23.11.14



Weve walked up and down the road we live off for the better part of a week and a half now

and whenever we walk along its west side
either she or I become distracted

                                                      distracted by the painters on ladders  stripping  caulking
priming and repainting a three-storeyed Colony home           
                                                                                        or the chicken coops alongside
the road  their white flurries cantankerous crowing  and bright-eyed sensibilities
                                                                                                                                   or high above
the gravel  the huge black turkey vultures lurking in their aged roosts above the shoddy roothumped tarmac that runs over the toes of side-by-side massive eucalyptus
their shaggy bark in sheaves  dangling like wanton unkempt locks or beards
of beatniks and hippies

and distracted   walking side-by-side  she outside me away from the roads center
she nearly always steps on a dead bird  a tortured disfigured lemniscate of fleshy bits still
holding their bruises  then desiccated  pale bone and feathers  shards
honed into dissimilar spikes
 
loosened gravel haphazardly has been flung over its remains  dusting and filling it   
obscuring it

perhaps a fitting attempt to hide it from our fascination with decay  which always and invariably
accompanies roadside carcasses of animal and fowl

their miserable taxidermy


we talk how human remains have somehow slipped this quiver 
 
as if holy or sacred
apart from other earthlings         
as if deserving better
 
but not

we could surmise this inevitability
but Im to be cremated and she buried in wicker
so who would we be to say




when we first found it near a crumbling curb  nearly under the arch of a bramble and thicket 
we failed to move it off the street

thinking back  we were in a hurry going somewhere
and unspoken we allowed or acknowledged someone else would discover him or her 
and remove him or her from the road  at least to nestle among the roots of the coppice
and the odd loose leaves there

but that did not happen as we discovered when she nearly stepped on it again

and nearly stepped on it again

and nearly stepped on it


again




however  near the center of the disintegrating road  almost across from it  now lays a fresh mangled and crushed remains of a . . . squirrel                                                                                           

we imagine

                    I assume it is better to imagine it a squirrel than a wee dog or mute cat
though frankly  the cat was an afterthought   theyre rarely stupid
to run before a car or truck

we take queer solace that he or she is not alone  joined by either he or she



we are queer earthlings  reasoning our ways out of neglected common responsibilities

Queer



1225,  Sunday,  23  11. 14   

22.11.14

terrifying beauty



The glass he drank from was too big for his hand his face
                                                              but he didnt see it that way

hell he didnt even see himself staring at him from the mirror behind the bar

maybe the goldvein curling and marbling in its silver obscured him saved him from his obvious ridiculousness

he needed a helping hand

maybe a third hand

so it wouldnt slip shake free or get bumped out of his grasp from his highchair


I certainly wasnt going to say

Id hung around with him too long

I knew you wouldnt see what youd get


he carried an equalizer

he was partial to straight razors

it seemed he liked the colour and the flare of hot blood


youd be a fool to think otherwise of him and youd be surprised how many fools were carrying stitches he divvied them

divvied
shivvied
sliced

he was quick like a greased runt pig


I liked to keep him in front of me
I liked seeing exactly where he stood
because Id hate like hell to lose our friendship over something stupid

he was wound mighty tight and it didnt take much to churn in his nut

then  he was like talking a jumper off a ledge
   
ya never get near enough to em to let em take you with em



the only time I saw him get emotional about anything was when I shared a photograph from the Mütter Museum of Mary Ashberry rather her skeleton  taken in 1856

standing beside a common dining chair  barely taller than it  holding the skull of her stillborn child in her open hand

they did not survive the attempted childbirth

Mary suffered from Achondroplasia a common dwarfism

wiping a brief tear from his eye he said While the bodies may be ugly there is a terrifying beauty in the spirits of those forced to endure these afflictions

Gretchen Worden its curator  she said that

You might understand now why I bait and inflict the damage I do


I cant remember what I said



not a week later someone picked him up bodily and threw him against the mirror   
smashing it and used a broken shard to gut him

a man who earlier lost an ear to him




I do remember the “terrifying beauty in the spirit”


2148,  Saturday,  22  11. 14

20.11.14



finally some violence in her eyes   red shimmers

No no
its going out  going out
a spark 
                                 only a spark


now cooled




now gone






--   Are you really that unaffected

--   It hurts
but isnt it said  often  that the truth hurts


he supposed   his rudeness was an attempt to . . . to vivify  to vitalise her   his friend

bring her around
 
he was rude  but he was looking for colour 
shed look so good in colour
like a slapped cheek
a gentle bruise


he called her drab

accused her

and while hurt by the accusation
she was unable to refute it

not unwilling

unable


it was true



she was honest
straitlaced
one to have your back in a fight

but drab
like camouflage
inconspicuous
mundane
without spice
lukewarm 
 
unflappable



she was probably going to live a long long time

though not that anyone would notice

survive like a mushroom or a slug
one of millions of fallen leaves from autumn trees untouched by tinge or colour
expressionless
gone dull brown

                             and fell



                        

plummeted



that didnt curl in the air
dance with the wind
or fall on someones face  hide the sun from their eyes  and then peered through
laceworked
networked
pinholed by mites
a brilliant scarlet or yellow mask
a fan
a friend
a peekaboo or playmate



but beyond

                     unfurling     unseen        on the ground      
pierced by blades of grass

from a copse


drab






her exception

their bond and friendship
                                           he always had noticed her



1341,  Thursday,  20  11. 14