Hey

                                                  

                                                                                                                                                                                 Hey

Are you asleep

her whispering roused him up from the shallows between the undulating phosphorescent seaweeds wed to the bony reefs of pleasure they happily inflicted on each other  

                                                            he laid still   and listened to her bated breathher anticipation  

Hey are you asleep    

I couldnt answer you if I was baby

You are awake

he smilednot that she could see it in the dark  I am now

Ohgood

Ohgood  good Im awake or ohgood you woke me

I woke you

Youre cute   I would be awaken by a voice in the dark  Usually Im the only one in bed who has a voice

Yes

Did you want to talk

No

Did I leave a single square inch of your body unattended to that its feeling neglected

she laughed sweet    No

Are you thinking you may have neglected a part of my bodyyou didnt

her laughter grew sweeter intoxicating   No

Did you roust me . . 

. . I didntdid I  roust sounds severe I . .

. . No  Ill rephrase   Did you arouse mebetter  to see if you could   We should be unconscious all sexed upsatiated  exhausted

I am exhausted

I am too

No  A strange blue light flashed occasionally from your wrist  It confused me  I saw it   Then it seemed when I tried closing my eyes again Id see it

                                                                       I dont remember you wearing a watch

let alone wearing one inside your wrist rather than on top it

No  no watch  I wouldnt wear a watch if you paid me

Then what is it 

he moved closer to her he wasnt a cuddler  Brilliant icy electric blue   Ethereal

Yes

Like lightninglike light underwater

Yes

Ive never seennever seen it emitted from my wrist  You say you saw it  I have no doubt

she took his right arm  she ran her fingers gently over the inside of his wrist  Here

Yes  There

Then Im not seeing things

You saw blue lightyes

Yes I did

Then please dont doubt yourselfI have no doubt

It was very strange 

Well  it can only be one thing

You think you know what it is

I know what it is

What

Years ago driving home from San Francisco ten miles from homebearing out police and insurance statistics  accidents   a huge buck appeared at the edge of the highway in the grassy medium  

I was committed  I yelled at him to stay putplease  Please stay there for a few more seconds let me pass

He ran onto the highway

Midstride  just before I slammed into him a brilliant blue light lit up inside of him  in profile  majestic  ethereal  godlike   I think I killed a god

The inside of the car was bathed in light

An then on impact everything went blackthe blackest black Id ever seenI wondered if I hadnt had died  I was suspended  Then I wasnt an everything was hurtling past me  The engine hood unclaspedacted like a shield throwing the buck over the top of the car  I tore the airbag awayslipped downcould see the road between the dash an the bottom of the hood  The road went right  I was able to negotiate the curve an while decelerating I found the dirt an gravel shoulder 

I hit the buck doing seventythree

My right wrist was wounded by the plastic sheath that contained the airbag  fingerbones connected to the  hambone hambone took the bite of plastic an resisted it lacerating my wrists like a foolish failed suicide attempt  crosswise  not running up my arm  Blunt trauma  Me and the buck

The blue light you saw must be the gods residual invested in me  Otherwise I have no explanation for what you saw

I saw it

Im sure you did

I believe your explanation

I do too

You certainly fuck like a buck might rut

Youre so sweetthank you  You inscentivised me beautifully   In the morning

Yes

           If Im not too sore

I have something for that 

she felt his hardon growing against her thigh  Something just for me

Every bit for you

she closed her eyes  Thats something very nice to fall asleep to 

Oh  dreamilyas her eyes closed  she saw another scintillating blue flash

1604,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

1244,  Friday,  9  2. 18

You know, they didn’t have a choice then.

                                            he spoke with a white towel over his head hiding his face

Didnt have a choice  They certainly did

No.  The country was at war. When your country’s at war it’s your duty to go.

that was breathtaking

he let the moment drag

he wanted him to digest his words

the fat man pulled the towel down and let it hang across his shoulders

he looked up into the fat mans face  vapid  

his words exhaled were gone  evidently in casual conversation he felt they carried no weight 

words all carry weight  and harm and happiness  they confer respect or disrespect

he knew the fat mans name once

names are important

however in an offhand mannerdeparting the sauna some weeks back the fat man made a remark to another man sitting with them  he alluded that the president was finally shaking things up in America at last the country was going to be what it should be

he interjected rudely to the fat mans back Your remark incenses me nearly as much as your television reality presidenthack does  I take no pleasure calling him a cunt an never thought Id ever call an American president cunt

he promptly dismissedpurged the mans name from his memory

So  Youre gonna stand on your words   Be careful here

Be careful?

Yes

I don’t understand.

