt thank me  Yare doin the work an doin it well

Thank you.

Yare polite arent ya

I suppose I am.  Are you sure somebody’s in the restroom?

You lock it inside  Thats how in use appears

Yes. Yes it does.

Good  Donwanna pull back on how wise yare

Don't do that!  You’ll excuse me, I have work.

Of course

 

she came back up to the counter five minutes or so later 

                                                           They haven’t come out? 

Nope  Im hoping soon so yadon have to cleanup the floor

You wouldn’t?

I wouldnt my bladder might

Have you knocked on the door?

Its in use  I would imagine whoevers inside understands the courtesy of public bathrooms

Courtesy?  I know we usually see you once a week with your buddy, but backing courtesy is a long shot.

she stepped back set a hand on the counter hurled herself up on top of it legs tucked knees together she wore a skirt under her apron turned on her hip dismounted stuck her landing with both feet

Wow  Yare my new favourite superhero  no flailing   an in a skirt

I’m wise, and modest.

Well done

she rapped the door once with her knuckle like a cop  Please finish up! People are waiting!

Nice authority

My responsibility. Lotsa kids from the junior high and high school come through here. A lot are dense, if you catch my drift.

Lemme enjoy your authority before glimmering your drift

she spun her way back over the counter as she had come

no sooner than she touched down the door unlocked and opened

a small girl wearing a backpack emerged  Sorry she said looking up into his face  Thats alright  then a girl slightly talleralso wearing a backpack  I’m sorry she said to him looking up into his face  Thats okay  then a third girl taller than he wearing a backpack  I’m sorry too she said  she looks him in the face  Quite alright I didnt make a mess  she giggled  she didnt put her hand over her mouth

it was like a circus clown car emptying

hed never seen that before

 

Are you alright? his buddy askedlooking up at him as he set his smartphone down  You were gone a long time.

There were prevailing circumstances

Prevailing circumstances? Prevailing?  It’s a bathroom.

Well lemme put it this way  I was in and out

You were in and out, in fifteen minutes?

Yup  Yaknow that bit when a woman goes to the restroom and asks other women at the table if they want to go too

I do. But that bathroom has a single commode, sink, and mirror . . no stal . . 

. . None

Yet?

Three girls came out of it

Like out of a clown car in center ring?

Exactly what I thought 

                        they traded smileshe was rubbing off on him  which was a good thing his buddy needed a substantial dose of irreverence and odd waysperspectives of looking at things 

There’s a name for that.

A name

Yes. I think it’s called a clique.

Three young girls filing out of a singular bathroom is called a clique

Yeah, he nodded  I think so.

Id prefer a clit

he was taken aback 

                      You said they were young girls.

Yadon think young girls have clits yadon think Eve had a cunt or Mother Mary

his aback was taken aback 

                             his mouth opened but nothing came out

If we were in Florida theyd be called a clit mob

OhChrist!

Kahrist had a cock not a clit 

                              Anatomy muthafucker I know you know

1600approximately,  Thursday,  22  4. 21

1224,  Reggae Friday,  23  4. 21

 

Schiller German  critiquing deformations of inner life deformities caused by modernity science technology  division of labour specialisation 

                      spiritually impoverished individuals reduced to mere fragments “nothing more than the imprint of (their) occupation or (their) specialised knowledge.”

 

they had just been introducedrather he introduced himself  small talk 

So then, what is it you do?

Do 

Do for a job? she smiled pleasantlyhe might say alluringly  Do for employment?

bittersweet he returned her smile Youll excuse me please

                                                             he walked away

from across the room she saw him turn away from an attractive woman and walk off  she was stunnedshed watched him purposefully make his way across the room to her  what could possibly have gone sideways in that fiveten minutes

 

she caught him at the bar 

                            Hey.

There you are hey  Buyya a drink

Yes, please; you’re drinking?

Drinking Redbreast

I’ll have one.

Bennie could I get another double Redbreast neat please 

On it.

What did you do?

Do   Do 

         Hmm seems everyone is interested in wha I do

She asked you what you do?

She did

You know . .

. . Here you go said Bennie On your tab?

Please

Gotcha.

she had his attention again 

                              You understand that asking what you do is a common icebreaker, you know? she started singing Getting to know you . .

. . Save it

           Icebreaker  Ice broke she fell through . .

. . That’s it?

Thats it thats shit Wha I do has no legs not with me 

Come on, you’re being a stick in the mud.

I disagree Ive no intentions of gettin stuck in mud

Mud, Christ, because she asked the usual question, a question that’s asked every day, day in, day out.

I don ask it 

            I don ask it of anyonenot man or women I doncare wha they do I care who they are Its dishonest a wannabe yardstick

A yardstick? Truly?

Yes Most people dondo what they want or wha they love Wha people do isnt a descriptor

Jesus, man. 

             she was displeased   too displeased 

then she recognised it showed in her face

Whadidya do

her silence was answer enough                       

Whawere you thinkin 

                       Listen to me an listen carefully  Yaknow me  I only ask once  So Im tellin ya  if I catch a whiff yare playin me the ice under us will break too  Ill be through

she went to say Really but she saw the set of his jaw he wasnt a poker player 

Twosday afternoon,  20  4. 21

0057,  Reggae Friday,  23  4. 21