on this stretch of road he rarely looked up out of his book

                                                            an easy decline a broad even sidewalk hed walked more times than he could count over nearly ten years

something eerie bade him to lookup 

                                      when baded or is that baited he looked  he wished he ignored himself

lookingup looking above the stark pikes that made up a black metal fence that surrounded the junior high he saw that the old trees that had been pruned their limbs cut back they looked like dumb fingers amputated fingers pointing at the sky

   he thought of all the athletes who pointed who obviously believed that Gawd favoured them celebrated their home run touchdown goal winning their event 

                                         Man if he could have those fingers cut off hed feel better about the trimmed trees

nobody wanted a tree to kill a child

nobody wanted a tree to frighten a child

he wasnt nobody

younger trees to either side of the elders were untouched

they had birds flitting in their boughs

there wasnt one bird in any of the seven amputated trees that ran before the concrete patio and walk before the standalone school gymnasium 

he wasnt nobody

he was harsher than most

but only because accountability preferably to punish wrongdoers  who werentbeing punished must also endure lost innocents

         must risk murderous trees someone must have heard the wicked plots mused among the trees

he supposed he ought to be happy they only suffered amputation they could have been cut down

when trees in this town were cut down they were not replaced 

when people are cut down  several replace them 

seemed imbalanced  to him

seemed particular human species always won out when considered against other earthlings and the planet  considering First People genocide black people genocide get-on-the-wrong-side-of-white-people genocide 

just an observation

try as he may 

              he looked  he couldnt find the name of one person murdered by a tree

names of people murdered by people

unknown people murdered by people 

Come on people take the cake

just an observation

2314,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

 

hed been circled before

first time reared goosebumps of fear on his flesh

but that was reinforced by the element he was in  water

had he gills to remain immersed in the shimmer he had a knifeGame on! queer thing of the sea was there was nowhere to go except down to the bottom to find a place where he could put his back against something and make the circler come on him face to face

in open water he was deadcenter of a surrounding sphere of attacksa frightening myriad of radii to defend 

                                                                                                                an obscenely awkward inability or agility to affect a stalwart defence 

after that first time that first shark that fish passing him by after all it was just a fish he recognised that their similar size had made them equals and therefore likely the shark circling him like humans wishing they could circle a traffic accident to gawk  was curious

he was curious

curiosity ought be the nature of any beast 

                                             unfortunately hed met too many people who werent 

apparently the work was too hard

 

 

he rushed headlong from a grotto that was collapsing around himfilling with seawater from overhead slurring suddenvents and spitting holes  

it terrified himhis heart thumping violently in his chest that this sparkling refracted bluewashed architecture  its teeth stalagmites and stalactites stalactitties yes were forever to be lost 

                                                                  he dragged his feetturned in circles trying to take in remember as much as he could while he fled and spun on the white sand before its depressed mouth and spun into the sea swimming hard trying to put as much distance between himself and it as it boiled and crumbled underwater fearful a siphon a whirlpool might birth

it did not 

treading water open water he saw he was being circled circled by a shadow beneath the waves that was twicethree times larger than he 

                           curious

he was

he took a deep breath and slipped under the surface

circling him was an exquisitelydrawn painted silveredblue largeeyed flyingfish a stylised Ohno Bakufu though alive and threedimensional 

it circled him gazed at him one eyethen reversing its way the other  

it was a fish he didnt know how to read it 

                                              then reversing again having circled him several times it dipped a pectoral fin and came headlong at him in its rush it slowed itself by extending both set of fins extending its pelvic fins it swept down he tucked up then taking a chance he reached down and grasped its pectorals where they joined its body and swung upput a foot to its pelvis fin and straddled its back 

                                                             ahold of the leading edge of its pectorals it instantaneous folded its fins and bolted on a long angle racing to the surface

they exploded through crazedbubbles whitesilver and cyclonic tinyswirls its tail churning and catapulted into the sky were he sucked breath it caught blue updrafts the wind of their propulsion screamed in his ears 

its tail whipped the sea and they went up again and again many times they reentered the water he heard it gulpbtreathe then they were up again 

his shoulders joints criedthough he couldnt imagine that the flyingfish wasnt suffering either its subsequent jumps and flights were growing shorter and shorter but there seemed it had a purpose 

