it is curious

it is generationalisnt it

his nightmarehis apocalypse was nuclear war 

                                                 Hide beneath your desks, children.

Im not hiding

You’ll do as you’re told.

Orwha 

            as a boy he knew his desk wasnt going to protect him  the schools touted basement bomb shelter wasnt going to save him either if they made it there 

                                                there were no provisionsno water it was a sham a masquerade  

adults leading lambs to the slaughter pretending  why would adults pretend

 

today its the zombie apocalypse 

                                   Arya fuckin kiddin me 

zombies wouldnt be eatin them

                                theyd be eating themselvestheir dead new-dead in order to survive  hed help in a blink 

truly

      hed call it Donner dining     

Table for one?

1933,  Saturday,  2  1. 21

 

May we bow our head in preyer Whadhe say 

                                                  Our Father which art in Heaven . . little children crave . . give us this day our daily bread so we can deny them so we may lure them by their hunger . . anif theyre difficult well not spare the rod Proverbs 13:24 Hike 

Keep that shit up an ya’ll go to Hell!

Hell will have to keep Not on my horizon or belief Its threat is as scary as the man in the moon Everyone ought to know shes a womanthe woman in the moon An should she wish she could materialise an make our skins like sheepskins to hold sacred wine or made into fancy shades for oil lamps or scribbled on or as a prophylactic 

                                                                                                   I would choose to be a prophylactic if she gave me a choice or allowed me to beg on my kneesprostrate myself  Im not ashamed to say Id try in that devastatingpleading moment to look up her skirt

 

I . . I got nothing.

                                                                                               2304,  Saturday,  2  1. 21                                                                 

                                                               

 

The plate’s cracked.

It is  Is there a problem

It’s broken.

Ill take it

It’s broken.

As I said Ill take it

You don’t have another plate?

Thats not the question is it

Not the question? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

What do you do with your cracked plates which dont weep

Weep, cracked, what are you talking about, what are you getting at?

Im getting at nothing  I invited you for a bite to eatnothing more  You said the plates cracked  It still has its integrity  It still functions  It can do its jobthe purpose of its life  Ill cut no life short unless it begs me to I do so

You’re getting in way over your head.

I submit you are 

                  Please elaborate upon the cracked plate that has never been here nor there since the crackthe fissure first presented they rolled their eyes   Please

I am simply pointing out it is broken.

he smiled wryly 

             An youve not been broken on occasion

1630,  Saturday,  2  1. 21

456 or 1656,  Saturday,  2  1. 21

 

microwave popcorn and dying spiderslaying on their backstheir legs twitchingspasming 

                             not so appealinghuh

Its not ready

Not ready? You don’t have a microwave, anyet you know the popcorn’s not ready?

Im listenin  Either adamant or retarded kernals holdinback holdinout   stubborn

Stubborn popcorn?

Whynot  Its not inanimate

they frownedlooked like they had a mouthful of shit 

                                                       Corn’s animate?

It germinates It gifts up Im beginning to think were not animate were fuckin ungratefulfuckin entitled 

                                                                                                            Human beings havent been tossed into the fire since witches and Jews  Were a fuckedup species 

their frown deepeneddarkened 

                                 You flabbergast me. I don’t know what to say.

I wasnt askintheres nothing to say  Just askin you open your eyes  ansee 

                                                                               Dontake the popcorn out Spiders will follow

they set the bag of popped corn on the butcherblock kitchen island from above daddylongleggeds rainedlanded on their backstwitching dying  he unfortunately recognised death throes

they opened the bagBAM unpopped kernels went off in unison and spewed popped corn on the countertop among the mess of writhing spiders 

                          dancing corndying spiders  a queer choreography

likely 

      he wouldnt indulged in microwave popcorn for some time to come 

hed fall back on oil kernels and shaking the hell out of the pot aided with potholders

maybe archaic 

                but thats where cavemen belong   thered never be spastic spiders

2354,  Thursday,  30  12. 20

1552,  Saturday,  2  1. 21

nineteen years ago she left him and their girlshe met her when she was nineteen

she never heard him call Tuesday Twosday or Wednesday Day-between-Two-Ts  call Friday Reggae Friday 

                                                                                                                  he found reggae without her  he liked to think she would have liked itmebbe

when they met in Miami he was doing film study writing student scripts watchingsteeping himself in foreign films 

Would you like to go with me

                               I’d love to go, I’d go anywhere with you.

