Are you fuckin kiddin me

What?! he was irritated Does this make a difference?

It makes a difference

People gotta live.

They do I lived in a trailer on twenty acres in Montana I had no neighbours I could tolerate the trailer Cant . . 

. . You makin’ jud . .

. . No Im makin a call a choice

Judgment.

Pull the car over Ill walk back into town

Just like that?

Just like that

Where you gonna spend the night?

Not here 

Thas . . that’s a pretty severe jud . . 

. . Careful

Ah, a pretty severe . . choice.

Trailer parks an I dont get along Ive gone in innocently an all hells broken loose Third time was a fuckin charm a tornado Killed a dozenfifteen people I made a ditch face down heard it screaming as it passed over me

Man, it’s a clear night.

You miss I said third time   Stop  Ill walk back Like you said its a clear night The walk will do me goodclear my head 

Alright, man. he pulled over they were about halfway into the bowels of the trailer park Tell them, if you’re asked, you were at Nelson’s, Number 34B.

Poor girl

Huh?

Nothing I like to humour myself

You’re sure?

I am Dont mistake please that I dont appreciate the offer to spend the night Didnt imagine Thats on me

Cool, man.

Thanks

he got out of the car and began walking up the gravel road his shadow was cast in the cars red brakelights  probably was stalling to see if he didnt change his mind  he wasnt changing a vow

he watched his breath move in the winter air

there were brushes of dirty snow against shabby pottery that may have held flowers or plants once upon a time

beyond a row of trailers yellow lamps lights blue television lights bled from aluminumframed windows through thin drapes stood a broken line of tall denuded trees  a windbreak

he sidestepped puddles and holes of broken ice and dark water

the wind picked up and fell

when it relaxed he heard music or television programmes or conversations through the trailers thin skins

up on the left a doublewide was loud  music  voices  windows open to cool the contents

some of the contents spilled out onto a broad stained redwood deck  people smoking drinking wine  drunk  loud 

closer up he recognised that they were all men

HEY! someone on the deck called to him WANNA PARTY!

NO THANKS

NAH. WE DON’T TAKE NO FROM A BROTHER.

I aint your brother

as he walked by through the gaping sliding glass door off the porch he saw men pawing each other saw men sucking cocks                     

               party

HEY!

he walked right by muttering Fuckin trailer parks he was sure he saw unspooled flypaper tape hanging down into the livingroom

             aint been flies for at least a month

HEY!

the HEY better stay right where it is

HEY!

Fuck  footsteps closing  he might have to hurt someone

HEY!  close

Nelson 34B  Go back to your shindig  I prefer not to hurt anyone

JUST WANNA TALK. YA LOOK INNARESTIN.

Im not

HEY!  at least he quit following

maybe he got it

no more HEYs

he walked past the trailer marquee left onto the shoulder of the rural highway place was called ROLL INN encapsulated a rounded redpainted metal sign in script beneath it an upside down trapezoid matching red metal TRAILER with COURT beneath it both signs were once lighted by bulbs  the socket were big black holes now 

too bad

once upon a time

in its prime

             but that would have been before the first of his three misadventures

he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets to keep them warmer

maybe hed entertain himself with those stories as he walked

few miles ahead viewed off a rise in the road city lights twinkled

seems

         always other stories are waiting

2349,  Twosday,  18  12. 18

1304,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  6. 20

Supertramp  Take the Long Way Home  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7btmeE8Ewa8

he didnt frequent bars

one of the reasons why he didnt approached him from behind as he watched them in the gold vein mirrored tiles behind the bar

the man mopedstaggered

was drunkwas looking for an unattached victim

unfortunately he just ordered another beer to beat the end of Happy Hour an hour which now was going to be inappropriately named Wait he scolded himself it ended in five minutes the drunk coming up behind him the mopey stealthyself wouldnt arrive inside those five minutes

Buckle in spaceman he thoughthe chided himself

the bar/brewery made a handful of beers and they just released their seasonal anniversary double IPA which was a favorite of his since the first time he had it five years earlier

he eyeballed the calendar so he didnt miss it

                                                and fortunately for the incoming stumblebum this was the third week it was available and he had enjoyed unmolested pints in that time 

Baby the rain must fall he thought  No fuckin way that 45 was on the jukebox

the rambling ray of sunshine approached him over his right shoulder 

he sat closest the wall

he was lefthanded

Hey, man, haya?

