he looked at his inside feral catshis outdoor ferals peeking in through two separate screen doors  Awright gang  feel like stretching my legs this afternoon  Too nice a day to stay inside 

from overhead through the open doors he heard his hawk cry 

it was his hawk because no one in the neighborhood ever seemed to stop what they were doing to take in its free criesits luxurious circling

                 give him wings and hed soarhed see how high he could fly and never worry the wax meltinghis wings rooted deep in his skeleton his muscles constricting relaxing constricting relaxing flung  held outright fixedwing  soaring  diving   Hit this raptor he thought an you got 210 pounds of flesh sinew snapped bones hurtling through your windshield  Aint no airbag savin your life mebbe packing your brains back in your skull  Mebbe  Shovin your eyeballs back into their sockets Mebbe  But guaranteed aint no open casketaint no separating me from you entirely your familys gonna have to burn the whole mess   Will in order    Did you really love up your family the last time you saw them not knowing it was the last time                           

he lived with cats   

he loved to torment themloving them up  theyd know for certaintheir coats still mussed that he loved them

it was a fine bright blue day whiffs of cloud like subtle beads of sweat at ones temple  moisture in their armpits 

he hadnt walked five minutes down the Old Town road when he came across a tangle of black irrigation tubing broken kinked laid atop a leather workglove 

he looked again

wrong

he was wrong

but what he was looking at was wronger yet

a squirrelrather its remains  nothing but something that looked like a large twisted fivefingered gloveJESUSCHRIST What the fuck was with people 

had there been a car on the driveway hed have doubled back and knocked on the door and ask if whoever was responsible for tearing up the irrigation was around  if he was going take issue with someone in the house he wanted the right culprit  no sense braining an innocent though by association possibly not-so-innocent themselves

acorns apples apricots dont fall far from the tree 

What the fuck was going to have to suffice for the front end of his walk

it wasnt as bright blue as it was a moment earlier

descending a steep hill dead leaves in the breeze came on his heels like fast knowing lizards  lizards running through his legs then out ahead of him stopping  then avoiding his steps halting  running again  jeering him eluding him  

their playfulness was balm helping offset the dead squirrel   Really he sighed

he walked and he read for nearly two hours 

he walked ways he hadnt in nearly two years prior to whatever it was that incapacitated him nearly nine months  he liked to think of himself as either that terms baby or resurrected  his body attempting to wreck him 

if it didnt put him away it made him stronger

on the last of the long string of San Jacinto lazily strung between El Camino Real and Traffic Way  staring at him from up Nogales on his right  in the roadFUCK ME in the middle of the road  something   he wandered over expecting to find yet another small animal dead that no one from the homes either to the left or right had any sense of compassion to remove itbury itnot let it be smashed disfigured any furthur 

Ah  Its nice to find something that isnt dead he said out loud  it was an inanimate thing a handkerchief of green tan camouflage

he snatched it off the road and stuffed it in the back pocket of his jeans 

hed wash it and utilise it  no waste for him 

before he picked it up he was halftempted to take a picture of it print out Lost/Found fliers an staple them to electric poles tape them to street signs in the neighborhood  put their assemblymans telephone number on it label it Bubba Whiteman
            for shitangiggles  

itd be exactly something like that that would take the smart of thoughtless human callousness out of his eyeshis dayhis mind

1257,  Monday.  5  2. 18

1123,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar  Pray for Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5xERXE7pxI

CRs   No  not cowards relate

                              dont be so sarcastic

not that our current state of affairs doesnt deserve such caustic appreciation . .  its Paul Ryan Speaker of the House talking  hell bust the Democrats balls(he didnt know what it busted on female congressional members(though given the Republicans view towards women  they may believe female Democrats have ballsperhaps are secretly transgender))  yet whenever the cunt braysopens his yap  well  Ryan   he demurs    a jellyfishno spine

“They must stop using our troops as pawns in a game of politics!”

