she unnervedvexed him  every time he saw her 

her person besieged him

                           frisson tingled his cock  root to tip    the whole enchilada  

he wouldnt apologise for spoiling someones dinner 

it was a biochemical response adrenaline beyond his control drug-run by his sympathetic – thank gawd -- nervous system vasodilation the not-so-short of it was that he suffered cock blush

he was lazing with his youngest niece they were laying in her bed while she read to him a school primer she had a significant vocabulary for a sixyear old reading in bed were her terms he was hungover the terms were acceptable  he could listen keep his eyes closed prying them open only when he felt himself swoon   

Havent you something else to read I mean something a bit more exciting grrl

I want to get my school things out of the way.

Business before pleasurehuh

What?

Never heard business before pleasure

No.

Its getting work done before you relax do what you want to do

I like school.

So its not work

When it’s work, uncle, I'd rather not.

Youre fortunate  school for the most part is a breeze to you

What?

Youre good at school

I am.

I wasnt Not for the lack of trying I worked hardreally hard for my Ds

What’s a D?

Disappointing

If youre anything like your motheran I think you are youll never know disappointment Youll survive in the heady oxygenless realm of near-perfection with few peers

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

You wont have to know you just will your own personal cloud Unhackable  
Inaccessible Except for you

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

You said

So were gonna do the primer thing

We're going to do my schoolwork.

Youre killin me kid Killin me

as she started again her babysitter as he learned a sprite teenager suddenly entered  Hey, Lorelei, I was passing by, finalising this weekend’s plan with your mom, she said you were back here, I wanted to say hi.

Jesus frisson Who stacked her frisson

she looked damn-nearexactly like a girl Fast Katie he knew in high school an affectionate name he gave her christened her 

she was his kidsisters best friend often slept over at the house

one night he wokeup and found her laying with him her skin warm against his her hand on his chest playing at his nipple slowly painfullyslowly sliding her hand to his belly

the nipple tugging woke him

he was still high

whose hand

he pushed his hands forwardstretched out his fingers  not either of his

the hand wasnt put off my his reaching it continued south

he caught it at the start of his pubic hair

he still really hadnt moved 

he cleared his throat

And whoo are yoou  his best Alice caterpillar

Who?  Me?  she whispered in his earsqueezed his hand

his kidbrothers were asleep at his feettheir feet in a bunk bed

Im still high . .
. . Lucky guy. About to get luckier.

Whos me

she shifted her body they laid on their hips she crossed his legs with hers under the covers

he could feel her bush at his rump her cotton nightgown raised her breasts at his back

Your sister said you slept naked

Whos me

Katie.

Katie  Siss Katie

Your Katie, if youd like.

he turned left towards her flat on his back not particularly flat

What are you doing he could make her face out in the darkness her big eyes under her bangs

Nothing.   Yet.

Yet

Yet.  Something if you'd like.

Katie smelled good

her hand went to his cock

she smelled like fresh baked bread

he caught her at the wrist stilled her

Please, Joe. Let me give you pleasure.

it struck him crystalclear in that warm moment a never-to-be-forgotten moment he didnt accepthe did for others he was rarely given anythingan maybe that was him not wanting to be beholding  to anyone

Please, Joe. What would you like? What can I do for you?

Katie  Youre too young

Too young for what? Sex? a handjob, a blowjob?  I know what I’d like to do to you.

AwKatie Stop Youre killing me   You we  shouldnt

You’re pausing she grasped his cock gently she rubbed just beneath its knob with her thumb her nail her thumb  If you don’t like it, someone here does.

No Katie

No?

No

Katie seemed to take his No as well as he had taken Nos

she squeezed his cock hard and then rolled onto her back The man says no. You understand one day you’ll say yes . . . and I’m gonna blow your mind.

                         but she went off to blow his mind right then Im thinkin I’m sucking your cock, you’re suckin my pussy . .Katie began masturbating he could smell her her musk her wetness . . you’re fuckin mefuckin my tits  you’re fuckin me from behind  rabid  squeezing my titstweaking my nipples  kissin the nape of my neck pulling my head around to kiss mesucking my tongue   fuuuck  Awfuck  FUUCKshe shudderedbit his shoulder she came and came  and came  she started to pant she shoved his hand into her mouth

Crazy  Youre fuckin crazy Katie

she pulled his hand out of her mouth  panted Crazy. You want crazy?

I think . .
. . Quit thinkin! Im fuckin you. she rolled on top on himgreased his belly greased him down to where she had grasped his cockgreased its head slipped himengulfed him her tits were bigger than he thought JESUS he tried to fit them both in his mouth to keep from cryin out kept pulling her down tight to his body she wanted to buck on his cock Brothers

They wake, they’re paying.

