0003, Thursday,
18 3. 21
18.3.21
Trump virus
17.3.21
https://www.vox.com/22335666/asian-spa-shooting-atlanta
sincerely Fill-in-the-Name
1018, Day-between-Two-Ts, 17 3.
21
16.3.21
men gave up
he found that interesting
he didnt make it a competition
apparently men needed more
comfort
he pointed That needs to be done
he walked away
how she did it was her business
Done. she said
he walked over to another
quadrant in the building That
he walked back over to
Madeleine watched her work as he
approached she was oblivious
MADELEINE maudlin
echoing in his inner ears as he said
made him smile slightly
Im funny My rebreathers short My mistake I gotta head outside for a bit Do you think you have sufficient reserve to share with me
Yes Excuse me let me restate my question I did not replenish my rebreather last
night may I borrow yours
Yes. It’s in the maroon leather
bag at the door. A newer rebreather, configured differently from your . antique.
My antique
she raised her eyeslooked left towards
the shambled ceiling dangling fixtures
You noticed
Thank you
Thats okay While I may not have one I am familiar with
them Just prefer mine
It’s cumbersome, why would you
prefer something cumbersome?
Ya gotta look at me while yare
sayin that
Ya got a handsome grin
Thank you
HEY
she turned from her work she was almost as faralong as he would have
been
Thank you Your . ah . . bag
Yah I gotta get me one of those
Erotic, huh?
Ohyah
Fort
Campbell Kentucky
he could
imagine then as now there were lots of wisenheimers who would want to play around
in anothers life for no other reason than they could cause them grief with
innuendo gossip anif that didnt cut it malicious lies some kind of perverted satisfaction it gave them
something to do they were precursors to
the end-of-century reality television shows
precursors to Shit television Crap
cable
he quit
watching television at their advent
he recognised
he couldnt buy into their extentions that
sudden spat of social media My Space book of Face dazzling breathtaking shit which imagined influencers
or talking heads could seduce audiences
Joe, you
remember Canary Barbecue on Carrol Avenue where meat turned on spits in the
front window to bring you in.
No Dad believe that was before my time
Ah, yes, yes,
correct, you were probably just a baby last time we went; but I took your Mom
there on a couple dates before I was drafted.
After Donny
Bohrisch Jimmy Goodman introduced you to her at the company picnic yah
Yes. She was
in an art class with them at Tuley. Chicago Printed String Company. Papa Vogl’s
enterprise, or rather I should say Charlie Weiner’s enterprise too. I worked at
the Western Avenue facility, you’re mother worked at Logan Boulevard, Logan
Square. The Company threw picnics for employees. If you worked for them they
treated you to a summer picnic and a Christmas Gala.
They were
Jewish right
Yes, virtually
all their employees were gentiles though, at least those who worked on the
floor or in the lunchrooms. They treated us very well, and we didn’t ever want
to disappoint them. Everyone worked hard. No one took anything for granted.
Everyone benefitted.
the reason
why he called and brought up Fort Campbell was because he wanted to be sure his Dad still
had the little porcelain skunk figurine kept inside in a wood cage he mailed
his Maw while they were courting
since she had
died a lot of things were leaving his fathers house and he wanted to be sure no
onehis siblings had liberated things they shouldnt have
I could give
a fuck Take it back When hes dead you can have it Wha are you thinkin
I asked him and
he said I could have it.
You
asked Why would you fuckin ask him to
have his wedding album Ya ever hear of elder
abuse Take it back When I come to visit he doesnt have it Ill
come see youya don want me comin to see you about his wedding albumChrist awmighty wha are you thinkin
I sure do, it’s
on my highboy. his father
kept it on his highboy for as long as he could remember he had a long memory Ain’t never gonna lose track of it. I mailed
it to your Mom from Missouri, bought it in a dimestore in a small town outside
Camp Crowder when Gene, Mr. Sands, Gene and I were there to escort prisoners
back to Fort Campbell.
Your mother
was my My Li’l Stinker, as the label on the top of the cage says.
She still
is now and forever
Thank you
for saying so, son.
Yes it is. Thank you for reviving some memories I might not have returned to without you asking.
Yare
welcome I promise to be a thorn in your
paw the burr under your saddle
The pea
under my mattress?
Lets not get
ridiculous
15.3.21
What is this . . thing . you have for black people?
Thing a thing for black people
Yahwell thats
because yare maudlinterribly slow on the uptake I didnt coin it
But you knew it!