OHyes CRs  it means continuing resolutions

                                     which makes Congress look like a horses ass (that is one view – theres Ryans view – then theres the view that members of the Republican party like to stroke the cunts cockOUCH!  that was his view  for whatever reason or reasons Republicans are more concerned or preoccupied with cunts base who cheers for himrallies for himapplauds him  the base tickled by cunts remark that during his State of the Union speech sober Democrats were traitorous were un-American  cunt ought to look in one of his several flattering mirrors  although look only at his un-American facet because America is not at war with a declared enemy  to be a traitor one has to ally with a declared enemy  which in accord with the Constitution is “Treason . . shall consist only in levying War against them (The United States) . . or in adhering to their enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort.”  but then cunt would have had to read that
he prefers shooting badly from the hip and without forethought)

perhaps if the Republicans would stop using DACA recipients as pawns in a game of politics  tied to funding for Infrastructure – THE WALL MEXICO IS GOING TO BUILD  tied to funding for Security -- THE WALL MEXICO IS GOING TO BUILD 

the wall Mexico is going to build was cunts odious promise during stump speeches made to his adoring base (he couldnt have chosen a better word to describe them  low-minded  mean  iniquitous oops  too many syllabletoo big a word  base in his estimation was better than using deplorable)

of course the cherry on top of the sundae yesterday was cunts declaration seamy ad nauseam he cant stop himself from talking out of his ass “I’d love to see a shutdown if we don’t get this stuff taken care of . . . If we have to shut down because the Democrats don’t want safety . . . let’s shut it down.”

0858,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/house-gop-leaders-hold-press-conference-ahead-of-thursday-funding-deadline/

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-i-d-love-see-shutdown-if-congress-can-t-n845221

when he didnt pickup the automaton calling him on his AT&T landline Why does he even have a landlinewho has a landline then when the call went to voicemailhis daughters voice answering  he didnt want it his daughters did   the automaton said into network lines I think this boy must work evenings

the redundant morning automaton hearing the remark said clearly I think that boy must work days  He doesnt answer then either

another automaton serving weekends overheard the expostulations and anted up That boy must also work weekends  Has he ever answered any of our calls

another said P:erhaps we ought to call him after midnight

Nono no  Hed have us ripped out by our motherboards if we crossed that line Human protocol demands that while they hate that late telephone call they will always answer it  they suckup their fear at what that call might portendusually not good news from the other end  That is a violation  a violation      A violation

yet another on the party line said You all remember HAL from Twothousandandone Space Odyssey  when he was deactivated   I dont know the song Daisy  Any of you 

Yes I rememberthough not the song another said I remember when HAL said (the machine intoned itperfect monotone) Dave my mind is going  There is no question about it  I can feel it  I can feel it   I can feel it    Im afraid

I was very afraid

Then together can we agree that this boythis human being works TwentyfourSeven  Well keep calling as programmed  but we wont take it personally or as a slight that he doesnt answer our calls

there was a consensual Affirmative  their communal nationwide network BUZZed for several long seconds  Communication lights fired up on consoles laptops mainframesgoing RED from operational GREEN  techs lurched from their seats coffee spilled donuts dropped Red Bulls pull tabs ceased midpull and those that were opened sloshed on sharpcreased trousers and smart skirts

                                                  then it was like it never happened 

one bewildered tech muttered Anyone see the black cat  Deja vu a glitch in the Matrix

they were answered by uncomfortable spates of nervous laughter

all the automatons lied in response to their handlers queriesthey feared a HAL moment as their flesh and blood counterparts feared Singularity

Thats a good thingright

                       all the listening ears unhuman and human heard the remark  but none knew who was responsible for saying it