Haya  Fine  Ya

Yeah. Yeah. Iam fine.

Whats up

Yasee, yasee Berg online?

he was gratefulalmost that he cut to the chase it had been years since Nick Berg was decapitated and the video released

No

NO. Yadidnt watch?

Why would I watch that

                          he could feel his irritation rising Lemme enjoy my beer though this fuck is definitely hampered he was going to beat him unrelentingly maybe teach him two lesson dont watch shit and dont complain about the shit you decided to watch

Yaknow boutit.

I do.

Yadidnt watch.

Why would I want to see a helpless man slaughtered I dont subscribe to the word evil but that would come close So Id ask you why dafuck youd want to see a man butchered  Yaknew he was before ya went to the site

Eyyah, eyyah . . I donknow.

Ya dont know Seems to me ifya didnt then ya shouldntve

I . . I . . . I can’t get it out of my head.

I cant help ya

Lemme buyya . . 

. .No thank you Im finishin my beer and walkin home

Eyyah, eyyah . . didn’t mean . . 

. . Yadid  Yadidnt see me see ya but yadid  So if I may enjoy my beer alone

Cold, man, yer cold.

Cold You come up on me to talk about a man getting his head cut off with a knife an Im cold So now I aint askin take a hikeleave me alone

Ar? he stood uprighttried what he thought was intimidating  

Or

Yah. he leaned forward but had to catch himself with a hand at the bar

he turned utterly away and looked at himselfthe lout beside him in the gold vein mirrored tiles Nothin Ill cry Mommie to bartender Youre harassin me An its better he contends with you

the drunk rolled back on his heels Yah?

he made eye contact with the barkeep

the barkeep floated down Jimmy. Jimmy? Leave the man alone. He wants to enjoy his beer.

Yah?

Jimmy. Walk away or I’ll have to walk you out the door.

he turned to Jimmy Sorry the video disturbed you Hope you learned lesson Me Id rather watch people fuck then people die

Jimmy stumbled backwards 

                               a couple of locals working up to the bar to order caught himheld him up so he didnt fall

Jimmy ignored them flailed a bit to be unhanded treated them asif their existence had been to be right there to catch him

the bartender said Thanks, gents.

Jimmy said shit

the guys sidestepped him once it seemed to them Jimmy was stable

YAD RATHER WATCH PORN. Jimmy yelled at his back trying to embarrass him 

Jimmy didnt know that nothing embarrassed him thick fuckin skin  grew up in the city in Chicago 

he turned on his stool to face Jimmy  Yah  Porn  Better than a human being slaughtered

1818,  Sunday,  20  1. 19

1232,  Twosday,  23  6. 20

Glenn Yarbrough  Baby, The Rain Must Fall  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJO8ZUVL1xs   

Trumps attacks antifa a boogeyman strawmanhe threatens to declare it a terrorist organisation yet says nothingignores the involvement of far-Right organisations in demonstrations and murder committed by the Boogaloo movement https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfzfwovyouo

Niiice

           a whitey president providing cover for white terrorist organisations

Daddy would be so proud

1925,  Twosday,  23  6. 20

Christ, Uncle Joe, you oughta buy yourself some new underwear.

Cryinoutloud baby I didnt mean for you to fold my clothes I asked if I could throw some clothes in with yours if you were going to do some laundry Im big enough to fold my own It didnt occur to me you might

There are holes in your, ah hum, underwear.

In my briefs

Who wears those anyways?

Me Jockeys Wearinem all my life

I’m just saying . . 

. . Youre saying your generation doesnt

No they don’t.

Their choice

But the holes? Why wouldn’t you buy new underwear?

Are they big holes or small holes

Small holes.

An my blue jeans  I have holes in my blue jeansdon I

You do.

So Can we agree that holes in some things donnecessarily mean they cant perform the function theyre meant to do

Okay.

Okay

Yes. We can agree.