I dont come from disposable
income
I come from coupons from shredding bars of Ivory soap to wash
clothes because it was less expensive than boxed detergent hung clothes on clotheslines
to dry because it was less expensive than a machine and the electricity to run
it
We ate organmeat because it was
less expensive
We grew a garden because our vegetables
cost less than buying them from the grocer
She got me an adult library card
for the Public Library and I read books no kids my age were reading
he wore scars for not
Richard
Wright Between the World and Me
And
one morning while in the woods I stumbled
suddenly upon the
thing,
Stumbled upon it in a grassy clearing
guarded by scaly
oaks and elms
And the sooty details of the scene
rose, thrusting
themselves between
the world and me....
There
was a design of white bones slumbering forgottenly
upon a cushion of
ashes.
There was a charred stump of a sapling
pointing a blunt
finger accusingly at
the sky.
There were torn tree limbs, tiny veins
of burnt leaves, and
a scorched coil of
greasy hemp;
A vacant shoe, an empty tie, a ripped
shirt, a lonely hat,
and a pair of
trousers stiff with black blood.
And upon the trampled grass were
buttons, dead matches,
butt-ends of cigars
and cigarettes, peanut shells, a
drained gin-flask,
and a whore's lipstick;
Scattered traces of tar, restless
arrays of feathers, and the
lingering smell of
gasoline.
And through the morning air the sun
poured yellow
surprise into the
eye sockets of the stony skull....
And
while I stood my mind was frozen within cold pity
for the life that
was gone.
The ground gripped my feet and my heart
was circled by
icy walls of fear--
The sun died in the sky; a night wind
muttered in the
grass and fumbled
the leaves in the trees; the woods
poured forth the
hungry yelping of hounds; the
darkness screamed
with thirsty voices; and the witnesses rose and lived:
The dry bones stirred, rattled, lifted,
melting themselves
into my bones.
The grey ashes formed flesh firm and
black, entering into
my flesh.
The
gin-flask passed from mouth to mouth, cigars and
cigarettes glowed,
the whore smeared lipstick red
upon her lips,
And a thousand faces swirled around me,
clamoring that
my life be
burned....
And
then they had me, stripped me, battering my teeth
into my throat till
I swallowed my own blood.
My voice was drowned in the roar of
their voices, and my
black wet body
slipped and rolled in their hands as
they bound me to the
sapling.
And my skin clung to the bubbling hot
tar, falling from
me in limp patches.
And the down and quills of the white
feathers sank into
my raw flesh, and I
moaned in my agony.
Then my blood was cooled mercifully,
cooled by a
baptism of gasoline.
And in a blaze of red I leaped to the
sky as pain rose like water, boiling my limbs
Panting, begging I clutched childlike,
clutched to the hot
also the Hollywood Roundtable https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u27coFlGXg
here comes Proust again dragging his knuckles across the sawdusted tavern floor
he wants wine
for a goblet hed say
something mundane perhaps
transcendent
Proust had always treated him
kindly
he bought him wine
Proust didnt thank him likely he felt his utterance was enough
not an invocation of childish
innocence
rather a perpetual innocence towards
Experience
to enter each wholly with a sense
of curiosity
no memory of failures or retreats
14.3.21
hed been to carnivals
he walked in their House of
Mirrors
why wouldnt a House of Mirrors
present outside on side streets church
parking lots the barkers hucksters
erstwhile sham artists
Thales declared all things full
of gods
Anaximander saw the universe as a
kind of organism which was supportednurtured by pneuma a cosmic breath in the same manner that the human body was
supportednurtured by air
Heraclitus of Ephesus believed
the world was in perpetual changeflux eternally becoming his principle or symbol was fire continuous flowchange of all things and those changes arose from dynamic cyclic
interplay of opposites pairs of
opposites were a unity and this Unity
containing and transcending all opposing forces he called Logos
his dreams of recent had been epic
every time he took up pen and
paper to wriote they knocked them out of his hands You’re not here to observe, record, you’re
here to participate! they grabbed him roughly by the neck and pitched him
headlong into the meleeheadlong into the muck
returning to consciousness from those
end-on-end scrums those twin-bills triple-bills convoluted intertwined montages
palimpsests he felt fortunate that he emerged there were suddensnapshots glimmerings but nothing episodic he retained nothing he could bring back
he left it all on the floor
grateful his interior life
was as interested in him as he was in his exterior life and it
he wouldnt say friends
they were right
he ought to participate yet try hard to be mindful and come away with
memory
1313, Sunday,
14 3. 21