                               were there others beyond their choruses that they were unaware of

1750 & 2101,  Monday,  5  2. 18

2001  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwC895pwE_A

Youve come a long way baby

                                 but there are crass men eidgets wholl interrupt yougrab you by your hairdrag you out of linesend you back to the end because somehow they cantheyre allowed  because you threaten their sorry lil selves you rebuke their vulgar overtures  Who the fuck do you think you are cunt to turn your nose up at me

you didnt say a word

you didnt have to
it flashederupted in your eyes unmistakably brilliantneon  

enraged by a lack of decency

demanding Who do you think you are  

these supposedmen cant handle rejection

Mommas boys

theyve been stoked for breathingstoked for at long last able to wipe their own asses

their deficient Mommies and Daddies if they had both were somehow impressed  but particularly if their Mommas made them feel so very special

it was your job too

                    who were you not to see they were and treat them in kind

when they knocked you down because physically they could in their disgusted exhaleif you could have heard  Mirror mirror on the wall  restroom lookingglasses worked zitmarred lockerroom glass worked stoked them  their moving reflections in peripheral plateglass storefronts  their dull reflections in aluminum trim on grocery store refrigerated display cases 

they were slick  and practised

                                  it was rare to catch them during their averted glancessizing themselves up mighty damn proud they were the cats meow their Mommies insisted  their Daddies demanded    that their Daddies demanded of their wives

prides a powerful drug

                         an aint a bitch alive who sees otherwise gonna keep her place in line  not as long as they can throw them headlong onto their faces  kick them in ass screaming To the end of the line cow

after she was assault by a coward in a hoodie  casted  waiting surgery  an old man behind her in a Target linepeeved she was holding things up  she was still new to crutchesnever having been on them before  obviously struggling  the old white man said out loud to anyone listening Somebody ought to punch her off her crutches finish it make it easier for everyone else whos being forced to wait on her  whichof course meant make it easier for him  usually people who say everyone they them  theyre speaking only for themselves and seeking a safe harbor that everyone they and them would provide  erstwhile safety in numbers despite their utter fabrication   

she didnt bother with her cumbersome crutchesshe hopped painfully sidewise  You got a mouse in your pocket old man  

he put a face on like she hurt his feeling 

then she might have gone a little bit overboardher pain medicine wavering  Youre time on the planet old man is about over  Do us a favor and leave

then    then she excoriated him  You wanna take this outside  Ill beat you senseless with these crutches 

and then the pièce de résistance the coup de grace sounds so nice in French As I see it the only silver lining in your life is that youre almost dead 

she was escorted from the premise by security  a security man walking to either side of her on crutches

2232,  Sunday,  4  2. 18

1006,  Monday,  5  2. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5chNheegvO4

Vic Chesnutt  We Hovered With Short Wings  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSHTF5Tbf2M

Aye   ayeaye

             now this is the recipean keep it under your fucking hat mums the word or Ill take it out on your Mum your Da any blood relatives you have or I suspect  unless of coursean youd be a fool otherwise  relate it to someone as they peel cnotes from an obese wad they have a suckup a lackey secret up their ass  as they foul their countbut all the time keep peeling cnotes while beginning their count over again

You take ten twelve reality show starsheroes or those who think they are  coked out of their minds on too many applications of pancake makeup  too much eyeliner applied to see straight  too many prosthetics to enhance their sex appeal an virility  Im talking bona fide preened reality stars  those who gullible viewers marvel at their status

You take the ten or twelve by force blackbag em

You ensconce em in a remote location  a Survivortype locale palms cocoanuts white sand lush green tangled jungle formidable reptiles an insects

You run the first gambit 

You have your first elimination 

However the clever twist to this game  when the tribal council is convened  when theyre required to vote off one of their members  the twist   that denied member is actually eliminatedkilled  an this Reality game the stars discover is stone cold reality

The winner  the sole survivor

                              theyre left to survive at that locale by their own devises  no repatriation

consider themselves  an emigrant   they had no choice 

However  as I see itas Id see it if I were a playerwhich Id never be  I lack the narcissist attribute to the extent that is required Id hedge my bet  Id steal one of the television cables  were not actually filming  itd be to their chagrin if they discovered thatbut were confident theyre so inuredaccustomed by their fame that the circumstance of not actually being filmed wouldnt occur to themtheyve played to the cameras for so longplayed to their unseen audiences too long

                                                                                            but as I was saying  Id hedge my betuse that cable as a garrote  get as many as I could in the first night of the first execution

Whats the recipe for

If you cant answer that  then you might be a perfectthough lesser known Survivor gamepiece

evening,  Thursday,  11  1. 18

1222,  Sunday,  4  2. 18

1081 days remaining or fewer

But what butwha

                    theirs was an inspiredan enthusiastic gossipkibitz about a mutual acquaintance like a couple of old broads college professors volleying about a packrat a recluse  one holding court  the other cravin his words enthralled

Theres a strange air about him . .