                                                                                a threedimensionally executed flyfishing had a purpose

he heard a grunt

it dove again 

the grunt persisted 

it lunged again

broke the surface

it soared higher than it had before

and looking he saw a green coastline whitelipped by beach

the fish bankedlosing some altitude

                                      he screamed I SEE

and when they reentered the sea it collapsed its wings and slowed  and slowe d   and   s l  o  w   e   d

when he let go as he slipped off he ran its hands lovingly down its back to its stilled tail

it wiggled a bit under his touch

swimming up to the surface he watched it sink into the bluedpurpling depths a blur a smudge   then disappeared

 

he rolled over onto his back and looked and the yellow sun and occasionally spat water like a whales spout

                                                                                                                  fearless 

he had been touched                                         

nothing dare accost him

the surf grew louder  and   louder

his ears underwater he could hear the sand particles grate and dance and sing welcome

 

he staggered onto the beachstaggered up to the dry warm sand and laid down laid down on his Mothers breast

impossibly saved

  

some time in the wee hours,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

1626,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Ady7ySayI

 

he found it curious 

                     recently with very few Republicans willing to stand against seditionagainst insurrection – one clown wrote Get over it.  Get over it three weeks after the Capitol was overrun on 6 January by cretins which some white Republicans inside Congress incited and did not fear they didnt fear harm because the cretins werent coming after them 

            immediately after the violence was quelled Congress returned to its constitutional duty to certify states electoral college votes and confirm that Joseph R. Biden, Jr. was elected President of the United States six of eight senators who originally voted against Arizona still voted against it  later 147 House Republicans voted against Pennsylvanias electoral college votes 

when the House voted to impeach the former president ten House Republicans voted with Democrats four Republicans were non-votes 

                 the ten have been touted as profiles in courage                  

Profiles in Courage was a book Senator John F. Kennedy wrote in 1956

just last week House Speaker Nancy Pelosi spoke about the enemy within the walls of Congress

The Enemy Within was a book written by McClellan Committees chief counsel Robert F. Kennedy in 1960

curious

1018,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

 

she was tipped to darkness 

                              but thats where one would find witches wouldnt they

he wasnt looking for one

they connected   unexpectedly

some outside looking in might say she bewitched him

if he was bewitched 

                      he wasnt bitching

but those outside never carried water for him

he was troubled by people who asked him what he thought about anything

big girl panties

big boy panties 

                Yadon know whacha want  Askin me is a waste of time

he never asked wha anyone thought 

                                        opinions

why would anyone let their lives be informed or ran by others 

sowhaif she was a witch 

                           she was a witch in the kitchen in bed  a witch when challenging him in debatenot that they often disagreed 

                 but when they did passionately a donnybrook

no holds barred take no prisoners 

whod want to be taken prisoner 

better to die on the field

 

he was a conundrum to her

he spoiled her charms spoiled her chants and spells

when her blood was up there was no better time to take her down 

when they woke in the morningtheir body parts still intertwined Wha knots that  Don’t pull on it! Jesus! 

                                                                                                              still bound hed take her by the chin and kiss her gently like a baby

Isnt it nice to be confounded hed say

shed smilesleepily lazily 

                           Baby. You don’t confound me . .

. . Ohbut I do

               his turn to smile lazily like a Cheshire Cat I know I do No crime in that  unless you have to be in control 

Yawanna be in control 

                        Or is it okay we wash together like grit and sand and shell and bonebit churned in a surf

It’s hard to argue when you put it that way.

Lets agree 

            Were alchemy 

Alchemy.  Alchemy. 

                      I can do that.

Good Now do me and lets get into a marvelous one-of-a-kind day together Im excited to see

You’re always excited.

