she was smallso very small butched hair  long neck  

when he touched her she trembled I’m not afraid

he took her at her word

he smelled her hair at its crown  breathing her in he gently moved his face through her hair down the side of her head

he paused watched her pulse beat in her neck

leaning into her his firmness against her bellyagainst her quickening diaphragm  he watched her pulse pick up

he put his nose to her ear  to the basethe side of her skull  deeply breathing her in  her soft fragrance babylike

I . . I’m . . . he placed his lips on her jugular . . I’m not afraid

she didnt move

she leaned like a rabbit against the wall perhaps imagining herself cornered or invisible 

her breaths massaged his cock

You have nothing to fear  Youre very beautiful   Do you know that   

Am I?

Yes Very beautiful  You should know that

he ran his thumb along her collarbone 

he slipped it under the wide V-neck viscose sweater she wore  rustcoloured  complimenting her auburn shag 

he ran his left hand up her sleeved arm buying slack in the sweater its bodice

she sighed high in her throat

he kissed her jugular  then in one movement he slipped her sweater off her shoulder exposing her breast

she gasped

he cupped her warm breast in his hand and gently nudged her erect nipple with his thumb

she breathed openmouth

he placed his mouth over hers inhaling as she exhaled exhaling as she inhaled a pollen exchange a dance of honeybees

their tongues hesitant serpents intertwined

her hand went to his jeansher hands went to his jeans  Oh Christ she said into his mouth

he smiled over her mouth 501s buttonflies baby 

as she went madly at his pant fly he clutched and greedily lapped her breast  sucked   bit her nipple

Christ! she threw her head back laughing

he bit harder

shifting realities

spun in a zoetrope

dancing on twelve polished mirrors

                                                        flickering

madly 

she escaped

he didnt know see  how

he held a pale blue wool sweater in his hands

he was hungry

opening the sweater he found broken shell halves of seven brown eggs  broken yolks  quivering whites

he let the sweater go slack in his hands and forming a bowl with it he ate around the shells sucked them into his mouth spat them out onto the ground a forest floor debris lichen rot mushrooms small delicate flowering plants
                                                                                                            small insects 

he sucked the ruined eggs out the wool  and finished he flipped the sweater over and wiped his face clean

he looked around he looked up

                                 treetops swayed in the wind they sounded like voices speaking in tongues he didnt recognise and couldnt understand

after watching them for a while he didnt see there was any reason to stay to wait

he wore boots

he spat in his palm and Huck Finn style he slapped it with two finger watching in what direction the largest gob flew 

thats where he would walk

he followed the gob

it would be interesting

reality shifts

2132,  Monday,  16  4. 18

incited dreams (1221),  Thursday,  19  4. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d29u8KWiacw

sometimes its better to start at the end and end at the beginning

                                                                          sometimes

well find out

he was intolerant of intolerance live n let live

hes a rumblebum a rumblebum raddling off litanies peddling odd liturgies

addled hes an addled man a raddled man

addle-d
        how

a

deep

deliberate

liberation

exhalation

raddle-d
         

really

a

deep

deliberation

liberation

exhalation

detoxifying

were endgulfed in toxicity 

airs poisoned money to be made

waters poisoned money to be made

soils poisoned money to be made

airwaves irradiated money to be made

walls are built to keep people outkeeping people in  

but those walls wont hold out the permeating toxicity they helped endable

                                                                               he detoxifies

while wrioting 

theyre wrioting sessions helpful seconds sesseconds successivesesseconds

mounting

and amount

              making beauteous landfills of

meandering memories of

tattletale thoughts

that which makes us uncomfortable is

undesireable

an that that is undesireable is

loathed is

defiled is

pornographic to decent people

I cant say what is pornographic but I know it when I see it

decent

I cant say what is decent but I know it when I see it

asked when he was obviously visibly distressed by current events which should never have happened not in a Nation of presumably decent people Would an All-You-Can-Eat breastfeast help

maybe he didnt hear right maybe his sight influenced his hearing 

he stood on Higuera outside Louisa’s a breakfast joint a chalked handwritten a-sign touted  BREAKFAST SPECIAL 
just another roadside attraction  

lifting his facelooking up Higuera as the speaker spoke he saw Victoria’s Secret on the opposite cornerRomee Strijd staring through her blonde bangs over her cupped breasts

he was distracked

Plucky Purcell was at the back of his mind badgering him  Everything that happens in this society sooner or later boils down to a matter of a buck

money the root of all evil
                          Saint Timothy 6:10 KJV

pagans worshipping Diana stoned Timothy an act also known as lapidation  hmm he wouldnt mind being lapped to death  what would that be called since lapidation was taken hhmm

                                   

0737,  Monday,  7  6. 99

1406,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  18  4. 18

Kendrick Lamar  Average Joe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amAS6VKeq-U

brother

Be careful what you wish for because some freakin hybrid equivocation of it may come true & drive your face in the mud – despite your protests – for yourself & everyone around you  because they counted on you (“Les gens que l’on comprend – ce cont eux que l’on domine”  Those we understand are those we control)

You’ll know you’ll know gawddamn well you deserved exactly what you got . .

