if you have it you know ityou
dont usually question it
you dont forget it
its tucked away deep and safe and
sound in your gourd
you dont have to pull it out and
wave it around for all to see
because its yours
and your lovers
then why was he having trouble
remembering its word
he went to say it to her
but it stumped himrefused to show its face
he said Isnt our time apart
frustrating youIts frustrating me I miss
you I miss our . . . . . .
(what?)
I miss our . . . . . .
it parked its ass around the
corner hidden from him though on the
ground he could see its shadow jetblack by the light of day
You miss what she asked
No it wasnt compassion or passioncongeniality What was it
What do you miss
he had to take her off point
switch it up it wasnt coming to mindthe
word why? Nevermind he said brusquely
Youre angry with me . . .
. . . Im
frustratednot angry . . .
.
. . Isnt frustration angry . . .
.
. . No Not for me Its
maybe ansgty is betterIm not angry with you Upset with you
I am unhappy with our situation I
am not unhappy with you
Youre not angry with me
No
Im sorry youre unhappy
Thank you Please No sorrys Ive told you many times before everyone is responsible for their own
happiness We cant be dependent on
another person for our happinessTheyre not responsible That dependency would be at once wrongterribly
wrong and immature
Theres only one person responsible
for our happiness and that is our self
Yes Youre rightOf course youre right
Im sorry for the discordant
telephone call Well talk later
tonight Okay
Yesplease Please call me later tonight Im sorry youre unhappy . . .
. . . Not with you Im not
unhappy with you
Yes
Ill call you later tonight
Yes Please
Yes Soon love
he hung up
what was the word he was looking
for
baffled upset he went to take a swim in the
lake
the sun was beginning to fall
things were burgeoning elated anticipating the coming golden hue the birds roosted and called the cicada fine-tuned their chirps the fireflies primed their firetails
he plunged into the water off the long wood
dock behind the stern of a tiedup yellow rowboat and stroked a lazy crawl to the platform
floating on brightgreen painted 55 gallon drums
every stroke he asked himself
what was the word what was the wordWHY the hell didnt he have the word
he swam to the pontoon avoided its
ladder grasped its flat twobyfour edge and yanked himself up onto it
the rage in his head reached
around the corner and grasped the shadowcaster by its throat and pulled it out
into his visionOf course Im such an
asshole and with his wetted finger he
wrote it time and time again on the deck so he wouldnt forget when he called
after dinner dipped his finger in
the lake and wrote it again and again and again
he wouldnt forget now
he swam back to shore before the
purple in the sky went black and walked up the grassy knoll
he picked up a pine cone and hurled
at a cluster clinging to a branch
several fell to the ground from
the violence of its impact
Ah he muttered How could I forget
Intimacy
2002, Day-between-Two-Ts, 22 2.
17
1912, Friday,
24 2. 17