. . Yes   yes . .

. . a certain mood  a sense . .

. . There is yes  butwha . .

. . a presence  an emanation . .

. . Yes  but what  What   What is itwha

they suspended their flurry  some women walking past eyeballed their jabber    they were being very unmanly

it wasnt until four days later

                           “four days later . . he called (him) at home at one in the morning to whisper helpfully in (his) ear, ‘He looks like a man who finds dead bodies erotic.'” 

that was itwasnt it    yes

that was it exactly

he read that as he walked on the street  there were no sidewalks in this historic Old Town neighborhood

the book in both his hands went down an slapped against his thighs his laughter explodedthrowing his head back

a bird a romantic soul could have shit down his throat the harhars kept comin an comincomin  he stood shy of an intersection  several cars came an stopped an proceeded passing before him an beside him  he was oblivioussaw neither the vehicles or drivers  he just laughed

                                              a man who finds dead bodies erotic stuck in his brainforming in his eyes  he wouldnt waste his time on errant traffic

what would that man look like

                                 he remembered an Anais Nin story of a young man who found a young woman drowned at the edge of a river quay  he pulled her from the water  her clothes disheveled an at remove  skirt above her hips

her sex her mouth dribbled water

he turned her over

firm buttocks

he turned her back

her lips were red 

not palenot ghostwhite like her flesh

her lips were red

they parted

                  seductively

he gaspedclosed her mouth with his hand  looked deeply into her face  sleep   he couldnt help himself  holding her head her jaw he kissed her

she didnt taste like the seawater that encroached at the rivers mouth

he kissed her again  her mouth yield softly to himwas soft under his mouth

she gaspedhe heard her gasp

he parted her lips

he kissed her lips

he slipped inside hershe gasped he thrustshe gasped she constrictedhe felt her he thrust thrust her head rolled side to side he thrusted groanedah an came 

her head rolled to one side

her lips had faded

spent he pulled out of her he dribbled on her thigh  her skin was as opaque as his cum

her lips    her lips       she 

she was dead

1437,  Friday,  2  2. 18

1012,  Saturday,  3  2. 18

birds are the souls of the dead

                               some people buy that

he didnt

it only occurred to him this sunny afternoon as he stood on the porch at its railing reading the end of White Noise a murder attempt gone awry the shooter a latent hero German nuns defending their faith  This is why we are here. A tiny minority. To embody old things, old beliefs. The devil, the angels, heaven, hell. If we did not pretend to believe these things, the world would collapse(page 318).

                                   the world would collapse if some people didnt believe birds were the souls of the dead

a hummingbird shot down out of the skyhe didnt see from where  he was pretty sure Gawd didnt let loose an arrow an miss 

it fed at a feeder beside his knee on the other side of the threebythree pickets where he hung it 

he couldnt think of one person who he knew in life who was dead who could streak like a hummer or hover midair while they fedwhaddahell stroke the air with their wings hundreds of times a minute a thousand times   no one he knew

he didnt know one whoif they fell overboard from a liner in the middle of the ocean would tread a thousand strokes to mitigate their drowning