Christ he muttered  thats a lousy admission   he slowly closed his brothers disheveled journal

his brother complained bitterly of life

he lacked the humour to disorient or distance it

he possessed a near-womanish sensitivity towards it

it got him as he wished it wouldgot him when he finally seemed to have turned a corner able to tolerate it manage it  and just as they were coming together after so many years at odds

he felt the hot metal tines pierce his brothers chest split his ribs pop his lungs then cool in his blood under his panting failing breaths

the explosion of the accident shocked his ears it ran over his brothers terrified yelp

they shocked him wide awake

it wasnt a bad dream


they had come to accept it  and he well before his brother

some realities intrude where they will

he smiled ironically  they intrude like wishes

wishes arent vagrants – made then cast offNo theyre crows that return to roost  no longer fearing straw scarecrows

he told his brother often wishes were bad juju

Juju? Where do you come up with this shit?

it was bad juju to wish for anything  All Im saying is you simply make do an do what you can

his brother rolled his eyes and laughed bitterly scornfully he croaked You know, for twins we’re about as far apart as two human beings possibly could be. You’re minutes older than me but possess the wisdom of saints and seers. Jesus Christ.

the wind and rain eased outside

the windowpanes were dimpled

he had mud at the knees of his cords from when he knelt beside the grave after everyone had left

in a clear strong quiet voice he spoke to his brother  Good luck  Deaths a door  An entrance   Not an exit

See! It’s bullshit like that, man! Death’s final! Death ends it!  You’re gone.

No no  Just gone elsewhere

Aw, for Christ’s sake. he seethed

that was before

itd been different in recent months

closing the ragtag journal he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror atop the highboy he stood before in his brothers let room 

it was tilted down so it appeared as if he  no   as if his brother floated above him

he watched him

then at last
            Yeah thats right  Comon kid Ill buy you a drink  This gig may work yet  We aint or ever were as far apart as some may have thought  Or you 

July, 2002

Kendrick Lamar  Feel.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMapCBv0yQY

God is a Gangsta  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wZytWFm7x0

well if that dont take the cake

it was a good locally-owned breakfast joint anif the owner took umbrage over his restaurant being called a joint theyd have something to talk about in his lingo the only places worth going to were joints he wouldnt be caught dead in an upscale dinner clubhe wouldnt be caught dead in a place where Jackets (are) Required

Debbi’s Dinner

Sun City Arizona

the food stuck to your ribs

he liked his omelets wet  Got me The wetter the better please

over the top of a small spiral notepad she scribbled in in blue ballpoint  Francine her name stitched above her breast their waitress hamstrung in a pink uniform girdled in a white apron winked her paleblue madeup eye  I got you, hon. I like wet too.

his parents winced

Francine repeated everyones order Perfect. I’ll put this in with the kitchen and return with you coffee and water.

they chorused a thank you

his father glancing over his shoulder making sure Francine was out of earshot sitting opposite him reached across the table and laid his hand atop his Son he never called him by his name he was always son to his father son to his mother Name of the Father Name of the Son the Holy Ghost AhMEN! his mother had to play the Holy Ghost the Bible was for misogynists  at best women were spooks  Son, why must you be so . . so. . .

Suggestive

Ahyes. Suggestive.  Yes.

What am I suggesting

Mother. You agree . .

Excuse me for interrupting Dad I have to say something  Have you noticed that when addressing Mom  your  you agree an thats among a hosta slew of other incidentals Ive overheard coming out of your mouth  that theres no lilt in your voiceno indication youre asking her a question  Your voice doesnt implynot to anyone listening  that youre asking   

You agree  

You declare 

It seems rather youre making a statement

turning to his mother And youto be fair since I dont live in your home publically you defer to anything Dad says or has assessed

Id ask why of either of you but we can save that for elsewhere  Point of conjecture

Suggestion  What is it Im suggesting

perfectly timed Francine returned to the table with their coffee and water his mothers tea  also with a carafe of hot black coffee

looking at his father as she placed a small bowl of creamers above his coffee mug white ironstone  you could pound nails in with the bottom of it she said Youll let me know if you need more cream, honey. You’re boy likes his black.

Francine cast her eyes to him I like mine black too.

then addressing his mother If you need more honey for your tea, be sure to let me know.

standing uprightreadying to turn Your orders ought be ready inside of ten minutes. Is there anything else you might need?

he replied Need  Or want   Ive always been troubled by that choice

Well, whichever you decide that I can make happen, you be sure to let me know, hon.