 

years later during a troubled patch in their marriage she said  You think I liked those foreign films you dragged me around to?  cut him deeply

You said youd go anywhere with me 

                                        and

                                              I didnt have a car  You drove 

lacerating each others feelings didnt solve anything

 

 

ten years later they were still together

                                                          

he wasnt sure they solved anything

 

what he was sure of

                       nineteen years ago when she left him 

                                                                 twentyfour years prior when they got married 

he loved her

he loves her still 

                  he wishes his memories werent so ethereal  vapours    warm water running through his fingers because the anguish doesnt let him cup his hands  

2144,  Reggae Friday,  1  1. 21

$350K -- Killed

Word   whas the Word 

                           from where he sat he read that 126 Republican House members and apparently harharSenator harharHawley and crank-in-Senator Cruzing-for-a-bruisinhed have to see how many other Republican senators appears another nine might delegitimise themselvesdishonor their oath to office 

                                                                                              which they swore to God 

https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/532366-11-senate-republicans-say-they-will-object-to-electoral-college-results-on

and this bullshit on the heels of a president who hasnt shown up for work since the election – he golfs on the taxpayers dime

Republicans do not seek to govern they only seek the tit of power   and all this amid the lethal Trump virus

1248,  Saturday,  2  1. 22

 

       sigh A bucket list   a bucket list 

                                          when the hell did that become a thing

he was oblivious to it  its incarnation  was probably reading

he wasnt affected or informed by social media thats where addictions cancers beginright

he didnt watch television have cable

seemed he has an inherent immunity

 

A bucket listJaysus 

                      Come on, man, play the game, play the game with me. And try to be thought . .

. . Thoughtful  Who the hell you talkin toyou know someone more mindful than me more remembrances memories dates anniversaries tragic anniversaries  histories   than me

he gritted his teeth

                     I misspoke . . 

. . You didnt think  you didnt think before you spokeyare too anxious to get to your point 

Will you let me speak?

Yare right  I apologeez

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Yare welcome

 

I thought we were playing?

Go  he urged him with hand gestures

Play the game, I know you know what it’s about.

Things yawanna do before you kick the bucket

Yeah, that’s right.

Whadaya wanna do

You’re first.

Drives me batshit when people enumerate their listtheir priorities  or  Ohohyah yes  thats another thing I wanna do when someone is skimming their listsaying something they hadnt 

You’re a prick, but you’re first.

One thing

Really, one thing . . one thing before you kick the bucket?

Make love with one particular person

WHO?

Wha I wanna do   not who

 

You’re ridiculo . .

. . Uninterested

                 Do it donlist it 

                     

2323,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  12. 20

1801.  Reggae Friday,  1  1. 21

 

COMING SOON To a Theatre Near YOU January 6 

                                                        https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/trump-january6-dc-protest/2020/12/30/1773b19c-4acc-11eb-839a-cf4ba7b7c48c_story.html

despite the presidents proselytising he didnt expect himNO NOT EVER to be at the head of his legions his phalanxes of pantiewaist Proud Boys CrestWhite Nationalists  QAnon queers

Nah 

     hed call em out but Drumpf will be a no shownothing new A coward is a coward is a coward Mr Shakespeare  methanks you kind sir for the apt comparison 

as he saw it 

              this petulant whining reminded him when he was a teenager of the American Nazi Party petition to march in downtown Skokie Illinois . . at that time Skokie was the home of many Jews who survived Nazi concentration camps 

he would ride his bike there to buy record albums three for ten dollars many of the shops he entered and spent money in were owned by tattooed Jews

they werent obvious nor were they shy

he asked

they said 

Jewish community leaders were unable to legally stop the Nazis from parading in Skokie  permits were issued however an ad hoc proviso was tendered 

                                  the Jews let it be known they intended to stay to one side of the main street during the demonstration merchants whose shops were on the opposite side of street intended to board up their windows to minimise and protect their wares from loss should bullets be fired during the Nazis march

the Nazis didnt come

 

it seemed to him then a mighty fine idea

so on January 6, 2021 those redblooded Americans who believe that Black Lives Matter who believe in defunding the police the military American patriots who believe in a progressive colourblind America a righteous America an America foreseen in the Declaration of Independence  Americans who believe that the countrys status quo was rancid and had to go  they would stand to one side across from the racists 

                                                            anif threatened if provoked by violence the eruptionthe hail of bullets which apparently is preferred by racists would  eat  lead 

Mr President Mr President Ohplease come 

                                            please stand with your caterwauling cultists 

 

he couldnt help but wonder or think of how many flies the Brothers Grimm Brave Little Tailors might bring down with one blow

2323,  Day-beytween-Two-Ts,  30  12. 20

2151,  Thursday,  31  12. 20

Country Joe MacDonald   Feel Like Fixing to Die  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRl6-bHlz-4

 

she called himshe never called him 

                                      Hullo Yare callin

I’m surprised you picked up given what you did, what you wrote.