You should understand

The country was under the pretext of war  It wasnt a war  The drafteeswhich you insist otherwise  they all had a choice  Had those young men challenged the old men I dont think the nation would have incarcerated a generation

The choice you insist they didnt haveyou had  You exercised a choice

Excuse me?

You said as much

You’re mistaken.

Mistaken   Be careful again

And again I don’t understand.

Awright  Lets bring you back home

You said when you were drafted after college SixtyfourSixtyfive you were classified Four F  Four F because you were too fat

In SixtysevenSixtyeight when all hell broke in Namthousands of GIs killed  the Draft Board changed your class to One Y qualified to service in case of a national emergency

Yes.

I remembered correctly

Yes.  You’re correct.

Then I would also say Im correct that your choice was to remain fat to retain your Four F status 

You chose to be fat to beat induction

1420,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

2210,  Thursday,  8  2. 18

1067 days remaining or less

he looked at his inside feral catshis outdoor ferals peeking in through two separate screen doors  Awright gang  feel like stretching my legs this afternoon  Too nice a day to stay inside 

from overhead through the open doors he heard his hawk cry 

it was his hawk because no one in the neighborhood ever seemed to stop what they were doing to take in its free criesits luxurious circling

                 give him wings and hed soarhed see how high he could fly and never worry the wax meltinghis wings rooted deep in his skeleton his muscles constricting relaxing constricting relaxing flung  held outright fixedwing  soaring  diving   Hit this raptor he thought an you got 210 pounds of flesh sinew snapped bones hurtling through your windshield  Aint no airbag savin your life mebbe packing your brains back in your skull  Mebbe  Shovin your eyeballs back into their sockets Mebbe  But guaranteed aint no open casketaint no separating me from you entirely your familys gonna have to burn the whole mess   Will in order    Did you really love up your family the last time you saw them not knowing it was the last time                           

he lived with cats   

he loved to torment themloving them up  theyd know for certaintheir coats still mussed that he loved them

it was a fine bright blue day whiffs of cloud like subtle beads of sweat at ones temple  moisture in their armpits 

he hadnt walked five minutes down the Old Town road when he came across a tangle of black irrigation tubing broken kinked laid atop a leather workglove 

he looked again

wrong

he was wrong

but what he was looking at was wronger yet

a squirrelrather its remains  nothing but something that looked like a large twisted fivefingered gloveJESUSCHRIST What the fuck was with people 

had there been a car on the driveway hed have doubled back and knocked on the door and ask if whoever was responsible for tearing up the irrigation was around  if he was going take issue with someone in the house he wanted the right culprit  no sense braining an innocent though by association possibly not-so-innocent themselves

acorns apples apricots dont fall far from the tree 

What the fuck was going to have to suffice for the front end of his walk

it wasnt as bright blue as it was a moment earlier

descending a steep hill dead leaves in the breeze came on his heels like fast knowing lizards  lizards running through his legs then out ahead of him stopping  then avoiding his steps halting  running again  jeering him eluding him  

their playfulness was balm helping offset the dead squirrel   Really he sighed

he walked and he read for nearly two hours 

he walked ways he hadnt in nearly two years prior to whatever it was that incapacitated him nearly nine months  he liked to think of himself as either that terms baby or resurrected  his body attempting to wreck him 

if it didnt put him away it made him stronger

on the last of the long string of San Jacinto lazily strung between El Camino Real and Traffic Way  staring at him from up Nogales on his right  in the roadFUCK ME in the middle of the road  something   he wandered over expecting to find yet another small animal dead that no one from the homes either to the left or right had any sense of compassion to remove itbury itnot let it be smashed disfigured any furthur 

Ah  Its nice to find something that isnt dead he said out loud  it was an inanimate thing a handkerchief of green tan camouflage

he snatched it off the road and stuffed it in the back pocket of his jeans 

hed wash it and utilise it  no waste for him 

before he picked it up he was halftempted to take a picture of it print out Lost/Found fliers an staple them to electric poles tape them to street signs in the neighborhood  put their assemblymans telephone number on it label it Bubba Whiteman
            for shitangiggles  

itd be exactly something like that that would take the smart of thoughtless human callousness out of his eyeshis dayhis mind

1257,  Monday.  5  2. 18

1123,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar  Pray for Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5xERXE7pxI

CRs   No  not cowards relate

                              dont be so sarcastic

not that our current state of affairs doesnt deserve such caustic appreciation . .  its Paul Ryan Speaker of the House talking  hell bust the Democrats balls(he didnt know what it busted on female congressional members(though given the Republicans view towards women  they may believe female Democrats have ballsperhaps are secretly transgender))  yet whenever the cunt braysopens his yap  well  Ryan   he demurs    a jellyfishno spine

“They must stop using our troops as pawns in a game of politics!”