Thats because of you 

hed recommend a relationship with a witch 

                                              though he might have been bewitched

1959,  Saturday,  30  1. 21

  

Talk to me.

I donwanna talk  I didnt come to bed to talk with you

But you say the prettiest things, the nicest things. 

                                                     Please, please talk to me.

Nah

You’re not tired; you picked me off the floor and carried me in.

Im not tired  I just wanna make love to you

Please, pretty please, your pillow talk is worth dying for.

he cringednot that she could see 

                                   How much didja have to drink

Please . . please. I’ll beg ifya . .

. . Beg  Yare doin a nifty imitation

                                    he kissed her to shut her mouth    

she kissed back warmlyher lips soft yielding her tongue twining with his   a long  delicious  kiss

they came up for air 

                      nimbly he worked at the buttons on her blouse spread its fabric admired the mounds of her breasts

he ran a finger between her bra and her nipple and she gaspedher nipple rose 

                                                                                   she sighed  Stop. Stop. Talk to me.

Baby 

      Please

Who's begging now? You’re keen, please . . talk to me.

Yah  Got plenty of intellect babe but I jusdon feel like exercising it tonight Lemme let us exercise other options  Ill talk you blue tomorrow

You promise?

I promise  I promise 

                      Now shut yer mout

You promise?

I do 

     On second thought  donshut yer mout   Close your eyes

she giggledbusted dimples

she parted her lips 

                    she whispered You make me feel like a naughty little girl. 

he made her feel more than that 

0116,  Reggae Friday,  29  1. 21

1932,  Saturday,  30  1. 21

Murray Head  Say It Aint So  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT5cqphuqoU

 

it is frustrating to wend stories No  not frustrating maddening   to tell talesremind others of stories   who had been therewere witnesses  who then when he finished shrugged  No, I don’t remember. I don't know if what you said is true or not; although it was very entertaining.

Jesus my intention wasnt to entertain you  Im asking youreminding you  Can you confirm it or not I wanna know that wha I said happened  that I didnt dream it read it elsewhere  that I didnt make it up it wasnt a fabrication I spun with spiderwebs from the creature inside my headcreatures  more accurately   inside my head

they scratched their heads 

                             No. I can’t say that I have any recollection of what you said, what you're talked about, at all. I just don’t remember.

and it just wasnt his parentshis oldest friends  they were twenty and eighteen when he was born 

                                                                                                        to his thinking that made them contemporaries they were in a stones throw of growing up alike

he was a precocious youthknew his letters could print was reading Dick. See Dick. See Dick run. before he entered kindergarten

that was to say he was aware

he was visual

                   he comprehended 

he was observant

he remembered 

his parents perhaps distracted with age  were uninterested in digging up the past no matter how much fun it had beenthey had had

he felt like when he told his stories looking for confirmation they listened to them asif they were nothing more than entertainment he was talking to entertain them

Christ if they wanted entertainment they could watch television

hed turn down the television when he talked with them 

                                                         then catching their eyes he turned the TV off so he didnt have to compete with the fucking thing 

                               Im talking with you Can you listen to me

it was particularly grating because he didnt live in state

he tried to visit once a year

because if he didnt they werent visiting him

                                               the unspoken life sentence for a child who chooses to move out of state away from their parents and siblings who not only remained in-state but also remained living within twentyminutes a halfhour of each other

the mountain doesnt go to Muhammad

Muhammad goes to the mountain

as Francis Bacon wrote in his Essays 1625 

                                               Mahomet cald the Hill to come to him. And when the Hill stood still, he was neuer a whit abashed, but said; If the Hill will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet will go the the Hill.

it was curious to favour two Francis Bacons  one a philosopher  the other a modern painter     

it was worse if one wasnt religious

one could suppose if he had been religious he wouldnt have abandoned his family

abandoned 

             their word

submitted 

            his word

 

his stories remained stories

                              just stories

nobody for years and years remembered a whit of what he related

yet when they spokewhen they told their little stories  aside from a different perspective as people would and should have                                                                                                                               he knew their stories