Francine winked again

she made the best lascivious winks a guy could hope for

his Dad sighed There you go again.

sheepishly Suppose I do

I suppose you can’t help yourself?

his mother interjected He can’t help himself. He’s always been a flirt, always been confident. He’s charming.

He’s irritating.

He irritates you because he’s better at it than you are. You’re charming. He’s more charming. But he’s not competing with you. You compete with him.

He’s quicker on the draw.

That’s ridiculous.

No. Not ridiculous. It’s what I see. If you took a step back, not that I expect you would, or will, but if you did you’d see it too.

they sat quietly  

he interrupted the silence I think Ill use the restroom before breakfast comes  Howbout that asshole Bolton taking office today as security maligner and malingererI wouldnt trust him with a damn thingnothing  a warmonger  Why is it warmongers never faced action  Stateside  National Guard  Confessed he had no desire to die in a rice paddy in Vietnam Too bad  Had he a lot of lives would have been saved since

Just food for thoughtback in a flash

when he returned Francine was serving

he remained off to a side so not to hurry her or get in her way

when she stood upright he excused himselfslipped by Wet enough she asked

as he sat he saw the omelet wept Youre a godsend Francine

she laughed I threatened the kitchen that I wasn’t doubling back to themthat you were emphatic when you said wet.

I am emphatic when I regard wet I would have sent it back

I know you would have. to his parents Everything is good you for?

his parents were already at their food

they nodded their heads chewing  smiled pleasantly

Francine left

When we finish I have something to share with you he said

they nodded their heads chewing  smiled pleasantly

breakfast was sensational

What a great joint he said  I trust your food was as good as mine was

theyd eaten with scarcely a word between them

hungry

fallen into the heaven

So what I wanted to share while you can stroll in Dad Id be happy to escort you into the Mens room Mom  Its worth the while

as his Dad rolled his eyes his mother braked their rolling Maybe. However I’m not in the habit of going into a Men’s room.

he said Ill go into whatever bathrooms available  Some guys are troubled by a door with a womens placard affixed to it  Letem piss in their pants

Son.

Easy Maw  A urinal does not make a bathroom be

his dad said nothing  he was one of those guys who pissed themselves and he knew his son knew

he was happy his dad kept his mouth shut

hed hang him out to dry in a heartbeat

So . .

     I imaginewhich really made me laugh the most  an inhibited soul might be put offhave trouble peeing in the Mens room  Its hilarious  The wall behind the urinal is painted  not well  well enough  crude  childish  but what the hell its a Mens room  Theres a tree and leaves and on the trunkclinging to it a redheaded woodpecker  Classic  An the woodpeckers eyeballing your pecker 

I laughed so hard I really had to be careful I didnt wet the floor  either taking a leak or washing my hands

he laughedremembering Christ Im easily tickled That was  is  sensational  I wish I had a camera  Since youre buying breakfast Dad  his Dads eyes bugged they hadnt talked who was picking it up he figured he stick it to him since he was being a stick in the mud  no point stuck in the mud without mud for evidence  Thanks Dad

his Mom cinched it Thanks, Bob. That was a delicious meal. I appreciate it.

I do too Dad

1203,  Monday,  9  4. 18

1623,  Monday, Kendrick Lamar won a Pulitzer for DAMN,  16  4. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfEZg3k99FM&list=PLiuk2vdFYr2TcqN70iIwOEeRX2F61EPib&index=1

NO POSTAGE

NECESSARY 

IF MAILED 

IN THE 

UNITED STATES

Business Reply Mail

no postage necessary

                     he was tempted to enclose no postage necessary envelopes in with his letters

he didnt worry about incurring postage for letters written him hed mean the envelopes as black comedy as dismal bitter jokes rarely did anyone reply to his lettershis entreats his simple communication  sharing

he fed a one-way machine

he had become a one-way machine to offset and minimise any hurt mete by not receiving replies to the queries in his handwritten letters

a defense

a rationale

he explained that when he wrote he vicariously spent time with his family and friends

                                                                                         one could suppose he brought it on himself by steadfastly refusing to staylive his life in the Midwest where his family and friends had remained  resided

had he anticipated the years of quiet ignoring

he still would have left

their unsayingtheir no-replies left him to have his way with them not caring whether or not he hurt their feelings bruised their sensibilities

he was brutally honest

even insult didnt provoke communication

they were definitely cut from a cloth unlike his

their absence provoked difficult thoughts

their carelessness invoked subtle violent thought

as screaming in an echo chamber incites one 

knowingly spilling spewing ones ire an spleen an venom

                                                         the idea being

get the shit out of ones system

his body naturally excreted its poison

the poison in his mind needed to be evacuated too

he just had to work to do it

like penance

like absolution

though he didnt need a middleman

1534,  Sunday,  8  4. 18

1249,  Sunday,  15  4. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1RTD-h5fEI