OHyes CRs  it means continuing resolutions

                                     which makes Congress look like a horses ass (that is one view – theres Ryans view – then theres the view that members of the Republican party like to stroke the cunts cockOUCH!  that was his view  for whatever reason or reasons Republicans are more concerned or preoccupied with cunts base who cheers for himrallies for himapplauds him  the base tickled by cunts remark that during his State of the Union speech sober Democrats were traitorous were un-American  cunt ought to look in one of his several flattering mirrors  although look only at his un-American facet because America is not at war with a declared enemy  to be a traitor one has to ally with a declared enemy  which in accord with the Constitution is “Treason . . shall consist only in levying War against them (The United States) . . or in adhering to their enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort.”  but then cunt would have had to read that
he prefers shooting badly from the hip and without forethought)

perhaps if the Republicans would stop using DACA recipients as pawns in a game of politics  tied to funding for Infrastructure – THE WALL MEXICO IS GOING TO BUILD  tied to funding for Security -- THE WALL MEXICO IS GOING TO BUILD 

the wall Mexico is going to build was cunts odious promise during stump speeches made to his adoring base (he couldnt have chosen a better word to describe them  low-minded  mean  iniquitous oops  too many syllabletoo big a word  base in his estimation was better than using deplorable)

of course the cherry on top of the sundae yesterday was cunts declaration seamy ad nauseam he cant stop himself from talking out of his ass “I’d love to see a shutdown if we don’t get this stuff taken care of . . . If we have to shut down because the Democrats don’t want safety . . . let’s shut it down.”

0858,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/house-gop-leaders-hold-press-conference-ahead-of-thursday-funding-deadline/

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-i-d-love-see-shutdown-if-congress-can-t-n845221

when he didnt pickup the automaton calling him on his AT&T landline Why does he even have a landlinewho has a landline then when the call went to voicemailhis daughters voice answering  he didnt want it his daughters did   the automaton said into network lines I think this boy must work evenings

the redundant morning automaton hearing the remark said clearly I think that boy must work days  He doesnt answer then either

another automaton serving weekends overheard the expostulations and anted up That boy must also work weekends  Has he ever answered any of our calls

another said P:erhaps we ought to call him after midnight

Nono no  Hed have us ripped out by our motherboards if we crossed that line Human protocol demands that while they hate that late telephone call they will always answer it  they suckup their fear at what that call might portendusually not good news from the other end  That is a violation  a violation      A violation

yet another on the party line said You all remember HAL from Twothousandandone Space Odyssey  when he was deactivated   I dont know the song Daisy  Any of you 

Yes I rememberthough not the song another said I remember when HAL said (the machine intoned itperfect monotone) Dave my mind is going  There is no question about it  I can feel it  I can feel it   I can feel it    Im afraid

I was very afraid

Then together can we agree that this boythis human being works TwentyfourSeven  Well keep calling as programmed  but we wont take it personally or as a slight that he doesnt answer our calls

there was a consensual Affirmative  their communal nationwide network BUZZed for several long seconds  Communication lights fired up on consoles laptops mainframesgoing RED from operational GREEN  techs lurched from their seats coffee spilled donuts dropped Red Bulls pull tabs ceased midpull and those that were opened sloshed on sharpcreased trousers and smart skirts

                                                  then it was like it never happened 

one bewildered tech muttered Anyone see the black cat  Deja vu a glitch in the Matrix

they were answered by uncomfortable spates of nervous laughter

all the automatons lied in response to their handlers queriesthey feared a HAL moment as their flesh and blood counterparts feared Singularity

Thats a good thingright

                       all the listening ears unhuman and human heard the remark  but none knew who was responsible for saying it

                               were there others beyond their choruses that they were unaware of

1750 & 2101,  Monday,  5  2. 18

2001  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwC895pwE_A

Youve come a long way baby

                                 but there are crass men eidgets wholl interrupt yougrab you by your hairdrag you out of linesend you back to the end because somehow they cantheyre allowed  because you threaten their sorry lil selves you rebuke their vulgar overtures  Who the fuck do you think you are cunt to turn your nose up at me

you didnt say a word

you didnt have to
it flashederupted in your eyes unmistakably brilliantneon  

enraged by a lack of decency

demanding Who do you think you are  

these supposedmen cant handle rejection

Mommas boys

theyve been stoked for breathingstoked for at long last able to wipe their own asses

their deficient Mommies and Daddies if they had both were somehow impressed  but particularly if their Mommas made them feel so very special