 

he gave up on the disconnect long ago 

                                         and the disconnect was made easier because he didnt live among them and he stopped visiting once a year and when he did visit  particular after his parents move northa couple hours north and he stayed with them his siblingsif it wasnt convenient for them You know where we live. Come to us.  No You know where I am

We can go. said his mother 

                              No

No, we can go. said his father 

                                 No I aint going anywhere If I can travel more than half the country they can travel here When was the last time you saw them

that painted a picture his folks didnt like so they dropped it 

                                                               Hallelujah  if he was religious   Can I get an Amen

 

thats the way the cookie crumbled for years 

                                               which ofcourse was no skin off his ass because he didnt eat desserts

 

then out of the blue he reconnected with a friend

she had lived next door

she was his first romantic interest

they laughed a lot 

                    until they didnt  which was okay   they were teenagers with their whole lives ahead of them 

she remembered the stories that involved them

 

what a fucking gift 

 

0104,  Saturday,  30  1. 21 

  

Where is I?

You is where you is. 

                           he read that in The Good Lord Bird  

the back and forth tickled him because it was so genuine hed been on either end of it  though to be sure he preferred being lost as to giving directions 

                                  lost was easy 

he often got lost as a boy

school let out

his Maw wasnt coming to pick him up  she has three babies at home to care for

he goofed off with schoolmates on the asphalt playground and in the field beyond it and when they had to leave were picked up and the grounds were deserted he walked over to his school bag walked in the direction opposite of where he lived four blocks off wondering where these other roads went that ran off the main thoroughfare

off hed go

he found small business districts

he found different neighbourhoods

he found loud bus lines heavy street traffic there he had to wait at corners for lights to change that was exciting and different from his neighbourhood 

                                    Hmmm  it occurred to himhe wondered where his neighbourhood was  only because it was getting dark 

Excuse me he approached women because they were out and about men drove cars he couldnt find a policeman  Where am I

Are you lost, little boy?

Maybe But maybe not if you tell me where I am

Where do you live?

I live in Norwood on Neva

You’re in Edison . . You’re in Harwood Heights . . You’re in Norridge . . You’re in Jefferson Park 

                                                                                                    he usually ended up near the forest preserves that grew on either side of the Des Plaines River attracted by the sound of the propeller airplanes flying in and out of O’Hare Airport

You’re a long way from home, boy. Tell you what, you come home with me. Do you know your telephone number?

I do

Good. Then come with me and we’ll go to my house sometimes it was an apartment  he liked apartment buildings and you can call your Momma. 

sometimes his father came to gather him when he finally arrived home or the people took him home after they fed him dinner or the police took him home

once a policeman turned on the prowlers siren and flashing lights

his father referred to him during the years before he left Illinois as his son who wasnt going to live there when he grew up

he finally got out at twenty  he thought hed be gone at eighteen 

                                                                 those last two years damn near killed him

 

more than once in conversation with his mother she called him Joe more often than she called him Son Did you recognise how much money you an Paw would have been ahead had you not taught me Grammas telephone number and address when I was a little boy

Oh, it occurred to us; but we’d grown partial to you.

1243,  Reggae Friday,  29  1. 21

Zappa  Camarillo Brillo  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nllWDc8_9lw

martyrdom

              LISTEN UP   for dummies only

talking to Wyoming whiners Gaetz whining McCarthy whining how do they whine around the cock in their mouths ventriloquists? juicing up the martyrdumb of a former FAKE PRESIDENT

martyr by definition 

                       is a person who suffers persecution and DEATH (then mebbe we got something to talk about) for advocating  renouncing  refusing to renounce  or refusing to advocate a religious belief – he has no religion  that would require a belief in someonesomething greater than himself  an theres no oxygen for that -- or cause demanded by an external party

at best one of two boxes checked

check the second box

then lets talk

1712,  Reggae Friday,  29  1. 21

Whaswid the bit bout holding sips of  whaever   in yer mout  Why not jus swallow it

Mebbe Im savourin it

Or mebbe as yave don  ya foget ya got sumptin in yer mout an it dumps out onto yer shirtfront yer pillow yer slacks as yer sittin thar  unsuspectin 

                             Hell  jus last night a sip of whisky escaped yer mout but yawere proud of yerself yawas mighty proud cuz ya caught it in yer hand didnt lose it all in yer lap or on the carpet

Yah that was tricky  Anyer right I was proud  I caught it midair  affirmed my reflexes

Proud

Yah rote This is a test. For the next few seconds I will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System. This is only a test.