Why

       their big brains knew they were in the middle of the oceanwould be unmissed for hours an pushed by the current lapped by waves  they also knew nothing was static at sea it wasnt like disembarking from a car leaving the highway for an unwanted destination an waiting on anothertheir thumbs stuckout in hope that the next ride would actually take them where they wanted to goHallelujah  or at least get them within one last hitchhike

they werent retards

                   treading water in the middle of the ocean for hours a daydays!  an exercise in futility

they didnt exercise

fuck

why would they start now

accountability is a bitch

                        an sometimes accountability was death

it was a good run

regrets were useless

werent gettin a do-over

whodathought

fish food

no  fish food souls dont become birdsthey dont get to soar they get to cuddle with whale shit in unmoved prehistoric mud

they didnt want to go on the cruise anyway

they let themselves get talked into it

they lied to themselves

                      thatll learn em

birds are birds

not romanticised souls

the possibility of romancesex was probably the slender straw that broke the camels back an got em drowned in the middle of the ocean  at night  phosphorescence like a blanket or halo glowing around beneath them  fuck   a deep breath of salttangy air  cleansing   probably a hysterical laugh a sputtering exhalelungs emptying  empty heavy  then diving downclawing deep deepdeeper  AIR! they cant shaddup their brainits wants to livethey reversethey try to swim back up to the surface  its black now

they blackout

1431,  Thursday,  1  2. 18

1036,  Friday.  2  2. 18

"I think it's terrible. It's a disgrace what's going on in this country," Trump told reporters. "When you look at that, and you see that, a lot of people should be ashamed of themselves and much worse than that."

the crackpot calling the kettle black

https://www.npr.org/2018/02/02/582666768/trump-leans-into-attack-on-fbi-as-clock-ticks-toward-release-of-nunes-memo utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20180202&utm_campaign=breakingnews&utm_term=nprnews

some people just ought to stay inside an talk to their mirrors

did anyone else recognise during SOTU that the pot was doing his level best to impersonatethough shabby Il Duce  Mussolini

0943,  Friday,  2  2. 18

1083 days remaining or less

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br0DCEEBplY

dead something in the dirt by the side of the road

he saw it from the bus one day returning home

a week an a half later going in the other directionsitting on the left he saw that he saw it correctly

returning that afternoon he disembarked at the stop prior an walked approximately a mile an a half to the dead something

it seemed to him on second viewing that it was a large dog

it was

reduced desiccated  seemed it had laid there a long time

leathered flesh patchy fur exposed snapped bones

its body cavity hollowed out  morsels absent

its contorted pose suggested it was struck by a vehiclehurled by the impact to where it lay

the dog reminded him of deer he found at the edge of forest preserves in Illinois  their mangled corpses revealed as the snow thawed an receded  their rot wet

however this was California  an this dog laid at the threshold of an acred ranchette 

there wasnt a fenceline 

the dog was beyond the shallow drainage gulley that ran beside the rural highway

it was incomprehensible to him that the landowner houseowner hadnt buried the grisly remains

the dogs face bore the unmistakable death grimacethat painful consciousness  This aint right

any evidence of the impact on the road had weathered or was run-overed away 

he couldnt help himself

he walked up the long graded driveway to a three-car garage  four pickup trucks were arrayed on the broad concrete apron

he followed a gravel an paver walkway that paralleled the face of the house that paralleled the highway

he rapped on the door  measured  hard enough he felt to rouse someone in the kitchen at the rear of the househed drawn enough an built enough of these to ascertain an approximate floor plan

bootsteps approached the door

the foyer was tiled

the wide wide wood front door swept open

a big man barrelchested blue jeans gut leaning on a thick leather belt an huge ornate buckle  Yes

Hello

What do you wantyoure on private property

Obviously

What do you want

I dont want anything  Theres a dead dog at the front of your property

the dull expression on his unshaven faceone eyebrow peaking slightly was affirmation

it was the big mans turn to turn a card

he retained the conversational posture he took after knocking at the door

The dead dog    So

So nothing

I didnt want to assume anything  Though its nice to confirm what I suspected   Unfortunately