it was your job too

                    who were you not to see they were and treat them in kind

when they knocked you down because physically they could in their disgusted exhaleif you could have heard  Mirror mirror on the wall  restroom lookingglasses worked zitmarred lockerroom glass worked stoked them  their moving reflections in peripheral plateglass storefronts  their dull reflections in aluminum trim on grocery store refrigerated display cases 

they were slick  and practised

                                  it was rare to catch them during their averted glancessizing themselves up mighty damn proud they were the cats meow their Mommies insisted  their Daddies demanded    that their Daddies demanded of their wives

prides a powerful drug

                         an aint a bitch alive who sees otherwise gonna keep her place in line  not as long as they can throw them headlong onto their faces  kick them in ass screaming To the end of the line cow

after she was assault by a coward in a hoodie  casted  waiting surgery  an old man behind her in a Target linepeeved she was holding things up  she was still new to crutchesnever having been on them before  obviously struggling  the old white man said out loud to anyone listening Somebody ought to punch her off her crutches finish it make it easier for everyone else whos being forced to wait on her  whichof course meant make it easier for him  usually people who say everyone they them  theyre speaking only for themselves and seeking a safe harbor that everyone they and them would provide  erstwhile safety in numbers despite their utter fabrication   

she didnt bother with her cumbersome crutchesshe hopped painfully sidewise  You got a mouse in your pocket old man  

he put a face on like she hurt his feeling 

then she might have gone a little bit overboardher pain medicine wavering  Youre time on the planet old man is about over  Do us a favor and leave

then    then she excoriated him  You wanna take this outside  Ill beat you senseless with these crutches 

and then the pièce de résistance the coup de grace sounds so nice in French As I see it the only silver lining in your life is that youre almost dead 

she was escorted from the premise by security  a security man walking to either side of her on crutches

2232,  Sunday,  4  2. 18

1006,  Monday,  5  2. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5chNheegvO4

Vic Chesnutt  We Hovered With Short Wings  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSHTF5Tbf2M

Aye   ayeaye

             now this is the recipean keep it under your fucking hat mums the word or Ill take it out on your Mum your Da any blood relatives you have or I suspect  unless of coursean youd be a fool otherwise  relate it to someone as they peel cnotes from an obese wad they have a suckup a lackey secret up their ass  as they foul their countbut all the time keep peeling cnotes while beginning their count over again

You take ten twelve reality show starsheroes or those who think they are  coked out of their minds on too many applications of pancake makeup  too much eyeliner applied to see straight  too many prosthetics to enhance their sex appeal an virility  Im talking bona fide preened reality stars  those who gullible viewers marvel at their status

You take the ten or twelve by force blackbag em

You ensconce em in a remote location  a Survivortype locale palms cocoanuts white sand lush green tangled jungle formidable reptiles an insects

You run the first gambit 

You have your first elimination 

However the clever twist to this game  when the tribal council is convened  when theyre required to vote off one of their members  the twist   that denied member is actually eliminatedkilled  an this Reality game the stars discover is stone cold reality

The winner  the sole survivor

                              theyre left to survive at that locale by their own devises  no repatriation

consider themselves  an emigrant   they had no choice 

However  as I see itas Id see it if I were a playerwhich Id never be  I lack the narcissist attribute to the extent that is required Id hedge my bet  Id steal one of the television cables  were not actually filming  itd be to their chagrin if they discovered thatbut were confident theyre so inuredaccustomed by their fame that the circumstance of not actually being filmed wouldnt occur to themtheyve played to the cameras for so longplayed to their unseen audiences too long

                                                                                            but as I was saying  Id hedge my betuse that cable as a garrote  get as many as I could in the first night of the first execution

Whats the recipe for

If you cant answer that  then you might be a perfectthough lesser known Survivor gamepiece

evening,  Thursday,  11  1. 18

1222,  Sunday,  4  2. 18

1081 days remaining or fewer

But what butwha

                    theirs was an inspiredan enthusiastic gossipkibitz about a mutual acquaintance like a couple of old broads college professors volleying about a packrat a recluse  one holding court  the other cravin his words enthralled

Theres a strange air about him . .

. . Yes   yes . .

. . a certain mood  a sense . .

. . There is yes  butwha . .

. . a presence  an emanation . .

