he disliked being compelled

pushed outside his autonomy

by an anonymity contained within him

that Is without respect or deference to the thing it thrives inside of

the thing that without

the trapped parasite 

 

might cease to exist

he wasnt sure it would die

it could realise suspended animation

  

a fertilized encapsulated egg waiting on preferable conditions

laying dormant   patient   beyond any febrile sense of time or urgency

 

simply persisting

he wasnt too sure
                             he was any different

1350,  Sunday,  20 9. 15

“I wonder if revelation comes not like light to the eye but as an imposed ordering of that part of the self so deeply interior that it is anonymous”  pg149  Doctorows  City of God 

HEreversedK

      which he continuously  longer than he dare say  read as HEK

what the heck was HEK?

s l o w l y 
                 he began to assemble an argument that what he saw  --  that wasnt there  --  was a subtle or sly interpretation of HELL  --  although for the life of him he could not  --  rationally  --  not that “rational” was stalwart among his processes  --  create a plausible inference of having a white HEK decal affixed to a vehicles rear windshield

“Life” as “HEK”  really

and for the pummeling he subjected himself to  --  at his own hands  --  as   s l o w l y   he began to realise he must have made a mistake

then he finally came upon a parked vacant vehicle displaying the HEreversedK decal and saw  --  finally SAW  --  the reversedK was not that after all

it was the “greater than” sign immediately followed by a lower case i

which then he easily read as HE “is greater than” I    HE>i   the diminutive i furthur reducing the I we ordinarily use to describe ourselves in the world

aside from e e cummings  i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)  he rarely encountered anyone who wrote or described themselves as i and the diminution in the Christian decal made more sense than the reversedK or backwardsK he thought he saw

a moneyed cult? 

 

looking closer he found the decal advertised  --  as if He needed more advertisements  --  a clothing company which operates out of Hale’iwa  O’ahu  Hawai’i(as they write it)  --  citing John 3:30  HE (Jesus) must increase

but I must decrease

he suppose by some warped reasoning the company HE>i might also increase(>)  its sales

brilliant  he supposed(again)  to tie ones wagon to someone elses horse and then excuse themselves   suggest they were also doing the horses work  not just being drawn along in its draft 

success by association

or parasitic

 

he wondered what HE got out of the deal

tythe?

tips?

  or some other tommyrot?

late morning,  Twosday,  15  9. 15

1423,  Twosday,  15  9. 15

1  1  1  1 

       aint shabby either

however it didnt affect him the way 1  2  3  4 did                                                                                

                                                                                  less animus

he didnt feels its alignment or dubious hierarchy                                                                                            

                                                                                  he felt more hierarchys deliverer     anarchy

which very likely wouldnt make any sense unless you lived inside him   and you couldnt because he was forced to take down the For Let sign when more than he could have possibly imagined beat their way to his fine wooden door (everyones front door ought to speak to the person who resides behind it) jimmied it and then squatted in every nook cranny and unclaimed curlique

evidently he had space he didnt even know of   or that refugees and immigrants could defy gravity reside on walls
or hang upsidedown like bats from its ceilings and prosperous rafters

  

he couldnt kick em to the curb

both sides of his families had begun in America under exactly the same terms and were derided by the tired sameold sameold animosities  but then Eugenics was writhing Live and Well and some rubbed the hair at their chinnychin chin  --  and they had wellfed greasy chins  --   wondering if they couldnt sterilise them for the sake of God and Cuntry   

 he hadnt been to New York harbor in some time

                                                                                  but he was pretty fuckin sure Ellis Island hadnt sunk into the sea

the Statue of Liberty hadnt been dismantled at the request of sociopaths   or where they psychopaths   or where they right-leaning politicians who had contempt for anyone and everyone who wasnt who they were and were   typically 
Oh So Typically   white male and belching not excusing themselves of bellicose religiosity

and  OH  their shared traits(imagine this)

1.  a disregard for laws and social mores

1.  a disregard for the rights of others

1.  a failure to feel remorse or guilt

1.  a tendency to display violent behavior(they never met a war they didnt like) *

4 logical reasons that fact exceeds faith

No no  1  1  1  1   

                  wasnt too shabby

it was certainly a fine forged prybar at his door that worked it open respectfully to remind him to remind others
of Santayanas Those who cannot remember the past are condemned(doomed) to repeat it

though why would they want to dust that off

they who came before them earned their opprobrium simply because they were less modern and hadnt the miraculous engines and insight at work for them as they had to-day

History doesnt repeat itself

but it does rhyme                                                                                                                          

                                 Mark Twain

1111,  Monday,  14  9. 15

1330,  Monday,  14  9. 15

*1.0 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wicked-deeds/201401/how-tell-sociopath-psychopath

* subset 1.1: (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wicked-deeds/201406/serial-killer-myth-1-theyre-mentally-ill-or-evil-geniuses)