Shaddup Katie

Can you shut me up? he grabbed a handful of hair leaned upcaught her knee with the hook of his handyank her off his cocka hand on her shouldera handful of hairtipped on his hipshoved her downjammed his cock against her teeth jammed jammedjammed until she open her mouthstill a handful of hair  then it crossed his mindlaughed briefly she was doing exactly what she said she wanted to do to him
he erupted
she choked
he erupted again
she choked

he erupted again

she choked  swallowed   choked   gasped

when she oozed back up his body face to face he kissed her deeply  one of the boys stirred

when he broke off the kiss he said I owe you Katie

I collect on I-O-Us. They’re promises. A promise, despite you going to Miami.

I better get outa here.she kissed him deeply then holding his face in her hand a quick peck You’re not pressing charges, right? laughing she slipped off the bedher nightgown fell down from above her breasts and from the floor beside the bed she wrapped herself in the blanket she came upstairs in

frisson

   frisson
               who stacked her

she walked over to the bed and extended her hand to him said Don’t getup; I can see you’re . . involved.

Understatement Christ girl after my own heart Nice to meet a young woman who understandsvalues a handshake out the gate

How I was raised. Im Keira.

Raised properly  Im Joe

My pleasure, Joe.

Oh yadont know the half of it Keira  My pleasure indeed

she smiled large

not as carnivorous as Katie 

but Katies doppelganger

he ventured it  Keira Are you familiar with the term doppelganger

I remind you of someone?

Spitting image Im a bit unsettled

I recognised it in your eyes.  A farness came across them.

AhYes  Very observant

I am

An knows how to take a compliment which would be redundant if I said more

Thank you. My mother says Im older than my years.

Like my sister Like this little grasshopper  he grabbed his nieces head and shook it playfully Its been my fortune to be surrounded by women who are older than their years

Too be frank Im putty in their hands

Keira laughed she didnt cover her mouth  Then I’m looking forward to molding you.

frisson

        or possibly a myocardial ischema or infarction   or simply his heart gulped

small  smallfuckin world

0057,  Sunday,  15  12. 19
1656 or 456,  Monday,  27  4. 20

Alice in Wonderland caterpillar  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy3VDu3Gc8Q
The Runaways  Cherry Bomb  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EBvXpjudf8          

58,955 as of 2024hrs Twosday, 28 4. 20

he takes no pleasure in repeating what NPR informed him

https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/28/846701304/pandemic-death-toll-in-u-s-now-exceeds-vietnam-wars-u-s-fatalities?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20200428&utm_term=4547189&utm_campaign=breaking-news&utm_id=28916831&orgid=55

it was inevitable

inevitable due to the policies of this administration and its cult

the president is an idiot

his irresponsible actionsactions his administration are accessories to have cost the lives of more Americans than American soldiers died in Vietnam  inside of three months  than Nam killed in 17 years

hed bet if the president was asked today Sir, how many Americans are dead because of the novel coronavirus  he couldnt say

58,955

2023,  Twosday,  28  4. 20

the closest thing to a graveyard shift he ever worked was standing watch on a tuna boat a thousand miles off the coast of Peru

        it was a desirable gigbelieve it or not  despite the fistfights he had with crew members who wanted him gone  off the boat  literally  so one of their shit relatives could have his job 

beset by their incensed view which he deemed myopic – they wouldnt have known the word had he mused it – they were working off whamaybe was an eightthgrade education they viewed their number superior so ofcourse they spewed You know, it’s not unusual someone goes missing off a boat, in bad weather; swept overboard. No he rebutted them I have no doubt Any more than I doubt three or four men can go missing in bad weather either

he fingered the knife in his pocket as he spoke momentarilytoying with the notion since they were gathered and least expecting it he ought to get this nonsense over with 

the moment stretched longer than he thought it would

                                                         and maybe they saw it in his face saw the darknessthe nothing-to-lose gamble the set of his jaw  maybe a skull grimace 

he was a Polack from Chicago tipped twofifteen worked circles around them through them without pardon maybe they saw it wasnt a good idea to try and intimidate him

all they knew of him was that he came to the boat from working ranch in Montana  also worked part-time killing and butchering cattle

they didnt know that he had assessed human beings as no better than any other creature on the planet probablydefinitely worse  

they left him on the upper deckbacked away en masse as he was still fingering his knife

their retreat defused the situation 

later in his bunk he laughedsurmised that they were capable atleast of some smarts some dreary latent sense of survival

he also recognised that they stretched the hair of his hairtrigger violence tighter

he wouldnt see them  they were ghosts

and when they realised he wasnt seeing them they made themselves scarce 

theres was maybe another three weeks to the trip

                                                     the boat was big enough

graveyard shift

it was appropriate nomenclature to describe his circumstances

what he couldnt describe then or now he was on deck brought up there because he could smell land a scent of earth and trees and flowers and organic decay