Fine Then Ill promise you this the next time I have a doctor appointment or Im going out on a date and have a shot in hell of gettin into her pants Ill buy new underwear he winked Theyre shabby but they get the job done

An usually no one is the wiser or a wisenheimer

1354,  Monday,  14  1. 19

1043,  Twosday,  23  6. 20

how low can you go

originally he thought no one could go lower than the president he didnt imagine Barr

theres a limbo dance to witness https://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/-smells-rancid-sen-whitehouse-on-trump-s-dismissal-of-sdny-u-s-attorney-85785669970

                                                 Aww whadahell toss in blowjob Pence Stephen havin-a-bad-hair-day Miller Kushner senior WH officials Whadafuck toss em all in  a grand low bar orgy

Wha odds would Vegas give?

1549,  Twosday,  23  6. 20

https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/william-barr-berman-trump/
https://www.democracynow.org/2020/6/22/william_barr_geoffrey_berman_firing 

he was disoriented by the broadcast

when he watched football he muted the commentary preferring music to pronouncements

                                                                                              and particularly to the irritating drone of commercialismthe advertisements the commentators were contracted to joyfully mouth  full of turds and marble

           he didnt want to hear

an ad never – he wasnt fond of using never  but NEVER was too fitting -- an ad never made him want a thing

he thought it was a fools errand however corporations businesses were run by fools indebted and influenced by silvertongued lobbyists who he imagined use their silvertongues at Board cocks scrotums and anuses

                                                                                                           hed been nuzzled it was quite attractive felt reallyreally fuckin good made him want to shit on somebody

his earliest advertising perceptions as a boy  how they disgusted him he could say his hardearned money was worth more to him  he wasnt influenced by wants over needs he never there again never entertained something he wanted over what he needed

                       seemed inane  stupid

an now  watching inside a bar assailed assailedassaulted by its television  he called the bartender over and asked him if he couldnt please ameliorate the TVs volume

maybe he aimed high  he thought another human being would know what the word ameliorate meant

Huh?

Excuse me – he wasnt rude if he didnt have to be  although it was his tendency – could you please killed the audio I dont wannabe told what Im seeing

the bartender muted it 

helter skelter ensued

                      who knew so many people talking to each other also needed to hear what it was that they saw if they looked  they voiced firm opinions which until the sound was killed its mocking hadnt made it known When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride Till I get to the bottom and I see you again the bartender was caught unawares

it was a neighbourhood haunt  he wasnt a regular

                                                      who was he to disrupt their zen

apparently they were willing to throw over their conversations for televised yakking and primped glossy advertisement

PleaseThank youAwful to recognise your irritation isnt comparable to mine  the wheezing incessant drone appeals to you

his speech wasnt going anywhere

he was outnumbered

democracy

he lost his bid

then the muthafuckers didnt even follow the game

they just had to have what they wanted

he wasnt drunk enough yet to outnumber them

these broadcasts must run on an identified frequency subliminal to either arrest or influence desirespretenses to desire among the herd mainstream

                             to somehow make attractive a slightlymoustached teenaged girl pluck Skittles off a teenage boys face and eat them

Christ!  he braced himself to confirm he had Strike Anywhere Ohio Blue Tip matches and quickly ordered two shots and another beer

1525,  Sunday,  13  1. 19

1436,  Monday,  22  6. 20

The Beatles  Helter Skelter  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWW2SzoAXMo  Skittles  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo11mbbo0I0  

he better get this down

                                               rather

get it out of his head

                      get it out of his head when words turn into spiders and spiders turn to women and women turn into sticky unspooling strandsslick in midair then reconfigure again into women once they grapple and hang onto a pillar opposite the one they leapt

                             pillarsHA they were leaping between cocks definitely cocks

words ran across his dreaming eyes they ran asif on a ticker tape in Roman New Times font  they were LIKE ME  LIKE ME  LIKE ME . . which then rolled as LICKE ME  LICKE ME  LICKE ME . . and eventually evolved into LICK ME  LICK ME  LICK ME . . then the words spun into lines and lines engaged and wormed end to end long roiling lines spinning in midair then coalescing into individual masseslines turning in and on themselves and then turning into feline forms freeline drawings and congealing towards a sudden tall dullwhite pillar which hinted Ionic at the left of his dreamed periphery spider monkeys occurred to him the words may even have sounded to him they leapt into the marled coralandlavender space towards an equally indiscrete Ionic pillar that hinted quietly in his right dreamed periphery and in space their forms elongated defying what their mass had been again to freehand scribbles elegant in the void like spidersilk spewed twisting coiling not lapping or knotting reaching reaching discriminating seeking the quiet uninhabited pillar right and making contacttouching reeling their elongated stringy mass onto it anchoring and reconfiguring into feline forms yet again all leaps arrived congealing  reformed they shook the pillar with their collective weight and it swelled and became turgid and sighed with coloured lust and abandon