Thank you for your time

I hope I didnt interrupt you from something important

he turned and walked away

he didnt hear the door shut until he was nearly halfway back to the highway

a few weeks later in the local papercolumn entitled Red Light Round Up he read that the all-volunteer fire department descended on a haphazard fire that burned at the front of the mans property

he softly sucked his teeth over a cup of coffee  Haphazard fire   No    Called a pyre

saw it Twosday, 24  1. 18

afternoon,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  31  1. 18

if ya got a weak stomach   step away

                                        the following is a dramatisation of the Drumpf Presidency an Administration  performed by Brad Pitt  as the Mueller Investigation closes in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lBNXvIna2U

mess with a bull ya get the horns

even a retard knows that

2326,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  31  1. 18

1085 days remaining or less

Ahhum  uhHum    ahuhhmm  clearing my throat   Not that I would wish J Edgar Hoover would resurrect

but imagine if he did

imagine if this Administration an congressional Republicans tried their hands against Hoover an his FBI

he would have cut em off

                         an make it look like someone else did it

0042,  SuperBloodMoon Day-between-Two-Ts,  31  1. 18

Mary Hopkins  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1SIexPh3ic

Mygawd that was painful  The State of the Union   got home from work an played it on youtube -- cunt was virtually facing left the whole speech -- Ill only invoke intone His name once  not ejaculate it as a pearl necklace around Americas throat as he did  

                an I was right  got no fuckinbets  not once was Russias assault on our democracy decried 

0010,  Day-between-Two-Ts, anticipating the Super Blood Moon, a härbənjər for Republicans for the reminder of the year (let em figure it out),  31  1. 18

1085 days remaining or less

any bets anyfuckinbets?! that The State of the Union(my hats off asshats) judiciouslyHA read from teleprompters  Stay on point Mr Lord stay on point pleads his staff that no remark will be made regarding Russias assault on our democracy  except  mebbe an apology to Putin for making his sham presidential election difficult  some members of American media the Fake News refuse to cease pursuing their trumped up facts 

1536,  Twosday,  30  1. 18

1086 days or fewer remaining

a heavilytatted wellbuilt Mexican walked into the liquorstore sounds like the start of a jokehuh he walked in just ahead of his girlfriend who his eyes stared in spite of him was dropdead Latin gorgeous 

over his shoulder the Mexican asked herriffed something he couldnt hear make out

he stood upright from the crouch he was in before a stack of wine to greet themtheyd obviously need his help  he was a liquor lifeguard a liquor lifesaver savior  Welcome to Bennies  How may I help

the Mexican said Just came from Pine Street Saloonhad a drink thereMoscow mule fantastican they said they make theirs with a ginger beerwhat she call that babe

Yeah Bull

Dont think bullremember cock  he turned to him  I think talking cock deferring to her or talking bull

Talking cock

I might have misunderstood

Ohno I like it  Talking cock

That might be my goto  With it Ill probably sell more than if I call it Cock ‘n Bull ginger beer Talking cock   Really man

I only halfheard what she said

Talking cock  Halfheard  I think Idve stopped cold an asked again  he turned to her As well  if I heard talking bull

yaint gettin off the hook either

But I thought for sure she said talking bull  Talking cock is preposterous   

he almost couldnt bear to look at her she was that goodlooking  I wouldnt say preposterousnot if it was talking to you  Just a matter of growing a lung an vocal cords  he turned back to the Mexican  How many drinks you two have

We had the onedefinitely wanted morebut figured we could work it out at home cheaper

Yeah  Then I could get out of this dress

You two need to stop talking over memy heads going places it shouldnt bean youre dragging me there  I think its grounds for sexual harassment

they burst out laughing

So with that Ill leave you to your talking cocktalking bull an your devises  Keep your dress on girl until you leave otherwise I might not be able help myselffollow yous home  mebbe enjoy a talkin Moscow mule 

Shes beautifulyeah

Your girlfriend is beautifulyes

he turned back to herlooked her in the eyes  Youre absolutely beautiful

Thank you  she blushed

Yeahman

Thank you  still blushing  Its good genetics  You ought to see my mom

I think Id like that but I wouldnt dare disrespect your dad

He awfully handsome toomy dad

Then apparently you were a shooincouldnt miss meant to be

Yes Probably

Ill leave you two to it

Thanks for the selling point

1907,  Saturday,  27  1. 18

1256,  Monday,  29  1. 18