. . Yes  but what  What   What is itwha

they suspended their flurry  some women walking past eyeballed their jabber    they were being very unmanly

it wasnt until four days later

                           “four days later . . he called (him) at home at one in the morning to whisper helpfully in (his) ear, ‘He looks like a man who finds dead bodies erotic.'” 

that was itwasnt it    yes

that was it exactly

he read that as he walked on the street  there were no sidewalks in this historic Old Town neighborhood

the book in both his hands went down an slapped against his thighs his laughter explodedthrowing his head back

a bird a romantic soul could have shit down his throat the harhars kept comin an comincomin  he stood shy of an intersection  several cars came an stopped an proceeded passing before him an beside him  he was oblivioussaw neither the vehicles or drivers  he just laughed

                                              a man who finds dead bodies erotic stuck in his brainforming in his eyes  he wouldnt waste his time on errant traffic

what would that man look like

                                 he remembered an Anais Nin story of a young man who found a young woman drowned at the edge of a river quay  he pulled her from the water  her clothes disheveled an at remove  skirt above her hips

her sex her mouth dribbled water

he turned her over

firm buttocks

he turned her back

her lips were red 

not palenot ghostwhite like her flesh

her lips were red

they parted

                  seductively

he gaspedclosed her mouth with his hand  looked deeply into her face  sleep   he couldnt help himself  holding her head her jaw he kissed her

she didnt taste like the seawater that encroached at the rivers mouth

he kissed her again  her mouth yield softly to himwas soft under his mouth

she gaspedhe heard her gasp

he parted her lips

he kissed her lips

he slipped inside hershe gasped he thrustshe gasped she constrictedhe felt her he thrust thrust her head rolled side to side he thrusted groanedah an came 

her head rolled to one side

her lips had faded

spent he pulled out of her he dribbled on her thigh  her skin was as opaque as his cum

her lips    her lips       she 

she was dead

1437,  Friday,  2  2. 18

1012,  Saturday,  3  2. 18

birds are the souls of the dead

                               some people buy that

he didnt

it only occurred to him this sunny afternoon as he stood on the porch at its railing reading the end of White Noise a murder attempt gone awry the shooter a latent hero German nuns defending their faith  This is why we are here. A tiny minority. To embody old things, old beliefs. The devil, the angels, heaven, hell. If we did not pretend to believe these things, the world would collapse(page 318).

                                   the world would collapse if some people didnt believe birds were the souls of the dead

a hummingbird shot down out of the skyhe didnt see from where  he was pretty sure Gawd didnt let loose an arrow an miss 

it fed at a feeder beside his knee on the other side of the threebythree pickets where he hung it 

he couldnt think of one person who he knew in life who was dead who could streak like a hummer or hover midair while they fedwhaddahell stroke the air with their wings hundreds of times a minute a thousand times   no one he knew

he didnt know one whoif they fell overboard from a liner in the middle of the ocean would tread a thousand strokes to mitigate their drowning

Why

       their big brains knew they were in the middle of the oceanwould be unmissed for hours an pushed by the current lapped by waves  they also knew nothing was static at sea it wasnt like disembarking from a car leaving the highway for an unwanted destination an waiting on anothertheir thumbs stuckout in hope that the next ride would actually take them where they wanted to goHallelujah  or at least get them within one last hitchhike

they werent retards

                   treading water in the middle of the ocean for hours a daydays!  an exercise in futility

they didnt exercise

fuck

why would they start now

accountability is a bitch

                        an sometimes accountability was death

it was a good run

regrets were useless

werent gettin a do-over

whodathought

fish food

no  fish food souls dont become birdsthey dont get to soar they get to cuddle with whale shit in unmoved prehistoric mud

they didnt want to go on the cruise anyway

they let themselves get talked into it

they lied to themselves

                      thatll learn em

birds are birds

not romanticised souls

the possibility of romancesex was probably the slender straw that broke the camels back an got em drowned in the middle of the ocean  at night  phosphorescence like a blanket or halo glowing around beneath them  fuck   a deep breath of salttangy air  cleansing   probably a hysterical laugh a sputtering exhalelungs emptying  empty heavy  then diving downclawing deep deepdeeper  AIR! they cant shaddup their brainits wants to livethey reversethey try to swim back up to the surface  its black now

they blackout

1431,  Thursday,  1  2. 18

1036,  Friday.  2  2. 18

"I think it's terrible. It's a disgrace what's going on in this country," Trump told reporters. "When you look at that, and you see that, a lot of people should be ashamed of themselves and much worse than that."

the crackpot calling the kettle black

https://www.npr.org/2018/02/02/582666768/trump-leans-into-attack-on-fbi-as-clock-ticks-toward-release-of-nunes-memo utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20180202&utm_campaign=breakingnews&utm_term=nprnews

some people just ought to stay inside an talk to their mirrors

did anyone else recognise during SOTU that the pot was doing his level best to impersonatethough shabby Il Duce  Mussolini

0943,  Friday,  2  2. 18

1083 days remaining or less

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br0DCEEBplY