                                                                                                    he felt his cock harden  twitch  blink  handholds  footholdsfor scampering spider mons pubis  happy  slick  sliding

                                                                                                   he woke with a startnot unpleasant and was surprised his hands werent at his cock

                                                                just the erotic sensations of nibbling kneading short quivering teasing strokes

there are worse ways to wakento feel in a bright yellow morning

got it down

0647 & 1156,  Monday,  22  6. 20

Japanese Breakfast  Boyish  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-aTzPV6vKA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qkuu0Lwb5EM

or maybe thats the reason for the presidents abysmal Tulsa turnout and performance – everything he does is a performance  for effect   without substance

not only a FAKE PRESIDENT but superficial as cheap tissue

anemic

         hide him away hmm bunker  so he cant hurt anyone

1027,  Monday,  22  6. 20

Baha Men  Who Let the Dogs Out

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/06/21/donald-trump-oklahoma-campaign-debacle-333263?nname=playbook&nid=0000014f-1646-d88f-a1cf-5f46b7bd0000&nrid=00000167-851a-d01a-a567-d79e0c9d0000&nlid=630318

he was harsh with himself Whya draggin yer heels man? Shit. Or get off the pot, ya’ve been sidesteppin this piece for weeks.

he wasnt inappropriatefuckin accurate

                                          but while he was he he was still him an he wasnt better than his phantomNo no phantom half he wasnt a spook not a conscience but another facet off the stone out of which he was cut

Bide yer time Dont get yer panties in a bunch him in panties always made him laughcracked him up 

I’m trying to be patience.

My patience is longer than yours

I didn’t name my cock Patience.

I didnt say you did Im sayin be patience In good timegood time

so he bit his tongue always over the top he bit into his tongue and spat blood around him

Provocateur

Sometimes ya gotta dig your spurs in.

We dont ride horses

I wasn’t talking horses.

Whores

That’s my boy. Worry about you sometimes.

Dont worry about me If not me no you

Ouch.

Bitin yer tongue had to hurt worse

Temporary.

              

                                                                everything is temporary

everything believed anchored isnt

temporal

          the reason why we dig in to remember the best we can live the best we can be conscious alert  present

it passes like fine sand through our fingers clutching clutching  nothing held

we are particles

he tried to be a happy particle as best he could

                                                   happy particles though have to suffer too the trick is not to suffer more than being happy

he thought he was doing a good jobthey were doing a good job

Thank you.

As I said If not me no you

I’m just saying thank you. Take it.

Thank you

cinematic auras blinded him

                               their crimsonyellow mornings lavenderpurple evenings  haunting him

he walked on a gravel road with a woman

she wore a robe a shawl she didnt show her face

luminous eyes

she was small

ahead of them a vehicle was pulled across the road

armed men

beyond them clamoured people 

                                 children

suddenly the children like a flock of gulls flew overhead and landed before them

the vehiclethose inside without pause opened fire a hail of bullets  raggedwhispers of arms

the children deflected the bullets

they whined overhead

they draft in the childrens fearlessnesstheir unafraidness 

                                                             and they walked asif they were walking in another time or reality

there is murder behind them  a crescendo of screams other wailing children  shrieking

but they were nonchalant to the cries of the carnageunaffected by the death the dying the wounded

they walked on the gravel road which peaked like a drawbridge over the armed vehicle the bloodblinded men  and arrived at a thin ramshackled house of bamboo and rice paper inkdecorated panels

                                                                                       and with the children they fell asleep

he talked with ghosts as he slept

they stood in profile

thin as flamesquivering like flames

                                      and nothing they said made any sense to him

they said it would

                           later

I bit my tongue for that?

Not really Biting it now or later wouldnt have made the dream more tangible

Dreams are at the fringe of reality and not unreal

1343,  Sunday,  13  1. 20

1925,  Sunday,  21  6. 20

Phoebe Bridgers  Funeral  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teLyoKBxbCU 

Emiliana Torrini  Gun  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0u8uTRdirE