I wrote Whadid I write

You know.

I write a lot I need context

Context? I’ll give you context; mathematical English, precocious-squared.

Ah yes

 

Ah, yes. Ah, yes . . nothing more?

Nothing more

What you wrote was repulsive.

Thank you for your opinion You didnt have to callya could have texted emailed

I thought you should hear it from me; you often have said you value my input.

Your input not your hangups

You think having sex with an underaged girl is a hangup.

I wrote she was a precocious teenager you were a precocious teenag . .

. . You didn’t try to have sex with me.

Is this what the call is about

           Aw . . no.

No

I said no.

I believe no harm no foul  Dependent upon the individuals

Oh that's charming.

Why do you think harm or foul

It’s illegal.

An perhaps it should be illegal in some cases

IN SOME CASES.

Some cases  Are you gonna lose your mind

I’d love to hear your defense.

No defense As you point out they may have crossedhowbout violated societal or legal lines Those are cosmetic  They are constructs an theres many among those entities who facilely exploit the same lines but have brethren that looks the other way or protects them when they do

                                           Because  mebbe   theyll need someonea colleague some day to cover their ass An itd be all fine and dandy because they makeup the rules and can sidestep inconveniences because they can 

Their rules arent for them

Not governance  Power

The lovers empowered themselves

 

Hullo

               That’s quite a speech. I’ll have to digest it.

Will ya call or text or email 

I don’t know.

 

Ill be here  Writing

2323,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  12. 20

1327,  Thursday, New Years Eve,  2020

Coltrane  A Love Supremetrance  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ll3CMgiUPuU

  

so he didnt forget 

                  hed been forgettingbeen coming up with bodacious bodacious over and over againWrong not bodacious  WHAT  aah precocious and precocious didnt begin to cover her if he could twist Englishs arm any languages arm hed make them allow precocious-squared asin mathematical terms terminology precocioussquared she was only the second woman he ever met who he would label precocioussquared  once when he was nineteen she was fifteensixteen going on thirtyfivethirtysix a mesmerising body  intellectually she was off the charts   she spoke four languages

precocioussquared Number Two body  unfortunately not the trailblazers mind but not deficient either 

                                                                                                          How old are you 

she hesitated 

             whatever she said wasnt going to be true like presenting a fake ID at a bar and unable to regurgitate all over the bouncers nifty leather shoes your birthdate age name address James Bond wouldnt hang out with youya might get him killed you could die  hed be rightfully concerned for himself 

                                                                           Menhuh 

I’m seventeen, almost eighteen.

I like that yare tryin yawanna try again  Hit the bullseye this time

 

I’m fifteen, though I’ll be sixteen in a month.

Got ID

Up in the apartment.

Ill wanna see that 

                    Im thirtythree Me an Jesus things have gone better for me  I run thirtythree for him in regards to kundalini thirtythree bones of the spine  Chakras

You know kundalini?

Not formally My wife dabbled

Ah. Your wife. My condolences.

Condolences 

               What can you possibly know about my wife and I

Women talk. Word gets around.

Ive only been here three months

Didn’t take two. Heard my Mom and her friends talking.

 

Jesus

As you said, maybe, maybe I don’t know. Maybe I just know you from here at the pool, seen you around.

Likewise Yare a sunbather

And you swim, swim lot of laps; I didn’t think you noticed me . .

. .  Please 

            Id have to be blind

Oh. I didn’t realise.

Comon If youre honestId prefer honesty men dont miss you . .

. . Not me, my body. They notice my body.

Yah Were a craven lot  Yah your body

she smiled a touck of wickednessmischief  girlish  womanish 

                                                     I’ve noticed your body, I like it.

Thank you

I like that you say thank you.

When ones complimented they should acknowledge the complimentthat shouldnt be a source of embarrassment or confusion

Boys tell me that they like me. What they mean to say is they like my body, they talk to my breasts, my body, they don’t talk to me; my face puts them off.

Teenage acne It aint forever Youll outgrow it  it was one of many reasons I didnt buy your seventeenalmost eighteen  Youll see  Also another reason I assume why you sun correct

Yes.

 

afterwards they ran into each other frequently at the pool

he didnt believe in coincidences 

                                  Where do you live Maya  

she grinned sheepishly  There. she pointed  a corner apartment nearly obscured by a redwood That’s my bedroom window . .