it was miraculous

he smelled it a handful of times over the sevenanahalf months of the two trips he worked fishing tuna on a seiner seiner thats a laugh

every time the scent washed over him he thought of his wife on the beach in Montana in California more miles apart than they had ever imagined

nearly forty years later he was standing watch again

eighteen hour shifts  or whatever it took

itd only been nine dayshe hoped itd be nine months

there was no money in it

only the right reasons

he smiled mischievously 

                           wondering what any man or woman might do for no moneynothing 

to benefit was its sole reason to exist

0031,  Sunday,  15  12. 19

2116,  Sunday,  26  4. 20

if that was the deal

he would have struck it

wouldntve thought twice

it was the deal he wanted

but there wasnt anyone Anything he could pitch

a fuckin wild goose chase

he chased it for a bit

any way he could think

any way he could lean

when he havent faith

faith has no need of him

reciprocal deal

he got it

just didnt think hed ever need it

that was the err in his judgment

it wasnt for him

maybe if he practised it

he could have shared it

but he was pretty sure it wasnt doled out that way

separate accounts

separate ledgers

separate accountability

faith

novel idea

didnt need a reason when you had faith

probably why he didnt met many reasonable people

they were sucking it up for their afterlife

fuck life

by their measure life came after they were dead

when he was dead

hed be dead

anif he went anywhere

itd be where he was before he was born

which he didnt remember

no

it was a thought that crossed his mind when he panickedwhen his frustration was so immense he couldnt get his head around it 
          he wanted to beat something

he was already beatup

that well was dry

picked to the bones

bones

thats how reduced and helpless he felt

well

at least he could feel

and hed feel this long  long   long after it was over

he couldnt strike a deal if he wanted

how obscene

0927,  Monday,  27  4. 20

too obvious  too obvious  or he was being paranoid     or was he paranoid enough

muscles shows up a day earlier

she ran past him this afternooncame up behind him

he heard panting and as he was walking and reading he was alert to sounds around him he veered left gave whoever was overtaking him a wide lane right between him and the street curb

passing him he glanced up out of The Windup Girl a woman CrossFit stitched into the back of her black running bra her thick rump concealed by black spandex running shorts later he learned they were called scrunch bum shorts appropriate  hed happily order them to have with his black morning coffee sumptinsweet

at CrossFit he knew it was muscles

she talked about lifting hurting herself and in the meanwhile recovering she learned of CrossFit that was her gig now she said

he was happy he finally got to see her from behind

it was worth the wait  unexpectedly

at CrossFit he knew

                      but he had to confirm it and dropping his eyes to her churning legs her upper right thighBAM the wrapped tattoo The Sky above me The earth below me The fire within me  he had asked what her thigh said 

during their brief introduction the fire within they revealed they were Aries

a pair of oppositesex Aries

he dug the possibilities

he dug she probably dug too

                                  however

he made enemies or they thought he was their enemy

lambasting the powers that be which they liked to think of themselves as being  whas the pointhuh without their unplumbed depths of entitlement audacity  and hubris  See he could stroke them

                                                                                         but he didnt and they sent lieutenants to properly inform him  unfortunately they thought their words were powerful cudgels 

when he replied cudgels they didnt follow

evidently they had something in common  bad habits

he sent the lieutenants packing like good dogs

they were obvious

maybe they thought muscles wouldnt be as obvious

she was

it was flattering

they got his type right

they got his appreciation of loners of familial détente determinedenforced by long distance consensually agreed and abided

the slag where they missed the bus  was that inside the wrapping

the rap didnt cross the river 

maybe they thought she could erect a bridge  

she said P-A when he asked her where she was from

maybe in P-A they refer to Pennsylvania as P-A 

their psychological assessmenthis breakdown broke down it shouldnt have missed his abject dislike of acronyms his compleat joy of language and saying what something is unabbreviated

                                                                           there was nothing about himnever was that could be seen as abbreviated he preferred ad nauseam  ad nauseam is another word for endurance the long term seeing ahead acorner afork anintersection in along seemingly endless  road 

ablithering optimist

P-A he repeated

muscles nodded

Ah

he was bornfrom Illinois he never called it I-L as it was abbreviated today the abbreviation when he was a kid was I-L-L when he addressed a letter home he wrote Illinois

no muscle was as close as she ever was going to get 

she was close enough to admire

she was dressing

not oyster stuffing

                        or he was fishinghe was wrong swung wildly though again his old man gave him a tool to offset the experience or the error Boy, there’s always more fish in the sea.

1500-ish,  Saturday,  25  4. 20

1522,  Sunday,  26  4. 20

Vic Chesnutt  Philip Guston  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDfYKjktav4