large pea gravel

it irritated him

hadnt

but for some reason recently it did

                                     he grew impatient trying to determine what the reason was

Fuckit

took a rake to the narrow flagstone walkwayyanking in one direction stopped  shoveled it into a wheelbarrow

he pulled a halfhour

                          stopped

looked over his shoulder at the jigsaw stones the raw earth beneathbetween

                                                                                   WRONG  Im wrong

Youre ohso wrong

Now you open your mouth

Had to dawn on you

                         Youdve been suspect if we interceded

    Suspect  Yes      Thank you

                                       In the future however do me a favour   Say

Say

Yah

      Ill not renege Ill recall                                                   

If I don walk me in front of a freight train

                                            Shishkabobs all around

Jesus

Paints a picture

Yah it do

he spread the gravel back

                             turned churned it looked differentlooked   better

Ask wha occurred to you

Please  You know

Yes

      Though we think you need to confirm it  Get it out release it into the ether

You harpin

Can ifya like

               Askin

   Awright

              Gravel  Minutiae

The minutiae Ive selected that at times pulls on me drags me down makes me hurt  Makes me sorrowful

Throwing it away

Wont make it go away

5AM,  Monday,  30  9. 24

1403,  2sday,  1  10. 24

aww   how sweet

                     the creditcards he holds emailed him today

they were thinking of him

                            How are you? Happy, healthy, smiling?

Nah

in a word  Splurge.

                        not an attractive word  or sensibility

reminded him of regurgitate  spew  lunge  lurch

                                                     hasty thoughtless actions certainly not a considered rap on the knee checking his reflexes

he didnt open them

wondered if they colluded

it was all three

                 Three creditcards?

Too many

Not enough.

he had to mill that over

                              How many do you have

I don’t know. I’ll have to look.

                                he took a swollen wallet from his back pocketwas immediately shorter seated

Don bother too many

No. I’m curious.

Curious

          Of your credit

Obviously I’m very creditworthy.

Guess thas a way of looking at it

he snapped them on the table like dealing stud poker

each made them grimace

counted to himself

                     then picked them up returned them to his wallet sat on it again  eyelevel again

I got a few.

Ya do

You’re not going to ask?

Im not

Why not?

None of my business

You’re being condescending.

Im not

        When Im condescending youll feel the heat my scorn contempt

The only reason I mentioned my three was because they emailed at the same time  Hasnt happened before  I was commenting on the novelty

Nothing else

But you’re not curiou . .

. . Im not not at all

I find that curious.

    Whell I am happy something arouses your curiosity

                                                             Its a good trait

That you lack.

You know better than tha

                            When Im ignorant its for the reason I choose to be

Irrevocable

Irrevocable ignorance.

                         Sounds like a death knell.

Not sounds  Is

I hav . .

. . NO Donwanna hear

                        promptly stuck his fingers in his earsclosed his eyes

yah there were some things he was childish about

                                                       he did refrain from saying Nahnahnahnah nahnahnah  Nah

1222,  2sday,  1  10. 24

Steam   Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaG2Acg8n60

    abime

             an attractive word

French for abyss

ABIME

English for American Board of Independent Medical Examiners

                                                                   he wondered if the organisation knew that when it chose its acronym

doubted it

            the organisation failed him

physicians sided with physicians therapists with therapists psychiatrists with psychiatrists

Go ahead. Try and take on the medical community, pharmaceuticals, they’re thick as thieves.

he tried

they were

abime

       “Truth grows up inside of all the finite experiences . . . They lean on each other, but the whole of them, if such a whole there be, leans on nothing. All ‘homes’ are in finite experience; finite experience as such is homeless. Nothing outside the flux secures the issue of it.”

                                            William James anti-foundationalist none of our knowledge is certain

truth

he had to look it up in the dictionary

he thought he understood its definition

noun

      “the quality of being true, genuine, actual, or factual.”

digging a bit deeper

there are five concepts of truth

                                 “Precise analysis of the nature of truth is the subject of the correspondence, coherence, pragmatic, redundancy, and semantic theories of truth.”

semantic theory seemed loaded

however

          the sky is blue is true because it corresponds to the reality of the skys colour  2 + 2 = 4 is true because it correspondences with the reality of mathematical principles

couldnt punch any holes in that

anymore than he could punch the medical examiner assigned to his case

“Impairment Evaluations are often used to provide a more objective understanding of the impact of an injury or illness.” or death

“The quality of examinations and examiners varies widely, and it has been often difficult to identify skilled, thorough and unbiased examiners, especially before an examination.”

his said There’s nothing to see here.

like a cop

           Nothing to see, folks, move it along, move it along.

his attorney hoped at the very least that their failed attempt provided him some modicum of closure

closure

        the barn door stills swinging loose moving on currents of emotion  and occasional outrage that presents

    abime

            correct

prior to day-between-2-Ts,  17  9. 24

0949,  2sday,  1  10. 24

https://www.qcc.cuny.edu/socialSciences/ppecorino/INTRO_TEXT/Chapter%205%20Epistemology/Truth.htm#:~:text=Precise%20analysis%20of%20the%20nature,and%20semantic%20theories%20of%20truth.

https://iep.utm.edu/s-truth/

dreaming

 

long

tall

brunette

black

thong

bikini

campanile

bell tower*

words scrolled up

StarWars style

repeating

 

woke

laid still

eyes closed

in profile

she stretchedreached

placed

retrieved

something

from the back

of a matte gunmetal gray

Mercedes-Benz

Sprinter van

hed have preferred

ArmySurplus

fatigue

pale olivegreen

 

from inside the vehicle

looking out

undressed

her head back

identity unrevealed

long neck

slender throat

hair tumbled over her right shoulder

playful strands over her left

one

     delicately curlicued round her aureole

rack of ribs

taut belly

graceful hips

artfully trimmed pubic

muscled thighs

dream

        fulafulafluttered

losing it

losing

          losing

lost it

to consciousness  stomping its feet  claiming what was its

hypnopompic pleads

DENIED

cats hustled in jumpedup on the bed

                                       bugle reveille

Im up Im up

Then open your eyes.

Open your eyes.

he sighed

eyes flooded with sense

                            Gudmornin sunshines

11AM,  Monday,  30  9. 24

0829,  2sday,  1  10. 24

*UC/Berkeley

second tallest in the world

dont build them like that anymore

they viedantagonised each other over the difference between his ability to remember dreams  bros inability

Ifya paid attention

They’re dreams.

Motherfucker More than dreams

                                   Theyre confirmations messengers

Yacant remember because you minimise them cut their legs from out underem

I haven’t.

Remember last nights

No.

Crippledem

             I had three but as Ive said because I sleep intermittently the wake betweenem are commercial breaks that allow me to keepem  remember

You sleeping through the night

I wake to urinate.

Dreams go byebye

Hell if I know.

                    So what’d you dream?

Visual An attractive woman sayingrepeating Im not a good girl Im not a good girl

Conviction

    visualising  She wasnt

I’m not.

No

     Yah

Who says that?

She did Although I knewdug her backstory

                                               Knowing provided context to her gleeful words

And the story?

   No

You’ll admit to me she wasn’t a good girl, but won’t spill the beans?

No

    That’s unguyish.

he humoured himself  Is tha a word

Fuck you.

           You’re constantly making up words. I’m not allowed?

Havent

Unguyish.  Have.

                    Take that.

Taken

    So you’re really not going to say?

No

face fell That’s shit.

her first facial

she handed him her phone

                              Take a picture I wannasee.

Share

Yeah.

Awright

she smiled awfully huge

1040,  Monday,  30  9. 24

2244,  Monday

You’re so fuckin' weird.

Probably

    You don’t take exception?

Nah

       I understand why youre saying so

Because you’re a freak. I’ve not met anyone like you.

You havent

              Theres a backstory

An no sense tryin to offend me cuzaint happenin old sticks an stones line applies

That’s another thing.

                       You don’t care what anybody thinks of you.

No Wha I think of me is more important than people who don know me from Adam

                                                                                         Anya know wha I saybout tha

Fuckem.

Right on brother right on

Your backstory?

My Maws responsible

You’re hanging your mother out to dry?

I am

       A kid Going out for football high school double practises summer you remember

Don’t remind me.

Right on

          Had water breaks All the other guys were suckinup Gatorade I had a gallon jug of water  Went home

Maw think you could pickup some Gatorade for me pleaseNo.

                                                                 Thafast no  I don even think she looked at me

All the other guys their mothers fathers parents are picking it up for them

So what are you telling me?

    Tellin you

                    Im not tellinya anything  Im asking if you would please

Which you know the answer to.

Then she says

                  You want to be like everybody else?

Everybody else

                   I almost puked No

End of conversation

Soyah Im hang tha on my Maw

1040,  Monday,  30  9. 24

329 preferred to 1529,  Monday

airport

not one in particular

an airport

within was a stumbling man splayed foot Size14s think Bozo the Clown plaidshirted dotard  lean heavily on tard

another with a prodigious gutENORMOUS belly fleshy standingsulking before a cooler of prepackaged foodstepping side to side without regard for others who were aware he was oblivious and stepped aside or back accommodate him  all his failed diets

              how his thin black suspenders didnt snap an take out someones eye  anyet returned from his trip more than two weeks now hes still amused when he rememberswhen his mindseye paints the fat man When were the triplets due

he was humoured

also irritated

               handsfree new parents

hed had his  three

                     was blessed said without religious intent with girls who were born old souls good thing they grewup together he did his levelbest so his wife didnt raise four

he acquitted himself nicely

                             his acquittal eased by the fact that their girls were smart

he was terribly grateful he didnt have to suffer dolt male children as too many of his friends had

must have done his youthful drugs in proper measure or sequence

                                                                       fine accentuating cocktails that didnt damage his DNA as authorities threatened they would

    these new parents

                         they wear their babies like one would wear accessories

roll their luggage  get onboard in the first wave with members of the military and the disabled

   theyll never experience the pleasure of their loved ones meeting them at the gate when they arrive

Thank you Sep11   

0558, 2sday,  17  9. 24

1007,  Monday,   30  9. 24

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STSkGSTMr9Y

casually

            not good

causally

          cause and effect

Causality

Casualties

               collateral damage

seems acceptable

                     as long as it is not happening to them and theirsTHEN they lose their mind   rightfully so

casualties hurt

                if theyre able to survive  walkaway

but

      nobody walks away from being violatedHEY

                                                      Ive an idea

Whachagot

A woman has to bear a rapists child

Some states

Wha about therapists

Youre breathless

                   The Rapists

Thaswha I said yah

No

    Two different things

Sometimes theyre not

Probable  Ill grant you tha

Thank you

Youre welcome

Whaof them

Theres law

Does the law have them on the hook financially for their bastardstheyre bastards know it sounds harsh an may no longer carry the weight it once did but they arethey are they on the hook while theyre getting three square in confinementif if theyre apprehended tried found guilt

I don know

Donya think yashoud

No

Thas unlike you truthseeker anall

Anall

       Cleverly close

Aint it the truth aint it the truth

Im not looking

                 If I had my druthers every rapists forced baby every incested forced baby ought to be raised financially by the six kowtowing Supreme Court judges

Ooh  Judges

    Ya caught tha

Yes

      Justices

Not to me

           Theyre a kind of rapist court  Fucking the American people

Yah

         Well this was nice

A long conversation 

Youre my shehes heshes

                           Friends Romans countrymen lend me your ear

Mark Antony Shakespeare Julius Caesar

                                            We know because you know

Thanks for saying so Were blowing my mind

Our mind

           Unblowable Though occasionally bulges

Granted  Occasinally

1856,  day-between-2-Ts,  25  9. 24

1222,  Sunday,  29  9. 24

song by White Stripes  Effect and Cause

Unask the question

he flinched

             Is that a word?

Certainly You follow the premise   Undo the asking

Why would I do that?

It may have impressed you  zilch inane to me

                                                  Youre not familiar with Japanese mu nothingness  no thing

I am not a little disconcerting you are.

Wideread Perfect little gems one comes across

                                                  In another sense  why I refuse to answer hypotheticals an . .

. . You should . .

. . Don interrupt

                    Anya ought to know tha by nowya know tha   Don

Then you’re curtailing censoring our conversations.

Youre welcome to play Ill listen I wont have an opinion because wha youre expressing is tha

No opinion.

How can you just not have an opinioneveryone has an opinion?

Theyre a waste of time They  beliefs  of imagined situations conditions tha do not exist  Lets hoe the row keep to things tha exist are factual 

                             Dare I say provable

You often stretchout . . imagine.

Yes

     I do not ask for your opinion

You’re opining.

Imagining

Dreaming

No real world consequences albethey dramatic

Albethey.

           Another not word.

They replaces it A word

                             Again you followed it

he sneered

You don like following me

No.  It irritates me.

0952,  Sunday,  29  9. 24