Beeeeeeeeep

If this had been an actual emergency I would have been instructed where to tune in my area for news and official information. This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcasting System.

                                                                                he smiled broadly still wished he had dimples 

Mighty proudmighty proud of yerself

I is  Its only tween you and me  an were we

An inside joke

Cant get nomo inside 

Nah  Spose not

Imaginehowever  if one had a poor relationship with themselves  It could get ugly

Uglyugly  Yah

Im grateful fer ours

 

We ave no clue why we do that  do we

Not a fuckin clue

   

2234,  Thursday,  28  1. 21

1214,  Reggae Friday,  29  1. 21

Chicago station  WMAQ Channel 5  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFQXpRaOqfc 

he felt itheard it long before he saw it

it was coming up behind him

it didnt frighten himhe wasnt apprehensive 

                                              he was excitedhe knew in his bones it was going to be  odd 

but odd thingsunexpected things had a way of finding him 

                                                              he didnt hide or cover his trail  if they were looking for him  thats wha he told people  if they were looking for him he didnt want there to be any reason why they missed him

it helped he was observant

sometimes things would be shy

hed have to coax them out  tell them they were beautiful  or extraordinary   or without peer  peerless

slowly theyd reveal themselves  expose themselves 

                                                         theyd be peerless  as he expected unexpectedly 

he felt it at his back

he stopped walking and turned aroundput his finger between the pages of the book he was reading and waited

as moments passed he knew it was going to be the shit  it felt   huuge

anthenthere  creeping through the naked tree crowns he saw it  coming in low  born in the sky  asif looking to sea and catching a hint of a riptide  surreptitious  dangerous   if one panicked 

                                                                            a queer blue wind  subtlyseparate from the rest of the sky  someone else might miss it  not him

it splashed down on the old corrupt pavement and ran towards himwide as the streetrunning between the high curbs that were cut stone  quarried  it was old town  more than one hundred years old  the trees lining it older

blue fingers  rivulets   preceded it 

                                      one struck a solitary fallen leaf  it was at the head of others  and the driedbrown leaf spun up into the air  stroked   dancing 

                                               and the higher it rose  others now dancing just above the pavement  it grew soft supple  it transmogrifiedbegan changing colours  chameleonish  toying with tints  brash subtle outrageous  marbling 

           and as it rose others followed  they as unabashed  like crazedascending confetti  the leaf landed like a origami bird on one bare limb and under it a riot of leaves conspiringforming a mad murmuration  separated like cyclones then fell together again and joined the solitary lead leaf  an aura surrounding it  dappling the line of winter treestheir denuded branches 

                               their colours like neon  scarlet yellows greens peach  fluttering like oxygenated flames 

the tail of the queer blue wind was approaching 

he was terribly sorry to see it 

the roosting leaves shiveredtheir colours sluicing away 

                                                           one by one they began fallingbrowning  then en masse

he had turned to follow their dance and now faced back up the street where he had intended

the leaves rainiedstirred in the wake of the wind 

                                                   he was losing sight of it 

it grew more more evermore pale  a sigh sweptup now in silence 

                                                                          however the first leaf remained were it roosted

its colour bleeding out

it curled around a stubby shoot 

                                   and before its animation was exhausted it impaled one of its lobes 

hes checked on it since 

it is still there

 

an afternoon in early January, 2021

1436,  Thursday,  28  1. 21

Pharoah Sanders  Bedria  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWpZcEtZ_sM