. . That you watch from

Yes.

    she didnt hesitate

Thats stalking

Oh. Stalking. I’m used to it, the peeking, the brazen comments, the knowing looks that don’t know anything. Like being undressed, isn’t it? How’s it feel?

Feel  You undressing me

Wouldn’t that be too provocative to admit?

To answer a question

You’re undressing me?

Yadon answer a question with a question

Okay. Yes.

That wasnt hard was it 

                          Yes Given were wearing swimsuits its not hard to imagine  to fill in the blanks

Fill in the blanks. I like that.

he smiled passively

My mother doesn’t like that we’re . . familiar.

Anwhy do you think that

I think you know.

I agree with you but thats you mothers problem isnt it 

                                                          We happen to enjoy the same pool and patio Its public space

She and her friends think otherwise. They’re considering complaining to the apartment management.

Letem I love to dance

 

they complained Maya told him

management took the smart tack and didnt involve him

 

 

Maya knocked on his door just before high school commenced

Hey

Can I come in?

No

I want to see you.

Awright Take the bus into the city Thursday after school Ill meet you for coffee or a hot chocolate if you like

With whipped cream?

Sure

 

they met like that on occasion her junior year

she said with his help it was her best scholastic year ever she could imagine herself competing for some college scholarships in the Fall

Lets see if we can win some for you

 

she did 

         she applied herself earned herself a threequarters ride to a state college

 

her complexion healed 

                        As you said it would.

 

 

So, are you going to tell me now about your assuredness, the sun being beneficial?

The sun

Yes.

I wasnt referring to the sun

I’m confused.

The otherwise

The otherwise, what otherwise?

he smiled quietlywickedly

she mirrored him 

                   Otherwise?

Maya I never said beneficial

You did.

Then you misunderstood I said he winked benefacial

she giggled OhhShit! OHSHIT!

 

facial wasnt the only thing they oiled

 

 

he sees Maya occasionally they wave to each other 

                                                       he rides the bus into the citythe same bus Number Nine she used to ride   

shes a professor at city college 

shes married

has two girls

 

its hard to see that she ever struggled let alone with a complexion problem 

 

0211,  Monday,  28  12. 20

2209,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  12. 20

 

according to or as required by Bob  or Father Dad 

                                                    while approaching a urinalfingering his fly  it was customary to also hawkup a loogie or at minimum summons some spit no fuckin clue why just following the leader following the example set  it was terrifying as a small boy to damn near stare into the eye of the cake why call it cake stare into the churning splashingspitting vortex no lifesavers hung from hooks on the wall taking your life great similehuh in your hands  and done urinating donsay piss flushing it and delivering the coup de grace  spit the loogie or saliva down its gurgling porcelain throat

that may have been elaborate 

                               though its a far better description than pissing on a wall under graffiti yacant make heads or tails out of

that saidhowever hed seen bubblegum graffiti he couldnt make heads nor tails out of either in a narrow alley in a Central Coast California town bubblegum alley and on the filthy pavement someone fashioned – fuck someone Michelangelo – Michelangelo fashioned the bestlooking pussy he ever laid eyes on fashioned from pink bubblegum  made him want to get down on his hands and knees and eat it Hmm chewy  

                                                          but he digressed  whawas he talkinbout    aah

uhhuh hed have to ask his Dad about the ritual hed turned him onto

Whaswit the spit the loogie Dad

I don’t know . . the cherry on top? That’s what your grandfather did. Your uncle my older brother . . buddies . . . spit, cigarette butts, chew . . always something in addition to relieving yourself . .

. . Kinda lettin your hair down

Perhaps, in a manner of speaking.

 

Thats good for me

That works for you?

Yah it works

Good. Who knows why we do the things we do?

Thats overly broad Dad

Nothing like getting over a broad, son.

 

his face went to grimace without permissionSTOP RIGHT THERE What? That was funny What do I do? Wink   Yah.Wink.  Marvelous.

We have our moments

1822,  Twosday,  29  12. 20

1018 nice, or 2218,  Twosday,  29  12. 20

Julie Andrews  Getting to Know You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbbYY-pAmlY

$342K -- Killed

Moscow Mitch and the Sociopath-in-charge 

                                             theres a grubmumbling 69 he wouldnt want to tune into

even without the sex its been disgusting

1836,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  12. 20

https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/watch/john-heilemann-says-we-re-heading-into-the-crescendo-of-crazy-98608709709